Would you still talk to a guy who cancelled a date with you?

[blueidealist24]

Back in February I was supposed to go on a date with this guy, but he cancelled two hours before, saying he couldn't borrow a car to drive to my town as originally planned (he lives 45 minutes away). I said it was ok and we'd do it some other time, but he never offered a rescheduling time and I wasn't going to offer one since I figured the ball was in his court (because he cancelled the first time).

 

He didn't talk to me since, only liked a few of my statuses on facebook but all of a sudden today he sent me a message (on facebook): "Hey, been a long time since we talked! How are you?" I thought this was kind of weird, because of the lack of communication since February. I haven't answered yet and I'm not sure if I should because he didn't seem all that interested in setting up another date with me. I hate it when guys just want to be online chat buddies. Eventually, in my experience, that leads to them wanting to play around on cam and I'm not into that.

 

I'm just curious if others would answer the guy's message/start talking to him again, or just ignore him. I'm not going to block, delete him or anything like that because sometimes he does post interesting stuff (articles, videos etc.).

[SuperDuper]

I'm not a woman but in my opinion I think you should reply, because if you simply ignore him yet don't delete him, you'll likely receive another message questioning your behaviour -- which you can further ignore or come clean, or he'll think you're being cold and turn cold himself. It just seems like unnecessary games/drama.

 

If you reply in just a casual, friendly manner like "I'm doing well, thanks". You don't have to carry on the conversation but a simple acknowledgement couldn't hurt -- especially if you're willing to give him another shot if he gets his act together. A simple acknowledgement will let him know you're not going to claw his face off if he tries to pursue you now... in other words, you're not holding a grudge but you're also not carrying on the conversation; he has to do the leg work.

 

If he asks you another question or suggests meeting up, then you can go from there. However, if you don't wish to pursue something with him then I suppose you can just ignore it, since you won't care about any consequences.

[Citlali]

If you like having him on FB for whatever reason, then reply in a friendly manner. I wouldn't flirt, though, or pursue anything romantic with him (whether of my own accord or in response to his actions), because it's really insulting that he broke off a date (with a lame excuse, I think--I mean, he should have planned ahead of time) and then didn't even reschedule or bother to talk to you since then. That's not like a guy to do if he's really interested. Maybe he's lonely or not gettig any action and thinks he can just pick up where he left off. But that's just me. If you're willing to give it another go, whether as friends or more, then just be friendly and see where it goes. Being rude or deleting him now would make you look childish or bitter, in my opinion, especially since you didn't do it back when you might have been justified.

[Sapientia]

You could simply respond saying 'yes, it *has* been a while. I seem to remember you owe me a raincheck on a date.'

[erzerum7]

Canceling is the not the problem, so much as the lack of rescheduling. He's just not into you. You could probably answer back if you are OK with an acquaintance, but don't go on another date.

[blueidealist24]

Btw, I decided to answer back in a friendly manner. He asked me if I was seeing anybody, and I said no, I was busy with other stuff like looking for a new job. He quit talking after that. I think he might be looking for a quick hookup (which is likely what he was looking for when he asked me out before, and decided it wasn't worth the 45 minute drive - not sure if I believe the car excuse).

[Psychomagnet]

Btw, I decided to answer back in a friendly manner. He asked me if I was seeing anybody, and I said no, I was busy with other stuff like looking for a new job. He quit talking after that. I think he might be looking for a quick hookup (which is likely what he was looking for when he asked me out before, and decided it wasn't worth the 45 minute drive - not sure if I believe the car excuse).

 

He is. Taking THAT long (Feb to July) to contact you screams of "Hey my GF dumped me and I know you are interested so plan B!!!" Also his spotty behavior is a sign that he is playing.

 

I say never let yourself get rejected twice. Once then they are dead to me after that. If your time and attention are valuable to you then you won't give any more of it to someone who isn't valuing it. He obviously doesn't. Next him.

[Batya33]

For me personally it would most likely be a dealbreaker because of the lack of prompt rescheduling.

[90_hour_sleep]

sometimes life happens. especially living a fair distance apart, i'd kind of expect someone to have a life of his/her own. the thing is, you have no idea what the explanation is for his absence. maybe there was a death in his family. maybe he changed jobs. maybe he's been seeing a therapist. maybe he was dating someone closer. and the fact that you're 'online buddies' doesn't really warrant an explanation. you're essentially strangers until you meet, and as such you're probably not high on each others' priority list when it comes to the deeper goings on. maybe february was a bad time for him? i've certainly been there in my own life...and some of the 'strangers' in my life don't always get the memo.

 

to me, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. do you want to talk to him? are you interested?

[Ms Darcy]

Btw, I decided to answer back in a friendly manner. He asked me if I was seeing anybody, and I said no, I was busy with other stuff like looking for a new job. He quit talking after that. I think he might be looking for a quick hookup (which is likely what he was looking for when he asked me out before, and decided it wasn't worth the 45 minute drive - not sure if I believe the car excuse).

 

I suspect this is part of the reason you have had so many experiences with guys who only want to play around. Because you keep communicating with them.

 

You should have ignored.

[Vincent Ruiz]

He flaked on you once and when people flake they aren't that into you. I say just reply in a friendly manner and leave it at that. This potential romantic possibility is dead and it died the moment he flaked and didn't rescheduled. Anything after your reply should be ignored. Don't fall for anything such as him questioning you for not replying back. That's just the nature of the game. When someone flakes then it's dead set. Move on and forget about him.

[The_Seeker]

If I ever received a message. I look for a delete button. And hit delete.

 

LOL That's just me. If a guy cancels the date, I wouldn't bother with him. LOL Probably because I have other options as well. So I wouldn't really care.

 

Anyway I'm just having fun instead of taking things too seriously.

[Thorshammer]

Ignore... women have done this to me when i did the same (though i never flaked on them, just dropped off the planet)... and they were right to do so. Be selective of who you bring around you, i am sure he is... considering he flaked and dropped off the face of the earth.

[The_Seeker]

Ignore... women have done this to me when i did the same (though i never flaked on them, just dropped off the planet)... and they were right to do so. Be selective of who you bring around you, i am sure he is... considering he flaked and dropped off the face of the earth.

 

I'm confused.

 

You started first by canceling so when you messaged you they ignored you?

 

Sorry your statement confused me. LOL Just want to understand it better.

[FYI]

Cancelling on a date... eh.. sometimes things do happen. That's why you take into account the reason that the date was cancelled. Cancelling on a date because you can't borrow a car, I'm not so sure that's an excuse in addition to minimal to no contact between February and July.

[The_Seeker]

Cancelling on a date... eh.. sometimes things do happen. That's why you take into account the reason that the date was cancelled. Cancelling on a date because you can't borrow a car, I'm not so sure that's an excuse in addition to minimal to no contact between February and July.

 

If he cancels a date, he could have reschedule ASAP if he was truly interested in you.

 

Other than that, since he didn't. Don't be his entertainment for boredom. LOL I realize the guy I was dating did that to me. So I'm going to play games with him just for fun, and that I'm currently emotionally unavailable for him.

[Thorshammer]

I'm confused.

 

You started first by canceling so when you messaged you they ignored you?

 

Sorry your statement confused me. LOL Just want to understand it better.

 

I meant i never flaked on them like, "hey meet me here". I meant one minute we are on a date, the next i drop off the face of the earth. I dont consider that flaking, but they saw that in a negative light. So, when i hit them back up a few weeks later, they would ignore- which i believe was a smart thing to do. I wouldnt drop off the face of the earth if i saw me and her as a possible future, or if i wasnt playing the field.

[The_Seeker]

I meant i never flaked on them like, "hey meet me here". I meant one minute we are on a date, the next i drop off the face of the earth. I dont consider that flaking, but they saw that in a negative light. So, when i hit them back up a few weeks later, they would ignore- which i believe was a smart thing to do. I wouldnt drop off the face of the earth if i saw me and her as a possible future, or if i wasnt playing the field.

 

LOL Then what would you call that?

 

Boredom?

 

Of course it was smart. They're not going to be your entertainment when you're bored silly or hardly have any interest in them. That's just plain dumb.

[happpybear]

hmm, but what if it is just a case of, he was playing the field (like thorshammer mentioned) between feb-jul, and now he is kinda tired of it, and wants something real, and say this whole time he had the OP in the back of his mind, perhaps because he thought she would LTR potential, but wasn't in the right headspace for it but now he is?

 

I think i would go for a drink with him, but only if he was still in the back of my mind, I would keep my eyes wide open and see what happens. If the date is good but he flakes are does anything sketchy i would forget it and move on. But better to give a chance than not right? It is just one date...

[The_Seeker]

hmm, but what if it is just a case of, he was playing the field (like thorshammer mentioned) between feb-jul, and now he is kinda tired of it, and wants something real, and say this whole time he had the OP in the back of his mind, perhaps because he thought she would LTR potential, but wasn't in the right headspace for it but now he is?

 

You wanna be the girl who got away right?

 

I think i would go for a drink with him, but only if he was still in the back of my mind, I would keep my eyes wide open and see what happens. If the date is good but he flakes are does anything flakey i would forget it and move on. But better to give a chance than not right? It is just one date...

 

Nah I wouldn't waste my time with him about a potential relationship.

 

LOL I friend zoned him.

[happpybear]

You wanna be the girl who got away right?

 

this isn't really about me, but this actually does happen and perhaps is a possibility. I have guys who got away from me, and i have been the one who got away for some guys. sometimes people make mistakes, no harm in hanging out a bit to see whats up, just have no expectations. if it is bad just walk away or friendzone him....whats the harm?

 

 

Or if your bitter or just don't care anymore than don't respond to him. But the fact that this thread exists tells me that the OP has lingering feelings about this guy.

 

i dunno, if it was me i would just go, don't see the harm, its just one date if it is bad you don't have to go out again or have any contact.

[DarlingDoll]

this isn't really about me, but this actually does happen and perhaps is a possibility. I have guys who got away from me, and i have been the one who got away for some guys. sometimes people make mistakes, no harm in hanging out a bit to see whats up, just have no expectations. if it is bad just walk away or friendzone him....whats the harm?

 

 

Or if your bitter or just don't care anymore than don't respond to him. But the fact that this thread exists tells me that the OP has lingering feelings about this guy.

 

i dunno, if it was me i would just go, don't see the harm, its just one date if it is bad you don't have to go out again or have any contact.

 

I agree with you in general, but not if he flaked. If someone just lost contact, then sure.

[happpybear]

I agree with you in general, but not if he flaked. If someone just lost contact, then sure.

 

ya i agree, flaking is rude and doesnt deserve a second chance IMO, however i didn't get the sense that this guy flaked, he cancelled, but didn't reschedule....flaking would be just not showing up whatsoever

[Lambert]

I would probably delete him.

[Sportster2005]

hmm, but what if it is just a case of, he was playing the field (like thorshammer mentioned) between feb-jul, and now he is kinda tired of it, and wants something real, and say this whole time he had the OP in the back of his mind, perhaps because he thought she would LTR potential, but wasn't in the right headspace for it but now he is?

 

This is fantasy and rationalization. He's not into you at all. Why is he even still on your FB?