new guy cancelled 40 minutes before our first meetup

[im sandra dee]

Oh, no, no, no.... It took him 9 months to talk to you on the phone and setup a date? And then he cancelled it because he had to feed his dog?

 

There is a misunderstanding. He didn't wait 9 months to call me for a date. I called him in January and got his voicemail and did not leave a message because I had blocked my number. I didn't want him or anyone to have my number at the time. I maybe tried again another time or two and then gave up. It was me. I gave up trying to reach him because I wasn't really in a dating frame of mind back then.

 

He called me last night because yesterday I emailed him and gave him my number. I figured it would be the only way we'd actually talk on the phone.

[RedDress]

There is a misunderstanding. He didn't wait 9 months to call me for a date. I called him in January and got his voicemail and did not leave a message because I had blocked my number. I didn't want him or anyone to have my number at the time. I maybe tried again another time or two and then gave up. It was me. I gave up trying to reach him because I wasn't really in a dating frame of mind back then.

 

He called me last night because yesterday I emailed him and gave him my number. I figured it would be the only way we'd actually talk on the phone.

 

Yeah - but in all that time he couldn't ask you out by email?

[im sandra dee]

Yeah - but in all that time he couldn't ask you out by email?

He did ask to meet me. He didn't have my email address. We exchanged a few messages on the dating site's email thing, not our email addresses and then at one point I deleted my profile so he had no way to contact me.

 

That's why when I saw his profile again and noticed that his recent pics were nice, I said hello again and this time gave him my number.

[RedDress]

He did ask to meet me. He didn't have my email address. We exchanged a few messages on the dating site's email thing, not our email addresses and then at one point I deleted my profile so he had no way to contact me.

 

That's why when I saw his profile again and noticed that his recent pics were nice, I said hello again and this time gave him my number.

 

Ok - fair enough, then. But feeding his dog is still a bad excuse...

[offplanet]

You would be in for an awful time if you did get involved with this guy. He sounds like he would stuff you around with his excuses. Personally, I wouldn't bother starting anything with him. You know in advance what he's like.

[BellaDonna]

His text message reads as follows:

Hi (insert my real name here). Can we make it another night Just got infra work. Need to feed the dogs and settle in .... Sorry

 

I have no idea how to respond. I am considering not even responding. I think if he is sincere (which I highly doubt), he would make a follow up call.

 

He is 38 and I'm 42. I highly doubt his age is the reason for this cancellation by text.

 

 

This is my opinion and it may seem rigid but the way I see it- you only live once. Life is too short to deal with nonsense and aggravation. If the above behavior is this guy's idea of a good first impression I'd say it is a HUGE red flag. Anyone who is that rude with the reason being that they need to "feed dogs and settle in" (whether that is true or not) is lame and isn't playing with a full deck of cards.

 

So IMO you should either not respond at all or just a "No." to his question about making it another night.

 

Of course in life things come up sometimes- but a lame-ass text message about feeding a dog should be the total end of that dating prospect. Not calling is just rude, selfish, and immature.

 

RUN!

[DN]

Pathetic excuse.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is possible he came home from work and was really tired so he didn't feel like going out. However, that doesn't excuse not calling you on the phone and rescheduling. This guy sounds rather rude.

[doiiiieeezie]

Next guy... move on

[annie24]

I would not reschedule with an excuse like that and so close to the time he was supposed to meet you. Emergency- fine. This -lame.

 

agreed!!! LAME!!!! I'm shocked when you said he was 38! i was expecting you to say he is 20! jeez. forget him, delete, next!!!!

 

(PS - I've had the same thing happen to me, multiple times. ) I responded to one guy saying I was no longer interested in meeting him, and that was that!!

[annie24]

Yes' date=' a dating site... way back in January, he initiated contact with me by sending me an email and we exchanged a few emails after that. He had given me his number and I tried to call him but didn't get through the few times I tried and then I gave up. We just spoke on the phone last night for the first time.[/quote']

 

january????????? he contacted you out of nowhere 9 months later? yes, something sketchy is going on! i bet he has a wife or gf, and she came home early tonight.

[tmtex]

Very bad excuse. I will admit I have to do that before but it was for Kid issues. If your bored give him another try if you think you like him but have that guard up and no sex no matter how hot he is.

[annie24]

if she's bored, she can contact a different man! i think she'd be better off.

[DN]

People who do this think their time is more important than your time - and therefore they are more important than you.

[annie24]

People who do this think their time is more important than your time - and therefore they are more important than you.

 

very lame. very very lame!!

 

well, i hope he is enjoying "settling in with his dogs" instead of being on a date with a hot lady! his loss!

 

(funny - a guy who canceled on me at the last minute (2 hours before the date) with no explanation - when he saw me a few months later in the street and then e-mailed me, and i told him i had no interest in talking to him, he told me it was "my loss." errr....no!)

[im sandra dee]

I didn't respond to his text. Then I got another text. He asked if I am upset. I responded: "I am not upset. You cancelled by text instead of calling to reschedule so I thought maybe you got cold feet. Was kinda last minute too." He replied no and that he'd call soon. Then he called me and we talked for a bit. He gave me his explanation and told me that he didn't get cold feet and he wants to meet me so he suggested we meet today. I agreed to meet him but I am keeping my guard up because I take this incident as a sign that he may not have time in his life for dating or a relationship.

[DN]

I would also make it clear that you don't appreciate having your time wasted by him canceling at the last moment unless there is some sort of emergency.

[Huntress0527]

Lame excuse, this is the time to be excited and want to meet up regardless. Hope this meeting goes through well for you! I would also not make myself so available.

 

I would have said Next! after the first cancellation and excuse given.

[im sandra dee]

Good point about this being the time to be excited. I was excited and now I'm not excited at all. It was a waste of my time to get ready to meet him i.e. I pondered what to wear, I had to do laundry ahead of time to have the outfit I wanted ready, I showered, I styled my hair, I dressed in my outfit and I had half of my makeup applied when I got his text so then of course I had to remove and put away my nice outfit and remove my makeup. All that time wasted. Not to mention the mental energy that went into trying to decide whether to respond to his text. This is just another example of why I am turned off of meeting men, dating and getting involved with men. And I ask myself why I even bother.

[annie24]

I don't get it - what was his explanation??

[DN]

Good point about this being the time to be excited. I was excited and now I'm not excited at all. It was a waste of my time to get ready to meet him i.e. I pondered what to wear' date=' I had to do laundry ahead of time to have the outfit I wanted ready, I showered, I styled my hair, I dressed in my outfit and I had half of my makeup applied when I got his text so then of course I had to remove and put away my nice outfit and remove my makeup. All that time wasted. Not to mention the mental energy that went into trying to decide whether to respond to his text. This is just another example of why I am turned off of meeting men, dating and getting involved with men. And I ask myself why I even bother.[/quote'] Whoa - hang on there. Just because this guy acted like a jerk doesn't mean we are all like that.

[im sandra dee]

Whoa - hang on there. Just because this guy acted like a jerk doesn't mean we are all like that.

 

Ok, sure, but I seem to meet the ones who do this sorta thing to me. And I forgot to say, I even took the time to shave my legs (because I was going to wear a skirt). I am all about making a good first impression and it seems that I don't get the same consideration.

[Ariel85]

Sandra - just remember - we teach people how to treat us, so by accepting and tolerating his (can we even call his excuse lame, when it wasn't even good enough to make lame status? I think it was more like non-existent - lol) totally last minute blowout and then being the one to reach out to him to make amends, and then accepting another "date", what do you think you've taught him about who you are, and what you think you're worth?

[lavenderdove]

Dating is a weeding out process as much as a 'finding' process. There are lots and lots of people who just aren't right for you for a lot of reasons.

 

With guys you meet online, you have to be very careful because many are married and lying about it or 'involved' with a steady GF or live-in that they don't want you to know about (or her to know about you). They are bored and looking for variety or attention or hookups with strangers their partners won't find out about.

 

So if a guy responds like this right out of the gate, he may well be testing you to see how 'flexible' you'll be if he randomly becomes unavailable, when the reason he is becoming unavailable is he has responsibilities to wife/GF that interfered with his plans to hook up with you. Married/taken guys constantly stand up their lovers in order not to get caught by their partners, whether the other woman knows she's an other woman or not.

 

And if he's not a cheater, there's a good chance he's either flaky or unreliable or selfish, the type of guy who just wants to follow whatever whim he has of the moment. A coffee date is a SHORT date, so even if he was tired, he could have taken half an hour to feed/walk the dogs, then met you for a short time. Instead he's clearly letting you know that he's moody at best and WILL blow you off if he's not in the mood.

 

If you really want to meet him, go ahead, but DON'T sleep with him or take him too seriously until you have enough visibility into his life to make sure he is truly single and/or that he isn't a selfish/moody person who'll jerk you around based on his whims. There is just no way a person would cancel a job interview on such sketchy excuses, and he shouldn't cancel a first date with you where he should be trying to make a good impression. He's not even phoning it in, he's just blowing you off with a text... really lazy and inconsiderate at best, and at worst, he's testing you to see if you'll put up with this kind of behavior before he even starts up with you.

[im sandra dee]

Ariel85, so how do I teach him to treat me better? How do I teach him about who I am and what I'm worth? I can't teach him anything if I don't accept another date.

 

And lavenderdove, as you say a coffee date is a short date so I just figured that I'd go and meet him. And yes definitely I am not going to sleep with him because quite frankly this type of bad behaviour can break my heart. Been there. Done that. Had enough of that.

 

I will give him one chance to turn things around and he is gonna have to work doubly-hard to impress me and show me he is not a selfish man. As for any concerns about him being married, his dating profile with pics is public so though it's possible, I doubt it. Just the same, I will be extra careful not to let this one get too close before I know him better.