Sex: How often and how intense?

[Firiel]

For those of you in long-term relationships/marriages:

 

Married or not?

How long have you been together?

How often do you have sex?

How often is that sex 1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally, 2) good sex where you are both enjoying it or 3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night?

 

I'm curious about what the averages are here because of some issues my husband and I are facing.

[Skobefree]

I saw this on the home page... Something I was curious about too. I am currently single but my last relationship lasted 4 years. The nature of our sex life was pretty varied, sometimes passionate, sometimes intense, sometimes relaxed, some times quick, some times creative etc etc. I didn't see my girlfriend every day but pretty much every time we saw eachother, we had sex. Even if we were arguing we would still quite often have hate fuelled sex. I was thinking that this is a very rare thing to find and I will miss it a lot. Even after 4 years, the sex was still very good overall, sometimes lasting for hours.

 

I'm interested in hearing about other people's sex lives. Hopefully others out there had it as good as I did and can give me hope of finding something similar again. Ultimately I think a lot of it comes down to the girl. Most guys, as far as i understand, will rarely turn down sex.

[Seraphim]

We have been together 25 years. For 15 of those years my husband has been on anti depressants for severe anxiety . I would say it has severely cramped our life in that dept. In my 30s I found it very difficult to bear. Now personally I don't care anymore. If we do we do if we don't we don't . Have I just had sex for his sake ,yes. I don't think our marriage is unstable due to the lack of sex though. It is not something that bothers either of us. We are much closer now even than we were a couple years ago We are great friends and great companions and share a lot together.

 

Yes sex is important to a successful relationship but when somebody makes it the end all be all of the relationship that is when it falls apart. I understand the immense frustration people feel over it I remember being intensely frustrated when I was in my 30s over it. I understood though that he had a psychological and emotional condition and that the medication was necessary and I would rather of had a functional husband than sex. I still feel that way.

[becomingkate]

Married or not? Married for 5.5 years

 

How long have you been together? 8.5 years

 

How often do you have sex? from twice to five times a week

 

How often is that sex

 

1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally - about 85% of the time

 

2) good sex where you are both enjoying it - about 14% (we call it "lazy sex")

 

3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night? (about 1%, we call it "invoking the power of the ring")

 

We both have chronic fatigue syndrome, so that plays a part. But we're very sexual/sensuous during the day. We flirt through texts and whisper stuff to each other. He pats my butt every time he walks past, to the embarrassment of the kids. I like to tell him how handsome he is. I think it all works in our favour, sexually.

[Sogna]

Married or not?

How long have you been together?

How often do you have sex?

How often is that sex

 

1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally -

 

2) good sex where you are both enjoying it -

 

3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night?

 

Married 20 years and have sex 2-4 times a week.

1) Passionate? 85% for him and maybe 20% for me. I always act as though it's hot though. Keeps him happy and a roof over my head.

2) Good when we're both enjoying it? Hmmm... Never. But that's my secret. I'm never satisfied so its more of a frustrating chore, but I Never let on.

3) 100% for me. I never orgasm with him, and I see it more as a job than anything else. He thinks our sex life is amazing. I think it sucks.

 

Early on I realized we were totally mismatched sexually but perfect for each other in every other way. Sex was very low on my list of important things to base a marriage on. I learned quickly that it was very high on his list. So, I meet his needs. I've enthusiastically done pretty much whatever he wants. I had to convincingly act as if I were as into it as he was. I've done this because he's a great guy, we have kids, and I didn't want a divorce. But I will tell you that it gets old after 20 years of marriage. It got old a long time ago. I wish I could experiment with others to find out what sex should be like with someone I genuinely wanted and enjoyed physically. I think I should have let him find someone that really wanted him the way he needs to be wanted. I'm tired of the act, but I'm stuck.

 

I read another post of yours and I'm so sorry about your situation. I was just like you, and I figured out how to make it work, but I'm not so sure that was the best route. I had kids, so I had to. If I could go back, I think I'd wait to find someone who knocks my socks off or just really doesn't care about sex himself. If great sex is important to him, but the sex you have does very little for you, one or both of you will probably grow to resent the other.

[Anderson Silva]

For those of you in long-term relationships/marriages:

 

Married or not?

How long have you been together?

How often do you have sex?

How often is that sex 1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally, 2) good sex where you are both enjoying it or 3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night?

 

I'm curious about what the averages are here because of some issues my husband and I are facing.

 

Married

Together for three years

Two to three times a month

50% incredably passionate, 50% good sex

[tattoobunnie]

Married or not? Married 1 year yesterday!

How long have you been together? Knew eachother since we were 16. Dated at 18. Then dated again 33 +, so varies.

How often do you have sex? Just had a kid, busy at work, so once a week at best lately...sad...we both would prefer at least two to three...just busy.

How often is that sex

1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally, 45% for both

2) good sex where you are both enjoying it or, 50% - we do what we can around the kid's naptime or bedtime

3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night? 5% - Sometimes you gotta take one for the team even when you're uber tired.

[petite]

For those of you in long-term relationships/marriages:

 

Married or not?

How long have you been together?

How often do you have sex?

How often is that sex 1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally, 2) good sex where you are both enjoying it or 3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night?

 

I'm curious about what the averages are here because of some issues my husband and I are facing.

 

Getting married this weekend.

Almost 3 years

Mostly every day, at least once a day. Average about 6 days a week and on the rare week 4-5 days.

60% passionate, 35% great/good, 5% doing it for the other person

 

I think after we have kids it will probably change a bit, but hopefully we'll still be satisfied. I think I'd be pretty unhappy if we only had sex a couple times a month, I would tolerate it maybe for a year or so, but I can't imagine living years without regular sexual contact, and he's the same.

[hers]

Married a year and a half, together 3 years. We do it on average once a week, with half the time me doing it to satisfy him. Lately, it's about 2x a month. About 30%of the time is it passionate but only in a carnal way. We never have intense emotional sex. Ever. I'm ok withthat but he's not.

 

We aren't very matched sexually, and I'm starting to realize that. I don't know what to do about it though.

[OptomisticGirl]

 

Married or not?

How long have you been together?

How often do you have sex?

How often is that sex 1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally, 2) good sex where you are both enjoying it or 3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night?

 

.

 

Married a little over a year.

Together almost 3 years.

When we are together 2, maybe 3 times a week. When apart for the long distance 3-4 times (phone sex, obviously).

I'd say 80% of the time for #1, it can either be incredibly emotionally charged or just carnally, or both. Just depends. 15% for #2 and 5% for #3, although I am always in the mood for sex. It's very, very rare for me to shut down his advances, I can only think of one time were I stopped us from having sex (the last day he was here the time we got married).

[sjustine]

Been married for 2 years, been together for 7 total. We have sex once a week on average, and it has been that way our whole relationship. Sorry if this is more than you want to know, but he has issues with erectile dysfunction, so to be honest sometimes that will stop me from initiating sex, otherwise I would want it more. I'm hoping he goes to the doc soon to get something for that. I would say he enjoys it more than I do for that reason also. I mean, he always tries to get me there one way or another, but having it start our hard and then go soft after 5 minutes, and then back and forth from there, destroys the passion sometimes, so frustrating!!!!!!

[Fudgie]

Over a year in a LTR.

We live together.

 

Average is 4-5x a week but oral/anal/making out sessions on the days we don't.

 

The amount we have varies. I am usually the one who ends up deciding. I sometimes go through stretches of doing it everyday. Other times I miss a couple days but we'll do oral in place of it. Right now it's less because I somehow got my period early and it's bleeding so much.

 

I will sometimes have sex when I don't feel like it but I end up liking it so I don't mind. He doesn't really know that I don't want it in the beginning though.

 

I orgasm every time because he takes the time to make me orgasm. This sort applies to oral too.

Our sex is usually passionate and forceful but I enjoy lazy romantic sex once in a while.

 

I've heard him brag about our sex life to his male buddies who are sad they aren't getting any. I know he enjoys it.

 

I went from being almost-celibate-by-choice in my last relationship to frequent sex in my current one.

[redrose85]

Together 6, almost 7 years.

 

Every week is different, but average is probably 3x per week.

 

It's always good. Always. The passion always comes, even if it's just midway through. I feel very lucky, and he always wants more, which is kind of a negative because I definitely do not have as high a sex drive as him.

[_Asti_]

Married for almost two years, together for almost 9 years.

 

We have sex about 5 times a week, on average. I do admit it was considerably less in the past. Birth control KILLED my sex drive almost completely. Been off it for several years and sex has taken a huge role in our every day life. Its become as natural as going to the gym and working out. Its just one of those things we do to stay connected. It is super important in our relationship.

Very rarely do I feel like I am doing it for him. And very rarely do I find myself saying that I just am not feeling it. The sex is super connected and probably about 80% of the time, really passionate and really pleasing. I am also fine with quickies, and don't have any issues with it being "hey lets both get off and get back to what we are doing..." but even then its usually passionate and even aggressive, but in a good way!

[redrose85]

It sounds like you two are really doing something right, Asti.

[Jd1983]

Married or not? Not Married

 

How long have you been together? 4-1/2 Years

 

How often do you have sex? We only see each other on the weekends and we have sex several times a day.

 

How often is that sex

1) incredibly passionate, either emotionally or carnally - 50%

2) good sex where you are both enjoying it - 45%

3) something you are doing for the other person even though you are not all that into it that night? 5%

[Snny]

Not married

9 years (engaged for 2 years)

When we were living together... started 4 times a week... later it became probably 3 times a month because we were busy with work and had different schedules. We are in an LDR for the next 9 months atm.

I'm very stubborn: I won't have it unless I'm in the mood, so it's never a 3. Our LDR has made our intimacy in the "1"s whenever we spend the holidays together.