I never told a guy i slept with I had herpes and now he wants to sue me.

[Capricorn3]

I did not do this intentionally and was also ill-informed.

As pointed out before, you weren't ill informed in the past when you made sure to tell all your previous partners. If you were informed THEN, enough to tell others about it, then there is NO excuse for not having told this guy. It will not hold up in Court. YOU have to take full responsibility for your actions, but you are trying every trick in the book to get out of it.

[Tanzi]

she said she found it confusing and I believe her..

 

The doctor diagnosed her with a mild herpes reaction. His words to the OP. The OP's words to us. Nothing confusing there. Mild or not she had enough sense to tell previous partners, so why not this one?

 

I told them just to be safe and i was in a relationship with the other guys.

 

So why not tell this one just to be safe???

 

People don't go around just telling everyone they meet that they might have an STD...it's just unrealistic.

 

Umm ... you do if you are about to have sex with them!!! You might not tell old Mr Jones who lives next door for the sake of striking up a conversation but if you are about to have sex with someone that's an entirely different matter..

 

So you were supposed to just chill and watch movies but ended up making out ... but that still doesn't change the fact that he should have been told.

 

If he was pressuring you into having sex I'm not sure why you didn't take the opportunity in telling him then.

[eternalsunrise]

You really thought he could have been a friend? Wow. A true friend in you would have been you being honest with him about having herpes. Instead you exposed him to it.

Yes he has a legal case and will win it. What you did was wrong.

[eternalsunrise]

I honestly didn't think that it was transferrable (because my exposure was so light) and I always use protection. When I was first exposed, i asked my doctor if this meant that I had herpes. She never gave me an answer so I honestly went on thinking i didn't really have it. I told my last bf that i was exposed to it. We had sex almost everyday and he never got it.

He never got herpes from you? Are you sure? Has he been tested? Or do you just mean that he did not get an outbreak that would lead him to believe he got it?

[OptomisticGirl]

We're going by your details OP - which are fast bck tracking on themsleves

[Tanzi]

The fact is none of you were there and don't know what the reality of the situation was/is. I did not do this intentionally and was also ill-informed.

 

The reality of the situation is that you told this guy AFTER you had sex something you should have said BEFORE you had sex.

 

You still told him so I don't see how you can say you will ill-informed. You told him!!! But it was too late. Saying you were ill-informed when you have had the integrity to tell previous partners ... and the conscience to tell this guy after you had sex .... won't stand up in court.

[Capricorn3]

If he was pressuring you into having sex I'm not sure why you didn't take the opportunity in telling him then.

^^ THIS. I can guarantee you, if you told him you had herpes, he would have stopped instantly, as I doubt he would have been keen on getting an STD.

[lkd26]

"Mild herpes reaction" were my words. The doctors words were that I was "exposed". From my knowledge, exposure doesn't always mean infection and if I wasn't infected I didn't see the point in saying anything...even if he was pressuring me. It was a spur of the moment decision to even hang out that night and I still never planned on anything happening. i have never infected anyone.

[SarahRose]

Are you seeing other people and if not, why not?

[lkd26]

I have heard so many differing opinions on what it means the "have" herpes i just stopped bothering with it and will wait (once again) until i get a solid doctors report.

[journeynow]

I never consented. it just sorta happened. I told him "no" numerous times.

Are you very passive by nature? It sounds like it with both your doctor and with this guy. It's good, actually, it's important, to speak up for yourself, assert yourself, and to not accept the victim role. When you get a diagnosis, even a vague one, ask your doctor for details about the diagnosis, what it means, how contagious is it, what is important for you to know about it. And then research it yourself, read up on it. It's your health, your body, always will be, and it is your responsibility. And with the guy, say "No, and I have Herpes." If he doesn't get it say "NO, I have Herpes, and I'm not interested" then "NO,it's time for me to go, good-bye." And then leave. If that's too much talking then say "No. Herpes!" It's less talking than saying multiple No's" and will get his attention.

 

Edit: OK, I've just read that the doctor said you were "exposed" to Herpes. So you tell the guy "No, I've been exposed to Herpes. No sex."

[pl3asehelp]

if I wasn't infected I didn't see the point in saying anything.

 

They why did you say something to ALL of your other partners.

 

OP what's happening to you here is just a friendly preview of what will happen if this goes to court. Your words and actions will be picked apart in minute detail by people who are professionals at doing just that and experts in the law. And they get paid a LOT to do it. We're just amateurs, you have much worse to look forward to if you think this is bad.

[lkd26]

Are you seeing other people and if not, why not?

 

No, i'm not seeing anyone else. I really just want a friend. But all i seem to get is guys who all they care about is sex, not friendship.

[Tanzi]

"Mild herpes reaction" were my words. The doctors words were that I was "exposed". From my knowledge, exposure doesn't always mean infection and if I wasn't infected I didn't see the point in saying anything...even if he was pressuring me. It was a spur of the moment decision to even hang out that night and I still never planned on anything happening. i have never infected anyone.

 

Well you asked if he had a case, so .......... "Mild herpes reaction", "exposed", wasn't planning on having sex, him being careless and putting the condom on wrong .... whatever .... you knew there was a risk and he should have been told, as were previous partners. The outcome would probably have been totally different then. So bottom line, yes he probably does have a case.

[Pinnacle]

I'm going to counter sue for defamation if he tells my family.

 

Wow I laughed. More work for the struggling lawyers I guess.

 

Also, you should have disclosed it. Even if you weren't sure and still awaiting tests or whatever you should have told him.

 

Another thing, there is a precedent for this. Depending on the full context of this story, he could win. link removed

[lkd26]

I checked several legal sites and they all say that he has to take some of the responsibility for the improper use of the condom.

[journeynow]

I checked several legal sites and they all say that he has to take some of the responsibility for the improper use of the condom.

Is that in respect to getting Herpes?

[eternalsunrise]

I checked several legal sites and they all say that he has to take some of the responsibility for the improper use of the condom.

But he also performed oral sex on you, correct?

[lkd26]

It's all in respect to getting herpes and I mentioned the oral sex. That's if he actually got something. He would also have to prove it was me.

[Tanzi]

I checked several legal sites and they all say that he has to take some of the responsibility for the improper use of the condom.

 

And does that still stand even though you hadn't told him you had an STD ... and what about the oral sex?

[lkd26]

And does that still stand even though you hadn't told him you had an STD ... and what about the oral sex?

 

I wasn't sure about the STD. I have had oral sex with other guys and they never contracted anything.

[Tanzi]

It's all in respect to getting herpes and I mentioned the oral sex. That's if he actually got something. He would also have to prove it was me.

 

So how does that relate to oral sex then?

[lkd26]

It's all dependant on whether he actually catches something. I honestly think it's just a yeast infection. i know men can get those too. I have never given anyone anything. I've asked and all of them have been tested and came out negative.

[Tanzi]

I meant in relation to the sites that you have just been on. Even if he does have to take responsibility for the condom business what about the oral sex? How can he be responsible then? He is totally exposed then .... and you still didn't tell him. That's not going to look good in court.

[lkd26]

I'm almost sure i wont be going to court. It's just a lesson for the future and I will soon know for sure what my situation is.