Question For White Guys: Would You Like A Black Girl?

[rachopin77]

First off, I would like to say I hope no one is offended by this question. I personally feel it is harmless, but I know a lot of people get easily offended by anything about race.

 

To tell you a little about me, I'm 18 and in college at a school that is primarily white, and I'm of course black. I find white guys attractive, but it always seems like I'm sort of overlooked by most of the guys here. I've heard that most white guys would only consider a black girl for sex because it seems "exotic" to them, but I don't really understand that because people are people, white or black. However, really the only guys who have shown any interest in me here are ones who basically blatantly treat me like a piece of meat or flirt with anything that moves. One guy that I know has told me someone he knows thinks I'm hot, but then kind of added "cuz he, you know, likes black girls." That seemed a little odd to me. That same guy keeps asking me if I like white guys, but he is one of those "flirt with anything that moves" guys so I know he doesn't genuinely like me that way and I know things about him that make me not interested. I've also heard that a lot of white guys just don't approach black girls because they figure they wouldn't be interested in them, but I have no idea. It seems to me like they just don't go for me or usually don't think I'm attractive.

 

Anyway, would white guys like or consider dating a black girl? Do they actually find them attractive or date material? There are plenty of guys at my school that I find attractive, but it's just a little discouraging wondering why they never really seem to notice me. I'm the kind of person who doesn't want a bunch of casual flings and I would like to be in a good relationship. I'm just completely at a loss and its really a big hit to my confidence. I know none of you know what I look like, unless you feel inclined to look at my profile picture, so you wouldn't be able to tell me specifically, but any advice or answers would be great. I also don't know if maybe some of the reason guys seem to overlook me is because I'm tall? I'm 6 feet tall.

[erzerum7]

Guys might be overlooking you because you're black or because you're tall. Black women are not a typical fetish for white men, who usually find Asian or Latina women more "exotic" and appealing. I personally find some black women very attractive.

 

Don't worry, there ARE some white men who like black women. I've seen some of these couples walking about. And then there're Robert DeNiro and William Cohen.

[oAllElseFailo]

Well i'll be blunt with it. No, for the most part i do not find black girls attractive. But that's only because almost every black girl i've come accross, has this whole ghetto side to them that's just.. sick and (this is going to sound very harsh) I have a thing with their hair. The frizzy ones.. can't do it.. just can't..

 

Looking at your profile, looks wise - I have nothing to comment on about it (in a good way!!) you'd be one of those 5% that i'd be okay with.

[erzerum7]

If that's you in your profile, I find you very attractive. I suspect that by the time you finish up college you'll have quite a number of guys - white and black - asking you out.

[annie24]

i've certainly seen long term couples where there is a white guy and a black woman. i guess it just depends on the people involved. stay away from those guys who disrespect you.

[rachopin77]

Well i'll be blunt with it. No, for the most part i do not find black girls attractive. But that's only because almost every black girl i've come accross, has this whole ghetto side to them that's just.. sick and (this is going to sound very harsh) I have a thing with their hair. The frizzy ones.. can't do it.. just can't..

 

Looking at your profile, looks wise - I have nothing to comment on about it (in a good way!!) you'd be one of those 5% that i'd be okay with.

 

Well not every black girl is ghetto, I'm certainly not. From just hearing me speak people can't tell what race I am. (I know because I've asked people my friends were talking to on the phone before out of curiosity). But I feel like the ghetto thing is a stereotype that kind of messes things up for all black women. Really the only difference between me and anyone else is that I have darker skin. Don't get me wrong, I love being black, but if feel like people put so much importance on it. And about the hair, well, that's your preference and I can't say anything about that

[oAllElseFailo]

I know it's stereotype. It's just more the fact that almost all black girls that i've come accross - has been exactly that way. I only know one black girl that i've ever met that isn't like that, that's actually attractive... so.. it's really just what I've come accross

[itsallgrand]

I'm not a man, but I do know at that age - 18ish - a lot of people tend to be afraid to do anything which will set them off as different. Predominantly white school, you might be considered "different" enough that a lot of the young guys there are going to see it as higher risk to pursue you than a white girl. You are tall, black, obviously smart, and pretty. Intimidating to a lot of awkward guys (and most are awkward at 18-20!). Sorry, I know this doesn't sound PC, but I have found it to be true. It's true even later in adulthood, but much less of an issue, because our worlds become so much wider and who we know and interact with is broader. Also, as a general rule, as people mature they are more confident to go after what they want and stand up for what they believe, less of a pressure to conform.

 

White men with black women is still a rare enough combination and volatile enough "issue" (I put issue in quotes, because it's only an issue amongst those who have a problem with it, but there are several groups of people who do have a vocal problem with it in both black and white communities) to scare away a lot of white guys. Again, not PC to say that, but that is what i have observed.

 

Even where I live, where no one blinks an eye at a black man and white woman together, or any number of combinations of different ethnic background couples, it's still common to hear/see negative reactions to a black woman and white man combo. It's bizarre, but true: there is still awkwardness about this, for whatever reasons.

[VeryConfused17]

to some people skin color matters, to some not. Personally black or white doesn't matter to me, it's more about the personality below the beautiful looks... as far as the 'ghetto' stereotype goes, there's also a 'white trash' stereotypes. stereotypes exist for all walks of life. that's just the way it is.

[oAllElseFailo]

I'm not trying to say that I don't like black girls because of the assumption that they are 'ghetto'. I'm just making the point that every black girl i've come accross has actually been that way with the exception of one.

[Slimpee]

You're definitely cute.

[rachopin77]

Yeah this is definitely true. Even though I don't find it an issue at all, I know plenty of people who do. Especially in the black community, many like to make it seem as though people who date outside their race are somehow betraying it. I find that ridiculous since its really not about race, but many still get upset by it. The toxic ideas of people who are very negative about those types of things seem to get projected onto everyone else somehow.

[Nightdriver]

if they look like you, i would

[friendsoulmate]

I am a white, heterosexual man. There are women of other races who are attractive, and I find some of them to be attractive, but I wouldn't want to date them. I don't want to date outside of my white race. The important reasons I would want to avoid dating outside of my race, is, the culture is often too different for me to feel comfortable with, and I want to avoid having mixed-race children, because I have cousins who are mixed-race, and one of them wrote that she didn't like the mixed-race experience. If I date any white woman, I think of having a potential child with her in marriage. I do not believe in having casual sex with a woman of any race. On the other hand, if I was stuck on a tropical island, with a woman of a non-white race(white people would be a minority on this island), and I found her to be attractive, and I knew one, or both of us was infertile, and could not have children together, then I might consider marrying her. I felt like a white minority when I visited Hawaii, because it was mostly Asian, Polynesian, Mixed-Races, and other races from around the world, and few white people.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

For some people it is important, for others it is not. I have certainly seen couples where the man is white and the woman is black. The thing is, even if you were white, there is no guarantee that any men in that college would date you. I am sure there are plenty of white women in that school who are also finding themselves overlooked by the guys there, for whatever reason, and they are sitting at home also wondering what it is about them that is not attractive to the men. Not everyone is a man magnet and it doesn't mean that something is wrong with the person not attracting the men. As you go on in life and broaden your horizons, you might end up meeting a wonderful guy who is interested in dating you...he may be white, but he could just as well be black or Asian, you never know.

[charity]

i am a white female. i lived in the caribbean for a few years which of course is 95% black. it may surprise people to know that i felt then exactly how you feel now.

most of the black guys didn't give me a second glance. certainly they didn't see me as serious relationship material.

yeah some guys did approach me.... but these were the 'beach' guys or the guys who ONLY date white women. i didn't want that. i had lots of black female friends and we would go to parties, night out, barbecus etc and i would never be approached romantically by a local guy.

it was depressing. some of them would be real nice to me, chatting and being social but it was like they didn't even consider being with me in 'that' way. for that, they only looked within their race.

anyway eventually i did meet someone special. he had dated both black and white women and he had a very open mind. those guys are out there but yes they are few and far between. i agree with itsallgrand that they younger the guy the more they will not want to stand out as different whereas this changes as they get older and more mature.

[savignon]

Agree 100%. This is a common feeling to have as a girl in college and there are probably many girls of all race/shape/height/size/intelligence wondering why they're not attracting a particular guy. You're beautiful and smart and no doubt yiu'll be attracting all kinds of guys soon enough!!

[epsilon2x]

a lot of people tend to be afraid to do anything which will set them off as different.

 

I have to agree with this. I like all girls but since I'm white, I hear plenty of racism from other white people I know. You'd be surprised how many white guys there are that won't date another white girl because she dates black guys. It's sad to think about, but at 18, I could see many white guys at your school not wanting to be known as "that guy that dates black girls."

 

At the same time though, many white people might just assume that you have no interest in them because they're not black. Also, in general, most guys I know are scared shitless about talking to girls in general unless alcohol is involved so it may not be as racist as you perceive it.

 

On a side note, if that's you in your profile, you're beautiful.

[Godless_Heathen]

To a certain degree, we tend to be attracted to people who look a lot like the people who were around when we hit puberty. The more you deviate from whatever the "normal" look was, the less attractive you are to them. This is just as much about facial shape and other features as skin color.

 

I think fitting in plays a large part as well, as others have pointed out.

 

I don't doubt that your height has been a barrier. Men tend to look for women shorter than themselves, and women tend to look for men that are taller. Being the same height isn't so bad, but a lot of guys are going to be uncomfortable with a girl who is noticeably taller than they are.

[rachopin77]

That is an interesting viewpoint, but I feel the mixed race experience, like any other type of race, has its positives as well. I feel there is something nice about not specifically fitting a racial mold, and often, mixed race people show a nice balance between the different features. However, I in a way have some experiences that I feel many mixed race people may have. I'm "too black" for white people because of my darker skin, and I'm "too white" for most black people because I've been in primarily white areas my whole life and the culture of my immediate family isn't very "black" ( I live in a country club neighborhood, mother is doctor, father is lawyer, don't listen to much rap, play classical piano, go to art shows etc.) There's something about the way I speak that sounds "white" to black people, and it's creates a certain disconnect that is very frustrating. I can't even wear many make up lines that are aimed specifically at black females because I am too light for them. I've given up on trying to seem more black because I feel it's forced when I try. However, it isn't a huge enough problem for me to say I wish I'd never been born, I enjoy my life and my race. Sure, there are problems that arise from being mixed race, but there are problems that come with being black, white, Asian, Indian, Native American, etc. All other races still reproduce though, the only difference is they are staying in their race.

[rachopin77]

I have to agree with this. I like all girls but since I'm white, I hear plenty of racism from other white people I know. You'd be surprised how many white guys there are that won't date another white girl because she dates black guys. It's sad to think about, but at 18, I could see many white guys at your school not wanting to be known as "that guy that dates black girls."

 

I definitely know what you are talking about, there is a girl at my school who dates a black guy, and I have heard people say things about her because of it. It's horrible and doesn't make sense, but it's true. This may not sound PC, but I also tend to have a lot of racist things said around me about black people in general because I don't seem as black to many white people. Someone will say something that offends me, then there will be an awkward pause when they remember I'm black, then they will frantically try to back track and say a lot of "I'm not racist or anything!". That or they will say "please don't be offended by this, I'm not racist but (insert offensive comment here)". I'm usually pretty hard to offend, but many people take liberties and say things I feel they really wouldn't say if I struck them as being more black. It's strange and upsetting, but true.

 

by the way, thank you for the compliment

[Batya33]

It might be that the issue for some men is religion, not race -they want someone of the same religion (or their parents forbid them to date outside their religion).

[Ms Darcy]

As long as racism still exists, lots of people are going to have a problem with it. You can find out a lot of stuff about a person based on their dating habits. It brings out a lot of personal baggage.

 

The truth is if you stayed the same but your race changed you might have more guys in general approaching. Like one poster said ... if you were asian or latina probably would have more interest.

 

BUT there are men of every race who would love to be with you. Stay as open and fit as you can and you will have lots of great opportunities. I would also add American men are said to have more issues with it than non-slavery countries so you may have a GREAT time dating men from other countries.

[JNapier24]

Then there may also be the fear of your past dating history. Ever consider that?

[rachopin77]

Then there may also be the fear of your past dating history. Ever consider that?

 

No, I've only dated one person before, and people tend to see that I'm not much into overly casual things. I have no problem telling people "No, I'm not into that."