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I never told a guy i slept with I had herpes and now he wants to sue me.

lkd26

By lkd26
in Trust and Relationships

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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I would say so! Oral herpes is STILL herpes.

 

What about those family members that give children herpes? Should they be sued too?

 

Secondly, I suppose we are all assuming that the OP has genital herpes? I don't think she ever said what kind... She could've had chickenpox for all we know.

 

Thirdly, how many people actually know that they have herpes? Unless you've had a blood test, you don't know for sure.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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What about those family members that give children herpes? Should they be sued too?

 

Secondly, I suppose we are all assuming that the OP has genital herpes? I don't think she ever said what kind... She could've had chickenpox for all we know.

 

I've never known parents to INTENTIONALLY give their children herpes. The OP had sex with a man when she knew she had been exposed (and had warned previous partners but not THIS man) and never once went 'oh, btw, I've been exposed to Herpes'. As others have said, there was time when he was giving her oral, when he was putting on the condom - plenty of time to tell him. She intentionally withheld vital information and did not give him a full scope to her health before they had sex.

 

it's no different to me than if someone who had HIV had sex and didn't tell someone and slept with them.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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I doubt the OP tried to intentionally give him herpes either. Shouldn't a responsible parent not give their children herpes? Should they go to jail for harming their child?

 

The facts are that 60% of Americans have HSV-1 and the majority of them get it before they turn 3 years old. Keep people away from your children unless they can show you blood tests.

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Capricorn3 Grand Master

Capricorn3

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Shouldn't a responsible parent not give their children herpes? Should they go to jail for harming their child?

With all due respect, I don't think this is anywhere remotely close to what happened in the OP scenario. It's like comparing apples and oranges. The OP was totally and completely irresponsible (imo) and she was fully aware of it the entire time.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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With all due respect, I don't think this is anywhere remotely close to what happened in the OP scenario. It's like comparing apples and oranges. The OP was totally and completely irresponsible (imo) and she was fully aware of it the entire time.

 

You don't think that it's irresponsible for parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents to give children herpes? Children dont' know any better, babies don't even have a choice.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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You don't think that it's irresponsible for parents/aunts/uncles/grandparents to give children herpes? Children dont' know any better, babies don't even have a choice.

 

They also don't have SEX with them to give it to them. Most kids who get it are given it before even the adult knows they have it. The OP knew she was exposed to it - again, I see no difference in her having Herpes and sleeping without informing and someone with HIV who does the same.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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They also don't have SEX with them to give it to them. Most kids who get it are given it before even the adult knows they have it. The OP knew she was exposed to it - again, I see no difference in her having Herpes and sleeping without informing and someone with HIV who does the same.

 

If something is contracted through sex, does that make it worse?

 

Personally, I would be way more upset if someone gave my 6 month old herpes compared to my 20 year old daughter who was irresponsible and slept with someone she barely knew and got herpes.

 

I do not think that HIV and herpes are at all comparable. About 60% of the American population has herpes. HIV is something that will make you suffer from a poor quality of life and kill you within 9-11 years without treatment. I'm sure anyone with AIDS would tell you that they'd take herpes over HIV any day.

 

I'm not trying to say that what she did was ok. I think it was wrong. However, I don't think she is a criminal.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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If something is contracted through sex, does that make it worse?

 

Personally, I would be way more upset if someone gave my 6 month old herpes compared to my 20 year old daughter who was irresponsible and slept with someone she barely knew and got herpes.

 

I do not think that HIV and herpes are at all comparable. About 60% of the American population has herpes. HIV is something that will make you suffer from a poor quality of life and kill you within 9-11 years without treatment. I'm sure anyone with AIDS would tell you that they'd take herpes over HIV any day.

 

I'm not trying to say that what she did was ok. I think it was wrong. However, I don't think she is a criminal.

 

No, but sex is an intentional act - not a parent kissing a child on the mouth and giving them the virus. As I said, many parnets who pass it on to their child don't even know they themselves have it - the OP knew very well she had been exposed to it and had even warned previous partners.

 

I don't care WHAT the STD is - it's still a STD and to not inform your partner that you have it (or have been 'exposed' to it) is immature, irresponsible, and yes, they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent the law lets us. Herpes may not have the death sentence that HIV has but I'm sure if someone wasn't informed someone they had slept with had it and contacted it that way, they'd say if they had known, they wouldn't have slept with them. To me it is NO different than a man slipping a woman a date rape drug - your taking away a person's right to make a sound decision on whether to safely engage in sex. If she had told him and he went 'it's okay' and then they slept together and he tried this I would be on her side - because she would have done the responisble thing and informed him. If the OP can't be a mature sexual partner than she needs to rethink being sexually active.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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No, but sex is an intentional act - not a parent kissing a child on the mouth and giving them the virus. As I said, many parnets who pass it on to their child don't even know they themselves have it - the OP knew very well she had been exposed to it and had even warned previous partners.

 

I don't care WHAT the STD is - it's still a STD and to not inform your partner that you have it (or have been 'exposed' to it) is immature, irresponsible, and yes, they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent the law lets us. If the OP can't be a mature sexual partner than she needs to rethink being sexually active.

 

What about parents who do know they have it? Most people know if they have cold sores or not. I don't buy that.

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OptomisticGirl Mentor

OptomisticGirl

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What about parents who do know they have it? Most people know if they have cold sores or not. I don't buy that.

 

So what? Again, unless your just a sadistic parent no parent intentionally gives their child a STD. The OP blatantly took away this man's right to a healthy, STD free lifestyle by not saying anything. It's not even that act that infuriates me (and I'm sure others), it's her attitude after the fact. Trying to find little ways to put the blame on him, back tracking on her story that oh, she was only exposed and that she told others but not him - she's not taking responisbility for what she OBVIOUSLY did. She's doing eveyrthing but.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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So what? Again, unless your just a sadistic parent no parent intentionally gives their child a STD. The OP blatantly took away this man's right to a healthy, STD free lifestyle by not saying anything. It's not even that act that infuriates me (and I'm sure others), it's her attitude after the fact. Trying to find little ways to put the blame on him, back tracking on her story that oh, she was only exposed and that she told others but not him - she's not taking responisbility for what she OBVIOUSLY did. She's doing eveyrthing but.

 

like I said, I don't think what she did is ok. But i don't think she's a criminal. HIV kills. Herpes does not (unless it's an infant. Very sad).

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DN Grand Master

DN

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There could be all sorts of different scenarios and all of them are irrelevant except this one on this thread. The chances are that if this guy sues he will win and he will win because she was intentionally reckless with his health and that is against the law in many places

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Type of STD A person who has been infected with a curable STD may not have viable grounds for a legal claim. However, because diseases like Herpes and HIV are incurable and cause significant damages, people negligently or willfully infected with one of these diseases may have the right to seek legal compensation. [/left]
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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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I honestly don't think he will win if she has a lawyer that's any good. First, they will have to prove that she understood that she could pass it to him even when she does not have any symptoms, then they will have to prove that she was the one that infected him. If he's a guy that's meeting random girls off the internet and sleeping with them, then anybody could have infected him. If he thinks that his sexual history will not be dragged out in court, then he is mistaken. And then having to argue whether both oral and genital herpes has to be disclosed or if it's only genital herpes, and if it's legal to sue on a double standard like that, or if it's based on virus type (HSV-1, HSV-2), if protected sex could still be considered as endangering his health, and the fact that 60% of the population has HSV, etc.

 

And what kind of message do these lawsuits send to people? It seems preferable to remain ignorant of my STD status.

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greywolf Community Regular

greywolf

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He can still sue for negligent infliction of emotional distress.

 

The fact is that she knew she had herpes and deliberately didn't tell him. That in and of itself is actionable.

 

So would you say that a person could sue if they kissed someone and that person did not disclose that they have herpes?

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