Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I had absolutely horrible luck with it last time I tried (nothing but rejections) but it was a free site that I used, which I know tends to be overflooded with males. I'm thinking about trying one of the paid sites. Will my luck be better on the paid sites? Also I tend to look awful in pictures compared to real life. I'm thinking of getting a couple professional pictures done outside and then using those with a couple pictures of me and my friends. Is this a bad idea? Here's a picture of me for reference. Note: I would not use a selfie in a dating site, just don't have any other pics of myself at the moment image removed Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I think you look fine...although a smile goes a long way. This particular pic isn't awful but it makes you look angry! I don't know why you've had so many rejections...maybe it had to do with the way you approached girls online? Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I think you look fine...although a smile goes a long way. This particular pic isn't awful but it makes you look angry! I don't know why you've had so many rejections...maybe it had to do with the way you approached girls online? I'm not angry at all, just the picture. I smile all the time and always have fun As far as approaching girls online, I just messaged them with regular friendly conversation starters. I'm looking for a GF...don't care about getting laid Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Bigdave, online dating is VERY skewed in women's favor. They'll try to spin it that it's cumbersome for them to have to sift through so many emails...but it's easier for them, as much as they'll try to deny it. Women who are at about "our level" are getting inundated with emails because, they're, well, women. So you really have to stand out somehow in order to beat all of the other guys in her inbox. I get emails/winks, but it's typically not from women I'm attracted to. Though sometimes I've gotten some good ones and they've reached out to me first. Also note that many women will not make the first move, even if they like you. They like to be chased. I dated a really hot nurse this past summer...I"m sure she had hundreds of emails. She looked at my profile, and I made the first move. She told me she never would have emailed me first because she likes to be chased. Make sure you smile in your default pic. Girls like a genuine smile. My default on Match is a professional pic that was taken for work...draw em in to your profile with a killer pic, and then use all "real life" shots with you and your friends. That's what I do, and it works fine for me. But I do tend to be pretty photogenic. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Have you had any luck dating attractive women online? I'm fine with a numbers game. I'm fine with messaging 30 women to get 1 date. How much of a numbers game is it for you? Also lucky you that you look good in pics man. In real life, I've gotten a million compliments for being handsome but I look awful in pics Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm looking for a GF...don't care about getting laid Make sure you mention that in your profile. Also, can you give me a typical example of a first message to a girl? Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Make sure you mention that in your profile. Also, can you give me a typical example of a first message to a girl? A conversation starter based on her profile, generally something that we have in common Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 That sounds ok. A compliment would ne nice, too. Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Have you had any luck dating attractive women online? I'm fine with a numbers game. I'm fine with messaging 30 women to get 1 date. How much of a numbers game is it for you? Also lucky you that you look good in pics man. In real life, I've gotten a million compliments for being handsome but I look awful in pics Well, I look so-so to BAD in some pics, lol. I put up a range of pics to really give a true sense of my looks. Long hair, short hair, different styles...I only use one professional shot (same photo shoot as my avatar, but I'm smiling with teeth), and a bunch of other "normal" pictures. Well, I consider my ex of 5 years very attractive...she was the one who emailed me, while I was dating someone else. Since I've been single for just over a year, I've been on plenty of dates with very attractive women...sometimes they've liked me and I didn't like them, or vice versa. Even though I had some first dates that didn't even get a second date, I got a kiss after all of these dates at least. After you land the date, it really becomes a matter of chemistry and having things in common. Or, it may depend on your competition at any point in time. Especially if you live in a metropolitan-like area such as NYC, where women are more prone to perpetual GIGS (grass-is-greener-syndrome) from having "limitless" options. I actually only rarely message women. Women already have the upper hand with online dating, and I don't like to give them anymore power. My strategy typically involves updating my profile (to get attention), and then when girls like my photos (usually the professional one or the one with me dressed as Harry Potter) or wink at/send me an email...then I can kind of sit back and do the rejecting. If I see a profile that I REALLY like (the hot nurse this past summer, I emailed her first), then I will make the first move. Overall...as a guy, online dating requires a lot of patience. It just is what it is! Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Don't know why you think you look awful in pics, because you are a good looking guy and quite photogenic. One thing about cameras though is that they can capture your discomfort with the camera - so you don't look as great in a pic as you would otherwise. Just relax, get some good pics. Make sure you are smiling and looking friendly, happy. My best advice is focus on the person behind the camera (ignore the camera) and share a genuine joke, so your smile is genuine as in you are really laughing. Outside of that, OLD is a numbers and patience game for men. A lot like fishing. Don't expect to drop a line and pull out the big one. It may take hours to catch even one little grunt and some days none at all, no matter how many lines you throw and how many hours you fish. The dudes that catch the big ones will explore different bait, try different ways, spots, etc. They persevere and that's why they succeed in the end. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Interesting, it still sounds like you have a lot better experience dating online than most men do... getting messaged by attractive women is pretty impressive When you say you've been on plenty of dates recently, is that all or primarily OLD or primarily real life? Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Are the paid sites much better than free sites? I had horrible luck with free sites I have patience and am willing to put up with a lot of rejection just as long as there are SOME results Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Interesting, it still sounds like you have a lot better experience dating online than most men do... getting messaged by attractive women is pretty impressive When you say you've been on plenty of dates recently, is that all or primarily OLD or primarily real life? Meh...if I had to aggregate all of my online dating experience...POF, eHarmony, Match, and OKC...I'd say maybe 20% of any attention that I got first (emails/winks) was from attractive, in shape women. The rest were just...yeah. It's annoying. Every time my iPhone yells at me for getting a wink/email, I used to get excited...but now I dont, becuase chances are, I wont be attracted to her. But it does happen sometimes. I was dating a girl for a few weeks that was super attractive...but she had a kid, and ultimately, I just wasn't feeling her. I also got a wink from a smoking hot girl from MN...I think I've mentioned her on ENA before. We kept in touch for 6 months, and I finally flew out there. This girl literally stopped traffic there...those were an amazing two days..but she's thousands of miles away and stopped calling. Oh well. I almost called her last night... I haven't been on a date in about a month now, but I haven't really been trying. I had one girl message me on POF...she was very cute, but I find her personality very off. I found her text messages kind of nasty and entitled...so I ignored her. In the past year, most of the dating I have done has been online (unfortunately), becuase I dont "go out" that much. However, I did date three girls I met in real life...one approached me, two I approached. One was crazy, one moved away (I REALLY liked her, of course, she'd moved away), and the other was on the rebound. All very attractive though. Do you live in an urban area like NYC? Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Here we are again with the online dating topic, LOL. I love it! Yes, I recommend taking professional photos because it will show you the best light. BUT....don't make it look super staged. A headshot (that looks like it could've been for a professional publication or work) is good. Most guys don't know how to photograph well (it's a skill) so they need all the help they can get to look good in pictures. You WILL have to contact the woman first. Many women who contact you first online are probably not worth your time. Similar to what Groucho Marx says, I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member. You probably don't want the first chick that comes up to you or wink at you. Target what you want and go for them. And brace yourself because you will face a lot of rejection and sift through a lot of crap. It's not an online game for the weak of heart =) Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Dude, you're a goodlooking guy but you look like you're about to kill someone in that photo. As EVERYONE has said, you need some photos of you smiling. And don't worry if you look goofy. Seriously. And get some pics that OTHER people have taken of you, especially ones that show you outside, doing a wide range of activities, with friends (not drinking or in the club), and again, SMILING. A photo of you in a nice suit is a good idea too. Seriously brother - don't even bother with OLD until you kill the bathroom selfies and get some photos that show you have friends, a life, and a good attitude. Right now any girl is going to look at that photo and see a handsome, in-shape guy... who's insecure, angry, and solitary. And who could probably be a serial murderer. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Even if 20% of the women messaging you are attractive, that's still very impressive man. I don't think you realize how difficult OLD is for most men who are not as facially aesthetic as you are I am honestly willing to message a 1,000 women to find one who is cute, nice, intelligent and is crazy about me I live in a suburb 40 minutes from Chicago Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Dude, you're a goodlooking guy but you look like you're about to kill someone in that photo. As EVERYONE has said, you need some photos of you smiling. And get some pics that OTHER people have taken of you, especially ones that show you outside, doing a wide range of activities, with friends (not drinking or in the club), and again, SMILING. A photo of you in a nice suit is a good idea too. Seriously brother - don't even bother with OLD until you kill the bathroom selfies and get some photos that show you have friends, a life, and a good attitude. Right now any girl is going to look at that photo and see a handsome, in-shape guy... who's insecure, angry, and solitary. And who could probably be a serial murderer. LOL go easy on the OP, NorthDallas! He was just posting the #Selfie to show his looks, he said he'd never include them in an online profile. I have a selfie shot of me on OKC (just a headshot though, with me doing the Zoolander look), but that was because my profile for OKC basically become a troll profile. After a while, I just started not to take it seriously. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Dude, you're a goodlooking guy but you look like you're about to kill someone in that photo. As EVERYONE has said, you need some photos of you smiling. And get some pics that OTHER people have taken of you, especially ones that show you outside, doing a wide range of activities, with friends (not drinking or in the club), and again, SMILING. A photo of you in a nice suit is a good idea too. Seriously brother - don't even bother with OLD until you kill the bathroom selfies and get some photos that show you have friends, a life, and a good attitude. Right now any girl is going to look at that photo and see a handsome, in-shape guy... who's insecure, angry, and solitary. And who could probably be a serial murderer. LOL I'm not angry or solitary, I go out 2-3 times a week with my friends....I have a few dozen close friends that I love to death and I am all about having fun. I've been told I have a nice smile with great teeth. I would probably do a couple professional pictures and a couple pictures having fun with my close friends. Do you think that's enough? Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Even if 20% of the women messaging you are attractive, that's still very impressive man. I don't think you realize how difficult OLD is for most men who are not as facially aesthetic as you are I am honestly willing to message a 1,000 women to find one who is cute, nice, intelligent and is crazy about me I live in a suburb 40 minutes from Chicago Dude, if I can do it, you can do it. It's really all about taking the best possible pictures you can (while still being true "real life") and writing an interesting, concise, and somewhat funny profile. And if you're messaging these women, try to show you've really read their profile, make a little joke (if appropriate), and watch your grammar. Attractive women get millions of emails a day, so they will drop you for the dumbest reasons. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Dude, if I can do it, you can do it. It's really all about taking the best possible pictures you can (while still being true "real life") and writing an interesting, concise, and somewhat funny profile. One thing I really struggle with is having humor in my profile. I am a fluent writer with good grammar and syntax but it can come accross as a bit generic/dry I do have a college degree and make a great income working in sales. I'm 5'10 215 as far as stats go I just need to get a few dates. I can almost always take it from there as long as I just get the date Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 One thing I really struggle with is having humor in my profile. I am a fluent writer with good grammar and syntax but it can come accross as a bit generic/dry I do have a college degree and make a great income working in sales. I'm 5'10 215 as far as stats go I just need to get a few dates. I can almost always take it from there as long as I just get the date Dude, you are fine. I'm 5'7"-5'8" (with my hair and shoes lol) and if I can do it, you can do it. I'm short, but have been told that I "dont appear it." I feel like I just made it height wise. 5'10" is just fine...though some of the hottest women will demand 6'0 and above, many 6'2" and above. Nothing we can do about those...remember, with women and their heels, 6'0 is the new 5'6" If you're joining Match, I recommend using the Reverse Match option...you can find girls that are looking for a guy with your stats, and if you're attracted to them, you can email them. Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 LOL I'm not angry or solitary, I go out 2-3 times a week with my friends....I have a few dozen close friends that I love to death and I am all about having fun. I also have a great smile I would probably do a couple professional pictures and a couple pictures having fun with my close friends. Do you think that's enough? No. You also need to write a superb profile of about 93 words, show that you're witty, intelligent, interesting, fun, etc. Regarding 1,000 women to find one who is cute, nice, intelligent and is crazy about me: Let's do the math: Let's assume 25% of women are "cute", let's assume the population is 100 girls, so 25 cute girls From that 25%, let's assume half are nice: so about 12 From those 12 girls, let's assume that half are nice AND intelligent: so...6 girls. Let's say one out of 5-6 you actually hit it off with: 1 We're optimistically looking at 1% probability. So you'll have lots of work ahead of you! Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 No. You also need to write a superb profile of about 93 words, show that you're witty, intelligent, interesting, fun, etc. I was asking about just the pictures aspect of it, obviously the profile is a separate thing that I will have to dig deeper into as well Regarding 1,000 women to find one who is cute, nice, intelligent and is crazy about me: Let's do the math: Let's assume 25% of women are "cute", let's assume the population is 100 girls, so 25 cute girls From that 25%, let's assume half are nice: so about 12 From those 12 girls, let's assume that half are nice AND intelligent: so...6 girls. Let's say one out of 5-6 you actually hit it off with: 1 We're optimistically looking at 1% probability. So you'll have lots of work ahead of you! I don't know if I agree with the way you're looking at the numbers. I'm not going to message the women I don't find attractive and/or have profiles that make them look stupid and vapid Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Dude, you are fine. I'm 5'7"-5'8" (with my hair and shoes lol) and if I can do it, you can do it. I'm short, but have been told that I "dont appear it." I feel like I just made it height wise. 5'10" is just fine...though some of the hottest women will demand 6'0 and above, many 6'2" and above. Nothing we can do about those...remember, with women and their heels, 6'0 is the new 5'6" If you're joining Match, I recommend using the Reverse Match option...you can find girls that are looking for a guy with your stats, and if you're attracted to them, you can email them. I really want to meet somebody so I'm planning on using 2-3 sites - maybe e-harmony, match and something else The biggest thing that may hold me back is that I'm not good at humor online. I have a decent sense of humor in real life but it doesn't transfer online Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 One thing I really struggle with is having humor in my profile. I am a fluent writer with good grammar and syntax but it can come accross as a bit generic/dry I do have a college degree and make a great income working in sales. I'm 5'10 215 as far as stats go I just need to get a few dates. I can almost always take it from there as long as I just get the date Le sigh....if only I was single and near Chicago....lol..... I am willing to bet money, it's not your pics but something in your profile that reads wrong or raises some flags. A good profile is really hard to write because you have no idea how it reads or gets interpreted by a stranger. One wrong sentence that raises a flag to a woman and you are toast. You might want to have some brutally honest female friends/acquaintances take a look and hear their comments. As for different sites - you really have to try them and see for yourself. Each location is going to be different and so different sites will perform differently. Personally for me, the best was Match, but that was just the most popular in my area. The other sites were half dead. It's like figuring out where the hottest place to be is. Every city has a different one. Link to comment
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