To those who had an unexpected pregnancy - how did it happen?

[ExcitedtoSleep]

@Batya33

 

That's interesting. I would never date someone who wouldn't plan to abort if she got pregnant.

 

Even though I know I will want kids, I know I want to have them when I explicitly plan to have them. So if one were to come at some time unexpected, abortion would be the immediate reaction.

[Batya33]

@Batya33

 

That's interesting. I would never date someone who wouldn't plan to abort if she got pregnant.

 

Even though I know I will want kids, I know I want to have them when I explicitly plan to have them. So if one were to come at some time unexpected, abortion would be the immediate reaction.

 

Well then IMO don't have sex with someone unless it's in your explicit plan to have a child with her. Even if she says she would abort many women change their minds once they have a baby growing inside them -and that is perfectly understandable. I simply did not have sex with any man who wasn't ready to be a father (and married to me) if I became pregnant. With one exception. And I consider that exception a huge mistake and I am so very lucky that my birth control worked.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

Well then IMO don't have sex with someone unless it's in your explicit plan to have a child with her. Even if she says she would abort many women change their minds once they have a baby growing inside them -and that is perfectly understandable. I simply did not have sex with any man who wasn't ready to be a father (and married to me) if I became pregnant. With one exception. And I consider that exception a huge mistake and I am so very lucky that my birth control worked.

 

You're right. I'm baby making material. Of course they would want to keep my genes.

 

On a serious note, is it that likely that an accidental pregnancy will actually occur?

[lavenderdove]

>>That's interesting. I would never date someone who wouldn't plan to abort if she got pregnant.

 

A woman might tell you that at the time, but if she gets broody she may change her mind, and lots of women just can't do it when push comes to shove when they actually get pregnant.

 

So if you seriously don't want an accidental pregnancy, if I were a guy, i'd always insist on using condoms I'd brought myself, regardless of what birth control she was on.

 

And as a woman, I always doubled up on methods if I thought there was even the remotest chance I might get pregnant.

[Fudgie]

Lavenderdove is right in a way - unless you are okay with her having an "accident" (I say with quotes because I believe most accidents are not actual accidents when it comes to pregnancy) and then keeping the baby and having you on the hook for the next 2 decades for CS, then double/triple up or abstain.

 

I'm lucky because I am a woman - if I want to abort, I will. None of my partners wanted children and all knew that I would get an abortion ASAP if I got pregnant.

Seriously, if I were a guy though, after all the horror stories I've read here and seen IRL, I wouldn't ever sleep with a woman until a vasectomy happens. There is just way too much unknown.

 

A woman can always change her mind when it comes to this.

 

I don't think it's about calling out any moms as being "liars" but I'm getting really tired of reliable (when used properly), good BC methods being smeared as "not effective" because of a BOATLOAD of stories about women who get pregnant "accident" left and right on everything under the sun, when in fact they aren't using them properly and (as lav mentioned) usually jonesing to get pregnant in the first place deep down.

 

I'm almost, I repeat, almost surprised I haven't read a story like "I got a hysterectomy a few years ago and I STILL got pregnant! I swear! I'm not lying! I had a hysterectomy! He had a condom on too! Oh you just can't trust ANYTHING when it comes to birth control! LOL!!!!1"

[Batya33]

You're right. I'm baby making material. Of course they would want to keep my genes.

 

On a serious note, is it that likely that an accidental pregnancy will actually occur?

 

Well obviously it's not very likely but it depends on many factors - type of protection/time of the month/is the woman taking antibiotics while on the pill, etc. Given how life changing it is if pregnancy occurs I say expect the best but plan for the worst (if you do not want to be a daddy).

[lavenderdove]

Yes, it is a call to people to be both educated and diligent under all circumstances. this board is full of posters who get pregnant 'accidentally' and a lot of them seem to be carelessness, lack of knowledge, or wishful thinking that 'just this once' they'll get away with it, or wishful thinking that if they get pregnant, it will give the man the kick in the pants he needs to commit and marry. Never works and ends up being traumatic all around!

[Natasha24]

I don't think it's about calling out any moms as being "liars" but I'm getting really tired of reliable (when used properly), good BC methods being smeared as "not effective" because of a BOATLOAD of stories about women who get pregnant "accident" left and right on everything under the sun, when in fact they aren't using them properly and (as lav mentioned) usually jonesing to get pregnant in the first place deep down.

 

I'm almost, I repeat, almost surprised I haven't read a story like "I got a hysterectomy a few years ago and I STILL got pregnant! I swear! I'm not lying! I had a hysterectomy! He had a condom on too! Oh you just can't trust ANYTHING when it comes to birth control! LOL!!!!1"

 

The title of this thread asked for accidental pregnancies. Whether it was from failed birth control or birth control not used properly - it's still an accident.

I'm not "smearing" any form of birth control. I said my mom got pregnant while using condoms and an IUD. If you take it upon yourself to assume that meant "And she used them 100% correctly! I swear!" then that's your fault, not mine. As I said, she most likely did use them incorrectly. There's no "smear campaign" going on here. Did my mom get pregnant by accident? Yes. That's what the thread asked, that's what I answered. No need to go around calling people liars just because you incorrectly assumed what my comment meant.

[ExcitedtoSleep]

@Natasha24, you chose to take Fudgie's post personally. That was your choice as well.

[Batya33]

I don't think a pregnancy is an accident if the person knows he or she is using the birth control incorrectly (i.e. if a man knows the condom is expired and doesn't tell his partner -and no I don't expect a woman to check the date although I'm the type who would!).

[Natasha24]

@Natasha24, you chose to take Fudgie's post personally. That was your choice as well.

 

The post quoted mine and was a response to me. Not sure how else I should have taken it.

[Fudgie]

I addressed your post because, like Batya, I do not believe that negligence or misuse with birth control = pure accident. I just don't. It's a mistake. BTW, you can't really "make a mistake" with an IUD. It's either in there or it's not. A failed IUD is not the woman's fault at all (btw, it's really, really rare that women have viable pregnancies with an IUD, so it's not something I tend to believe when I hear it) unlike birth control pills, where I absolutely hold the woman at fault if she didn't take it everyday and "forgot" to make sure that medications/antibiotics don't mess with the effectiveness of it. I've been on the Pill, I know that the pharmacist ALWAYS comes up and talks at you about the precautions when you get the first prescription whether you want it or not, so there's no excuse for error in my book with that.

 

All and all, I'm sorry you got offended. I happen to know of several women who I feel have claimed "accidental" pregnancies when in fact, they were not. A family friend has TWICE claimed that she got pregnant twice while using IUD, Pill, and condoms, and that was with doubling up the methods. I just don't buy it and yeah, I think she's a liar. I do see it as a major character flaw and it makes me thank my lucky stars that I'm not a male, but I don't think they are inherently bad people. Women who trick men into pregnancy are though, at least in my book.

 

I don't believe that enough people are actually standing up and saying "these stories don't make sense!". It's 2014. There's no excuse anymore for "oops" pregnancies, at least, not in developed countries with education, healthcare (at least access to a PP clinic or something if you are uninsured), etc. If you can't be bothered to research and properly use proven, EFFECTIVE BC and you don't want/can't support a child, then you have no business having sex. That goes for men and women.

[faraday]

My doctor is...old. When I was 24, I begged him for the Mirena...he said a woman couldn't get an IUD until she gives birth. So he put me on the nuvaring even though I'm seriously brain dead at remembering things (and he knows this...he's been my doctor since I was 6 years old)....well...a year later...I was pregnant. I put it in a day late. If smart phones were around back then, she wouldn't have happened..I put everything in there now...I would have remembered. I've found out since that they put IUDs in women without children all the time.

 

It worked out. I love my daughter and I can't imagine my life without...She made me the person I am today. Her father is a great dad. even though he proposed, we aren't together, but for the most part, we have a great relationship. We go out for dinner together (the 3 of us) at least once a month....my bf is coming to the next one 0.0

 

I have a mirena now. No surprises. I want to be married and I want my next child planned.

 

Sometimes I think...I wish I hadn't had her with her dad...like...I wish I had her later (like around now) when I'm married....but she changed me so much, I wouldn't be the person that I am. She gave my life so much direction...and made me...really authentic. I look at her and I think "I want you to be so happy in your life. I want you to completely love yourself and do what you love...and be kind and be loving and be open to life and all it's possibilities..." and...if I want that for her...I have to live that...I have to be that example for her. So...my accident completely turned my life upside down...and at the time...I thought my life was over. I didn't know that she was actually going to save me.

[Fudgie]

faraday, it's amazing how many doctors still think that: that young women/women without children can't have IUDs. I had a (female) gyno tell me "no" when I was younger but I finally found a (male) gyno who respected my choice and put one in me when I was 23. He just said that it would hurt more and that I'd probably bleed a little more after insertion than someone who had given birth.

 

I'm glad things worked out for you though.

[faraday]

It's so hard...like I look back and I think "things could have been so different if I had put my foot down" with my doctor....but yeah...life worked out. I do totally agree that there are no "accidents". I screwed up. My ex and I were at the end of our relationship and barely having sex (I actually remember the exact time I became pregnant...because sex happened so rarely) and I just wasn't thinking about it. It only takes one time. I remember staring at the positive stick balling my eyes out thinking my life was over. I waited 3 days to tell him. I told him we could abort. He was so excited for her. He made me feel guilty for wanting an abortion.

 

I have a "friend" (well, we were friends in high school) that has 4 children with 4 different dads...all of them were "accidents". I think we can make mistakes and learn..but to not learn...shows complete stupidity....and she made four more children to dumb down the population with her genes. Painful.

[Fudgie]

I guess for all of us, in some ways, have moments like that. Where we wonder "Oh if only I had done x, y, z... How would like have turned out?" I don't really know and no one does really. Some things won't go according to plan, whether it's due to poor choices or true accidents.

 

As you said, life worked out for you. Yeah, maybe not completely ideal but you can't imagine not having your daughter in your life right now and motherhood has changed you, so it is what it is.

 

I've dealt with the "what if" questions for a long time and it's not spiritually productive and it drove me crazy so I have been trying to stop.

 

No one knows what would have been, only what is here now. That's all we have to work with.

[Seraphim]

My mom had her tubes tied at 23 but she already had two kids. Because she had two children a boy and a girl they agreed to do it. Back in the 60s and 70s my mom couldn't take birth control. I believe it messed with her blood pressure and she would black out daily. So since she already had the number of children she could have she got her tubes tied.

[Cheetarah]

Yeah, I've had it with only a condom as BC 4 years ago. It didn't rip; Rather, his erection was "waxing and waning", although not fully in either direction - Several times. It affected the fit in the end and there was a bit of leakage.

 

I also have a very hard time believing people who say they have tripled up on BC methods and still got pregnant. One woman tried to tell me she was on the pill, used a condom AND took plan B but that baby just 'wanted to stick'.