I have a problem with old men looking at me

[Jaydedgirl]

GROSS ...ughh.. it makes me want to puke seriously

[FathomFear]

I think you should decide if this is all worth getting so pent up about people looking at you. After all who are you hurting? They are not worried about it. You are. You can not control the actions of other people so there is absolutely no point in being up set by it. If it bothers you move to another place in the gym. Move yourself away from people who bother you. Only YOU can control YOU. People have been staring at me since I was 11 I just learned to get on with my day.

 

I agree. If people want to stare they will stare. There's nothing you can do to avoid it. It might sometimes get tacky and excessive, but our world is filled with tacky and obsessive people of any gender. All you can really do is ignore them and go about your business. I wouldn't really make a fuss unless they were to really get in your face or intimidate you, for example, in which case I would inform the management of the gym.

[Seraphim]

I agree. If people want to stare they will stare. There's nothing you can do to avoid it. It might sometimes get tacky and excessive, but our world is filled with tacky and obsessive people of any gender. All you can really do is ignore them and go about your business. I wouldn't really make a fuss unless they were to really get in your face or intimidate you, for example, in which case I would inform the management of the gym.

 

Exactly, if they get in your face and go beyond looking that is something else. But just looking, I learned to get over that and just move to another space or stare them down. Do not let other people control YOU or how YOU feel. Just empower yourself. YOU have power over yourself not them. Being upset you are just giving yourself the crappy day and giving them control over you when it is completely not necessary. Take control over yourself, your reactions and your thinking.

[Batya33]

What i am also more angry about is the fact that they try to talk to my sister,she even gets pissed about it but im more strict. I dont tolerate this crap and also another thing, one random old man that talks to my sister keeps asking her where i am and if im not at gym he asks her..like * * * ?? Im in no way interested in men that age group!! UGH

 

It's interesting that you are into working out which is a great way to get physically and mentally healthy, reduce stress and anxiety and yet you're choosing to get this upset, get your blood pressure up and spew all this negativity about so-called "elderly men" -why sabotage the benefits of working out just because you don't like the way some people look at you? I agree with Victoria.

[Seraphim]

I know 50 is "old" to you but I can guarantee you when you get there you won't think it is the least bit "old".

[Blue Spiral]

If they truly had their life to lose I am certain they may stop taking a gander.

 

What exactly does that mean?

[In the Dark]

What exactly does that mean?

It was in response to Jayded saying they have their life to lose that's what!!!

 

So if these old men knew they were going to lose their life by checking much younger females out, they may actually stop.

[Marah]

I think, in your case, it would be best to verbally say, firmly, "please do not stare at me" and give him/them a dirty look. Better to possibly be rude (if the staring is innocent and accidental, which I don't think it is) than be bothered and worried about this all the time. Some people need a louder hint.

[Batya33]

I know 50 is "old" to you but I can guarantee you when you get there you won't think it is the least bit "old".

 

I think it's interesting that the OP would think it was appropriate if those "old" men stared at women in their 40s even though she thinks the staring itself is harassing.

[Seraphim]

It was in response to Jayded saying they have their life to lose that's what!!!

 

So if these old men knew they were going to lose their life by checking much younger females out, they may actually stop.

 

People think that people should lose their life for looking at people?? What?? A bit psycho of a response I must say. Why not just make HERSELF responsible for her own reactions.

[Seraphim]

I think it's interesting that the OP would think it was appropriate if those "old" men stared at women in their 40s even though she thinks the staring itself is harassing.

 

Yeah, funny how they can harass us "old ladies" but not young ones. A bit of ageism going on? I think people just need to be a little more responsible for their own reactions and stop over reacting. I know it is not popular to hear that you CAN control yourself and your reactions and thoughts band be responsible. People don't believe that they can and that everyone is out there affecting them. But you CAN learn control. People just don't want to hear it because then they would have to be responsible.

[TakingtheBlame]

I think, in your case, it would be best to verbally say, firmly, "please do not stare at me" and give him/them a dirty look. Better to possibly be rude (if the staring is innocent and accidental, which I don't think it is) than be bothered and worried about this all the time. Some people need a louder hint.

 

Since when is staring ever anything other than innocent? I agree with the posters who say that it is ridiculous to expect people to walk around staring at the ground to avoid looking at someone "the wrong way" (whatever that means.) I often find my eyes wandering and sometimes I end up "checking people out" without even really thinking about it, especially at the gym when I'm desperately trying to find something to focus on other than the exhaustion and pain of running on the treadmill for an extended amount of time. Creepy? Maybe, but I assure you I'm not doing it with any creepy intention in mind. I fail to see what harm is being done by somebody looking at someone else, regardless of intention. Frankly, I find myself a bit insulted when I walk into a room in my gym clothes and nobody seems to notice me walk in!

[In the Dark]

People think that people should lose their life for looking at people?? What?? A bit psycho of a response I must say. Why not just make HERSELF responsible for her own reactions.

 

Lol most likely the OP said this out of frustration.

Jayded just needs to learn to cope with it as it IS everywhere.

[Marah]

Since when is staring ever anything other than innocent?

 

Plenty of perverts stare.

[Marah]

The OP's post seems to indicate, to me at least, she's encountered cases of people doing more than spacing out and haplessly staring off at her for small bits of time. If you catch yourself eyeing someone down in a day dream, and they see you, you STOP eyeing them, right? Sure. Plenty of men go to the gym just to stare at women, so let's not be naive and think the guy was likely just not sure where to put his eyes.

 

From her post it seems like these men have held deliberate glances, which can be unsettling to certain people. Who am I to judge what's unsettling to her?

 

Can't stop anyone from being a creep or staring, but you can put up boundaries and hope it improves the situation, or file a complaint with the gym staff if it ever got seriously upsetting. I dunno.

[Seraphim]

We are not saying it is not unsettling to her. However if you are going to get upset and disturbed every time someone looks at you you are creating a hard life for yourself. I have even been sexually assaulted and I do not take every look as threatening or "targeting" me.It is something she needs to learn to deal with.ALL people get stared at. ALL people and not all people take mortal offense to it every time it happens. Instead of making your life harder why not learn to cope.

[hexaemeron]

You don't get to control what happens in public OP. if you don't like attention, work out at home. I guarantee you won't get stared at there.

[TakingtheBlame]

The OP's post seems to indicate, to me at least, she's encountered cases of people doing more than spacing out and haplessly staring off at her for small bits of time. If you catch yourself eyeing someone down in a day dream, and they see you, you STOP eyeing them, right? Sure. Plenty of men go to the gym just to stare at women, so let's not be naive and think the guy was likely just not sure where to put his eyes.

 

From her post it seems like these men have held deliberate glances, which can be unsettling to certain people. Who am I to judge what's unsettling to her?

 

Can't stop anyone from being a creep or staring, but you can put up boundaries and hope it improves the situation, or file a complaint with the gym staff if it ever got seriously upsetting. I dunno.

 

Nah I totally agree that some guys go to the gym to stare. So? Are we going to start filing complaints now because a guy might be staring a little more than we'd like, or because we think he's looking at the wrong area of our body? What's next, calling the Thought Police because a guy is probably undressing us in his mind? Not to belabor the point, but people stare at other people in public for all sorts of reasons and unless they are touching you, you deal with it. You can't tell a person where to look and if you do you're just starting a confrontation over nothing.

[Marah]

However if you are going to get upset and disturbed every time someone looks at you you are creating a hard life for yourself.

 

I think that's a wider assumption than the original post supports. She didn't seem to indicate she is disturbed every time someone looks at her.

 

 

I do think Hexaemeron's advice is good, working out at home certainly prevents unwanted attention.

[Marah]

Nah I totally agree that some guys go to the gym to stare. So? Are we going to start filing complaints now because a guy might be staring a little more than we'd like, or because we think he's looking at the wrong area of our body? What's next, calling the Thought Police because a guy is probably undressing us in his mind?

 

This seems incredibly naive.

[TakingtheBlame]

This seems incredibly naive.

 

Nope, just aware that I can't control everyone so I'm better off drawing the line of caring somewhere.

[Miss Firecracker]

Why would the men want to stare at old 40 year old women? lol

 

You are 25, so before you know it they will quit looking at you. Just tough it out a few more years.

[guynextdoor]

Give it a few years and she'll make a post about not getting any attention from the men at the gym young or old.

[Blue Spiral]

So if these old men knew they were going to lose their life by checking much younger females out, they may actually stop.

 

I don't know if you're talking about killing them or what, but, I obviously recommend against that. I don't know what it's like in New Zealand, but a lot of American states have conceal-and-carry laws, and if you walk up to someone and tell them to stop looking at whomever, you may be in for a surprise.

[Seraphim]

I think that's a wider assumption than the original post supports. She didn't seem to indicate she is disturbed every time someone looks at her.

 

 

I do think Hexaemeron's advice is good, working out at home certainly prevents unwanted attention.

 

Then you better read her other threads on just this issue. Really we ARE trying to help her. But just sympathizing and saying yeah the world is full of dirty old men who need to be punished (an old is entirely subjective here) and crazy people is not going to help her. This IS a big issue for her because she has made over 5 threads about anyone and everyone staring at her. I think her perceptions are a little off.