You think it's possible for two people to stay in love forever?

[CookieMonster8]

You think it's possible for two people to stay in love forever?

 

I had a conversation with my mom once a couple years ago and she told me that when you've been married awhile and you've had children etc etc that your love for your spouse changes. Over time it goes from an "in love feeling" to an unconditional love that lasts through the years.

 

I dated a guy once for 5 years and see how this could be true. Our relationship went through times where it was awesome and blissful and then for awhile would be kinda dull but not bad and then back to blissful and it continued like this through the years. I imagine this is kind of what happens in marriage but not sure as I've never been married.

 

Curious to see what people would say to this one? Do you think it's possible to be in love/deeply love the same person forever? In our society today we seem to have lost whatever people had gotten right about the sanctity of marriage before.

[abitbroken]

Thing is, when you are married, you love eachother romantically, but you also make a choice to love that person even on their crabby days. it is definitely different than loving a boyfriend. I am sure people will chime in and say marriages don't work, but some people make that choice and promise together, and start with someone on the same page. And when lives are more intertwined with marriage things change too. I would say my grandparents love eachother more than they did on their wedding day. It was not all bliss - they survived almost losing my grandfather in an accident and almost losing my grandmother through childbirth and miscarriage but they have stuck together through it all.

[OptomisticGirl]

I believe love has different stages. As you said, it's that all consuming, burning love in the beginning (or honeymoon phase) and as time goes on it doesn't fizzle out but it's not that red hot flame anymore, it becomes a deep, unconditoinal, yearning love that, IMO, I enjoy more than the burning love of the honeymoon phase.

 

So yes, I do. I only know of 2 marriages that have been together forever- my grandparents and my husband's grandparents, both of who have been married for over 50 years.

[Notagoodninja]

It's def possible it just takes work. My parents have been together for like 30 years. Mom only almost got divorced a couple times. She said the key was- she never had anywhere to really go, so when they got into fights both were too broke to go get hotels etc so they always went back home, haha.

Dad lost his virginity to her, she had only been with one other person. They have NEVER cheated on each other. One thing that helps their marriage is they never leave each other alone with the opposite sex. Mom does not have male friends and dad never has lady friends. They try to set up boundaries to prevent affairs from ever happening which is smart. Now as a couple they have couple friends- but nobody is off alone with the opposite sex...

When dad goes on business trips he takes mom with or one of my siblings...just as a precautionary measure.

Also they both try to please each other. Mom serves him like a king, rubs his feet, makes him all his meals etc. Dad buys her cards and writes her love letters and poems and sings her love songs on his guitar every day (still!)

They take walks every day. They've always made their sex life top priority and intimacy which is smart.

Actually it's weird, I've had 2 marriages by 30 but there is no divorce in my family I am kinda the black sheep lol. My parents are together, and every single one of my aunts and uncles are married on dads side- out of tons of relatives every marriage stayed the same! I think a big part of that is sharing the same faith.

Whether you are Christian, Mormon, Atheist, Muslim, Buddist etc...I think a solid marriage stems from sharing the same religious beliefs and also the same political views.

 

While it's unfortunate I did not get as lucky....I am glad there ARE couples out there who can and DO stay in love & married!

[Notagoodninja]

Also someone once said someone asked them "what's the secret to staying married?" and the person goes, "don't get a divorce"

haha

And there is truth in that. If you want to stay married, you simply do not get a divorce

no matter what

Unfortunately for me I just picked the two wrong kind of people to where I had no choice. Like this last one he was getting seriously abusive and wanted me dead in a ditch, so I could have stayed married yes, but then I'd prob be dead pretty soon lol so I had to make the choice. But if there is no cheating and no abuse your marriage can last forever if you want it to...

[petite]

I know many people that have been married for many, many years. I actually personally know more people that have stayed married than divorced until death. In my extended family I think we only have 2-3 couples that divorced, and I have a huge extended family. I believe in love and I believe that people can be happy and in love and love their partner until the end. I know some people stay married for different reasons andsome which have nothing to do with love, but I am a firm believe in love and have thankfully had the chance of seeing people love their partners until the very end.

[Alezia]

People are essentially emotional and their perspectives fluctuates, so I can't expect that their bond would be above that.

I don't believe in the soul mate concept personally either. I think that there is a selection of mates out there that are compatible with you, which will fluctuate according to your growth. In that sense, for me it means that if you do want to keep up the marriage, you need to constantly work on and not just sit back and leave it to heaven as 'soul mates'. If you both choose to grow together and are involved, then yes I believe that you can be deeply in love with the same person forever. In that sense, it is also possible that you do lose that deep love feeling if both partners don't invest in the marriage. You got to keep in mind that people need to be married for much longer nowadays, than old society.

 

On the other hand, I also believe in a lifestyle that is not marriage-minded or not strictly monogamous. I think you can be infatuated or have crushes on people that are not your partner. If you've chosen to make vows as part of your marriage, then those are for you to keep. I also believe you can expand your horizons, much more than if you are married or committed to a certain lifestyle. In marriage, you will probably learn better emotional control, negotiation and how to make sacrifices.

 

So I'm personally not for one side more than the other. I think both arrangements can work out well.

[LDRohnos]

Eh, the only truly unconditional love there is in my opinion is between a parent/grandparent/guardian and a child. All other types of love have contingencies and expectations.

 

What went wrong with the sanctity of marriage is that our culture changed. You do not see people getting divorced in India (they have a 1% divorce rate) because it's completely socially taboo to do so. Someone gets divorced in India they are DAMAGED GOODS and are shunned from society.

 

If someone gets divorced in the US they join the other 120 million people who are also divorced. Big.. Deal..

[OptomisticGirl]

Eh, the only truly unconditional love there is in my opinion is between a parent/grandparent/guardian and a child. All other types of love have contingencies and expectations.

 

What went wrong with the sanctity of marriage is that our culture changed. You do not see people getting divorced in India (they have a 1% divorce rate) because it's completely socially taboo to do so. Someone gets divorced in India they are DAMAGED GOODS and are shunned from society.

 

If someone gets divorced in the US they join the other 120 million people who are also divorced. Big.. Deal..

 

Divorce to many in the US is not something they want. Not all of us want nor aspire to have a Kim Kardashian style marriage.

[DN]

Too many people expect the initial 'spark' to last forever but it doesn't. What it does do is ignite a fire that blazes brightly at first and then settles down into a 'glowing coals' type of fire that can be blown into flame when needed but is banked with long-lasting embers that keep you warm and cozy for years to come with judicious addition of more fuel when needed. I pity people who do not achieve that.

[OptomisticGirl]

Too many people expect the initial 'spark' to last forever but it doesn't. What it does do is ignite a fire that blazes brightly at first and then settles down into a 'glowing coals' type of fire that can be blown into flame when needed but is banked with long-lasting embers that keep you warm and cozy for years to come with judicious addition of more fuel when needed. I pity people who do not achieve that.

 

I really need to spready the love because I have tried repping you like four times today and can't. Grrrr

[CookieMonster8]

Too many people expect the initial 'spark' to last forever but it doesn't. What it does do is ignite a fire that blazes brightly at first and then settles down into a 'glowing coals' type of fire that can be blown into flame when needed but is banked with long-lasting embers that keep you warm and cozy for years to come with judicious addition of more fuel when needed. I pity people who do not achieve that.

 

Have you achieved that?

[DN]

Have you achieved that?

Happily married nearly 37 years so yes.

[Capricorn3]

Have you achieved that?

I'm proud to say I have achieved that too. Yes, it is possible.

[octour]

My parents achieved this as well. They grew up around the corner from each other, their backyards were connected. They have been together since they were 16. I drove up to see them today and had lunch with them. They still hold hands, my dad gets my mom's chair, they still laugh etc. It's really great to see and I am very fortunate to have parents that love each as much as they do. I believe their love for each other will last forever.

[Fudgie]

My parents were married for almost 70 years (YES 70 YEARS!! Christ that's a long time) prior to my grandfather's death. I think their love was like what DN described. They were always very fond and caring toward each other. I also know that they didn't stop having sex until their 80s or so. My grandmother was always really attentive to his needs and loved him a lot. He was always supportive and "humored" her when she needed it, lol.

 

I hope to have something like that someday, with someone.

[redrose85]

I love the coals

 

To stay in love forever, I think you need to do the following: Keep having sex with your partner on a regular basic, treat them with respect, get divorce out of your back pocket, and put effort into keeping the romance alive. Laugh together. Take care of each other.

[Lester]

Yes, of course you can love one person for life… but it must be “your” one.

 

Health and prosperity has lead to poor mate selection techniques. In challenging times, (no were not in them yet), finding a suitable mate is not left to fickle superficial selection.

[Seraphim]

Too many people expect the initial 'spark' to last forever but it doesn't. What it does do is ignite a fire that blazes brightly at first and then settles down into a 'glowing coals' type of fire that can be blown into flame when needed but is banked with long-lasting embers that keep you warm and cozy for years to come with judicious addition of more fuel when needed. I pity people who do not achieve that.

 

This is EXACTLY what it is like. The sad part is people think that the coals are the dying part of a relationship and that is not so. People seem to have this idea that you are supposed to be dying if you are not together every second and always ready to rip each other's clothes off or you are not in love and the marriage is in danger. That is not so. NO ONE can sustain that for more than a little while. That is an infatuation stage, the more mature love comes later. It is sad that people think love should be like some fairy tale. At that point a lot of people give up on their marriage, either that or they have made such a poor mate selection in the first place.

 

There are many who achieve this. My father's parents were married 63 years when my grandmother died. They were married at 15 and 17. My in-laws have been married for 53 years now.

[journeynow]

...many people expect the initial 'spark' to last forever but it doesn't. What it does do is ignite a fire that blazes brightly at first and then settles down into a 'glowing coals' type of fire that can be blown into flame when needed but is banked with long-lasting embers that keep you warm and cozy for years to come with judicious addition of more fuel when needed.

 

I agree with DN's description. It's certainly how I feel and thought my husband did, too, as that's what he expressed, but still he withdrew and decided he wanted to be single and live simply, shed marriage and possessions (nomadic hobo). Are there still glowing embers? I believe so, but that doesn't mean we're together, committed, compatible, or on the same path. My choice would have been to find a solution that worked for both, but he couldn't compromise. So, I'd say yes, love can last forever, and I would operate that way in a relationship, but I don't know if I would plan for it, if that makes sense. (We just divorced; were married 32 years.)

[mrtango]

I think that love begin with a spark which doesn't last forever. But when spark has gone, if you have a good and healthy relationship, love could evolve from the honeymoon phase to a romantic love. And sometimes there's bumps and someone can loose his/her feelings during these though periods.

 

If someone want to feel butterflies in his/her stomach forever, I could tell that it's impossible. So the answer of your question depends on how you define love. If it's a passionate love that you want (with butterflies) you will loose it sooner or later. But if you want real commitment with romantic love, you should understand that your relationship can evolve to that phase.

 

I think that only a few blessed can feel the real love and a fewer of them can keep it without falling out of love. I hope you will be one of them.

 

Good luck.

[CookieMonster8]

I think that only a few blessed can feel the real love and a fewer of them can keep it without falling out of love. I hope you will be one of them. Good luck.

 

I hope so too!!! Thank you Mrtango!!! Hope you have that kind of love in your life as well.

[mrtango]

CookieMonster, thank you for your kind reply. I love a girl who loved me once but who doesn't love me anymore.

 

I know how a precious feeling to be in love with somebody. I keep this in my heart. But unfortunately she realized after two years that she doesn't feel the same as before...

 

I hope that you will be one of the blessed ones who will taste the eternal unconditional love. Good luck.

[SimplyMeee]

You think it's possible for two people to stay in love forever?

 

 

I definitely believe in this type of love, I have this with my husband for a total of 30 yrs (8 dating , 22 married), I have never wanted anyone else, neither has he. We have always been best friends. When the kids started coming , I did kind of put him on the back burner for a time, but once we hit our 40's we are closer than ever in this world, the sex is better , more frequent, the affection is through the roof, it seems we re-discovered ourselves after we accomplished all of our dreams, had all of our kids, house is paid for, now we can relax, kick back and enjoy. We had a friend of ours say about us last year -in our presence ...'I could live a 2nd lifetime and never find a love like that". I think it was the sweetest compliment we ever had on our marraige yet. The only thing bad about this type of love is ....if something would happen to my husband, I am not sure how I would make it, it would be like having my soul ripped in two, ya know, him too. BUt what are you going to do, so we LOVE and enjoy for the day, we are near inseparable.

[Batya33]

I think that you both have to work on keeping the spark alive or reinvigorating it and I think shared laughter goes a long way towards that as well as a healthy sex life. I would not have gotten married if I really bought into all the cynical "what our society has come to" kind of stereotypes about marriage- life and marriage are hard enough without that extra level of (to me unneeded) negativity.