Thinking about Trying Online Dating Again

[Nightvision]

I've only been doing the online thing for ~1 year and I've found that pictures matter, a lot. You won't please everybody with the same picture. Look at my avatar, it used to be my profile pic at some point. It's a selfie and opinions have been mixed, at some point I've been told to smile more, to shave etc etc.

At one point I talked to a woman I met through online dating about taking some pictures of me, she is a great photographer. Still didn't have the time to do it...

 

You said you sold a car. Are you a salesman? Apply the same techniques in dating, you need to sell yourself

 

As far as charm when chatting online, practice makes perfect. At one point I ended up talking about riding horses, then riding, then the discussion ended up joking about sexual innuendos.

 

See if the sites have an option of showing who's online. When I started out I did not see this and messaged a ton of women who haven't logged on in ages.

[Kendahke]

What's wrong with taking pictures with your friends? Don't you wanna come accross as someone who is social and outgoing? As far as pictures of me doing something I enjoy doing, I mainly work out 5-6 times a week and then play a lot of football in the fall but pics of either of either of those activities will come accross as cheesy and try hard, no? I have a lot of other hobbies that I enjoy (going to concerts, sporting events, etc...) but I don't know if I have any pictures of any of those events on me at the moment

 

 

As far as me not having any problems. I had such a terrible experience my first time that I have very little faith in this working now but I will do everything in my power to at least have a shot

 

What's wrong? Who's trying to get the dash darn date, them or you? Why give a potential prospect a choice? Why give someone the idea to work through you to get to someone else in the picture who strikes her fancy more than you do? You can come accross as social and outgoing once you two meet and go out socially.

 

You can come up with all the excuses to keep to a strategy that has been failing for you or you can think outside of the box and take advice from a woman who says to you "anytime I see a group shot, and I don't care who is in the group, I delete them and keep it moving". A lot of women feel the same way. A lot of girls don't. Take your chances.

[Bigdave117]

What's wrong? Who's trying to get the dash darn date, them or you? Why give a potential prospect a choice? Why give someone the idea to work through you to get to someone else in the picture who strikes her fancy more than you do? You can come accross as social and outgoing once you two meet and go out socially.

 

You can come up with all the excuses to keep to a strategy that has been failing for you or you can think outside of the box and take advice from a woman who says to you "anytime I see a group shot, and I don't care who is in the group, I delete them and keep it moving". A lot of women feel the same way. A lot of girls don't. Take your chances.

 

 

I will probably take group pics and just crop everybody else out of the picture

[Thorshammer]

At least you arent in nyc, i just read an article about how picky nyc women are. If you arent 6 feet and handsome with a great job (and not over 6'3''), the numbers drop considerably when it comes to return messages. The further you get away from huge populations (like a state over, or to suburban areas)- the rate decreases. I'm sure its the same way in other big cities. No wonder online dating has such a high fail rate.

[Bigdave117]

At least you arent in nyc, i just read an article about how picky nyc women are. If you arent 6 feet and handsome with a great job (and not over 6'3''), the numbers drop considerably when it comes to return messages. The further you get away from huge populations (like a state over, or to suburban areas)- the rate decreases. I'm sure its the same way in other big cities. No wonder online dating has such a high fail rate.

 

 

I'm 5'10, not bad looking, my job title is mediocre (salesperson) but I make pretty good money. Where does that leave me?

 

 

I'm nearby Chicago

 

 

Oh and what part of Brooklyn do you live in bro? My brother in law owns a restaurant in Brooklyn so I'm there a few times a year. Come out to the restaurant and say hi one of these days. We have great food

[deejay74]

At least you arent in nyc, i just read an article about how picky nyc women are. If you arent 6 feet and handsome with a great job (and not over 6'3''), the numbers drop considerably when it comes to return messages. The further you get away from huge populations (like a state over, or to suburban areas)- the rate decreases. I'm sure its the same way in other big cities. No wonder online dating has such a high fail rate.

 

I lived in NYC from 2003 - 2010, resided in several places in BK, and I never used a dating site. For some reason, I had much better luck with women there than I do in my hometown here in the DC area. There are way more women that are my "type" in NYC than here. I'd have to go to DC proper to find the women I like but DC is a bit pretentious now.

 

I did use myspace twice in NYC, tho. lol.

 

I think the women in the DC area are even more picky than the women in NYC, but that's debatable.

 

But yeah, you're right. I think in every major city the women are super picky. Sorry to generalize.

[John John]

I'm 5'10, not bad looking, my job title is mediocre (salesperson) but I make pretty good money. Where does that leave me?

 

 

Dude, you're fine. 5'10" should be good, not a liability or an asset. My height (5'7"-5'8") is a liability, but I make up for it with other things (take from that what you will). And my profile has great pictures, and is well-written. It may be only occassional, but I do get some interest from hot women. I could have had a gf last month from a hot blonde/blue eyes, taller than I am. But I didnt want to deal with her kid (even though she didnt look at all like a mom), and I just wasn't feeling it after a few dates.

 

But yeah, NYC women are the most brutal women out there. When I got that wink from the MN girl (who looked like Alicia Silverstone/Jennifer Aniston), she made me feel like a superstar when I flew out to visit her. This girl literally had men walking up to her and stopped traffic. Guys were looking at me like "um...what?" lol. She winked at/emailed me. She was taller than me too.

[Realitynut]

Like I've posted elsewhere...my sis met her husband 'online'. eHarmony. I know she said she liked hispanic. She hadn't dated a lot...but her kids dad she went with for 5 years...he was about 6'2. Then the next guy she dated for 5 years....he was well over 6 ft. Then the next was 3+ (hispanic) made lots of money...lots...and charisma oozing. was about 6'4". (btw she is 5'2") After that ended she quit dating because her child from first bf was getting attached to everyone. Didn't date again until he was in highschool...or college...lol

 

Anyway.... her time was expiring and this guy had just joined. He lived an hour and a half away. So they quickly exchanged emails.

 

Before this she had checklist of what she wanted.

Never married...too much baggage.

Republican

Catholic

 

Then when she found out that wasn't working (she tried a few) she decided to give divorced guys a try...thought maybe they would be 'broke in'.

 

The guy she was meeting was short, 'thick'...lol...and NOTHING like the previous guys she had dated. He liked her immediately, she wasn't sure.

Plus he was Baptist! lol

 

His humor won her over (and sex!!!)

 

So now she is married to a hispanic with lots of kids and about 15 grandkids.

Short and chubby. (just retired state trooper)

Baptist.

Divorced. (Got married at 17 tho cuz got gf preggers...married 30 yrs)

 

He was only single 3 years when he met her. He said that maybe if he had been single for 10-15 years like my ex bf was....maybe he would never want to get married again either. It's just that he was USE to it!

 

So this long winded post means....sometime the 'one' isn't who you think she will be!!! So don't just go on 'looks' and what looks good on paper. She did date a guy once who was perfect on paper. After less than a year she couldn't stand him. Plus he sucked in bed!!!!

[John John]

The guy she was meeting was short, 'thick'...lol...and NOTHING like the previous guys she had dated.

 

Holla!

 

Us short guys are an acquired taste. It's typically more experienced, confident, and intelligent women that don't have requirements of 7 feet or above. I mean, once I get em in bed, they're converted anyway. Giggity.

 

And realitynut, I hear you on becoming more open. I used to really insist on only dating blonde/blue eyed white girls. That was stupid..I'm MUCH more open now about superficial stuff like that.

 

My ex of 5 years emailed me on Match...and to me, she was super cute, exactly my type. So OLD definitely can work...just takes time and patience.

[Thorshammer]

I'm 5'10, not bad looking, my job title is mediocre (salesperson) but I make pretty good money. Where does that leave me?

 

 

I'm nearby Chicago

 

 

Oh and what part of Brooklyn do you live in bro? My brother in law owns a restaurant in Brooklyn so I'm there a few times a year. Come out to the restaurant and say hi one of these days. We have great food

 

I live in williamsburg, up north.

 

I dont think any city has it as bad as nyc, except maybe la or possibly miami, i dont know.

[John John]

I live in williamsburg, up north.

 

I dont think any city has it as bad as nyc, except maybe la or possibly miami, i dont know.

 

 

Yeah, LA, Miami, and maybe Chicago are the only other cities that I think can come close to how bad dating in NYC is.

[Thorshammer]

These women are super picky, i play their game with the

 

- contact first always!

- bring out things they thought i wouldnt remember just to show i am listening

- have deep convos even if she doesnt reciprocate

- i tell them how i love their personality, and i really go in depth with the why

This is all true, no bs to get women - i just have the sacks to tell women what i feel without worrying (or more like NOT caring) that they will find me needy or desperate (they never do, i always hit a nice balance).

 

Then we meet, and they all over me. It immediately SHIFTS either slightly or dramatically in attention, and now shes working to get my attention.

Thats happened in 99% of online dates i have been on, except for one... we argued during the date and i got too drunk, i ruined that one. We still made out, god she was so hot.

[fifregister]

Bachelor 1: Sales Associate/Bartender/Model/Actor who insists that having four odd jobs is a sign of motivation. His only "acting" gig is pretending to be straight since puberty. His Abercrombie looks help you forgive his stupidity and Facebook page full of breasty women writing "sweetie" and "XOXOXO" and "miss you baby"

 

Bachelor 2: Investment Banker. Thanks to having to be a sniveling turd every day at work, this guy will take any opportunity in his personal life to exert authority and "exercise his options." He's angry at women for rejecting him in high school and having to take his sister to prom. He "dates" only hot women, and by "dating" he means paying for escorts and hiding it in the expense account.

 

Bachelor 3: Construction Worker/Cop/Fireman. Hard-working, blue-collar, red-blooded regular ol' dude. His huge arms and shoulders remind you of a fully heterosexual football player. He still thinks an ideal Friday night is a six pack of Bud Light, video games, and poker. He woos you by farting the chorus to "Eye of the Tiger."

 

You're right, I am an unreasonably picky and the only hope I have is to run into the arms of GI Joe lesbians.

[Thorshammer]

I lived in NYC from 2003 - 2010, resided in several places in BK, and I never used a dating site. For some reason, I had much better luck with women there than I do in my hometown here in the DC area. There are way more women that are my "type" in NYC than here. I'd have to go to DC proper to find the women I like but DC is a bit pretentious now.

 

I did use myspace twice in NYC, tho. lol.

 

I think the women in the DC area are even more picky than the women in NYC, but that's debatable.

 

But yeah, you're right. I think in every major city the women are super picky. Sorry to generalize.

 

I do good in person in nyc or on online sites outside of dating sites, and nyc women are aggressive... dude.. i was once date raped, no lie....like seriously, no lie... luckily for me she was hot.

[John John]

Since you've seen my profile:

 

Bachelor 4 (MCJD): ....... (This should be good. I'm up in this purely for fifregister's hilarious comments).

[John John]

I do good in person in nyc or on online sites outside of dating sites, and nyc women are aggressive... dude.. i was once date raped, no lie....like seriously, no lie... luckily for me she was hot.

 

Damn man...color me green with envy (since she was hot)!

[Thorshammer]

Damn man...color me green with envy (since she was hot)!

 

She was hot.. but not hot hot, average everything, but an amazing butt. Everyone wanted her, and one of our friends said he was destined to be with her (this guy is really good looking, but he has no talk or charm- and he has very weak character)- if like in a stupid 80s movie, i showed up angry that my ex broke it off with me (my ex of 3 years broke up with me but i got her back), i drank and partied, and she set up something with my cousins wife so that i sleep over of house with her in the living room, once i got seriously hammered, my cousins wife shooed everyone away from the livingroom, and she came on to me. I remember being seriously wasted. The guy friend i talked about heard the woman hes destined to be with... heard her for a straight hour... i heard he cried. Funny thing is she knows i tried to get with her sorority sister, and she knows i told her sority sister to get out of my face when we were in the bathroom making out - she said some joke i didnt like and i told her to scram... hmmmm... damn... im a jerk... see i told ya mc.

 

The funny thing is i met this girl many years before, my cousin tried to set it up.. i had no clue about women and i was shy, and she didnt like me, and i ignored her out of intimidation.

[John John]

Ahhaha nice man. I'm always a sucker for a nice, firm butt on a girl.

 

Actually, something somewhat similar did happen to me senior year in college. I remember it was a rainy Thursday night, and we were all out drinking. Some girl literally pushed a bunch of people aside on the dance floor, grabbed me, and just started making out with me. I proceeded to take advantage of my good fortune, and made a double to get a cab. Right place at the right time. Her face was pretty cute (from what I remember), but she had an amazing body, and was taller than me (I guess I've been with more tall chicks than I remembered - lol).

[fifregister]

@Thor & MCJ: Did these imaginary girlfriends ever call you afterwards?

[John John]

@Thor & MCJ: Did these imaginary girlfriends ever call you afterwards?

 

My girl saw me on campus, was embarrassed, and just looked the other way. But we still did it again the morning after the night she tackled me.

 

And she definitely wasn't imaginary!

[Thorshammer]

@Thor & MCJ: Did these imaginary girlfriends ever call you afterwards?

 

Well one, shes real. After that night she left me her phone number taped to my chest... i preceded to throw it out. My cousin came out laughing from his bedroom telling me no one slept because she was loud.. i told him thats messed up because thats rape- and he said with what he heard, it didnt sound like rape with her yelling. And that A-guy (that guy who liked her) is angry... i told him i dont care about A, and if he has something to say then i am right here. A ended up getting us breakfast, i heard they gave us a free bagel by mistake and my cousin told me not to chip in since that bagel was free... so he bought me breakfast, lol.

 

I saw that girl for my cousins wedding, we had to get our suits. I ignored her in the car, i was back with my ex - she kept talking to my cousins wife about how shes single, how she needs to date a real guy, yadda yadda. Then on the day of the wedding she was my dance partner for the wedding (which i tried to change, but i couldnt because she was my height and we were a pair)- we danced like robots and i didnt say one word to her- she eventually sat accross from me and got upset when these two girls were trying to talk to me, she had this angry face and kept sulking in a corner - but i was taken anyway, i was just winging it for my cousin.

 

Shes married now and moved to florida, she has two kids now.

 

A is married too, and very happy.

 

I guess they had the last laugh at the end since i do want to get married one day, but i wouldnt date that girl, or As wife (they kind of look the same too)- so they can keep their laugh.

[Bigdave117]

After less than a year she couldn't stand him. Plus he sucked in bed!!!!

 

Men and women are different in that regard. You will see gorgeous shapely women sometimes dating men who look like trolls. Guys generally can't do that - we need a girl who is at least somewhat attractive

 

For me, I dont feel like I have crazy standards. I see plenty of women everyday that I would date. If I go out to a bar, its just filled with women I would love to date

[John John]

Men and women are different in that regard. You will see gorgeous shapely women sometimes dating men who look like trolls. Guys generally can't do that - we need a girl who is at least somewhat attractive

 

For me, I dont feel like I have crazy standards. I see plenty of women everyday that I would date. If I go out to a bar, its just filled with women I would love to date

 

Yes, I am much the same way. I'm not looking for Giselle, because I am far from Tom Brady. All I really want is a girl who is cute/pretty (like a 7, I guess). The 8s and above are more like novelties, and aren't really worth it, especially while they're in their 20s (they just keep trying to "climb the ladder" - not worth it).

 

Problem is, even average girls (5-6) get thousands of emails per minute. My roomate's female coworker is only average looking, she just joined Match, and had 500 emails in 36 hours. It's amazing. So even getting a date with THOSE girls is hard! As someone else said ,it's very hard for a guy to land a date with his "level" with online dating.

 

The more I think about it, I should have just kept seeing that chick from last month who winked at me...she was a legit 8, my type, and nice. Oh well...wasn't meant to be!

[Thorshammer]

Same with me, last girl was the least attractive woman i was with (even tho mcjd said she was hot in a pic i showed him, in person she was "eh" but in my heart she was MY BAAAAAAABE) - and i liked her a lot, and she turned me on so much. She broke up with me because she thought i wasnt that interested, and she asked to see my ex'gf pics and that turned her off. You need thick skin, i get attention at the gym, in clubs, in bars i get some stares - and online i sometimes have weeks of scraps- i have a week off work and im like NO REPLIES BACK!! All the hot woman from the weekend that messaged me stop replying and i see them online... sniff

 

You need thick skin, but remember... online is fantasy to a lot of people.

[LoveSoDeep]

I just don't get it...all these guys are saying every somewhat attractive girl has a million messages and they don't have a chance. I've never had that experience.AT least for me it's not about if you are hot by other people standards....it's usually just something in their smile that makes me think..."yep, I could date him". If a guy can put together a message that's not filled with ebonics and text shorthand and I connect with his smile...I'll respond. If we can carry on an okay conversation over e-mail or text I'll go out with him...and give it a shot. Yes there are a few things I'm just not usually attracted to...like gingers....but hey if his smile gets me and his message is good ....even the gingers have a shot. Maybe I'm the minority. lol

 

So guys don't take it personally if a girl doesn't respond she's just not feeling you...and come on 95% of women on the planet might never "feel you" but of the 5% that do.....all you need is one.