SeaBisquit Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I'm just wondering do they love the other women or is it just for sex? My brother is having a affair on his wife and i hope he doesn't leave or divorce her. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Some probably do while for others it is all about sex. How close are you to your brother? Have you talked to him about it? Link to comment
happyfrank Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Just using her for sex. I hope he doesn't leave or divorce her. Don't worry about it. His wife will divorce him. She doesn't deserve to be treated this way. You're brother is being selfish. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 It depends. Some men have an affair because they have fallen out of love with their wives and are moving on into the next relationship before ending the current one. Some people have affairs because sex is lacking or they aren't happy etc etc and find a mistress to try and fulfill the parts of their relationship they feel are missing. Some people just like to have their cake and eat it too! No one could know without speaking to him to find out whether his mistress is just a bit on the side or someone he loves deeply. Link to comment
22n32 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Usally no.. they just love the sex... Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 I found out he has been seeing his mistress for three yrs. i caught them together. i asked him about her he said its not my business and he loves his kids. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 If they've been together 3 years it may be he does love her but doesn't want to leave his wife and potentially lose his kids. Link to comment
blacklantana Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 I found out he has been seeing his mistress for three yrs. i caught them together. i asked him about her he said its not my business and he loves his kids. Lol, "it's not your business".... What an a**hole. I know he's your brother and all, but that behavior is inexcusable. If he loves his kids, he will respect his wife and their boundaries. He would consider how he is going to make his kids feel once they see mommy is crying and is hurt, and why daddy left. He would also consider the fact that his kids are going to find out eventually. You can't hide that kind of crap forever... Eventually it will come out. If I were you, I'd give him an ultimatum. You either tell your wife, or I do. That's some messed up stuff... Link to comment
happyfrank Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 My ex's father was having an affair with another woman for years. When wife found out. She ended her life. This can very much end this way. Tell him how he would feel if she did that and how the kids would be mentally. It can be very much be your business because you will need to heal broken hearts. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 While I can certainly understand your concern, I would stay out of it. As they say, give him enough rope, and he'll hang himself. It's a sad situation all around, and he will eventually pay to the piper. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted March 8, 2013 Author Share Posted March 8, 2013 It really isn't my business.i feel that kids will be hurt the most. his wife hasn't always been a good wife but still doesn't deserve the disrespect. i think he does love the new women otherwise he wouldn't have been so defensive with me. Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted March 8, 2013 Share Posted March 8, 2013 Well, he is right it "is none of your business." However, I'd say that you could give him a piece of your mind about it before you distance yourself from the whole tawdry situation. If he's been seeing her for three years then I'll bet his wife is pretty much certain of some red flag behaviour that he'd be sub-consciously displaying that she's likely ignoring because she doesn't want to know the answer that digging will unearth. Three years.. seems he may think he's in love but its just lust or, he may be in love with the sex, or he may actually be in love with her but is too weak willed to rock the status quo. She's a skanky one if she knows he's married yet she still settles for the only part she can take any real ownership for which is the little head he's currently being run by. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 If he really loved his mistress he would get divorced so that this other lady would be his legitimate girlfriend, not his bit on the side. Lots of men stay with their mistress for years because it is convenient, not because they are in love with her. Someone who is in love would not want the person they love to be a secret and to not have the legitimacy of a partner. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I would say that there is some kind of emotional relationship between a guy and their mistress, typically people want some sort of emotional connection rather than just sex. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 What is "love" to someone who cheats? Not merely as an one time mistake, moment of stupidity. Someone who cheats as a lifestyle? What is love to that person? It's difficult to understand it when you are not that person. But it's not the kind of love that includes "to be true, to be honest, to be faithful, to give the best of oneself". Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 Honestly, I wouldn't be able to look my SIL in the eye. I would tell him that if she asks, you will definitely tell the truth. I personally would not put up with that kind of behavior from my brother. He may not have been defensive because he loves the mistress. He might be defensive because he doesn't want to get caught. And he did. I understand he doesn't want to break up his family but better that his wife knows the truth and can decide for herself what she wants to do than having the surprise of an STD or a surprise announcment that he got a woman pregnant (not that he has yet) and they have been together for three years. its almost a double life at this point. I personally would encourage him to go to counseling with his wife instead of living this lie. Link to comment
SpottiOtti Posted March 9, 2013 Share Posted March 9, 2013 I guess some men love their mistresses. How will you handle being around your SIL and the kids? Link to comment
calidreamin Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 Yes its possible for them to love the mistress. I was the other woman many years ago.. and the man was head over heels in love with me. I had to break it off, as he started talking about divorce...etc.. i was completely young and stupid.. but he was very much in love.. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted March 12, 2013 Share Posted March 12, 2013 I think married men are infatuated with their mistress. I highly doubt they love them. If they did they would respect them enough to get a divorce first. Link to comment
SometimesShy Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 ...Other than financial support, I never understand why any woman would want to be a married man's mistress. I've known a few young women that were foolish enough to think that their guy will leave his wife, which doesn't happen very often. ( I don't know of any mistress that's been successful this way ) Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 Yes its possible for them to love the mistress. I was the other woman many years ago.. and the man was head over heels in love with me. I had to break it off, as he started talking about divorce...etc.. i was completely young and stupid.. but he was very much in love.. Again, I'd ask what is love? Love to that person? Not even saying you are lying. People think and feel and experience and even have concepts of love that are very different than others. Some people believe, strongly, that it is possible to be in love with two people at once. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted March 13, 2013 Share Posted March 13, 2013 I think many times they DO love their mistress. Each case is different of course, but many people do say that they love both women. Time and time again, I see people have affairs and they are genuinely in love with the OM/OW. Typically, they choose not to leave their marriage either because they are afraid (or don't want to "hurt" their spouse) or most often they don't love their spouse anymore, but won't leave for their childrens sake. I'd personally say it's best to stay out of it- Get involved if you want, but I really don't think any good will come of it. Link to comment
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