Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Almost all the dating sites here seem to be very busy, but keep in mind I live in a 190K population suburb 30-40 minutes from Chicago. The population base here is huge As far as the dating red flags go, I don't really know what they could be. I'm not bitter, I don't have any baggage (never had a girlfriend at all) and I am really looking for a GF. I don't care at all about being a player... But yea, I think I'm an okay catch. Some of you guys have said that I'm decent looking, I'm a good athlete, I make a very strong income (especially for my age), I'm a monogamous guy and I'm very affectionate and loyal towards my loved ones. Surely there are some women who would be interested in me right? Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Almost all the dating sites here seem to be very busy, but keep in mind I live in a 190K population suburb 30-40 minutes from Chicago As far as the dating red flags go, I don't really know what they could be. I'm not bitter, I don't have any baggage (never had a girlfriend at all) and I am really looking for a GF. I don't care at all about being a player... Hey man, just curious, how old are you? Also, DancingFool is right. It could be something in your profile that just comes off the wrong way. Something really harmless, women can just interpret very differently, and like she said, you'd be toast at that point. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Hey man, just curious, how old are you? Also, DancingFool is right. It could be something in your profile that just comes off the wrong way. Something really harmless, women can just interpret very differently, and like she said, you'd be toast at that point. I'm almost 25 Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Almost all the dating sites here seem to be very busy, but keep in mind I live in a 190K population suburb 30-40 minutes from Chicago. The population base here is huge As far as the dating red flags go, I don't really know what they could be. I'm not bitter, I don't have any baggage (never had a girlfriend at all) and I am really looking for a GF. I don't care at all about being a player... But yea, I think I'm an okay catch. Some of you guys have said that I'm decent looking, I'm a good athlete, I make a very strong income (especially for my age), I'm a monogamous guy and I'm very affectionate and loyal towards my loved ones. Surely there are some women who would be interested in me right? Yes absolutely. But you have to let your profile shine through. Most well-meaning women, because of the attention they can get online based on attractive (PHOTOSHOPPED) pictures, can become kind of superficial, judgmental, and hollow in the online dating process. I've helped a handful of my guy friends (and some people on here) write and rewrite online profiles, text messages, emails, opening lines, etc. I'd be happy to help you, just PM me if you want to. Link to comment
John John Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm almost 25 Yeah that's fine man, I didn't get my first serious gf until I was 23 (though I wasn't really trying to in college and in high school I was at an all boy school). I still find it hard to believe that you never even had a single date when you did OLD the first time around. You're not bad looking, you're not short (though to some womens' standards, even 5'10" is considered 'short' these days - avoid them), and you have a successful career. The only diagnosis I can really give is that it's something to do with either your pictures or your profile (or a combination of the two). Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 LOL I'm not angry or solitary, I go out 2-3 times a week with my friends....I have a few dozen close friends that I love to death and I am all about having fun. I've been told I have a nice smile with great teeth. I'm sure that's the case. I was just pointing out what someone would likely think about you if they only saw that picture, with no context. Dude you look good. Hell, you're better-looking, younger, and in better shape than me! But in that pic you seem scary or mad. Not exactly girl-bait. So get those smiling photos ASAP! I would probably do a couple professional pictures and a couple pictures having fun with my close friends. Do you think that's enough? You don't even need pro photos IMO. I think the photos with your friends will do great, as long as you're doing something responsible (i.e. not drinking) and - wait for it - smiling! Link to comment
Glowguy Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Here's what I've noticed: I think free sites like OKC and POF are fine. I typically get responses about 10% of the time and there are plenty of women looking for relationships there despite what people say about them being hook up sites. That hasn't been my experience at all. I don't message the obvious attention seekers or super hot women. I will say that you will often be disappointed when you land dates. I've learned to just have no expectations going in and keep the first date to just drinks. (you can always extend it if you are getting along). I don't think profile content matters that much for guys but I could be wrong. I think it's more important to show humor in your actual messages. I always try to keep it light and throw in a few quick jokes and then push for a phone number or a meetup within 2 or three messages. I rarely talk to any of the girls on the phone unless they ask because I find that to be awkward. Some women like that though and want to develop a comfort level before meeting up. I usually just text them and suggest an idea and that works pretty well most of the time. Maybe I am super picky but I've been on a lot of online dates and it has been really difficult for me to find a good match. I start getting lazy and lose interest quickly and I also get burnt out after unsuccessful dates. You're in good shape, decently attractive, and you have hair so I don't see why you wouldn't be able to score dates. You WILL have to put in much more effort than the women and that extends beyond just the messaging stage. I find that many of the women I go on dates with are not all that keen to continue unless you really go out of your way to maintain contact and impress them. The cards are stacked against you with OL dating. Be persistent. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm sure that's the case. I was just pointing out what someone would likely think about you if they only saw that picture, with no context. Dude you look good. Hell, you're better-looking, younger, and in better shape than me! But in that pic you seem scary or mad. Not exactly girl-bait. So get those smiling photos ASAP! You don't even need pro photos IMO. I think the photos with your friends will do great, as long as you're doing something responsible (i.e. not drinking) and - wait for it - smiling! I need pro photos In real life, I've been compared to Mario Lopez. I even had a customer at my job who was hitting on me (she was 40 years old though and not dating material at all) who said I was better looking than Mario Lopez. In pics, it just doesn't translate. As far as that pic goes, like I said, I was never intending to use that online, only as a reference for this thread The pictures and the profile are both of equal concern to me. Like I said, I'm a fluent writer and I have a good sense of humor in real life but I can't do humor online Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Yes absolutely. But you have to let your profile shine through. Most well-meaning women, because of the attention they can get online based on attractive (PHOTOSHOPPED) pictures, can become kind of superficial, judgmental, and hollow in the online dating process. But even if they're judgmental and hollow, what is it that I'm missing? I make six figures at the age of 25, I am not a bad looking guy, I'm in the same shape as a lot of football players, I dress very sharp, I have a college degree and I'm a masculine guy in my overall mannerisms (while having a very sensitive side). What are the girls looking for that I don't have? It's just so frustrating Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 dave if you are stuck for pics ..if you do a selfi but hold your phone out as much as you can I will be able to "play" around and get rid of the phone ... just mail me and I will give you my email to send me some shots and I can mail them back once I have done them . Link to comment
DancingFool Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Well OK, so you are a fluent writer, you are perfect in every way, you have money, you live in a good area, blah blah blah. Get professional photos and enjoy women flocking to you en mass. You don't need a thread for that since you know what the problem is and what the solution is.....clearly you know it all and it's working out perfectly for you so far......yes? Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 Well OK, so you are a fluent writer, you are perfect in every way, you have money, you live in a good area, blah blah blah. Get professional photos and enjoy women flocking to you en mass. You don't need a thread for that since you know what the problem is and what the solution is.....clearly you know it all and it's working out perfectly for you so far......yes? When did I say I know everything? I've already acknowledged that I'm horrible at dating both online and in real life Link to comment
Glowguy Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 But even if they're judgmental and hollow, what is it that I'm missing? I make six figures at the age of 25, I am not a bad looking guy, I'm in the same shape as a lot of football players, I dress very sharp, I have a college degree and I'm a masculine guy in my overall mannerisms (while having a very sensitive side). What are the girls looking for that I don't have? I think you are being too serious about it. Just try to make them feel comfortable around you. OL dating is often compared to job interviews but I think that is such a terrible approach to take with dating. Relax and just be yourself. Dating is about forming a connection with someone and a list of positive attributes on paper isn't going to matter much in the grand scheme of things. I guess it can get you in the door but that's where the similarities end. Link to comment
Kendahke Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I had absolutely horrible luck with it last time I tried (nothing but rejections) but it was a free site that I used, which I know tends to be overflooded with males. I'm thinking about trying one of the paid sites. Will my luck be better on the paid sites? Also I tend to look awful in pictures compared to real life. I'm thinking of getting a couple professional pictures done outside and then using those with a couple pictures of me and my friends. Is this a bad idea? Here's a picture of me for reference. Note: I would not use a selfie in a dating site, just don't have any other pics of myself at the moment image removed You're quite handsome. Just smile. I think that getting someone to take your picture is a good idea... I wouldn't, however, take one with your boys. You don't want to be advertising your friends to someone you're trying to get to know, you know? Make sure to get pics of you doing something you really like doing--like a sports shot of you in action. Something like that so that they can get a sense of the things you're into. You shouldn't have any problems. Link to comment
chr8st8na Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Personally I dont really care for pictures because I know most guys look better in person (wheras girls tend to look better in pictures)... Just as long as he doesnt look hideous or on the heavy side then I will msg him back. I care about msgs and the profile more... if you come accross as dull, arrogant, or negative I wont think twice about ignoring you. Geographic area matters too.. metropolitans are nicer to men if doing online dating. So if you dont live in a city, you might want to do search that reaches to the closest city next to you. I have to agree that online dating is skewed to favor the women more... I have a pictureless profile up on OKC for about 2 weeks now and 3 pages of msgs in my inbox. I just got two guys mixed up and one of them pointed it out thats not his name, ops. any way, if this happens to you, dont get mad --- we just get a lot of mail. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 You're quite handsome. Just smile. I think that getting someone to take your picture is a good idea... I wouldn't, however, take one with your boys. You don't want to be advertising your friends to someone you're trying to get to know, you know? Make sure to get pics of you doing something you really like doing--like a sports shot of you in action. Something like that so that they can get a sense of the things you're into. You shouldn't have any problems. What's wrong with taking pictures with your friends? Don't you wanna come accross as someone who is social and outgoing? As far as pictures of me doing something I enjoy doing, I mainly work out 5-6 times a week and then play a lot of football in the fall but pics of either of either of those activities will come accross as cheesy and try hard, no? I have a lot of other hobbies that I enjoy (going to concerts, sporting events, etc...) but I don't know if I have any pictures of any of those events on me at the moment As far as me not having any problems. I had such a terrible experience my first time that I have very little faith in this working now but I will do everything in my power to at least have a shot Link to comment
Glowguy Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I think that getting someone to take your picture is a good idea... I wouldn't, however, take one with your boys. You don't want to be advertising your friends to someone you're trying to get to know, you know? I totally agree with this so I'm glad there are other people who think this way. It does bother me a little when I see profiles with a bunch of group shots. Sometimes you can't even tell who the profile owner is. I refrain from posting any photos of friends unless they give me the go ahead. Hopefully that's not working against me. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I think you are being too serious about it. Just try to make them feel comfortable around you. OL dating is often compared to job interviews but I think that is such a terrible approach to take with dating. Relax and just be yourself. Dating is about forming a connection with someone and a list of positive attributes on paper isn't going to matter much in the grand scheme of things. I guess it can get you in the door but that's where the similarities end. I think all social interaction is about forming a connection and letting people that you're a friendly, respectful and genuine individual so that makes sense Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I totally agree with this so I'm glad there are other people who think this way. It does bother me a little when I see profiles with a bunch of group shots. Sometimes you can't even tell who the profile owner is. I refrain from posting any photos of friends unless they give me the go ahead. Hopefully that's not working against me. The issue is if I don't take a picture of me with my friends, then what pictures do I show? My time is primarily spent on 3 things - working, doing various activities with my friends (I do like to party a lot) and spending time by myself recharging (IE playing videogames, listening to music, watching movies, etc...) Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm sure it's not about your pictures. It's about profile/message. Something is wrong there and you must find it. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 I totally agree with this so I'm glad there are other people who think this way. It does bother me a little when I see profiles with a bunch of group shots. Sometimes you can't even tell who the profile owner is. I refrain from posting any photos of friends unless they give me the go ahead. Hopefully that's not working against me. I think a *few* group shots are good, just don't make them ALL group shots. I think it's important to show people that you have a social life IMO. As far as "advertising your friends," just crop them out or mask their faces. And DEFINITELY do this. That way the focus is on you, not them. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 But even if they're judgmental and hollow, what is it that I'm missing? I make six figures at the age of 25, I am not a bad looking guy, I'm in the same shape as a lot of football players, I dress very sharp, I have a college degree and I'm a masculine guy in my overall mannerisms (while having a very sensitive side). What are the girls looking for that I don't have? It's just so frustrating There just aren't any educated single women in their 20's in Naperville man - you can keep ignoring the answer, but why bother asking the question? You need to be open to making a change. You're playing in the kiddie pool while everyone else is right next door. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 The issue is if I don't take a picture of me with my friends, then what pictures do I show? I just have them take photos of me while I'm out doing the things I like. I'm big into mountain biking, pool, and backpacking so I have photos of all three of those things in my profile. None of my friends are in the shots though. Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm sure it's not about your pictures. It's about profile/message. Something is wrong there and you must find it. I've seen guys who were wildly entertaining/funny writers in OLD. I imagine those are the ones who have great success but I can't do what they do. My charm in real life is all based on my energy and demeanor, I'm not a guy who can tell jokes and write funny stories like that I dunno, it's just so frustrating. The difference in standards that men and women have to abide by in OLD is absolutely incredible. Women have to be decent looking and that's about it, men have to be good looking, tall, in shape, have a good career and then on top of that they have to be very funny and entertaining writers and have overwhelming charisma just based on writing online I'm doing OLD as a last resort because I don't meet any women in my day to day life and I do want a GF Link to comment
Bigdave117 Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 There just aren't any educated single women in their 20's in Naperville man - you can keep ignoring the answer, but why bother asking the question? You need to be open to making a change. You're playing in the kiddie pool while everyone else is right next door. I did link removed and found 1800 women in their 20s within a 20 mile radius Link to comment
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