I have a problem with old men looking at me

[Jaydedgirl]

I recently turned 25,im quite petite and look younger than my age..as some have said. I am of indian background..not that it matters. I go to gym every now and then since i picked up a bit of weight,i now weigh 56kgs. I used to be 48. I do not like tight fitting clothes and prefer my clothes to just "hang" on me,i love to feel comfortable. I have a boyfriend who adores me and we have a long distance relationship so hes not always with me.

 

Recently i went to gym and noticed alot of old men staring at me...it made me uncomfortable. I went on the treadmill and was determined to get back to my goal weight of 48kgs...so i ran. Then all of a sudden an old man stepped on the treadmill next to mine and walked very slow paced. At one point he looked right back so he can get a glimpse of my behind and when i looked at him,he looked somewhere else. So i ignored him and continued running. THen i received a message on my phone from my bf and i decided to slow down and check it. While i replied back this man looked at my phone like on the screen to see what im texting and i literally had to tilt my phone in a way which he couldnt see what i was typing. I started running again and kept seeing him from the side of my eye his face looking at me..so i got annoyed pressed stop and got off that treadmill and decided to go on another treadmill far away from him. Seriously i think old men just come to gym to look for younger girls. I noticed a few others looking at me and which i ignored. One guy tried talking to my sister and shes so friendly that she spoke back, he asked her what she does and how often she trains at gym. THere are woman their age for them to go pest yet they target the younger girls. I hate it so much that im ready to swear them..i dont care..i dont go to gym to provide some sort of entertainment for these old pervs!!

[ApocalypseDreams]

Maybe try a female only gym?

[myhonestanswer]

I agree with Jonty.

 

And also, learn to throw people a rude stare, as in, 'what YOU looking at?'. If you feel really uncomfortable tell someone at the gym, but I have a feeling this is just, well, life. People look at each other, they are nosy and they try to read each other's text messages. You only need to sit on a train to realise that. I think you're just reading more into it because you were at the gym and feeling self-conscious about your body.

[Jaydedgirl]

Maybe try a female only gym?

 

HOnestly i dont live in a place where they have female gyms,if they did i wouldve gone a long time ago.

[Jaydedgirl]

I agree with Jonty.

 

And also, learn to throw people a rude stare, as in, 'what YOU looking at?'. If you feel really uncomfortable tell someone at the gym, but I have a feeling this is just, well, life. People look at each other, they are nosy and they try to read each other's text messages. You only need to sit on a train to realise that. I think you're just reading more into it because you were at the gym and feeling self-conscious about your body.

 

Yeah i am feeling self conscious but i cant seem to work out with these old farts staring at me

[nutbrownhare]

Really, really don't take any notice.

 

I started getting sexist remarks, stares from men, comments etc when I was about 14, and have done all my adult life. Learning to deal with creeps is a life skill, and as long as all they're doing is looking at you then forget about it. (Of course, if it turns into anything more serious, report them to the gym management immediately).

 

If you're worried about men looking at your behind - for whatever reason - then wear something long and loose which covers it. If you're very pretty, men will look at you - that's just the way we're made. But you can always dress in a way which doesn't reveal anything you don't want to reveal, and then you just need to relax. At the moment it seems that you are paying more attention to the men than you are to your own workout.

[lavenderdove]

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

 

"Old farts' have a right to exist and go to the gym just like anyone else... And frankly, running on a treadmill is boring and they're going to look around the gym while they're working out... he's not going to just stare at the floor and avoid eye contract with everyone just because you want him too...

 

Remember, not everything is about you! For example, I go to hair salons and when I am sitting in my chair getting my hair cut, i look around the room and what what is going on with other people, what hairstyles are getting cut etc. I don't sit in the chair and avoid eye contact and just look at the floor (because sitting in the chair is boring), and sometimes if i am sitting in a chair next to someone else who is getting their hair cut, we strike up a conversation. I am not a lesbian trying to pick up the woman in the next chair just because I say hello or watch their hair get cut, nor am I the least bit interested in anything other than passing the time when i'm trapped in the chair.

 

The same applies to people at the gym. They are working out on a machine, and will pass the time by looking around or talking to other people or by doing nothing at all. Doesn't mean they are 'old farts' or terrible people or even interested sexually in you. And many older people are pleasant people and will perceive you as being like their daughter and just strike up a conversation to be pleasant.

 

A gym is no different than a beach either... people lie around on the beach watching the other people do their thing. It's not a cloister or church, it's a gym! People don't have to march around looking at their feet just because you are uncomfortable with your body. Start wearing long loose T-shirts if you feel exposed, and just ignore the people around you if you don't want to talk to them.

[MakeItCount]

You just have some really unhealthy preoccupation with guys even looking at you, or saying hello, or glancing at you. It's been like 4 or 5 threads about this. Most girls would be flattered (secretly, of course) that they're getting checked out. You flip when a guy says hello, or checks you out. Big deal, really.

 

Time for some introspection.

[In the Dark]

I don't think you have any choice really.

If a woman is attractive, men regardless of age are going to look.

 

For sure there are some old men who do take their chances more than younger men.

I guess they feel they have nothing to lose compared to younger men.

[Jaydedgirl]

You just have some really unhealthy preoccupation with guys even looking at you, or saying hello, or glancing at you. It's been like 4 or 5 threads about this. Most girls would be flattered (secretly, of course) that they're getting checked out. You flip when a guy says hello, or checks you out. Big deal, really.

 

Time for some introspection.

 

Yeah coming from a male you know it all dont ya

[Jaydedgirl]

I don't think you have any choice really.

If a woman is attractive, men regardless of age are going to look.

 

For sure there are some old men who do take their chances more than younger men.

I guess they feel they have nothing to lose compared to younger men.

 

They have their life to lose thats what!! I mean ok if a woman is attractive look..but dont disrespect her by checking her behind and peeking into her phone..that is unacceptable..

[Jaydedgirl]

Theres a difference between looking and disrespecting someones workout. Im young and these men are old enough to be my father..and checking out my behind is in no way friendly!! These men dont have respect for women at all..they dont respect their wives or daughters..

[Batya33]

How about focusing only on your workout (and only responding to a text from your bf or anyone if it is such an emergency that it can't wait the hour until you're done) and stop focusing on whether people are looking at you. You might still feel like you're being stared at at times but if you're reading or into your music you won't notice. I think you're looking for an excuse to be hostile and angry at "old" men (how old are they? 90?) when a firm look (not hostile -neutral) and a slight stare back as someone else suggested likely will do the trick. And yes they're allowed to look -they're not allowed to get in your personal space, not allowed to harass you verbally either but look? Sure.

[Jaydedgirl]

Honestly i was wearing a long loose tshirt but he still had the nerve!

[Jaydedgirl]

How about focusing only on your workout (and only responding to a text from your bf or anyone if it is such an emergency that it can't wait the hour until you're done) and stop focusing on whether people are looking at you. You might still feel like you're being stared at at times but if you're reading or into your music you won't notice. I think you're looking for an excuse to be hostile and angry at "old" men (how old are they? 90?) when a firm look (not hostile -neutral) and a slight stare back as someone else suggested likely will do the trick. And yes they're allowed to look -they're not allowed to get in your personal space, not allowed to harass you verbally either but look? Sure.

 

Look for what?? im not their age..cant they look at women their own age! and its my own problem if i want to respond to a text not anybodys. I did give him a stare back but the man didnt take a hint. This man was around his 50's

[In the Dark]

If they truly had their life to lose I am certain they may stop taking a gander.

 

Unfortunately some elderly men are more daring than others.

From where I work I also notice some older men are more horny than the younger men, regardless married or not.

For instance, if there is an attractive female at the counter, instead of taking their time to go there and hope I serve them, they are quick up out of their seats ready to be of service! lol

 

Checking your behind is something to be expected unfortunately.....peeking at your phone is stepping over the boundary as it would be with any stranger.

 

Even when walking with a partner I have noticed men blatantly starting my partners chest.

[Batya33]

Look for what?? im not their age..cant they look at women their own age! and its my own problem if i want to respond to a text not anybodys. I did give him a stare back but the man didnt take a hint. This man was around his 50's

 

Of course you can respond to a text but it tells me that you're not entirely focused on your workout and therefore noticing what's around you -just like these men. Men in their 50s are not "old" and in public they're allowed to check out whoever they want to within the boundaries I wrote above, IMO. Maybe think about why you react so strongly and why you're so angry about it.

 

And I'm not sure how they're supposed to know who is in their age group - I am, I guess because I am about to turn 45 but most people think I look at least 15 years younger.

[BlueMilk]

Odd thing but ever wonder that the fact that you are also watching them from the corner of your eye to be an indication of /your/ interest? If the 'old fart' is noticing you noticing him, he might misinterpret your glances as interest - especially when you slowed down after a bit to 'use your phone' (who does that in a workout unless they are trying to attract interest?)

 

Basically while deep down you might be recoiling in horror the fact that you are obsessed with looking at him to see if he is looking at you might give /him/ the indication of interest, even if there isn't any.

 

So yea, your best bet is too ignore those glances - he is trying to get somewhere, if you notice him and /keep/ noticing him it'll make him think he has a chance.

[nutbrownhare]

Honestly i was wearing a long loose tshirt but he still had the nerve!

 

If you were wearing a long, loose t-shirt, then why do think he was staring at your behind? He wouldn't have been able to see it!

 

Also, just because someone's looking in your general direction it doesn't necessarily mean they're looking at you. I'm also guessing that you're not the only young woman at the gym...?

 

As Batya says, focus on your workout, make sure you're dressed in a way with which you feel comfortable - and forget the rest. It just sounds that you're causing yourself a lot of unnecessary distress at the moment.

[Jaydedgirl]

If you were wearing a long, loose t-shirt, then why do think he was staring at your behind? He wouldn't have been able to see it!

 

Also, just because someone's looking in your general direction it doesn't necessarily mean they're looking at you. I'm also guessing that you're not the only young woman at the gym...?

 

As Batya says, focus on your workout, make sure you're dressed in a way with which you feel comfortable - and forget the rest. It just sounds that you're causing yourself a lot of unnecessary distress at the moment.

 

What i am also more angry about is the fact that they try to talk to my sister,she even gets pissed about it but im more strict. I dont tolerate this crap and also another thing, one random old man that talks to my sister keeps asking her where i am and if im not at gym he asks her..like * * * ?? Im in no way interested in men that age group!! UGH

[Jaydedgirl]

Odd thing but ever wonder that the fact that you are also watching them from the corner of your eye to be an indication of /your/ interest? If the 'old fart' is noticing you noticing him, he might misinterpret your glances as interest - especially when you slowed down after a bit to 'use your phone' (who does that in a workout unless they are trying to attract interest?)

 

Basically while deep down you might be recoiling in horror the fact that you are obsessed with looking at him to see if he is looking at you might give /him/ the indication of interest, even if there isn't any.

 

So yea, your best bet is too ignore those glances - he is trying to get somewhere, if you notice him and /keep/ noticing him it'll make him think he has a chance.

 

Trust me this is NOT the first time, i have ignored many times..and you dont have to stare at someone to notice theyre looking at you when they decide to choose a treadmill right next to you!!

[Jaydedgirl]

Of course you can respond to a text but it tells me that you're not entirely focused on your workout and therefore noticing what's around you -just like these men. Men in their 50s are not "old" and in public they're allowed to check out whoever they want to within the boundaries I wrote above, IMO. Maybe think about why you react so strongly and why you're so angry about it.

 

And I'm not sure how they're supposed to know who is in their age group - I am, I guess because I am about to turn 45 but most people think I look at least 15 years younger.

 

I think its rude to be staring at a person while they are working out, i dont even dress revealing at gym. I have been told i am pretty but i feel so angry with this situation!!

[Jaydedgirl]

If they truly had their life to lose I am certain they may stop taking a gander.

 

Unfortunately some elderly men are more daring than others.

From where I work I also notice some older men are more horny than the younger men, regardless married or not.

For instance, if there is an attractive female at the counter, instead of taking their time to go there and hope I serve them, they are quick up out of their seats ready to be of service! lol

 

Checking your behind is something to be expected unfortunately.....peeking at your phone is stepping over the boundary as it would be with any stranger.

 

Even when walking with a partner I have noticed men blatantly starting my partners chest.

 

Youre right..some men are just so gross...

[In the Dark]

Youre right..some men are just so gross...

 

Lol....yes some elderly men are gross indeed.

No dignity and feel no shame, there for they do what they do.

 

I still remember the first time I saw it happen.

I had a friend who stayed in a lodge while he was at music school and there was only one tiny shower in the whole place which you had to walk past the small tea room without a door.

The shower literally took up the whole room and there was no place to hang your clothing.

There was this one old man. clearly two sandwiches short of a picnic who would keep his door open to his room in the mornings.

The lodge owner had a daughter.

Whenever she took a shower the old man would make his way to the tea room and stand at the doorway waiting for her to come out in her towel to bring on his morning smile.

Regardless of the insults and being told not to stand in the tea room doorway to wait for her, he continued to do so.

She couldn't do anything because the old man paid a lot more than what the room was worth and her Father was not going to make him leave because of it.

[Seraphim]

I think you should decide if this is all worth getting so pent up about people looking at you. After all who are you hurting? They are not worried about it. You are. You can not control the actions of other people so there is absolutely no point in being up set by it. If it bothers you move to another place in the gym. Move yourself away from people who bother you. Only YOU can control YOU. People have been staring at me since I was 11 I just learned to get on with my day.