My Day to Day Effort to Win Her Back.

[melrich]

It can happen. it took me a long time, but it can happen. this does not mean that i do not think of her from time to time... "the first cut is the deepest" they say. but jen loves me and we are good together. she loved me from the start. and the middle and now.... the beginning of the start again.

 

Well you had one of the longest running "break ups" on record here so I guess this is a great example of how things can all turn around no matter how dire we think things are.

[Leges39]

not so much of a break up as it was my failed attempt to get back with her. i was wrong to do that and when i read these passages, i see how desparate i was and how i just drove her away even more.

[darkblue]

Well I'll be....

 

Very many congratulations to you, cp.

 

I'm very happy for you.

[Leges39]

Married as of the end of june. New home too. But you wouldn't believe what happened just last night.

 

I was with my new wife at a nearby bar and I stepped next door to get something to eat when she stayed in bar. I planned to bring it back. Anyway. I'm on my phone writing this btw.

 

T. The ex. Walks up behind me in the grill and surprises me. After telling me congrats on wedding I told her how happy I was and then she started to cry. Evidently her last relationship resulted in her moving out of his place. She said she even stopped drinking. She discussed how he dropped her cause she didn't know less drinkers or more professional types. Funny thing is that he was an unemployed musician. She mentioned how I thought she drank too much when we were an item. Lots said and even got an email this am at work.

 

I guess I c her hurting and she is trying to make changes. Even said she needs someone like me in her life because I "know" her like no one else.

[sparkles4]

Oh, snap!!

[darkblue]

How tables turn. Your exceptional story shows how the light comes forth from darkness and hopefully will help others.

 

It's a huge coincidence that you happened to bump into her at such a point. How do you feel that she is now seeking you out? Do you feel any emotion towards her or neutrality?

[getting_on_ok]

I have to say this story actually give me hope in the next relationship and NC. I think Steve would have been better off with NC. Its, only been 2 months for me but I hope everything works out for me, wait I know it will.

[Leges39]

How tables turn. Your exceptional story shows how the light comes forth from darkness and hopefully will help others.

 

It's a huge coincidence that you happened to bump into her at such a point. How do you feel that she is now seeking you out? Do you feel any emotion towards her or neutrality?

 

How do I feel? Well it has impacted me enough to check back in to ena like a clinic. Was I anticipating an email at work this am? Yes. It arrived when I was sitting dwn. I felt a pump of something in my chest I didn't expect. This is a bit scary. I think that after 5 years I still care. That is all it can or will be. I love my wife.

[Leges39]

I have to say this story actually give me hope in the next relationship and NC. I think Steve would have been better off with NC. Its, only been 2 months for me but I hope everything works out for me, wait I know it will.

 

Nc or better yet. I should have handled it better. It is what it is. I'm guessing she is just lonely and guilty and feels that this contact with me will help with her breakup pain she is newly feeling

[cr44hill]

What did the email say?

[Leges39]

i erased it, but it basically is upbeat and states how much she looks forward to see me and catch up.

 

i told my wife, of course, and she is upset i even said that i would go. i understand.

[cr44hill]

That is a tough situation. As much as you want to meet up with your ex, I think you owe it to your wife not to go and to cut off contact with your ex. What is the current status of the potential meeting?

[browneyedgirl36]

I read this whole entire thread (it took me DAYS!) and I just have one thing to say:

 

Please, please, please don't meet this woman. I can understand your wife's discomfort with this, and I think you know that the right thing to do is to put this behind you and move forward with your life. You have someone in your life who really loves you. Why do something that makes her uncomfortable for an ex who left you a long time ago? What benefit is there to doing this? If there is ANY benefit at all, is it really worth causing discomfort for your wife? Please consider these questions carefully.

[getting_on_ok]

I agree with browneyedgirl, don't do it. Your ex is in your past leave it there. I wouldn't want to make someone that adored and loved uncomfortable.

[Brownstone322]

i told my wife, of course, and she is upset i even said that i would go. i understand.

How would you expect your wife to react? Do not do this.

 

Both you and the ex have made profound choices (yours to get married, hers to dump you to begin with), and now you both need to live with them. You and the ex had a long window of opportunity for reconciliation, but once you decided to begin a new serious relationship (let alone to get married), you implicitly decided that "catching up with the ex" was no longer an option.

 

After all you've expressed on this thread -- after all the learning and growing -- I'm disappointed that you'd even consider seeing your ex, especially over your wife's objections. Why get married if that kinda thing is still important?

[Leges39]

Ya. I'm an idiot. I did go to c her out of compasion but failed to c how upset my wife would b. I'm still feeling the affects of my poor judgement but she says she has let it go undr conditions that I don't "hang" with her ever, don't talk on phone with her or text or email. I can chat w her if she is a a paryt (we still have many mutual friends) and even include her "if I wish" for parties. Of course I won't send invites and keep chating to a minimum. Unless my wife becomes her friend somehow.

[Leges39]

So what did the ex and I talk about? Mind blowing stuff!

[Tanzi]

I haven't read all this thread but I have read enough to get the gist of it and even though I don't know you I feel disappointed that you chose to meet with your ex. You are married to someone else now, your ex shouldn't mean a thing to you. You don't owe her any compassion. Your poor wife - how awful she must have felt. I really hope you don't feel the need to do this again.

[browneyedgirl36]

Ya. I'm an idiot. I did go to c her out of compasion but failed to c how upset my wife would b. I'm still feeling the affects of my poor judgement but she says she has let it go undr conditions that I don't "hang" with her ever, don't talk on phone with her or text or email. I can chat w her if she is a a paryt (we still have many mutual friends) and even include her "if I wish" for parties. Of course I won't send invites and keep chating to a minimum. Unless my wife becomes her friend somehow.

 

Wow. You're fortunate that your wife is so forgiving. Please keep in mind that she most likely will not be if you don't keep up your end of things and stay out of contact with your ex.

 

Did you really go to see her just out of "compassion"? After all you wrote about her in this thread, I find it hard to believe. You can be "compassionate" at a distance; you didn't have to go see her to show her compassion.

 

I think that talking to the ex at all -- anything beyond a polite "hello" -- is asking for trouble. I hope you will not initiate contact with her all OR respond to any attempts on her part to get you to meet with her or talk with her regularly.

[kalikat]

So what did the ex and I talk about? Mind blowing stuff!

 

Okay - I bite. What did you guys talk about?

 

Hey I can understand meeting with her, out of sheer curiosity if nothing else.

But let me tell you this: your wife? Hold onto her and give her all the love you have to give. Because I know I would have probably gone ballistic if I were in her position.

Just gives you one more reason to appreciate what you have.

[sparkles4]

This thread is great. It's riveting. What did you guys talk about?

 

I don't think it's wrong that you met with the ex, but it begs the question of how much you're really into your wife. You might like your wife well enough, but as soon as your ex showed up again it didn't take much for you to go out and see her.

[Tanzi]

This thread is great. It's riveting. What did you guys talk about?

 

I don't think it's wrong that you met with the ex, but it begs the question of how much you're really into your wife.

 

Which, in effect and especially from his wife's point of view, does then make it very wrong.

[Brownstone322]

I don't think it's wrong that you met with the ex, but it begs the question of how much you're really into your wife. You might like your wife well enough, but as soon as your ex showed up again it didn't take much for you to go out and see her.

No kidding.

 

He's not over his ex. He got married to someone else, but he's still not over his ex.

 

This thread may yet play out for a few more years ...

[doiiiieeezie]

Seems like you got married too quickly.

 

Your poor wife. I hope she is strong enough to work around this... and really... strong enough to put her foot down.

[Tanzi]

This may have turned around in a way which we would all like to see in our own circumstances but it seems that it may go full cirlce and he could end up back where he started. The only sad thing is there is now a third party involved who doesn't deserve to be hurt. If my husband ran off to meet up with an ex at the drop of a hat I would have to seriously consider the future of the marriage. This should not be what marriage is about.

 

cpxsim: if she contacts you again and wants to meet up would you go?