Can't see past the anger anymore...

[MattW]

As a guy who's never even been able to get a "first date", I've gone through many emotions, typically ranging from sad, to angry, back to sad, back to angry, etc. Regardless of how I sounded in the posts I've made here, I tried to be "positive" and "optimistic" for a number of years, and I've gotten to a point where I just can't do it anymore. Why should I be "positive" and "optimistic"? About what? There's nothing.

 

People have told me that I "lack confidence", and I'll admit, I've been through times where I had some serious self-confidence issues. But the truth is, I know I'm a good person, I know I deserve to be happy, I know I deserve to find someone that I can have a great relationship with. But evidently, none of that matters. Women don't care about a "good person", the world doesn't care about a "good person". Being a "good person" isn't exciting, or sexy, or attractive. No, girls these days want a guy that "excites" them, a guy that "turns them on", someone who's "hot" and "cool" and "charismatic", all qualities I can't even dream of competing with.

 

I've watched as guys who are immature, unintelligent, and/ or "ugly" date and get women just fine. I've watched as guys with "bad attitudes" have no problem getting women. The more I see this, and the more I continue to fail to even find one girl to date, the angrier I get.

 

I just don't understand. Why not me? Why can't I be "that" guy? What is so wrong with me that I'm just not worth it? What is it about me that makes me "undateable"? Why can guys that have less to offer do better in this area than I can?

 

I hate the fact that I'm going to live the rest of my life never knowing what it's like to be with another person. It makes me angry to know that I'll never get to experience that. It makes me angry that I'll never get to experience mutual attraction, mutual love.

 

It makes me angry that IF I every manage to date, my only option will be to take whatever I can get and settle for someone I don't really feel anything for. That's not what I want at all, but that's the only option I have at this point.

 

And for what reason? Who knows? But I'm sick of the way this stuff works. I understand the whole "Life isn't easy" schtick, but I've been of dating age for close to ten years now, and I haven't had one girlfriend, haven't been on anything even remotely resembling a date. Hell, over the last 8-ish months, I've been attempting online dating, and I've asked out over 100 women at this point, and not a single contact attempt led to a date. Not one! It makes me angry that idiots and jerks guys with bad intentions see all the success in the world, but a guy like me just isn't "good enough".

 

All of this just makes me angrier and angrier. I can't even be sad about it anymore, I'm just angry. What am I supposed to do with this?

[BrianH46]

You feel angry at everyone and everything except yourself? You are faultless and the blame rests on jerk guys and idiots?

[MattW]

No, I'm angry at myself, as well. I'm equally angry at everything, really. I'm not saying I don't deserve any blame, but my anger stems from external sources.

[solamente]

************

[BrianH46]

No, I'm angry at myself, as well. I'm equally angry at everything, really. I'm not saying I don't deserve any blame, but my anger stems from external sources.

 

Ok good. Now listen, you cannot change the world, you cannot change what women are attracted to. However you can change yourself. Grow what skills you lack and fortify the ones that you have. Being angry is a waste of time, try channeling it into something else, something productive.

[LoveSoDeep]

I don't know what to tell you MattW....every time you start this, well=meaning people tell you you need to change something and you always find reasons not to change....so it's obvious you're not really ready for change. I hope you get ready soon though b/c it sad to see you put yourself through this all the time. The good news is you're young you have plenty of time to get ready....when you are I just hope you don't look back and regret not taking the advice you got here sooner.

 

Get some counseling...we are not professionals we haven't been able to help you yet....maybe a professional can.

[greywolf]

You say that you're a good person, but I think you need to focus more on being a "real" person, and that does take a lot of confidence.

[nfperception]

What I want to point out is that many women can sense when a man is desperate to date someone. That can be, and is often, a turn-off.

 

Ever heard the saying "I found love when I least expected it."?

[blueidealist24]

If you showed your online dating profiles, people could maybe give you some advice, tell you about anything in there that might be a turn-off, etc.

[missmarple]

If you showed your online dating profiles, people could maybe give you some advice, tell you about anything in there that might be a turn-off, etc.

 

This.

For someone to have asked out over 100 women and not get even one date, something is wrong either with your profile or with your approach. If you could show us some of your profiles, we could give you some tips.

Also, it depends on what kind of women you've been trying to date. If you always ask the most beautiful girl around, chances are she'll turn you down just because she has so many offers.

[blueidealist24]

Yeah, you don't even have to show your location or anything, just copy and paste what you've got.

[Wayfara]

I know I'm a good person, I know I deserve to be happy, I know I deserve to find someone that I can have a great relationship with

 

We cannot deserve to find someone to have a great relationship with as human beings can never be deserved, nor should they be used as payment for being a good person. This is a good thing, you wouldn't want anyone dating you out of duty.

 

Women don't care about a "good person", the world doesn't care about a "good person". Being a "good person" isn't exciting, or sexy, or attractive.

 

If you look honestly at yourself are you really always attracted to the most deserving altruistic women (the Mothers Theresa of this time)? Maybe you even prefer dating more selfish women who rather spend their Fridays night sitting at home watching a movie than at the charity center helping the poor? It might be a sad reality to those who devote their life helping the needing that their sacrifice doesn't create irresistible attraction in their preferred gender (but hopefully that isn't the motivation to the work they do), most people are lucky though because this means they still have a chance in the world of dating even if there will always be people who are better. Assuming you are not a help worker in Africa or the like, you would probably have just as hard time competing with these as you have now with the exciting guys if worthiness was the key to attraction.

 

People have told me that I "lack confidence"

 

In my opinion confidence isn't about believing that you are more deserving than others, there are many who think they are entitled and still are insecure. One can be confident and humble. Confidence is about having a sureness inside that failure won't define your life, like the quote from Thomas Edison "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work". Not everyone will find someone to have a great relationship with (most relationships aren't that great to begin with and the majority break up) but as long we don't let that define our life thinking we are "doomed to be miserable", it's okay, life have many aspects and romantic love is just one of many things life can contain. Knowing you will be okay without resorting bitterness or anger requires confidence in my opinion, it's about having an inner peace. This doesn't mean you shouldn't look for love or work toward you goal, just don't be desperate. Many dream of making a good career with good money and as long we know money isn't everything trying never hurts. So do you best but don't be afraid to fail, life is more than love and money. Caring less, as in not being desperate or angry, actually makes you more likely to get what you want as desperation and anger aren't attractive qualities in a partner.

[allcity]

Sorry you feel this way, Matt.

 

Being single is a gift and so is being in a relationship, so it's just really important to find your own happiness, regardless of whether you have a special someone or not. It'll let you be happy while you're single, while also making you more appealing to other people in the meantime.

 

Try not to get caught in the whole "I'm a good guy and women hate good guys" BS, though, as it's total crap. Being a good guy is a great thing and is what every woman is looking for. But being a good guy won't get you a date on it's own.

 

How many women do you see in your life, where the first thing you think is "Wow, what a good woman she is"? Finding out how great someone is comes later, once you've got to know them a bit.

 

Far more important at the start is just being a good conversationalist, looking your best and being fun to be around. Work on those areas and people will want to spend time with you. And then they'll find out what a great guy you are.

 

A lot of luck's involved in dating too, though, so many awesome people stay single for a long time and many less-than-awesome people don't. That's life! That's why it's important to be happy, regardless.

[MattW]

You say that you're a good person, but I think you need to focus more on being a "real" person, and that does take a lot of confidence.

 

Try not to get caught in the whole "I'm a good guy and women hate good guys" BS, though, as it's total crap. Being a good guy is a great thing and is what every woman is looking for. But being a good guy won't get you a date on it's own.

 

How many women do you see in your life, where the first thing you think is "Wow, what a good woman she is"? Finding out how great someone is comes later, once you've got to know them a bit.

 

We cannot deserve to find someone to have a great relationship with as human beings can never be deserved, nor should they be used as payment for being a good person. This is a good thing, you wouldn't want anyone dating you out of duty.

 

I'm not trying to say that I'm some kind of saintly humanitarian and that that's what I'm looking for. When I say I'm a "good person", all I'm saying is that I'm generally not a dishonest, deceptive person, I don't mistreat people, I don't go behind peoples' backs, I never intentionally hurt people, and I'm more than willing to make the effort for someone if they show me they're worth me making the effort for. Those are all qualities that a good person should have, and I see plenty of guys that lack most or all of these qualities, and they do exceptionally well with women. I'm not saying that "The bad boys always win", but just that women, no matter how smart or mature they are, seem more inclined to be attracted to someone that lacks these qualities, simply because those guys are more often "exciting", and "sexy", and whatnot. I try to be a good person while also letting my personality and sense of humor shine through. I'm not trying to be arrogant when I say this, but I feel like I'm a good guy with a good personality, that would be a good partner for a girl. It just seems like, for whatever reason, my good qualities don't count for anything, and that's frustrating, because what else can I rely on to attract a girl?

 

I'm also not trying to say I'm "more deserving" than anyone else. I just don't understand why I "don't deserve it" at all. I have my flaws, just like anyone else does, but again, I don't really see any good reason why I absolutely cannot find even one girl I connect with that wants to go out with me.

 

What I want to point out is that many women can sense when a man is desperate to date someone. That can be, and is often, a turn-off.

 

Ever heard the saying "I found love when I least expected it."?

 

Eh. I don't feel I get "desperate", really. The only times I become "desperate" are AFTER a girl I like a lot rejects me, because then it becomes "Why doesn't she like me? Why can't we be together? What is it about me that she doesn't like?". When I'm pursuing a girl, though, I do my best to try to play it cool.

 

Being single is a gift and so is being in a relationship, so it's just really important to find your own happiness, regardless of whether you have a special someone or not. It'll let you be happy while you're single, while also making you more appealing to other people in the meantime.

 

A lot of luck's involved in dating too, though, so many awesome people stay single for a long time and many less-than-awesome people don't. That's life! That's why it's important to be happy, regardless.

 

Yeah, I know, but it's just frustrating because I've been single my whole life. I've tried to just "focus on me" for a while, and that's fine and all, but when you realize how everyone else around you has no problems mingling and dating, and all that, it's hard not to ask the question "Why can't I have someone in my life?". I'm fairly content with who I am, myself. I'm still working on some things, but again, I feel like I'm a good guy that's worth giving a chance to. So the fact that I'm almost 25 and can't even get one date is just extremely frustrating, and that frustration has become anger over the last few months.

[allcity]

I think pretty much everyone - male and female, alike - knows how you feel and has felt that way at least once when they've gone through a dating-drought or a bad break-up.

 

It's important to let those moments of anger/frustration be short and get it all out of your system quickly, though, so that you can stand up again and focus on more positive emotions and goals.

 

Being a 'good' person only goes so far in dating. The reality is:

 

Being interesting, fun, exciting, nice-looking, charming or whatever is what gets the guy/girl

 

Maintaining those qualities while also being a good person that understands how relationships work over time and is prepared to grow along with your partner as the relationship grows is what keeps the guy/girl

 

If you're an amazing person (and you have friends/family that truly agree, so that you know you're not just deluding yourself) but you get told that you lack confidence, then that's where you've got to start working.

 

No one will know what a great guy you are until you catch their eye and make them want to invest the time in you, where you can let them find out all your great qualities.

 

In short, if you're struggling to interact and get attention from the opposite sex, then it's no-one's responsibility but your own to change things.

 

And that's an empowering thing, as it means you can change your life and get what you want. It all depends how much time and effort you want to invest, or whether you just want to wait for it to fall in your lap.

 

And it's not that your great qualities don't count, or that you don't 'deserve' a partner...it's just that you're not catching people's eye as well or as often as you could/should be.

 

For a really awful comparison, think of dating like a business. You can have the best product in the world but no-one will buy it or know that you even have it if you don't advertise effectively.

 

It's time for you to start advertising more effectively.

 

And Matt, don't ever think that you can't become a better dater or that making yourself a better dater means you have to ever compromise who you are. That's an illusion.

 

You can change your less successful dating habits, while still keeping everything great about yourself that currently makes you proud of who you are. And that's a great place to aim for.

 

Good luck.

[Blue Spiral]

I know exactly what you're talking about--I experienced it when I was younger, and I've seen many similar guys experience it. Generally speaking, women don't start appreciating guys like you until they get in their late twenties or so. Some guys are okay with that ("Thank god they're finally more mature"), and some aren't ("So, you ignored me during your hottest years, and now that you're done having fun with other guys--who, coincidentally, have stopped calling you as much, so you now have fewer options--you're ready to settle down with me and have me start paying your bills?"). I'll let you guess which I was.

 

This system doesn't work for everyone, Matt. And the people that are benefiting from it don't want to admit that it's unfair: they want to believe that they deserve what they have, not that they were lucky to get it. They want their story to be "I'm so great and I worked so hard and I got what I wanted!", as opposed to "I'm a woman, so I was able to sit back and let all the candidates come to me" or "I'm a man with traits that the majority of women value--and most of those traits can't be learned, they're things like height and looks--and I have an aggressive personality, so years of pursuing and failing didn't destroy my self-confidence." As such, they'll always insist that the problem is with you, instead of the whole "dating" concept. (I personally believe that, in 90% of the cases, a problem is some combination of the person and their environment.)

 

My advice: if something is making you angry, get away from it, because it's probably not worth it. There's more to life than relationships. I liked myself the way I was, I didn't want to change/market myself to get girls, because I thought it felt fake and dishonest.

[Wayfara]

I don't mistreat people, I don't go behind peoples' backs, I never intentionally hurt people, and I'm more than willing to make the effort for someone if they show me they're worth me making the effort for.

 

If the above were the only things needed to create attraction a saintly humanitarian would check all the boxes, regardless of sense humour, age, gender, looks, smell, hobbies, chemistry. Most people want romantic chemistry with their partner and most of the time chemistry can't be forced. Have you never met a good person and not felt attraction, or were all people you were not attracted to bad people?

 

Those are all qualities that a good person should have, and I see plenty of guys that lack most or all of these qualities, and they do exceptionally well with women.

 

Some rob the bank and never have to work, some get away with being bad and it sucks, but why obsess over it? Jerks or no jerks, these women are still not attracted to you. Eliminating the bank robbers wouldn't mean we wouldn't have to work and even without jerks you would still need that mutual attraction for a relationship to happen. Instead of being angry just be glad that you are not the one having a relationship with the jerk (plenty of jerk women too and many naive men willing to have relationships with them).

 

I'm not trying to be arrogant when I say this, but I feel like I'm a good guy with a good personality, that would be a good partner for a girl.

 

I do believe you are a good guy but the only ones you can make a good partner for in a romantic relationship are people who are attracted to you in that way. Without attraction you just won't make them happy no matter how many good qualities you have.

 

I'm also not trying to say I'm "more deserving" than anyone else. I just don't understand why I "don't deserve it" at all.

 

You don't deserve a relationship because no one deserves a relationship, not even the most saintly humanitarians do. Relationships can never be deserved because that would mean we would owe people relationships based on how good they have been. Goodness isn't enough to create attraction on its own so a world where we would have romantic relationships with people only because they have been good would lead to a lot misery due to being forced to be intimate with people we are unattracted to. Relationships happen because both parties want it, anything else would be slavery.

 

It just seems like, for whatever reason, my good qualities don't count for anything, and that's frustrating, because what else can I rely on to attract a girl?

 

I understand it's frustrating, it's not always easy to find someone who matches you. There is no guarantees in life so I won't say you will find someone but I do think it's possible. You are only 24, only been an adult for 6 years, there a lot of people you have yet to meet in your life. There is no reason to give up before the end.

[Rosti87]

To me there a many layers to this issue:

 

1) Knowing what your assets are (outside of being nice) as a person like interests, activity, ambitions, career, etc.

2) Understanding the demographics of the women you are attracted to on the dating sites, or in real life (observing the assets of the guys these women seem to be attracted to regardless of the guy's attitude)

3) Then self reflection:

a) Are the women I'm attracted to the right type of women for me? Are they attracted to my assets? If not, what type of women would be?

b) If I don't like the type women who are attracted to my assets, and want the women who aren't, what areas am I willing to work on to improve my odds of attracting these women?

 

To me, this is a 2-way road. This may sound cool and calculating, but you really need to assess what you can bring to the table in a relationship. Unfortunately, attraction is not just about being 'nice.' It is the whole package. Depending on the woman what they desire can range from earning potential, ownership of assets to a certain type of look, to sense of humor to level of adventure. 'Alpha' males tend to get the best choices of women whether we like it or not. So your place in that hierarchy needs to be assessed. Then find the women who are attracted to you in that range.

 

Your summary does not indicate what type of women you are shooting for or how you are going about it. So my bulleted list may be redundant or annoying in parts. But it is important to see the way the world is out there. Unfortunately, as you said it is not fair at all. So assessing your world soberly and objectively and finding where you fit within it and then making adjustments to where needed you will probably continue to be frustrated.

 

Assess the world around you as objectively as you can and where you fit within it. If you don't like the way you fit in it make the changes. If the changes are hard to make on your own. Get counseling to assist you. Hope this helps

[MattW]

For all the people on this thread/board who have this "I'm such a good person but girls only like douchebags"-mentality, here's an eye-opening video for you.

 

[video=youtube;3VXXXX9iVPI] ]

 

Really, watch the whole thing! And then quit whining!

 

See, this video doesn't really apply to me, and I'll explain why. First and foremost, I'm not trying to say that being a "good person" is actually a deterrent to women, I'm just saying that it doesn't matter. I'm not trying to preach the whole "Nice guys finish last" schtick, I'm simply saying "I have good qualities, but my good qualities don't matter to girls".

 

Secondly, and here's where I really had a disconnect with this video. I'm not, nor have I ever, been chasing after girls that are "out of my league", etc. This Jenna Marbles chick talks about finding people you have things in common with, and you know what? That's exactly what I look for! I don't chase after "hot" girls, I don't chase after "popular" girls, I don't pursue girls that I have nothing in common with. I have no interest in that, and I never have. Every time I really liked a girl, it was because we had things in common, we had very similar personalities, I felt like I could just be myself around them and hang out with them. THAT'S what I've always looked for, but every time I manage to find it, my good qualities just aren't enough to make me "attractive" to that girl.

 

Your summary does not indicate what type of women you are shooting for or how you are going about it.

 

Well, again, I really don't care about looks or less important traits like that. Let me go ahead and use the last girl I was very into as an example of what kind of girl I want to be with, and what kind of relationship dynamic I'm looking for. First and foremost, I need someone I can laugh with; I have a very sarcastic sense of humor, so I want to be with someone that "gets" my humor, and preferably, shares the same sense of humor, too. I'm also a bit snarky, and as odd as this sounds, I'd like a girl that has that quality, too. I like a girl that's fairly smart and mature. I like a girl that's not the typical cutesy overly "girly" type, I like a girl that's a bit brash and bold, and isn't afraid to say exactly how she feels about something or someone.

 

The last girl I liked was pretty much the perfect embodiment of everything I want in a girl. It's our dynamic that really gets me. Even now, she and I sort of "play" with each other. We tease each other and poke fun at each other, we even sort of play fight; she and I both seem to really love pushing each other's buttons and ruffling each other's feathers a bit, but we both know we're just messing with each other. I absolutely love that dynamic, it keeps things fun and interesting, and even when I'm in a bad mood, just playing with this girl can lighten me up. But even going beyond that, she and I have always been able to really talk about stuff and be serious, and just have discussions. I think after the first few times I really talked to her, I felt completely comfortable being 100% myself around her.

 

Granted, she and I have some key differences, but that's why the "fire" I've had for her "burned" as brightly as it did. I really felt like she and I understood each other and were completely on the same wave length. And that's what I look for, that's what I want to find. I just... can't seem to find girls I match up with in this way very often. I mean, don't get me wrong, most girls are perfectly fine people, but the "chemistry" just isn't there between me and them like it is between me and this girl I described.

 

Honestly, I don't know how to find more girls like this one. She just kind of came along when I wasn't really expecting it.

 

If the above were the only things needed to create attraction a saintly humanitarian would check all the boxes, regardless of sense humour, age, gender, looks, smell, hobbies, chemistry. Most people want romantic chemistry with their partner and most of the time chemistry can't be forced. Have you never met a good person and not felt attraction, or were all people you were not attracted to bad people?

 

I understand what you're saying, but what makes me "angry" is that attraction just doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to me. Going back to that last girl, the chemistry was just uncanny, and the common grounds between us were plentiful. I feel like I would've been a good boyfriend to her (and I know I sure as heck wouldn't have cheated on her like her last two exes did). And yet, the guys she's dated recently just don't make any sense to me. Her first ex is a complete idiot who's full of himself and is a well known womanizer (she, herself, had to know this fact before she even dated him, everyone knows this about the guy within minutes of meeting him...). Her more recent ex is less of a self-centered womanizing jerk, but for as long as I knew him, he was always one of those lame "college frat boy" types. What makes me "angry" in this case is that I just can't see what she had in common with them, why the idea of being with them was better than the idea of being with me. She's smarter and more mature than both of them, and going by some of the discussions she and I have had in the past, I don't get how she could even stand putting up with their phony "cool guy" acts.

 

Being a 'good' person only goes so far in dating. The reality is:

 

Being interesting, fun, exciting, nice-looking, charming or whatever is what gets the guy/girl

 

And that's yet another reason I'm angry, because I apparently just don't understand how to be any of those things. I mean, I freely admit, I'm a fairly quiet, introverted, reserved, low key kind of person, but I like to think that most people that give me a chance and get to know me a little better would agree that I'm a pretty cool, funny guy. I try to be fun, interesting, and charming in my own way, in a way that makes sense with my sense of humor, and my personality. But clearly, it's just not enough, and that's what makes me angry.

[allcity]

You know what? I take back where I said "Being interesting, fun, exciting, nice-looking, charming or whatever is what gets the guy/girl".

 

Once I'd written that, I realised that actually every guy I've worked with for the past few years have been none of those things and yet all of them, without exception, were married or had a girlfriend and all of them were really good guys.

[greywolf]

When I say I'm a "good person", all I'm saying is that I'm generally not a dishonest, deceptive person, I don't mistreat people, I don't go behind peoples' backs, I never intentionally hurt people, and I'm more than willing to make the effort for someone if they show me they're worth me making the effort for.

 

That's describing the majority of people in the world.

[MattW]

That's describing the majority of people in the world.

 

Hmph. Well, then, I must know a lot of really ****ty guys. I hate having to compete with them, and I hate even more that they always "win".

[TattyK]

Hmph. Well, then, I must know a lot of really ****ty guys. I hate having to compete with them, and I hate even more that they always "win".

 

It sounds like your in the friend zone with this woman and its basically just making you angry. Frustrated. Its really hard to get out of the friend zone, because you are there for a reason. It could be just something as simple as she does not find you physically attractive. There were alot of really nice awesome guys that I had alot in common with, and I even toyed with the idea of maybe giving it a try in my head, but in the end it came down to physical attraction. People say "Oh its not about looks its about whats inside that counts" but that really is a great big load of bull. If you put 5 guys in a room and they were all nice guys that had alot in common with her but one of them was more attractive, guess which one she will go for? And guess what it works that way with guys too, if I put 5 women in a room with you and they were all very sweet girls that had alot in common with you, but one of those girls was more attractive, you naturally go for the attractive one. And there is nothing wrong with that, you are attracted to what you are attracted to and thats OK. Nature made us that way, we are made to find suitable mates to reproduce with.

Give yourself a break and step away from this one, she is not going to fall into your arms.

And stop focusing on what the "sh*tty guys" are getting. Your not competing with them, unless she directly said to you "Look I like you both but I can't decide so you will have to compete for me." And they are only doing what you are doing, looking for a suitable mate. They too also "deserve" the chance at love, do they not?

If my husband had that same attitude when I met him, I don't know if we would be where we are right now. It comes accross as self-pittying. Whiney. Needy. People in general respect other people who are comfortable with themselves, like themselves, have a clear idea of what is important to them, and don't bring other people down.

You know when someone complains that their boss is an a-hole, and thats why they quit, and yet they haven't been able to hold down a job in years and its always because someone at their job was an a-hole? It has a whole lot more to do with them then it does the a-hole bosses.

You need to take an honest look at what you are projecting to the world, really. Your friends say your awesome and cool, well thats probably because they are your friends and thats why they are your friends. You need to ask a completely objective person that has really no emotional investment in you whatsoever. That will give you the brutal honesty you are looking for.

[penelope13]

what is the reason that it didn't work out with the last girl? Just because she had all the qualities YOU are looking for doesn't mean that she has to have the same kind of preferences.

[Rosti87]

It sounds like this girl has her own relationship 'issues.' If you have trouble seeing the signs of someone not being solid in that area I strongly recommend at the minimum getting a life coach to help you navigate your way through these type of situations. If she is choosing romantic partners that you described, she might be doing you a favor by not getting involved with you. If anyone is attracted to personalities that are like what you described they have issues of which you may not want the burdened long term.

 

When you first engaged in interacting with her, there were probably sign posts along the way... cues if you will... that would indicate to you that she is a romantic dead end. It is a skill you may need to enhance as you go forward if you want to not continue to frustrate yourself. One can tell fairly early on in a series of encounters if someone is mutually interested.

 

Please understand that focusing on the guys she is attracted to is not going to change your life. But accepting that this particular woman has a desire to be with those type of guys and you just have to accept that this is where she is in her life for now and she needs to 'mature' herself. You have to ask yourself this question:

 

"Is the energy I am putting into this person similar to the energy that she is putting into me?

 

If your answer is no you can pull her aside and take the risk and tell her that you feel like you are not getting what you need. Of course, this puts you out there and you may not like what she has to say. But it is out in the open and you know where you stand.

 

You can also just back up a bit and not invest so much energy in her and see how she reacts. If she does not even see the difference or never asks you why you have pulled away then you need to let go and accept that she is not as 'mature' as you think she is. At least not when it comes to men.

 

I would be thankful for this realization, not angry.