Low Self Esteem. Should I Be Dating This Guy AT ALL???

[newgirlhere]

I am new here. (Ta da, screen name ftw!)

 

It was either this or I dragged myself to a therapist ASAP, and while I am looking into that, I'm not quite feelin' that step just yet and I'm a little afraid to overthink things too much right now.

 

I have had a really rough time with relationships - but everyone has, right? My last relationship ended fall of 2012, after 3 1/2 years of back and forth, noncommittal (on his side), heart breaking difficulties. He turned into a very different person before my eyes and wound up betraying me with a girl friend of his he'd been seeing for several months but insisted he never had feelings for. We had already broken up multiple times throughout the course of the relationship when he would get overwhelmed, would stop talking to me, and then generally come around saying "Sorry, would love to see/talk to you, love you..." and then break things off. It was a mind f*** and I was a ball of anxiety at the end. I also developed some serious insecurities in that relationship, and codependency issues (yay!) off of the whole "will he be in touch? will he commit?" game. Was great times!

 

So we broke up, I took some time to recover, and then in the name of moving on I spent last year attempting to date again and winding up in a couple of really messed up dating situations with guys who blatantly played me and other girls, tried to get me to just be a 'FWB' or faded me out after a few dates or something, and another number of disturbing experiences I kind of wish I had never gone through. I finally ended an off/on situation with another guy who was extremely non-committal and hurtful over the holidays, which was empowering, and decided to learn from that as positively as I could...

 

But since then, I have had an impossible time dating. I do not trust my judgment with anyone, and I am so insecure and anxious I make myself exhausted. It isn't fun. I met this really great guy a couple months ago and have been seeing him ever since (taking things slowly as we have both been hurt in the past), but when I don't hear from him for a day or two, I turn into an idiot. I get really upset. When we see each other (usually a few times a week), it's amazing and fun and we are very stable/open with each other, but as soon as I am away from him I immediately feel like he's going to bail at any moment. I can't stop expecting to find out he is a player, or that he is 'fading me out', and on more than one occasion I know I freaked him out by asking him why he wasn't talking as much to me. (ARGHHHH whyyyy didn't I keep my mouth shut?!?!) I am always looking for the other shoe to drop - for every single red flag. I'm seriously always expecting to have my heart broken again, even though I know it isn't his fault that I feel this way. Being happy and 'at ease' with this new dating situation feels impossible, and almost entirely because of nothing having to do with him at all. I really like him and think he is unlike ANY guy I have been with before, and I'm terrified I am going to mess this up by being so insecure. I feel obsessive and clingy. I read into everything he is saying and find all these reasons he's obviously going to end things - and we have only been dating a couple of months. I know most girls are much calmer about a slow pace dating, and then there's me freaking out that I didn't hear from him all day today (even though I almost always hear from him every other day or more).

 

Am I too damaged to date?? Should I let him go to stay away from my mess?? What can I do??!

 

I hope some of this made sense, and thanks so much for reading.

[abitbroken]

I don't think you should date right now. I think you should focus on making FRIENDS right now. Get to the point where you can go out with people, even if they are other women as friends, and just have a good time at an activity. When you can do that, you are not as desperate for male companionship to have someone to go to shows with or to go catch a bite with - you can really be much more selective.

 

Also, you need to unpack why you are attracting guys who are not really that into you. It could be that you need to be more clear on what you are looking for. I have found that being set up with someone or online dating (not talking online for months, but going on a date or cutting loose after just a couple weeks if you don't and screening guys with their profiles to find someone with the same goal (someone who wants a relationship if you do, just a matter of meeting the right one, etc). I find that meeting people that you matched with online gives you more leeway in the beginning to lay things out (what you are looking for) right off the bat.

 

No, you are not too damaged to date, but maybe you need to take a break for six months at least where you do not even try to date and do not pursue dating at all and just be with yourself - find what you like to do and what is good about you and yes, try therapy. And when you have done that, make it even a year except for going out socially with friends.

[newgirlhere]

But so, I have to stop seeing the guy who HAS been treating me well and has been present for me - and doesn't seem to be not into me?

 

I definitely see the point to needing time, and I was planning to give it time when I met him, but he actually has been really good to me and I'd be sad to end things with him because of the past guys. I don't necessarily think I was attracting all guys who weren't into me - and I'm not entirely sure how I would have known when I got involved with them that they were going to turn around and go about things as they did. I guess, should I assume this guy I have been seeing consistently for 2 mos is not into me and cut my losses? haha. It would mean breaking up with him because I'm still scarred by bad guys who didn't treat me half as well as this guy has.

[abitbroken]

Okay - firstly, you are overreacting. No, I am not saying you should assume this guy isn't into you.

 

Guys who disappear or are dating someone else at the same time ARE NOT into having a one on one relationship with you. It could be that you are not right for them or they just don't want a relationship commitment with anyone right now. If they were into it, they would be with you right now. Right now with this guy, he treats you kindly so far - but are you guys compatible??

 

I think if you cannot get a handle on your anxiety, your relationship will crumble. You will push him away with your anxiety and neediness. Honestly, when you are anxious and needy an emotionally balanced guy walks away and a guy who is controlling or flakey sticks around. I think that you should pursue going out with female friends just like I said, so you are not sitting and waiting by the phone for this guy, not centering every breath on him, and you need to go to therapy or a support group. You are not ready to have a committed relationship with anyone until you do - whether its this one or another one.

 

Also, you have to get to a point and recognize that just because a guy is halfway decent to you doesn't mean he is the one - he could be - but that kind of treatment - dealing with you in a kind way is a baseline. That is the minimum you should accept in a relationship. From there, you find out if you have enough in common with a guy to continue further into the relationship.

 

If you cannot get yourself under control here, then yes, I do think you need to tell this guy that you are terribly anxious and need to work on yourself. If you can get yourself under control to go out on dates and relax and have a good time and not freak out, then go on dates with him. But if he has been "hurt" too - is he ready for a relationship also? Honestly, until you heal some more you are only going to attract other hurt people.

[SooSad33]

"after 3 1/2 years of back and forth, noncommittal (on his side), heart breaking difficulties. He turned into a very different person before my eyes and wound up betraying me with a girl friend of his he'd been seeing for several months but insisted he never had feelings for. We had already broken up multiple times throughout the course of the relationship when he would get overwhelmed, would stop talking to me, and then generally come around saying "Sorry, would love to see/talk to you, love you..." and then break things off. It was a mind f*** and I was a ball of anxiety at the end. I also developed some serious insecurities in that relationship, and codependency issues (yay!) off of the whole "will he be in touch? will he commit?" game. "

 

With this? YES, I highly suggest you get some counselling. You are affected by it all. It was ongoing and has affected your emotions and self respect, etc.

 

See? >> "I am so insecure and anxious I make myself exhausted"

>> "when I don't hear from him for a day or two, I turn into an idiot. I get really upset."

 

You are damaged and I highly suggest you get in for some help here, asap, as it is now affecting all of your other relations.

I feel you need to take some time away from guys.. until you can get this stuff under control....

 

"I really like him and think he is unlike ANY guy I have been with before, and I'm terrified I am going to mess this up by being so insecure."..>> Then for sure, take it slowly!

 

"Should I let him go to stay away from my mess??" That is up to you- but I think you should be seeking some therapy for yourself and working on your self esteem .. issues.. etc.

 

You may just want to tell him either take things slowly- keep seeing him. Or, are you willing to just admit to him, you cannot do this, at this time because you have some things you feel you need to deal with..?

Best be honest to him and to yourself.

 

Good luck

[SooSad33]

"It would mean breaking up with him because I'm still scarred by bad guys who didn't treat me half as well as this guy has."

It would be mean? How about, it would be mean.. and is unfair for how YOU are thinking about him and how he is.. or might be?

Yet, he may not be that way.. but you fear or think that he is.

 

I honestly feel you are still damaged and messed up to the point you cannot think clearly. You are still so full of fears, assumptions etc, because of your past, and you're bringing this into a new relationship.

What are you going to think or feel when or if you DO end up pushing him away, when you get so suspicious about his wherabouts?

For how long is that going to continue, before HE acts out towards you & gets fed up? Are you really going to be able to hold all of that it? Or is it a real problem for you? ( Like you've been asking about).

 

Please think on this.. we are trying to make you aware of the circumstances of your behavior and why.

[newgirlhere]

Oh man, okay guys... haha

 

So first off, I didn't say it would 'be mean' to break up with him. I said that ending things over my inner worries would MEAN (as in equal) dumping a guy who has been pretty awesome to me for the last couple of months.

 

I did seek therapy after my 3 1/2 year relationship crumbled. I actually sought it during the relationship's demise and continued seeing that therapist for several months.

 

I feel as if everyone is being just slightly harsh by calling me messed up and damaged and jumping to conclusions that the guy I'm currently seeing must ALSO be damaged (or 'flakey' or 'controlling') to still be dating me.

 

I have not expressed too many of these anxieties to him, but we're both sensitive folks, so when I didn't hear from him for a few days last month I asked if he was okay and he expressed concern that I thought it was about me that he was doing his own thing that week.

 

I'm not necessarily looking for everyone to point fingers at me and scream "DAMAGEDDDD" as I am already doing that, and beating myself up for it enough - and for choosing the wrong guys in the past to put faith into.

 

To that end, I never once said I'm trying to make my current guy 'the one' and I AM taking it slowly with him, and when I am with him it's amazing and fun and that is all I know

 

... I was just asking if anyone has any tips on how to date when it's hard to get back out there without expecting the worst when you have been burned in love before. I don't ask him about his whereabouts or bombard him ever - if anything, I constantly let him come to me. He has been open with me about his struggles with dating too, so I guess if he can't do this because of his own baggage he will let me know but so far it's been a comfort to us both that we've 'been there'.

 

Yes, as I said already, I am seeking a new therapist. I'm sure I am 'damaged' and 'messed up' as all of you keep saying . I am hoping for perhaps some gentle advice from people who have navigated dating someone awesome while still perhaps having low self esteem from the past, and if it is a black and white "ONE MUST NEVER DATE UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES" then... respect that opinion entirely. But I'd rather not throw the towel in just yet.

 

Obviously it's difficult to put into one initial post exactly what I want to say without coming off like a nutjob, but I tried! Also let me state that the 'relationships' where the guys showed they were players, just wanted sex, etc, ended BY ME as soon as I knew that was the case. They were short lived. I took a long time in between to be single too. I haven't been desperate to be with someone at all, just recognizing I have strong feelings for this current guy and, based on my past, have some healing I'm still doing and trying to navigate that a little bit better.

 

Thanks for the opins, guys!! haha.

[Man with Dog]

I know this is hard but I can feel your insecurity and I've been there, done that and got the T shirt. You are meeting several times a week. You DON'T need to be texting, e-mailing and phoning on the days you don't see him, unless there is a change of plan. You don't need reassurance on the days you are not seeing him. If there's something important going on in his day, by all means 'phone or text to ask how it went. It seems like you have the basis of a good relationship here.

 

OK, many men are players and many more would become players if they thought they could get away with it. Some women don't mind because they are players too and are not interested in commitment, at least at that time on their lives.

 

I'm basically like you in that when I was younger I always wanted a committed relationship and didn't want to be with anyone dating other blokes. Maybe we're in the minority but it doesn't mean that you're right and they're wrong or vice-versa. We're all different. To be honest, although I've often been excited when starting a new relationship, there was often been a doubt in my mind that I might not be exclusive and YES I've been guilty of dating new girls while keeping a current girlfriend on the back burner. I'm not proud of it but was scared of being alone.

 

Also, why are you impatient to have a committed relationship? Is it because you are at an age or stage of life where you feel the need to find The One, get married and have kids?

 

Good luck.

[newgirlhere]

Thank you, Man with Dog, for letting me know I am NOT ALONE haha...

 

I think it is very similar to what you describe above - I guess it has been a while since I've had to navigate the actual beginnings of what COULD be a relationship, and has great potential, and the vulnerability there is opening back up a lot of old fears that I haven't thought about in my easy single times this past year. It's ALWAYS been easy for me to be single, ironically - I have moved to new cities and tackled my dreams and have boundless confidence with my amazing friendships and my family. But then you bring in the possibility of something with a guy that I actually feel an urge to make a future with and BAM! I start looking for the reasons he is going to be wrong, or see that I am wrong, or 'bail on me'. It's that early, too soon to define this as a relationship, (although we have both made clear we are exclusive and this is not just a casual thing to either of us), and too involved to just go back to the beginning and pretend certain feelings haven't been expressed and a certain (normal, I guess) amount of 'stakes raising' isn't going on.

 

I guess the truth is I am NOT in a rush for a committed relationship - I'm just scared to find out that this is like my ex, or other guys I have met in my attempts to date, and then this will be another 'wasted effort'? I don't know what it is. I am almost 30, and trying to absolutely solidify my life - and I do want a family sooner than later - but I do not consciously think about that. I guess I just don't want to waste time and emotion on a wrong guy and that's the big stress factor here - having NOTHING to do with how he treats me. Maybe that's part of my damage? haha - the old ticking clock?

[mhowe]

I think therapy would suit you well. You are carrying baggage from past relationships/encounters and projecting them on to someone who is not even treating

you in a similar fashion.

[Cherry009]

Hi newgirl, you sound like you have had similar luck to me in your dating past. I find the best way to deal with your insecurities is to have the attitude 'i don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me' seriously......if it does end up going wrong (like it ALWAYS does for me) i just try and think that it wasn't meant to be and that there will be someone out there who is right for me. Love yourself more & realise that you deserve someone amazing and no one less than that will do. Another quote for you- 'never lose yourself while trying to holdon to someone who doesn't care about losing you.'

 

I think you should continue to see this guy but dont get your hopes up too much and dont stress about it, enjoy it now for what it is but dont get over excited assuming it will become a committed relationship (i just learnt this the hard way myself)

[newgirlhere]

Thanks everyone.

 

Again, ya'll can stop tellin me I need therapy because I'm on it - I didn't actually post in here to ask "DO I need THERAPY?" I'm a fan of therapy. It helped me get through the sudden death of a loved one and has helped me deal with previous breakups. I'm good. I know. That's not really why I'm posting in here.

 

I don't think I have projected much on this guy yet - I tend to, when having my panic attack moments of "IS HE BAILING ON ME" rather than say or do anything, go away from my phone and talk to friends. It's not about what I'm doing TO him - he has seemed happy with me, and we've had the deep conversations about our insecurities like you do when you have a closeness building with someone, but I honestly do not sense that I have projected my sh*t on him or pushed him away. But, I suppose, only he could really comment to that end. We talked briefly today and all seemed fine.

 

My question for this FORUM is how do people typically handle the insecurities from their past while dating someone who is great? I'm not punishing him AT ALL for what my exes did, lol. I am treating him openly and affectionately and again, so far so good for just 2 mos. It's about ME and MY INNER STRUGGLE on the nights when I am freaking out. I don't do or say anything to him, I just sit in my room reliving all the crap that happened in the past and fearing the absolute worst.

 

For the people who have been in my shoes, how did you overcome those feelings (other than therapy YES I GET IT), while navigating the beginning of what seems to be a truly awesome relationship?

 

Obviously if this falls through, I'm aware I will move on and embrace it wasn't meant to be. But rather than skip ahead to this falling through, I am attempting to work on how this is working out and how I can be a part of it while still healing from past hurts. Thanks for the advice!

[mhowe]

By getting g to the root of your insecurities.

[Ms Darcy]

... I was just asking if anyone has any tips on how to date when it's hard to get back out there without expecting the worst when you have been burned in love before.

 

Well actually, that wasn't what you ask. That's what you are asking now because you didn't like the advice. What you asked was:

 

Am I too damaged to date?? Should I let him go to stay away from my mess?? What can I do??!

 

So, in response to your original question -

 

Yes, you are too "damaged" to date in the sense that your insecurities are taking over your actions in a negative way. You, not him, are already showing red flag signs by freaking out on him. I'm sure you didn't intend to. But those deep seated insecurities aren't things we can easily hide.

 

Yes, you should let him go. And what you can do is get therapy and stay single for 6 months to a year.

 

In response to your "tips on how to date when it's hard to get back out there without expecting the worst when you've been burned ..." I think this question is overly simplistic. We've all been burned. In order to have a healthy relationship, you have to be able to bring healthy communication and coping skills to the table as well as a strong sense of independence. If you don't have that, "tips" won't help. It's like an alcoholic asking for "tips" on how to stop drinking. There are fundamental issues going on underneath.

[newgirlhere]

It's very hard to put something out there in an initial post, introducing oneself and ones' concerns. I was actually being dramatic - and trying to be somewhat funny - with the 'Am I too damaged to date?"

 

I have NEVER freaked out on him once. I have been there for him and continue communicating with him and like I was trying to CLARIFY, was saying that this is an inner struggle and I beat myself up continuously in the beginning of this relationship because I'm scared to lose something good and have lost things before. YES, I AM NOW asking how to date while insecure. I don't think I've done anything to hurt the guy I'm seeing or put this on him, but again, I can't speak for him - what I AM doing is posting my fears and insecurities, and you are reflecting them back to me, which I appreciate.

 

It should be completely okay for me to clarify the intention of what I'm asking without it simply meaning that I am changing the question because I don't like the advice. I don't think 'YOU SHOULD DUMP HIM TO SAVE HIM FROM YOUR DAMAGE' is constructive advice. I actually don't think I am doing him wrong by coming home in between seeing him and spiraling into the anxieties that I have. These are feelings that I have - not facts.

 

The vast majority of advice I'm getting here is alarmingly trigger-happy. What if there is something substantial with this guy, and I throw it away because I have a night or two where I'm freaking out (to myself, and to this forum where people seem to take everything I say to mean I am absolutely incapable of actually being a partner to someone because I was burned in the past)?? That's better for him? I actually do think that relationships come into our lives at less than ideal times, and my having private worries and concerns - most of which I completely keep to myself and chose to vent to here, stupidly - should not be a freaking deal breaker.

 

I do think that there is a much gentler way to talk about this, so I am out. Thanks for the advice. In general, reading the boards, I do think it's easy to take what I'm saying out of fear and use it against me. I've already talked to a therapist tonight and feel that obviously that advice is healthier and less pointed at me being completely f-ed up, which was my worst fear anyway. Thanks for kicking me while I am down though.

 

Later! Good luck everyone!

[abitbroken]

You cannot date in a HEALTHY way if you are extremely insecure. You can date, but you will attract other insecure people or will attract people who feed off and take advantage of your insecurity (people who are "fixers", people who are abusive, etc). When you get ahold of your insecurity, you can be in relationships with other people that not ONLY treat you with general respect and consideration but can build a future with you when the time is right and move towards growth. In your relationship right now you are both "hurt" by past relationships and therefore this could end up as a completely non committal situation. You freak out inside if this guy is not calling you on the timeline you feel he should. That only is going to spill out EVENTUALLY into how you treat him when you are together.

 

In continuing to date him, you must work on this stuff. Either he will grow true or he might not be able to handle the grown you. My ex and i outgrew eachother when I became a stronger person - he wanted someone he could try to have under his thumb in a very unhealthy way and when I no longer was that - instead of embracing the fuller relationship we could have, he bailed. I am sure he is looking for someone else who is much younger to try to find someone again.

 

 

Thanks for kicking me while I am down though.

 

That is a very combative attitude. A lot of people here have precisely answered your question. You asked if you were "too damaged to date" and then you get upset when people don't say "oh, of COURSE NOT. You sound like you have everything together. Keep on it!"

 

No, you are not too damaged to go on a date, but you have some work to do to go on GOOD dates and to get what you want out of a relationship.

[LoveSoDeep]

Honestly OP I get what you are saying..and I agree people may be jumping the gun but you handed them the ammo.

 

Everyone is damaged no one here is any better off than you are in that respect so guys....remember the saying about those who live in glass houses? I think that applies here. We could all use a little therapy.

 

Listen it's been 2 months and its going well. You have tried to keep your freak outs under control and it seems for the most part you have succeeded. I think that's all you can do until you trust this guy enough to be 100% open and honest with him. Once you have that trust you can tell him about your freak-out moments if you have a handle on your feelings....if you know you are freaking out and it irrational sometimes it's good to get that out there and be honest and say "In my mind I know this is silly but my heart has me freaking out and I just need a little reassurance." If he can't handle that then he's not going to be able to handle you long term. However there's a big difference between what I wrote above and real freak-out where you have lost it completely and have no idea how silly you are acting...and that's where your therapy will help.

[Ms Darcy]

I think abit is spot on, as usual.

 

Hopefully one day you will get out of your negative pattern with men. And hopefully you will accept some responsibility for the trajectory of your previous relationships.

[Capricorn3]

I AM NOW asking how to date while insecure.!

Nothing stopping you dating whilst insecure, BUT just be aware, that the failure rate of keeping your relationship, happy, healthy and in tact will be very very high. You can jump from relationship to relationship for years, but you will always have the same outcome - due to your insecurity. No matter how awesome, kind and understanding your partner may be - eventually it will wear him down.

 

The key to getting therapy is to get to the root cause of your extreme insecurity and getting it sorted out once and for all. Only then will you have healthy relationships.

[abitbroken]

btw, don't ask "should i be dating this guy AT ALL" and get upset that one of the possible answers is "no." You have a 50-50 chance of being told "no". There is no other gentler way to talk about it aside from "you shouldn't be dating until you get this under control, but if you choose to continue dating, you have to become very aware of this issue and work vigilantly on it. And be prepared that as you grow and are more ready for commitment, you might become annoyed at his want to 'take things slow because he's hurt'" That is all. So enjoy dating while it is happening - but something has got to give. Either you get this under control and grow out of the anxiety or it ends. Nothing stays the same

[Sportster2005]

Dating is like any other behaviour. It is learned. You will get better with experience. With experience you will gain confidence. You will come to know yourself and your limitations better. You will learn there are many people out there for us. You realize you shouldn't make a big fuss if something doesn't work out. Just try to breath, relax, have some fun. Stop worrying about finding 'the one'. Learn to love being with your own company. This will unfold in good time.

 

Keep dating. You will get good at it.

[newgirlhere]

Hello again,

 

So, I have to admit, I actually have not read all of the comments above this yet (I will though). When I originally posted to this forum, I was clearly in a pretty rough place. I would like to say I'm a bit better, but it's gonna be a journey.

 

I worry about giving too many details about what went down with the guy I was dating, because I'm paranoid about it being out there in case he - by some crazy coincidence - winds up googling key phrases, stumbles upon this and does the math. That'd be kind of embarrassing.

 

In any case, I ended the short-term (I guess we reached almost 4 mos) relationship (as yet undefined relationship) last week. To be honest, I think I did a good job of keeping my insecurities out of what was happening between the two of us, and I don't think there are any hard feelings. I just realized he and I are really incompatible right now, and I was having too hard a time in between seeing each other. He was definitely not over his ex, something that kept coming up more and more, and I was struggling to keep up with where I stood with him from day to day. It wasn't like me to feel so insecure, and I was driving myself crazy and I'm sure eventually would have driven him crazy too. I chalk it up to timing, and not being ready for the uncertainty it seems the initial months of dating cause when there are already strong feelings forming.

 

I offered him friendship when we talked last week and said I'm not in a good place to be dating for a while, (even though he seemed sure I was breaking things off to go date someone else. He really had no idea how much I liked him, even though I really tried to let him know). He didn't seem to want to take me up on that offer of friendship, but I don't get the sense he's angry with me - just that he maybe didn't know what to say (this was all done over the phone). I feel awful, because I know it doesn't seem to line up with how excited I was with what was between us, and we really got along so well, but what he didn't see was that when I would leave every date or night spent with him, I spiraled into the kind of anxiety that prompted my initial post here. I talked to him about it a few times in the last couple of weeks, and he was supportive each time, but I knew the only solution was taking a step back.

 

In any case, I miss him a lot but I do feel it was the right thing to do, and I'm taking a strict six month hiatus from dating or any kind of romantic 'complication' (ha). I'm not going into hermit mode, and told all of my friends and family about this - I have plans to travel, see old friends, see family and mostly just want to get to a place where I feel strong again. It's just been a humbling few years for me and I need to get off of this track.

 

Just thought I'd update this thread and apologize for any hostility I posted earlier. In my own defense, I still do not think any of this makes me 'damaged' and I know that I never took any of this out on the guy I was seeing. I felt like some of the responses were actually kind of harsh given the fact that I was just trying to sort through emotions - not blasting the poor dude I was dating with these feelings or ignoring them all together. It was a sensitive time for me. "Damaged", to me, implies that I am going to harm someone or myself somehow because I can't distinguish between past relationships and current ones. I never fought with this guy or demanded anything of him, and when we communicated we laughed and had a ton of fun together and really supported one another. In many ways I was falling in love with him, and I am sorry to have lost him over this, but I don't want to bring anyone I'm so close to down with me. I guess it's my attempt to never be called 'damaged' again in any forum. (Because I genuinely will be healthy).

 

So, thanks so much for your input and advice and here's to a hopefully baggage-lifting six months (or more, depending). Peace!

[newgirlhere]

*IN case that wasn't clear, above, I do really want to thank everyone for being so helpful in guiding this decision. I am really hoping to gain some clarity in the next few months. Ending things, no matter what the cause, is always painful it seems.

[fed up]

OMG - going through same thing! we should message eachother.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm very proud of you newgirl. I know this isn't what you wanted and must have been very hard for you to do. I think you have really been strong in this breakup. Hugs!

 

PS - It's extra good you walked away from him since he's not over his ex.