Did the Nicest Thing Ever for Ex and Feel Massive Relief From it

[bryn]

I'll keep it short - together 8 years, had a house, business, 7 pets, debt, life, etc together… He left me for a girl he was having an affair with who is 9 years younger who lives around the block. They are still together… Since the breakup, he has treated me like garbage, hasn't kept his word on anything (like repaying me $10,000 he owes me or helping me pay for the house he dumped on me) and his Grandma passed away a few weeks ago and he sent me a nasty email saying I wasn't welcome at the funeral.

 

Rewind to 2008 and I started making a t-shirt quilt for him of all his band t-shirts (he's a musician)… I never finished it, because it's a lot of work. When we broke up, he asked for it back twice and said he'd have someone else finish it. I didn't like the thought of having someone else do it, and told him no… That I would reach a point where one day, I could finish it.

 

He has been very rude and hurtful to me and I have been feeding into it, getting upset, etc… I decided I couldn't do that any longer. So, on the 22nd, I spent about 14 hours and finished the quilt. It was cathartic… It was a relief. It looked amazing when it was done. I reached a point where I couldn't take the negativity anymore and the situation between us is over - he is with someone else and I have accepted that he is not who I thought he was… To me finishing the quilt was symbolic of me letting go - it was one of the last things I had of his…

 

I wrote him a 10 page letter that went with the quilt. It said that while I was making the quilt, I wanted to purge the negativity and that I made myself come up with a list of his good qualities and I included the list in the letter. It was a relief to not feel duped over the last 8 years, but to instead just realize we were two best friends who tried and tried for 8 years, yet things never worked out… I enjoyed compiling the list and finishing the quilt. I wrapped it in paper and left it on my porch and sent him an email saying someone left a gift for him on the porch… He called his Mom and said he knew it was from me - which I didn't tell her the truth… He asked her to drive it over, because he said he had a feeling it was the quilt. She had no clue what he was talking about, so she came to my house and go the package and drove it to him… She said he unwrapped it and almost cried and he just said to her it was something I started making him a long time ago, but never finished. FYI - his Mom told me all this after she had dropped the package off and seen him - she did not tell me she was the one who came and got it… He didn't read the letter while she was there, as he told her he wanted to read it alone.

 

I haven't heard from him. I don't think I will and I wasn't expecting to. I don't even know if he read the letter yet or if he even will. But, I felt and still feel a relief in doing this - in letting go of the negativity between us… Even if he hasn't, I have and that is positive feeling for me. I'm not saying he deserved the quilt, but to me the quilt was about me and not about him… Not sure if that makes any sense.

[savignon]

Good for you! I can see why that would be cathartic and purging and healing...annnnd you took the high road so you will be able to move on with no regrets.

Happy moving on!!

[ParisPaulette]

Good for you. In the end you did something that had to do with your healing and that's always a good thing. We each get there in our own way and if this brings you peace and lets you move on then more power to you. Here's to a bright new year in 2014. You were brave and that is awesome. I raise my glass to you madam!

[mhowe]

Nicely done --- being the bigger person always feels good.

[AutumnBorn]

Bryn, you did good. I hope it helps you move forward.

[waffle]

. . . the quilt was about me and not about him… Not sure if that makes any sense.

 

It makes perfect sense. That's why you feel better. You have closure now.