redrose85 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 Simplymeee that is beautiful! How did you get through the tough spots? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 we accomplished all of our dreams, had all of our kids, house is paid for, now we can relax, kick back and enjoy. The only thing bad about this type of love is ....if something would happen to my husband, I am not sure how I would make it, it would be like having my soul ripped in two, ya know, him too. BUt what are you going to do, so we LOVE and enjoy for the day, we are near inseparable. You more or less described our marriage too. Just the thought of something happening to my hubby freaks me out. We always say we want to go together at the same time. I hope that happens. But until then we live each day to the fullest. So nice to see others with long and happy marriages. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 27, 2011 Share Posted November 27, 2011 You more or less described our marriage too. Just the thought of something happening to my hubby freaks me out. We always say we want to go together at the same time. I hope that happens. But until then we live each day to the fullest. So nice to see others with long and happy marriages. This happens to me too - the freaking out over the thought thing. Still in the newlywed phase but I hope our marriage is as happy and long lasting as yours. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Seriously so happy for you guys- SimpleMeee, OptomisticGirl, Capricorn3. Its so rare to find now a days. How old were you when you found your 'soulmate'? I'm still trying to figure out if my boyfriend is the ONE and deciding that freaks me out. I was engaged before and i ended things due to the unhealthiness of my relationship with my ex. I feel like ever since then I'm scared I'm going to be wrong again in love. Don't want to make the same mistakes I did before. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Seriously so happy for you guys- SimpleMeee, OptomisticGirl, Capricorn3. Its so rare to find now a days. How old were you when you found your 'soulmate'? I'm still trying to figure out if my boyfriend is the ONE and deciding that freaks me out. I was engaged before and i ended things due to the unhealthiness of my relationship with my ex. I feel like ever since then I'm scared I'm going to be wrong again in love. Don't want to make the same mistakes I did before. Deep down you already know =P Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I was 21 - just got married last month. For me and my husband we don't believe in the 'one' person that completes you. We both have been in love before, both been in LTRs before and we truly did love those people. For us (even though my husband is 4 years older than I am) that first love was the all consuming kind of love. That teenage fantasy love that once you fall in love everything will be fine - which is totally not true but that's how you feel with your first love. i personally believe we have many 'ones', they are each suited to our stages in life. As a teenager my ex was 'the one' for me but as I got older and a bunch of other things started happening in our relationship, I realized he wasn't. Same with my husband. He's the 'the one' for me right now. Now this could change (we view our marriage as never def. making it, because no one knows that) but we hope it does and faith that it will. So whlie we believe in multiple 'ones', we also believe you can eventually find 'the ultimate one' for you. Some find it young (like we hope we have) and some find it later in life). Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I have a question for you, why did you get married in the first place with those beliefs? I understand the whole, never know about the future and I do think you're realistic in your point of view but I'm curious why get married with that frame of mind? Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 I have a question for you, why did you get married in the first place with those beliefs? I understand the whole, never know about the future and I do think you're realistic in your point of view but I'm curious why get married with that frame of mind? Because even with that frame of mind, I believe in marriage. I believe people can/do get married for the wrong reasons (have peronsally witness people I know get married only because they were pregnant) and even as a child who was put through a NASTY divorce, I believe in love. I believe in the idea of marriage that two people can come together and spend their entire lives together, weather the storms together and actually come out on the other side. It's rare in this day and age with the quickness of divorce but I do still believe in it - I just also chose to look at it from a realistic POV (which my husband as a child of divorce as well does as well). I think if you go into marriage with no expectations (as in, we are going to last for all eternity!!) you can realistically work on the problems. We know in 15 years time we could hate each other, fall out of love, etc. But with him I'm willing to take the chance it could all go horribly wrong, or wonderfully right. As far as marrying with the belief of multiple ones, as I said, I do believe you can find the ultimate one for you. some find it early, some search their whole lives. Only our divorce or out deaths will tell us if we are each other's 'ulatime ones' Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 Deep down you already know =P Deep in my gut you mean? Cause if I go off my head I don't know yet, if I go off my heart I don't know yet, if I go off my gut I don't know yet. Does it have anything to do with being ready for marriage? Cause I'm no way near ready. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Deep in my gut you mean? Cause if I go off my head I don't know yet, if I go off my heart I don't know yet, if I go off my gut I don't know yet. Does it have anything to do with being ready for marriage? Cause I'm no way near ready. It doesn't HAVE to mean to be ready for marriage. For some it is, for some it isn't. Although the fact you don't know may, as LDRohnos said, mean you already know... Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Deep in my gut you mean? Cause if I go off my head I don't know yet, if I go off my heart I don't know yet, if I go off my gut I don't know yet. Does it have anything to do with being ready for marriage? Cause I'm no way near ready. You just don't know what you want yet, or what you're looking for! Sometime people know what they want when they're 20, others have no clue until they're much older. Usually once you sort yourself out knowing what you want out of a partner comes very easily. Link to comment
LDRohnos Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Okay so essentially you're just being very open about it with each other. It's good that those doubts are in the air as I don't think there's very many new relationships/marriages that don't have them, so long as they don't become prevalent with some kind of doomsday clock. "Honey it's 1 before midnight on our marriage." Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Okay so essentially you're just being very open about it with each other. It's good that those doubts are in the air as I don't think there's very many new relationships/marriages that don't have them, so long as they don't become prevalent with some kind of doomsday clock. "Honey it's 1 before midnight on our marriage." I don't it as doubts but more so just being realistic as you said. I'm a child of divorce - every parent I know it divorced except mine and my husband's grandparents, their marriages are the ONLY ones I know of to reach 50. It's a fact marriages don't work but as I said, we went into ours knowing we would butt heads, step on each other's toes, and fight. Yes there is the love and passion and romance but there is also realism in that we know it's not just a you get married and you don't have to work on it anymore deal - it's a constant work. As my uncle always says, I'm a realistic romantic. I believe in love but I'm not so stuck in the clouds my feet aren't on the ground. That and I'm always optimistic. Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted November 29, 2011 Author Share Posted November 29, 2011 I As my uncle always says, I'm a realistic romantic. I believe in love but I'm not so stuck in the clouds my feet aren't on the ground. That and I'm always optimistic. Love this quote. Thanks for sharing that. I've grown from being a fairytale romantic through my first love to a realistic romantic as well. Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted November 29, 2011 Share Posted November 29, 2011 Love this quote. Thanks for sharing that. I've grown from being a fairytale romantic through my first love to a realistic romantic as well. As did I. I think it's natural to do so. I was always realistic, even with my ex, but still managed to make dumb decisions. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted December 2, 2011 Share Posted December 2, 2011 Deep in my gut you mean? Cause if I go off my head I don't know yet, if I go off my heart I don't know yet, if I go off my gut I don't know yet. Does it have anything to do with being ready for marriage? Cause I'm no way near ready. This is something that I myself have wondered about. I've never, not even in the past, felt like someone was my "soulmate". I don't really believe in soul mates. I also don't believe in "the one". I've only looked at people that I've been with and said "Wow, I can see a future with you. I can see myself marrying you in the future." Link to comment
CookieMonster8 Posted December 2, 2011 Author Share Posted December 2, 2011 I've never, not even in the past, felt like someone was my "soulmate". I don't really believe in soul mates. I also don't believe in "the one". I've only looked at people that I've been with and said "Wow, I can see a future with you. I can see myself marrying you in the future." Thanks Fudgie. Same thing with me. I think it's because I was raised off of the idea that you should JUST KNOW that sometimes I feel like I need that to validate wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone and it worries me. Also, 99% of my friends have said "I just knew" about whoever they were seeing within a few months of knowing someone. Well then I've "just known" three times because that's infatuation to me and the beginning stages of falling in love. This is what the "honeymoon stage" feels like. Not to mention my mom and my sister said the same thing and so it bums me out in a way I haven't felt the same thing which then cause me to over think my relationships etc etc. Thanks for your feedback. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted December 3, 2011 Share Posted December 3, 2011 Cookie, I do think "just knowing" right away is infatuation. I believe it's impossible to know after just a few months, to know for SURE that is. A lot of people are very romantic in the unrealistic sense and I don't buy it at all either. Definitely don't feel about it though. MANY MANY people are this way, mostly women from what I see. I wouldn't be surprised if that's a part of the reason why divorce rate is so high. You don't have to be hopelessly romantic to be in a good relationship and feel solid about it. I think you're on the right path. It's important to enter into relationship with a calm, reasonable state of mind, optimistic about the future but not assuming too much. Just go with the flow. Link to comment
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