Boyfriend Chooses to Sleep on the Couch and Deletes Browsing History on Computer

[sararenee2011]

Hello everyone,

This problem has come up in my relationship in the past, but just recently, it has happened again. Back in January or December, my boyfriend would fall asleep on the couch every night. Come to find out, he was talking to girls on instant messengers and saying that I MADE him sleep on the couch, which is totally false. I have never once told him to sleep on the couch. If anything, I beg him to come and sleep with me and he always says "I'll be in there in a little bit." Every morning I wake up with no one beside me... Not last night, but the night before last, I had just laid down and heard him talking to someone (he has no cell phone so it got me really curious). I stood by the door and listened for a little bit and heard a girl's voice coming through my computer's speakers. I waited a few minutes and he came through the bedroom door and saw me standing there and just smiled. I said "Who are you talking to?" He smiles again and says someone. I've not smiled once. And I said again, "Who are you talking to?" He smiles yet again and says "Makayla, she asked me to Skype with her." This girl I do not like in particular, and he knows that. We broke up back in April because I found a bunch of messages between him and another girl with very inappropriate things in it. As a summary, she basically asked him if he would cheat on me for her and he said yes. But anyway, back to Makayla. When we got back together and he came back home with me, he got a text from her that said "Who are you in a relationship with?" And he said "Sara." She then responded and said "Have fun with her cheating on you." This girl has never even met me and she is judging me in the most offensive way possible. So when he said that's who he was talking to, I naturally got very upset and said "Well, it's nice to know that you still talk to her even though she said some bad things about me." He then proceeded to roll his eyes and walk out of the room. I went to sleep very angry and, of course, woke up with no on next to me. Yesterday morning, I checked the browsing history on the computer to see what else he possibly did after I went to bed. (Just as a sidenote, I want to state that I don't snoop and go through stuff unless I'm given a reason not to trust him). I saw where he had searched on Skype's FAQ's to find out how to erase conversations. This, of course, concerned me and I asked him about it when he woke up. He said he was doing it for his old account because he said some mean things about me when we were broken up. I reluctantly accepted his explanation and the rest of the day went fine. I went to bed and said, "Please just come to bed when you get tired." He kissed me and said "I promise I'm not far behind you." Again, I woke up alone this morning. I got on the computer and looked to see what he had been up to, because the only reason I can think of that he would prefer to sleep on the couch than in our king sized pillow top bed is because he's doing things he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want me to find out. Anyway, Skype was pulled up and Makayla's name was highlighted. I then proceeded to check his Facebook and sure enough, there was a message from her saying "Skype me." I then went to check the history again and saw that he had deleted the history from this ENTIRE WEEK. This is extremely disturbing to me. I really want things to work out with him, but I don't know if I should just give up. Does him sleeping on the couch and Skyping with girls and deleting history out of the browser indicate that he may be being unfaithful in some way? Please voice your opinions. Don't be afraid to be honest. I need all the help I can get. Thanks.

[DylanNotorious]

Wow, what can one say really. Your allowing him to treat you this way......well because he can, and he does, and he is. He may aswell have Makalya over to stay with him on the couch, that's how much your allowing this situation to happen. Look enough is enough, and until you say it's enough - he'll just continue to roll his eyes at you, and probably keep laughing behind your back.

[DN]

It seems like if he isn't cheating he is planning to. But even these conversations are enough to dump him IMO.

[TalkThatTalk9]

he is being a jerk to you. it is very disrespectful to sit there and talk to a girl on skype, when you are begging him to come to bed. it is one thing if it is just a friend, but it sounds more than just that and he erases his history which is a HUGE red flag.

 

this girl sounds like trouble. and in the past, he has told a girl he would cheat on you with her, that is not a man.

 

I am sorry this must be hard for you but if he is not cheating on you now he is going to be soon

 

I would call this close if not emotional cheating.

 

just the fact he does not respect your wishes is wrong. he should be stopping the skyping if it is upsetting you.

 

and I know about the couch bit. my ex and I slept seperately the last year we were together. he used to snore extremely bad I couldn't even sleep in the same bed as him. so he would sleep on the couch and I in the bed, or vice versa.

 

towards the end, I would beg him to come to bed that night. he would say "I just feel like sleeping on the couch" it would upset me greatly. I would say "what is wrong with you? do you not want to sleep in the bed with me? do you not love me anymore" and he would brush off my concerns with a "I just like to lay here and watch tv, I don't wan to wake you up"

 

I would say before going to bed "you know I don't mind if you come to bed and watch tv, I promise it won't bother me"

 

he never did.

 

oh man, just typing this is making me close to crying. it is very hurtful and I can not imagine how it feels for you to have to go through this knowing he is with another girl in the other room doing what he is doing.

 

I am sorry you deserve so much better.

[Kaytie]

It seems like if he isn't cheating he is planning to. But even these conversations are enough to dump him IMO.

 

Bingo. I wouldn't tolerate any of that at all. He sounds like he's 12.

[HeartGoesOn]

When it comes to the point of having to play the role of PI, it's time to walk, He's clearly showing you who he is...believe him!

[pudding05]

Dump that douche!

 

What an arse. He's totally taking advantage. Be glad he isn't sleeping next to you, you deserve BETTER.

[pinkelephant]

Its terrible to be in that position. We keep on wanting to look for something... Anything to grasp onto so we can twist and turn it into an excuse for these men... But you're better off walking away. You can't keep on doing this to yourself.

[Miss Firecracker]

You have the worst story I've seen in awhile here. And yes, you should get as far away from him as possible, and fast!

[regular joe]

It seems like if he isn't cheating he is planning to. But even these conversations are enough to dump him IMO.

 

Kick his butt to the curb.

[sararenee2011]

Thank you all so much for your responses. TalkThatTalk9, Travis does the same thing. He says he wants to watch TV and doesn't want to bother me. I will say that I have told him I don't want the TV in the bedroom because I'm a really light sleeper and it would be hard for me to tune it out. But I don't understand why it's so difficult to realize when he's getting sleepy and come into the bedroom. Other than the fact that he's probably so engrossed in talking to whoever the heck he's talking to. He's done me wrong many many times. The very first time... was when he just up and left. Quit talking to me. Vanished. The day I sent him a message on FB and told him it was over, I saw he was already in a relationship with someone else. I stupidly forgave him for that, and he continued to hurt me. Asked a girl for dirty pictures. Went to strip clubs without my knowledge. Making dating site accounts. Multiple times. Either saying he was single or unhappily married. He's sending mixed signals to me is the only reason I'm confused. He says he loves me and only wants to be with me. I kind of believe it in a way but I think this is the way it goes. I think he really does love me, but he doesn't want to be tied down. Like my best friend's mom told me, "I think he really does love you, Sara. But.. even married men will cheat on their wife to satisfy their fantasies and then go back to the woman they prefer." This would explain him trying to get us into swinging with other couples (heck no). I will be honest and say that I do talk to some guys on occasion AS FRIENDS. He always wants to blow it out of proportion and get upset and say that I like them. Nowhere near. I've been with him for 2 years. I would never do anything to hurt him. Again, thank you for all of your replies. I'm going to figure out a way to set all this crap straight. One way or another.

[Kaytie]

You really need to leave him. People treat you how you teach them to treat you and will do what you ALLOW. There are some wonderful, loyal and loving men out there and you deserve nothing less than that.

 

Not only is he likely a cheater and has no respect for you whatsoever, but he also dares to have a double standard and gets upset when you speak to male FRIENDS? Seriously.

 

Look at his actions, not his words. Talk is cheap.

[amipushy]

You need to tell him to stop or get out... and mean it!

 

If he continues, then kick him out. If you don't, he will continue to make a fool of you. There is no other way to make this end.

[sararenee2011]

You need to tell him to stop or get out... and mean it!

 

That is my thought exactly. I'm going to give him an ultimatum today. Stop changing passwords, skyping, deleting history or go back to North Carolina. The only thing is, I'm thinking he will say okay I'll stop, but then just learn to hide it better?

[Angel Irulan]

My help is that you should leave this dude right now! He's showing you no respect, in fact, he's doing the best he can to be disrespectful to you! Showing you that he can do exactly as he pleases makes it sound like he's rebelling against you in some way. Are you a mother figure to him? Don't be this woman, the one who lets him do what he wants no matter how he hurts you. It won't work out. Your independence and getting back to your own life is the only thing you are going to feel good about doing when it is all over, and you look at your desire for this man as absolute foolishness on your part. Trust me, I've done that! Loved someone so much I'd put up with lots of things I decided later were clue by fours that the guy did not give two cents about me.

 

He's a player. Using you. Let him go. Get him out of the apt. Or get you out. You could always move in with family and friends and then get someone to be his roomie. Get yourself signed off the lease.

 

I hope you do not own the home with this guy. Get him an eviction notice if it's yours.

 

Angel

[diamond78]

That is my thought exactly. I'm going to give him an ultimatum today. Stop changing passwords, skyping, deleting history or go back to North Carolina. The only thing is, I'm thinking he will say okay I'll stop, but then just learn to hide it better?

 

 

 

You need to forget the ultimatum and just say go back to North Carolina. I know this type of guy...They don't ever change because they love what they're doing and all the attention they get more than they love you.

[DrkRaven]

id say an ultimatium wont work. Because if yo have to give an ultimatium when it comes to fidelity and trust, the realtionship isnt working. yes he could say ok i will, but when he's not at home what is he doing? Just a thought. You deserve so much better that what you are getting now. Guys like that havent matured enough for a relationship yet.

Fine someone who treats you how you deseve. Where you dont have to question what he is doing, or ask him to come lay next to you at night. it will be what he wants.

[MikNomis]

Please let me read another thread started by you telling the story of how you dumped this idiot.

[Miss Firecracker]

He doesn't prefer you. You are just the only one that will accept this abuse. Believe this.

[becomingkate]

Sara - I dunno if you're still reading this thread, but what the others are saying is true. Men will only treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. Your BF sounds like a sociopath!! And he is DEFINITELY playing you, and probably laughing at you behind your back with Makayla.

[Airricca]

My boyfriend I have been with for 4 years just start doing this last year. It’s like he will wait till I go to sleep then got the couch where he on his phone in the dark. I constantly beg him to come back to bed or tell him that I think he should sleep with me but he claims it’s no room in the bed and that we don’t sleep next too each other any ways we have a 9 month old who sleeps wit us and we are sleep training him but even before the baby came he would do this !  9/10 I would say he definitely doing something in private and my instant is 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Airricca said:

we have a 9 month old who sleeps 

You need to employ better sleep habits for yourself and your infant.