Please help me i am completely broken hearted

[CharlieGurl]

Even though he initiated the break-up, he's still hurting and feeling the void...not as much as you, obviously...but is still feeling it. And he's doing whatever he can to make himself feel better and get on with his life...talking to ex flings might remind him that there was life before you and maybe that's what he needs.

 

But the thing is...no matter what he's doing...it's not your business anymore. Believe me, I know how it feels. Since I found out that my ex might be interested in someone at work, even though I'm jumping to conclusions with all of this, I've been going crazy playing "private detective" trying to figure out what's going on and if he likes her and if he's spent time with her and stuff. But, you tell me...what good will this do me? If he wanted to be with me right now, he would be. And the more I try to find out about his life outside of me, the more it will hurt...and I can't handle any more hurt. It's hard enough seeing him at work a few times a week and him giving me the runaround.

 

Also...not that this will happen...but, if he finds out that you've been snooping through his emails, I can almost guarantee you that he won't come back to you at all. It will just be another reason to run further away. It sucks. but it's true. He really hasn't done anything wrong. He didn't cheat on you, or lie to you. He's being selfish right now, in what he's doing and what he's saying and how he's saying things to his friends and stuff. But, it's not your concern anymore.

 

The only thing that matters right now is you. You have to stand up for yourself and realize that you're worth it. You can have all the happiness in the world...even after a tough blow like this. but, you'll never get there if you continue to let him control your emotions...and he's not even doing it on purpose.

 

Be fair to yourself. You're the only one who can stop yourself from checking his email. You have to force yourself. I used to check and old ex's phone messages and finally had to just say enough is enough and move on.

 

Every step you make, think about what positive outcome it will have...and if there aren't any, don't risk it.

 

Take care of yourself, Foz.

[Foz]

Even though he initiated the break-up, he's still hurting and feeling the void...not as much as you, obviously...but is still feeling it. And he's doing whatever he can to make himself feel better and get on with his life...talking to ex flings might remind him that there was life before you and maybe that's what he needs.

 

He's being selfish right now, in what he's doing and what he's saying and how he's saying things to his friends and stuff. But, it's not your concern anymore.

 

yeah you are right, i have to stop checking his email, in a way im angry at myself for being so weak and that he has driven me to such crazed behaviour.

its just so hard to pull myself together..

[CharlieGurl]

believe me, Foz...I know all about it. Like I said, I've been in that "private detective" routine as well, and once I realized that it was doing me no good...I had to stop.

 

And it's hard to stop yourself when you're in that state of mind. It's next to impossible.

 

Next time you're about to do it...think of this conversation...think of me telling you not to...think of the positive possible outcomes...if you think of any, go ahead...but if you don't...then stop right there.

 

And you know what? The minute you can stop yourself from doing that, you are one tiny step closer to where you want and need to be. And if you don't...it'll just be that much longer...the choice is only yours...it really is...you can do what's best for you, I know you can!!!

[Princess777]

You know it's sad that he doesn't just change his email password or whatever, then that way you won't be tempted anymore. But you can't expect that. I know what you mean.... if you CAN you will keep checking, it's just human nature. I think it is rather unrealistic to expect you NOT to keep checking back, and even if you do and don't tell us here, it will still torture you. And think of all of the messages you're not seeing, that he's deleted, etc. It's like dangling a $100 bill in front of you, you're going to take it, just cause you can. We long for information when we're not getting what we want from someone. We long to know what's going on in their head. The dysfunction creeps in and it consumes us when we are weak. Your only alternative in my opinion is to fight the dysfunctional thinking by strengthening your mind in any way you can.

 

I gasped when I read that he had written to that girl... major OUCH for you... wow, how cold, but yes, it's his life and unfortunately we cannot control others. You have to understand too that he has no idea that you can get into his personal stuff. Now that you know what you know, what he's thinking, and who he's talking to, it should DEFINITELY help you to move on without him, huh? Hopefully just the anger and the hurt will make you hold your head up and almost immediately know that you're wasting your time crying over him. You do not want to embarrass yourself by saying anything to him about the girl, or playing detective anymore. But it's easier said than done, isn't it..... I wish you so much luck in your recovery dear.

[Foz]

oh i know i shouldnt do it but yes because i am hurt and sad and i wanted to know what was going on in his head.

now that i do know im shocked and hurt but in a way im seeing how over me he is and how i should really stop snooping because all i find is stuff that hurts and shocks me more. i have to snap out of this moping and get myself together and heal.

its just so shocking after 3.5 years he moved out and moved on with his life in a way that is completely incomprehensible to me..

[CharlieGurl]

I can't remember who said it before, but usually the dumper doesn't come to this conclusion in a split second...like how we GET dumped....

 

He has thought about this for a while...he's probably been thinking about it on and off for at least a month if not more...and for whatever reason couldn't/didn't talk to you about it. And this hurts too, because I know if my ex would've talked about it with me when he was first thinking it, maybe we could've worked on whatever issues he was having.

 

All in all, for some reason, your ex didn't think it was in his/both of your best interest to be together anymore...more his interest than yours, obviously...and I'm sure he wanted to give it time to see if the kinks would work themselves out...but, obviously they couldn't be for him...and he had to go.

 

It's so hard to stop playing detective, it really is...we just want answers and if we're not given any or enough, we feel we need to take charge and find out the truth ourselves. but, in your case I don't think there are any hidden truths...I think he just wasn't as happy in the relationship as he wanted to be...and that's it. It has nothing to do with what a wonderful person you are or anything else...

 

...when you're ready, you will stop these things..you will know when you've had enough...

[princesa]

Dear Foz,

 

first of all, I'm really really sorry for you! I feel terribly lonely today, loveless, alone in a foreign country on a saturday night,...and reading your posts has made me feel a lot for you, because I've been there too, and because even in these sad circumstances, for what we all are in this forum I guess, I still feel we're sharing and helping each other.

 

That's the intro, and now I wanted to tell you off: do NOT read his mails!!! Really, I have this terrible habit of snooping around, out of insecurity that is (I've been betrayed so badly that I always suspect I'm not loved honestly, at least not exclusively), and I can really tell you you're only hurting yourself. And like somebody wrote earlier - only you can tell yourself off (I'm trying here, but you have to do that!)

A couple of years ago my boyfriend back then broke up with me giving all kinds of excuses from how he wanted to be single for some years to how he was too young to commit. We had lived together too and it was pure h**l I had to go through...and didn't I do the thing you're doing: I started reading his mails. I found out all sorts of nasty things, read about how he explained in detail to his friend how it had been to sleep with somebody else after all that terrible time HE had to pass through after dumbing me, poor little thing. I kept on doing that some time - and hurt myself more and more. The more I read, the more I knew there was no going back, but at the same time I couldn't stop living in that self-pity.

 

Please stop doing that...!!! I wish back then I hadn't done that. I still feel the insecurity, I probably only increased it by snooping around, and with other boyfriends I've also done the mistake of snooping until I found some picture of an ex-girlfriend or something to be jealous of. Even if it didn't really change his feelings whether I knew how his ex had looked like. It only tortured me. Really pathetic and stupid (thanks for somebody saying it's human, though...). But I understand now that it ONLY makes things worse and distracts you from the facts: fact is he doesn't want to be with you like you want to be with him...it hurts sooooo much, I know, but at the end of the day, do you want to be with someone who doesn't with all his heart want to spend his time with you?

 

Courage girl, you seem to be a brillant woman, you do important things in your work, you have friends - you'll survive. All that reading of my ex's mails didn't bring him back...and guess what, after that I've met a couple of really amazing men I'd never met if I had kept on reading those pathetic mails of his.

 

I'm still looking for my place and man in this world too...everything always seems to go wrong and I'm losing my self-esteem little by little. But let's try to hang in there. Like somebody wise said: our greatest glory's not in never failing but rising always again.

 

Good luck and positive thoughts,

Princesa

[Foz]

i know all im doing is hurting myself more by reading his mails but i just wanted to know what was going on in his head. of course now i feel worse. it just sounds like he doesnt care at all about me and that is so hurtful. i dont know why he is acting like this, it is like he hates me or something and believe me the relationship was great and the arguments werent that bad, well i never even saw them as arguments just bickering..

im finding it very hard to cope, its like im consumed by thoughts of him, it is all i can think about and talk about and he is all i dream about.

Breaking up with him was something i had NEVER envisaged happening and it is like my worst nightmare. My self confidence is gone and now im doubting every aspect of my life, im confused about whether i should remain on in the apartment im in(which we shared together), should i change jobs, move to a new country???

Also he left a painting behind and im wondering if he calls about collecting it should i meet him?? or should i just let him collect it from the landlord because if i meet him is he just going to reiterate that he has made the right decision and me get upset again and also what if i blurt out something i read in the emails.

he doesnt even seem to miss me, he is out Kitesurfing and mountain biking going to weddings and bachelor parties and what am i doing crying?? i cant get it together at all and he is doing just fine.

its been 6 weeks now and im not able to cope, and i just cant see myself being fine, i still think if he came back everything would be fine again..but that is probably never going to happen.......

[princesa]

Dear Foz,

 

believe me, like probably all of us here, we KNOW how you feel. Isn't it funny, when it happens to you, you think you're the only one in the whole wide world who's heart broken... - at least you believe nobody was hurting THIS badly.

 

It IS a pain, really - I'd much rather break my leg or get a tooth extracted than break my heart again. But life is such a bit..h, so why not trying to be one yourself? Get angry, get a grip, get better. Little by little. I know this sounds lame, but it's the only way to go, because even if you feel now you cannot live without him, after some years you'll most probably be a) laughing about this memory and living happily with somebody else or b) going through the same agony because of somebody else... - which is what I seem to be doing regularily. But my point is, everything W-I-L-L pass, no matter what it is. You can't see that now, but hang in there and try to make the best of it to make it change asap.

 

What comes to this guy, obviously he IS doing better than you, he has moved on and is not grieving at all. This doesn't mean that he doesn't love you though, but he does NOT love you the way you want to be loved and you should not even want to settle for him like this. Obviously now you're hurting that much that anything with him would be better than this state you're in, but hey, get a grip. If this would be happening to your friend, what would you say to her?

Just try to be proud, it's hard, but give it a good try. Besides, the more courageous he sees you, the better are your chances that he will indeed see what he has lost. Something I will never understand but that's the way it goes: the minute they see you're doing fine without them, they start hesitating. As long as you're all available and "acting like a loser", he won't come back either. Why would he, he can still take his time while you're letting him sense all the time that you're still waiting for him?

 

If I was you, I didn't see him at all for a while at least. Until you feel better. Leave the painting with the landlord, or throw it out of your window. Go abroad (my trick...this is the 5th foreign country I'm living in now ), change jobs, start a new hobby, have a haircut, move to your friend's (I do this too, oh boy how much I owe to my pals!). Anything helps, a bit.

 

Sorry for all these harsh words - in a way I'm telling them to myself, too. Don't hesitate to repeat them to my when I'm in your state and whining here again...being cynical again, but I think I will. I haven't completely broke up with my current boyfriend, but it's not like going soooo happily either, we're bickering all the time as well.

 

I really really hope you'll get better soon! You're state reminds me so much of my past and probably even forthcoming agonies. But to tell you the truth, it doesn't help when people feel sorry for you, it only helps when you pull yourself together, or somebody gets you to do it.

 

Hugs and positive thoughts,

Princesa

[Princess777]

Foz your words of desperateness really resonate with me. You really express yourself well, and paint a picture of a shattered woman at this point in time. I am really, really sorry that all of this is happening and I hope so badly that you can find the strength to pull yourself through this. I know that nothing we say will make your world any better right now because you are in the state that you have chosen, and that is sorrow and sadness. You are reacting purely to your emotions right now, we all understand that, believe me.

 

I have felt the way you feel, like there was no tomorrow, like no one would ever love me the way he did, etc. But you know what, it's all bullsh*t, and you know it deep down in your heart. You know it's wrong to be thinking this way, but you cannot seem to pull yourself out of it because your heart is crushed and he did it.

 

Think about this situation: He comes back to you, saying he made a mistake. How will you ever get the picture of that email to that girl out of your head, and all the things he's said so far? Wouldn't you fear that he would do it all again? Wouldn't it be difficult to ever trust him with your heart again? I couldn't do it myself. Wouldn't you think it would be a more productive use of your time to pick yourself up from this mess and move on and give another guy a chance to show you what he's made of? They ARE out there, there are millions of suitors for you. Remember the guy is supposed to chase the girl, not the other way around.... they're wired for that and that's what they thrive on. You are made as a woman to be receptive to his advances.... so let some guys make advances toward you instead of you grieving so much over this guy.... he is NOT WORTH IT..... no one is. I know you think he's GOD right now but he is NOT and he is NOT worthy of all of your fretting. You owe it to yourself and the time that you have left in this lifetime to make it the best it can be..... don't you think? I wish you happiness, and soon.

 

And who cares about the painting... I'd leave it in the apartment when I left if I were you. If it makes you feel better to move, then move. I've done it many times. But you know what? It doesn't solve anything except geographically, so remember that OK.... Get your head sorted anyway you need to and that you feel is best.

 

*hugs*

[Foz]

i dont know but in a way i wish id never met him the night he called over, i was weak, i cried, in a way i tried to change his mind about his decision and maybe if id just left it at NC until i was strong enough the whole outcome would be different.

Now he doesnt bother contacting me at all, at least before i met him and id been doing NC for 3 weeks he rang crying saying he missed me.

maybe i played it all wrong and that is why he doesnt care anymore he just looked at my red face and swollen eyes and heard my pathetic pleas and thought "outta here".

Maybe that is what turned him into the cold heartless person he seems to have become..

Or am i just way off the ball here and blaming myself for everything again??

[CharlieGurl]

well, I definitely think you're being too hard on yourself. I don't know what would've happened if you didn't see him that night, but from the emails and the way he's acted and stuff doesn't seem like he was on the fence about his decision and at this point nothing will change his mind. If he, indeed, starts missing you and regretting his decision, the thought of you crying and red-faced, will not even enter his mind.

 

He knew you would be upset about the break up. When you've been dating someone for that long, you can pretty much guarantee that they'll be hurt. I think that he probably feels guilty about things and is actually being quite fair about not contacting you.

 

The thing is...we will NEVER know what's REALLY going on in ANYONE'S head...even people we've know forever...we can never have this answer and obsessing about what they're thinking is so pointless. I'm slowly discovering this, and trying my best not to try to figure him out...cuz I really, really won't ever know...

 

I think you're doing a great job by not contacting him. This is the first of many phases you'll go through...and all the while, you have to give yourself a break and go easy on yourself. Remember...you had a life before him...and you'll have one again...

 

...probably sooner once you realize that you're better off without him...

[Princess777]

Foz, you can "IF" yourself to death in this situation. But please try to separate reality from the way you feel about this reality. The reality is that he is not there anymore, and please try to understand that what you're feeling is only your RE-action to what is happening. You can CHOOSE that reaction. You can choose to keep grieving for awhile, or as long as you feel you need to, or if you're tired of it, you can choose to get mad, burn what's left of his, or do whatever it takes to get it out of your system, and live your life to its fullest without him. Remember, you were looking for a guy when you found him...... what's stopping you from finding someone new and/or just appreciating yourself right now and possibly some new personal goals? You are obviously not ready for another serious relationship but that doesn't mean you can't date someone casually or just as friends, to keep your mind off him. You might be really surprised at how it helps you get back on the horse.

 

Don't allow another person to ever control your feelings.... he does NOT control your happiness. You do. At the moment you are allowing him to. Do you think that you control his happiness? He is already emailing other women, think about that, get MAD and then get GLAD. Be happy that this happened and try to look at the positive side of all of this - the situation will control you if you don't control IT.

 

Keep holding your head up.

[Foz]

it is so crazy the way you can let someone into your life and be there for them to the point where they are a part of you and then they leave and you are left with nothing and you have to rebuild yourself from scratch, that is what is happening me and its so hard.

i know that at the moment i am finding it hard to let go and go it alone but i know i have to because i dont have a choice. He left and yes he is not letting me control his happiness and i am letting him control my happiness without him even knowing it.

i do the what if scenario alot and well now i know its pointless because he is still gone but it is one of the stages of grieving, i know that from when my dad died.

im going to a comedian on Saturday night and a gig on Sunday so i have activities planned..

i just have to push myself real hard because inside i feel like curling up and crying myself to death..but i wont i just cant let him destroy me..

[CharlieGurl]

that's right!

 

Coming to the realization that you're letting him control your emotions, and like you said without him even knowing it, is an important first step.

 

I know that I'm giving him this power over me and he's not even doing anything...and that's driving me crazy.

 

But, how do we gain this power back? I try to be in a good mood at work, and pretty good most of the time. I respond nicely to him when he talks to me ....but am still obsessed with watching him, seeing who he's talking to, watching to see if he's flirting with the new girl that has a crush on him.

 

But, this obsession is destroying me. And I need to stop. I just physically don't know how. I hardly even know if I like this guy anymore...know that he's not the best I can do, know that he's not great for me...but I am completely obsessed and need to get over it.

 

I think one of my main problems is not having enough to do that I really enjoy. I don't know what things to do though, and am very busy working two jobs. I'm in a city away from my family and long term friends...but do have a few close ones here...but they don't go out very much...

 

I have to keep convincing myself that whatever happens is going to happen and there's no use trying to control a situation that's impossible to control. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about him with someone else, but is there anything I can do??? no.

 

Gosh...I feel like a broken record. I know my friends are getting tired of hearing about him all the time. They think he's a jerk...a nice guy sometimes, but basically a selfish jerk...of course they don't "see him the way I do"...blah blah blah...butI think they're much more right than I am...I just wish I was OVER THIS!!!!!!!!

 

sorry to repeat myself over and over and over...

[Mun]

Daisysoupus you can repeat yourself as much as you need to.. that's what this site is for. Sometimes when we go over a situation enough times we get that light bulb moment--and things start to change for us.

 

Believe me I know how you feel. It hurts to have to let someone go who was very special. It just cuts us up inside. The only thing that really helps is time. I learned that doing all the "what if's" is pointless. I could go over it hundreds of times and I would still get the same results .

 

I think that you are wrong about one thing : you do have control. You have control over yourself and that is the most important kind of control you need. Give yourself a time during the day when you are going to think about him and about the past...like a half hour in the morning. When that time is up try to concentrate on other things and get other things done.

 

Try not to watch him all the time to see if he is flirting or carrying on with other girls. This is just painful. Instead try to see if you can start talking less about him to your friends--I did this until I almost never mention him...and it helped me to move on quicker too.

 

Last, be angry...I think sometimes we are just not hurt or angry enough with the other person to truly see how much they hurt us. We start to focus on the good instead of the bad. Don't bad mouth him to others, but do think about the things that were not working in the relationship. Focus on those sometimes and see if you can get past idealizing him. In time you will start to see that maybe the break up was meant to happen...or at least you will start to hurt less.

 

...I hope so anyway

[holaguys]

Hey muneca,

you should write a book about realtionship...! You are great!

[Mun]

Hey Holaguys,

We could probably write one all of us together ...I know we have enough stories to fill it up!

[zveric]

Foz and Daisysoupus;

 

It is really weird that our Exes are able to be happy without us huh?

 

It makes no sense at all, within the logic of love and trust that we had built. It is as if they refuse to obey the laws of thermodynamics. If you could live in that paralell universe where they have gone, where love can be forgotten, where they can be happy enough alone, or with someone else, that all the promises promised, and plans planned, can be broken and forgotten as easily as they can turn their blood cold in their veins.

That she can look at me and see only the past, and still breath normal, she must be from another plane where such things are possible.

 

Let them stay there. I was born on earth, among mortal men, and I choose to live here.

 

Leave paradise to the fools.

 

Take care and god bless, girls. You will meet finer men than these sorry excuses. Mark my words.

[Foz]

hi guys,

first things first i bought a great book at the weekend that i feel is helping me, it is by john grey and it is called men are from mars, women are from venus-starting over. i've only read a few chapters but so far its making sense and helping me realise that my utter devastation is normal and that my biggest obstacle is letting go and moving on from sadness and depression.

yesterday i nearly rang him because i was lonely and all my friends were particularly useless at meeting up over the weekend but just as i was about to dial, a friend rang and talked me out of it, she said ringing him would only fuel his ego and give him more power over the relationship/break up and he has enough power already and not to give him any more. she also said judging by his emails his ego is seriously inflated and he doesnt need me telling him how much i miss him and love him to fuel it anymore than i already have. one thing is for sure he has no doubt as to how much i loved him and thought the world of him so the only thing i can do to regain a bit of self respect is to just not give him that reassurance anymore which means NC.

Does this make sense??

[CharlieGurl]

Thanks Muneca and Zveric,

 

I know in my heart of hearts that I can either make the choice to let him control me, or take the reins and control my own life and destiny. But, I'm finding it hard. I am getting to the point where it's not sadness all the time...

 

Muneca, like you said, I have been trying not to talk to my friends about him all the time anymore...and I think it's helping. It was becoming more of an obsession than anything, and you were right when you said that I was idealizing him. That's exactly it. It's not like he was the man of my dreams or the best thing that had ever happened to me. What killed me was that I denied my feelings for him for so long, thinking I hadn't fallen for him..trying not to..and when I was finally starting to admit to it, it was too late and then it was pulled out from underneath me.

 

Foz, I think what your friend is saying makes perfect sense. It's the same in my case. He knows how I feel. I don't call him, but when I see him at work, I try not to give in to his flirting...which is hard. He flirts with me like crazy, and I can't figure it out. Part of me thinks he's trying to keep me hanging on, but I don't know. If I give into it and flirt back and appear interested, he will have yet another ONE UP on me, and I don't want that. So, when he flirts with me, i try to shoot him down. It's hard to explain..I'm quick whitted and can almost always say something clever enough to shut him up...but he keeps trying. I don't really know why.

 

But, I simply can't give him any more power. He had it all for a while and I've gained a little back by not being sad at work.

 

The more power they have, the less we have...and that's not a healthy place for us to be. Sometimes I think I make things far more complicated than they are...if I start to look at things more BASICALLY, it might come easier...who knows?

[Elliesonline]

Muneca is definitely right, in suggesting to not talk about the ex to friends because it also makes you think about them more. Then, your friends will say negative things about your ex that will upset you. Overall, it's just not healthy.

 

Gosh, reading about Foz's situation makes me understand mine and why I have a nagging feeling like something is inherently wrong with my current relationship, which I didn't realize before. I've been in a relationship for about 1.5 years, and in general, it's been an okay one. My boyfriend and I love each other, and we've tossed the issue of marriage around, here and there. It's just that when the issue comes up, I start to feel sick. I've told him that I don't want to get married, but he says he doesn't believe me. Now I know why I feel this way.

 

We're both easygoing people, and we like to have fun. I hate to argue, and unless something needs to be said, I usually let his idiosyncracies pass. For the past 6 months, we've argued nonstop. Well, not really argue, but bicker, like Foz's case. The last spat was last Saturday, when I found socks at his place, that weren't his or mine. I trust him, so I know it's probably his sister's or left over from a previous relationship. Anyway, I asked him to throw them away, because he didn't need them (and they were gnarly dirty, yuck).

 

He was really against throwing them away, which irritated me, because I knew that he argued with me for the sake of arguing. Kinda like, he was being stubborn and refused to be controlled. Even though throwing an article of clothing away (one that doesn't belong in our house) is trivial, I saw his opposition to tossing it out as disrespect.

 

I've just gotten so tired of bickering, and sometimes when we're having a conversation on the phone, I respond to him with short answers. Ones that can't be refuted. I know that it can't go on forever like this because I will eventually get so tired of the arguing that I just won't care anymore.

 

Maybe Foz's ex contemplated the same thing the months before they broke up. Maybe he was tired of getting into spats while on vacation together. I know that, for me, I'm getting tired, but I feel like a bad person for seeing things this way. It's just that, what will it be like when we're married? Will we bicker about my bf not brushing his teeth at night, like we do now?

 

Foz, I feel for you, so I suggest that if you want another chance with him, pick yourself up and try to be more positive about your life. Once he sees that you have a different outlook on life, he may feel differently about your future together. Just be reminded that there are a lot of good guys out there who will stick with you through thick and thin. Try to have a happier outlook on your life because I know that we all like to be surrounded by positive people.

 

Stay positive!

[Mun]

when he flirts with me, i try to shoot him down. It's hard to explain..I'm quick whitted and can almost always say something clever enough to shut him up...but he keeps trying. I don't really know why.

 

Why? You are challenging him and he is enjoying it...that's why. Funny, but I bet he finds this exchange rather attractive.

 

Your attitude is telling him " I don't take you seriously (you ain't all that )" and it's drawing him in because it's fun. I could bet money on it

[Foz]

hi elliesonline,

 

the thing is my bf never told me once that he was sick of bickering, to the point where he wanted or was considering breaking up with me. He just kept it all in and then BAM! if he had sat me down and said look foz, im getting really sick of you being snappy with me and i dont think i can take much more of this, well then we would have discussed it and probably worked it out. But he didnt, he says he just had no fight left in him and gave up. Now i think that is unfair, its like i stepped over a line i didnt even know was there!! So you should sit down with your BF and tell him your doubts and try work it out!

my ex does not contact me at all anymore and im finding it hard to let go. i love him and i miss him and i do believe we could work it out but he is gone from me now and there is nothing i can do. he has said some really hurtful things about me in his emails, that obviously he doesnt know i know but nonetheles he said them about me and i still cant get angry with him. im just locked in sadness and depression. sometimes i contemplate looking at his emails again to see if he has replied to the girl he started mailing and what he has said about me in the hope that it will get me angry but sure all it will probably do is make me more sad.

my friends are all so caught up in their own lives and relationships that they are not really there for me. they might meet me for a coffee for an hour after work but that is about it then i have to spend the rest of my evening in the apartment alone. so at the moment i feel really alone and lonely. im contemplating quitting my job and moving home to my mum-i know im 29 but im not seeing much light at the moment...

[anon728]

Foz, after reading your posts, and seeing elliesonline response, my situation was very similar. We bickered all the time, but never really said, 'hey, we have to fix this.' It sucks right now (I'm at 4 months). She jumped into a serious relationship right away, and while that is probably helping me move on, it still is very hurtful.

 

Anyway, I hope my advice doesn't sound too cliche. I would not quit your job and move home with your Mom. I would try taking some classes or volunteer or something. I know that is what everyone else will tell you, but I did that, and it really does make a difference. I am doing two different things that I didn't do when I was with her, and while I haven't met a possible love interest in the classes, that wasn't really the point. The point is, it gets me out of the apartment, and around people I would have never met through my normal social outpusts (Uni and work friends). I'm doing things my ex would have never done. And yes, it does suck to go home and wake up in an empty apartment, espcially knowing that she is probably waking up at her new bf's place, but just sitting around my flat was making me miserable.

 

So now, I try to get out of the house at any opportunity. Even if it is just going down to the local coffee shop and journaling, the point is, it gets you around people, and that makes all the difference in the world.