Carus Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 carus is that what happened to you ? was she having mulitple affairs ? is that what brought you here ? Yep....That and the fact she then left me for one of them and stayed with him forever more.... It was an interesting journey...A deep, dark world that I could not escape from...Like some sort of drug that was ongoing and made me think crazy and do crazy stuff that I would not normally be thinking or doing....In and out of hospital, counsellors, therapists, psychologists...and these days, physiotherapists to try and correct the psycho-somatic reaction my body had.... But from that EXperience I was able to learn so much about myself, why I reacted the way I did and build strength so that it will never get so bad ever again... So there you have it in a nutshell.... Hope all is well and peace to everyone Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 wow ..its hard to imagine carus it really is .. and I guess this is what makes the man , because you speak on here with such knowledge and determination and assurity that the pain does end , it's very easy to forget you know what it is like to be in that darkness. So you gained understanding and experience from going through hell. me too in many areas of my past . but it does take its toll , don't you agree ? anyway it's nice to see you knocking around again fella x Link to comment
Carus Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 but it does take its toll , don't you agree ? Totally agree.... Some people come in here feeling a bit cr*ppy after a breakup but soon enough off they go with a spring in their step.... But if it gets bad enough you never fully recover...You change...It changes you...You learn things... For me, pretty much everything about that old life is now gone, including my profession, assests, etc....And I still today work on accepting the change and why, if I was doing so well back then and so blissfully happy did it have to change at all...(?) But it is what it is... anyway it's nice to see you knocking around again fella x I'm always around....I just like to post when Mes starts talking a bit of sense lol (Hugs Star) ~ Nice collar 8-) Link to comment
Carus Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 And by 'sense' I mean more productive stuff... His GF left, I get that...He is somewhere where he doesn't really want to be, I get that too...But I would rather engage now in conversation about what he plans to do going forward rather than the senseless and circular dwelling that we have already addressed over 78 pages now... I hope he keeps that profile pic up for a while too as even that is a small step in the right direction* 8-) Link to comment
One day Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Morning Mes, Star and Carus Just popping in to say hello, Mes hope your doing ok mate and your still utilising that smile of yours. Carus I'm so sorry about your ex I can only shake my head in disbelief how some people you let into your life can be so cruel, but kudos to you for getting yourself through that mess and coming out a stronger person. Star you boot fairing it today? Here in London town we have blue skies (I know somewhat of a rarity) so I hope the same for you. OD Link to comment
Carus Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Carus I'm so sorry about your ex I can only shake my head in disbelief how some people you let into your life can be so cruel, but kudos to you for getting yourself through that mess and coming out a stronger person. Hi One Day* Thanks for the kudos, and right back atcha as it sounds like your journey was similar.... I wasn't the first guy that got left for another, and I certainly wont be the last...Happens all the time... But really it comes down to the make-up of the person and how they react to it...I mean, sure she did that, but of all the stories I've read and worked on in the years since I reckon I got away quite lucky as she never really got nasty or vindictive and was just doing what she felt was right for her... And in sifting through the rubble I think it was also a catalyst that brought up a lot of the other losses that I've suffered in my llife which perhaps I didn't grieve properly, and that is probably a big factor in why it got so bad that time around... Nothing is ever lost to the mind really ~ Freud. Anyway, thanks Mes* for letting us party on in your thread....back to you... Ever Forward Carus* 8-) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 I think what your all saying resonates with me ... and yes carus ..sometimes ..it can be to much , it does change you . I am not the person I was , and sometimes life can throw it all at the same time , as is my past experiences ..it has always been a whole load of stuff at the same time. this time I know I am not the same . Been diagnosed with bi polar while trying to deal with the split is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with ..not because I suddenly have bi polar because a doctor says so , but rather there was a reason that the doctor said so ...because I am suffering it ..I have seen some lonely times since christmas . I guess what I am trying to say is I would have liked for once in my life for someone else the take the helm here ...picard only had to ask riker (sp) and it was done haha...to just deal with this ..the effects of this ..the rapid cycling ..but to grieve the one you love , under the cruel circumstances that we split while on a bp low has become challenging . sorry for been woe is me , I do try to be positive I assure you , but this has left me , well , just different . I wont be able to have a relationship ..the next time will kill me ...I can't take any more in my life , I have seen what everyone says about going out with a bi polar sufferer as well ..and of course that makes me feel sad, but I respect that .. I just want to stand up again and be happy and content for the person I am ..not a couple , not looking ..I dont want that ..I just want peace. thankyou mes for letting me get all that out on your thread..sometimes I have stuff I need to say hahaha love to all you fella's xx ps glad you like the collar carus ..wuff Link to comment
One day Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Oh I think a virtual group hug is needed badly Mes if anything this shows you to have some faith in your situation, here you have 3 people, strangers to each other, each with a different story to tell. Three story's that pushed each of us to the brink, made us raise our hands up and scream "why me" but what we all have in common is that we all got through it, found the strength and hauled our sorry arses through it. Sure it wasn't pretty and dignity would of been a luxury to have but we got through it. Oh and mes there is one more thing these strangers have in common and that's you, we don't know you but we can see a good person struggling, a person in need. All we can offer you is our advice and personal experiences to try and make you see the light at the end of that tunnel, so chin up fella. Carus as Aretha Franklin sung respect to you for getting through and coming out of it all a stronger wiser person. Star I'm so so sorry for your discovery that you have bi polar you will have to excuse my ignorance to the effects of it, but you must not close the door and throw away the key to any future relationship. Mes hope you doing ok and your perfecting that smile of yours. OD Link to comment
Dystophia Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Hey fellas. I realized just now that I haven't been on here in a while, and thought I would just spend a few minutes letting you guys know how I am. So, I'm doing fine, really. I don't really miss her at all anymore but I still get struck with moments of severe depression. My brain is still broken~. Lol. But other than that, I'm doing well. Hope you guys are doing well yourselves. Link to comment
duke nukem Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Hey fellas. I realized just now that I haven't been on here in a while, and thought I would just spend a few minutes letting you guys know how I am. So, I'm doing fine, really. I don't really miss her at all anymore but I still get struck with moments of severe depression. My brain is still broken~. Lol. But other than that, I'm doing well. Hope you guys are doing well yourselves. Yeah, it happens from time to time but it will certainly get better. And I'll echo everyone else, nice pic Mes 8) Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 dys thankyou for coming back and letting us know , I have often wondered what became of you . hey dukey darling hope everyone ok x Link to comment
Mr_LFA Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Wow I just finished reading all 79 pages of that...spread over about 2 to 3 days...still a marathon thread haha Mesmerized - I hope you're grateful that you've had all these great people supporting you, from all over the world, for this long Hang in there mate! Cheers Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Wow I just finished reading all 79 pages of that...spread over about 2 to 3 days...still a marathon thread haha Mesmerized - I hope you're grateful that you've had all these great people supporting you, from all over the world, for this long Hang in there mate! Cheers wow respect for readng it all ... I have never started from the beginning to the end ...but I bet you can see mes's ups and downs highs and lows over these months . hope you ok mes my lovely pole x Link to comment
Mr_LFA Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 wow respect for readng it all ... I have never started from the beginning to the end ...but I bet you can see mes's ups and downs highs and lows over these months . Cheers star Well I must have too much time on my hands Yeah can definitely see the ups and downs, I felt like I was almost on the Mes journey myself! ENA helped me years ago to get me through similar woes and I learned a lot too. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 I don't even know where to start. There's been like loads of posts since I was here last time. Sometimes I really feel like you are moving forward mate.... Well, sometimes I feel the same way. At least I've felt this way up to this point today where my mood went down. And by 'sense' I mean more productive stuff... His GF left, I get that...He is somewhere where he doesn't really want to be, I get that too...But I would rather engage now in conversation about what he plans to do going forward rather than the senseless and circular dwelling that we have already addressed over 78 pages now... I hope he keeps that profile pic up for a while too as even that is a small step in the right direction* 8-) So let's have it... The main problem is that I don't know where I want to be or what I want to do. If I come back to PL I'll have A LOT of troubles with finding a job. People who speak two languages and have a master's degree can't find decent jobs. On the other hand, in PL I might have a chance to settle down finally... In China it's not gonna happen. Canada is probably out of the question. As for my GF... well, come what may. I'm done with this crap... Maybe I'll never ever get into a relationship again with anyone. Whatever. I do think that she's the one but it doesn't change anything. I know that when I see her next time my heart will freeze... but... I don't wanna care anymore. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Wow I just finished reading all 79 pages of that...spread over about 2 to 3 days...still a marathon thread haha Mesmerized - I hope you're grateful that you've had all these great people supporting you, from all over the world, for this long Hang in there mate! Cheers Oh yes, indeed I am grateful. PS. I suppose that we might even get close to Bold & Beautiful episode 10568 if we keep posting in this thread... Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 hope you ok mes my lovely pole x I guess I'm... doing. Hey, Star... you still haven't told me your secret about those great pics you take when the sun goes down. PS. I was thinking... maybe I should find a job in the UK... PS2. In this new pic of yours you look just like one Aussie girl who's here in China... and she's just a kiddo, 21 or 22! If you have the fountain of youth in your garden save some drops for me. Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 Nah come here to Oz Mes show me where the yellow road is... or some job offers in Kansas... Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 I guess I'm... doing. Hey, Star... you still haven't told me your secret about those great pics you take when the sun goes down. PS. I was thinking... maybe I should find a job in the UK... PS2. In this new pic of yours you look just like one Aussie girl who's here in China... and she's just a kiddo, 21 or 22! If you have the fountain of youth in your garden save some drops for me. hey mes if you come to blighty don;t forget your wellies ... ahh I am thinking you might not know what wellies are !! rubber boots basically ahh yes sorry the pics and thankyou for the compliment ..on all the pics it should say what camera I used ...there is a mixture of two and a lot of the sunset ones where with a very run of the mill point and click camera .. and then I got myself a half way camera between a point and click and an SLR ..it's a selecta 14 . they all have sunset settings on them which help capture the stunning colours , but to be honest any decent camera will do the job on auto itself . I guess I am just lucky in that I do live where I can catch some pretty good sunsets bouncing off the lakes . I am liking the 21/22 bit hahaha ..but alas ...no fountain of youth in my garden ..just turning my head to cunningly disguise wrinkles hahahaha ..but thankyou ...I have printed that bit and stuck it on my fridge Link to comment
Mr_LFA Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 Yup poms call them "Wellies" = Wellington boots, worn by the 1st Duke of Wellington. Here in Oz we call them "gum boots". Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 well, here we go again... it's one of these days when I'm feeling down... all my fears are striking back, and the sensation of loss is growing back again... I somehow can't cope with the fact that I've lost a person, a human being... I'm slowly accepting the fact that I've lost a girlfriend though... still, I can't imagine myself in any relationship ever again Link to comment
tness Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 still, I can't imagine myself in any relationship ever again You are not alone. My emotions are dead. And they will be like that for the rest of my life. They where "killed" the 4th of February 2012 Link to comment
mesmerized Posted July 20, 2012 Author Share Posted July 20, 2012 You are not alone. My emotions are dead. And they will be like that for the rest of my life. They where "killed" the 4th of February 2012 then what's gonna happen with us? Link to comment
tness Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 then what's gonna happen with us? I'm not sure. But be togheter with a new girl it's imposible. I'm 39, we where going to have children. The End Link to comment
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