"You're taking too long to reply."

[StrawberryYogurt]

and if I'm in a situation where I have to end the conversation, I tell them I need to go, and that I'll talk to them later. I don't just...say nothing for three hours.

 

I see what you're saying, but doesn't that depend on the nature of the convo and many other things (e.g. if someone's at work - these economic days, you really don't want to be spending all day texting) ? If someone's just texting random things vs asking a specific question, I don't see the need to be like "gotta go, I'll text you back in 8 hours".

[tresqua]

You should write back "Sorry, I was taking a really long and tough dump".

 

He would answer "A dump only takes about 10 minutes and you can text while you're sitting there".

 

And he'd be right.

[VanSprinkles]

If you're at work, that's one thing. I know that my boss would have written me up for texting. Also, sometimes I'm just so busy with school work or something, I forget to reply. I also agree with the others, he sounds way to jealous and possessive.

[Blue Spiral]

I see what you're saying, but doesn't that depend on the nature of the convo and many other things (e.g. if someone's at work - these economic days, you really don't want to be spending all day texting) ? If someone's just texting random things vs asking a specific question, I don't see the need to be like "gotta go, I'll text you back in 8 hours".

 

I guess I'm just crazy-polite...if someone texts me, I always respond, even if it's just to say "I'm busy right now, sorry--I'll text you later!"

[Tryptophan]

I guess I'm just crazy-polite...if someone texts me, I always respond, even if it's just to say "I'm busy right now, sorry--I'll text you later!"

 

It's good to have a different opinion here and I do see your point. However, I was under the impression that was mostly done on chats and stuff. I mean, this is a phone so it's not like I'm going "away"—I'm just ignoring it for a while. I have a very complicated situation with concentration so once I manage to focus, I let it go.

 

I used to like texting a lot with my ex all day so now like I said, I'm trying to avoid it with anyone that comes along. I think it's cute at the beginning but after a while, you shouldn't let it become your only way of not face-to-face communication. **** is scripted and I do believe it can shatter the communication "sphere".

 

This was reminiscent of me and my ex and how I would get mad when he wouldn't reply for a while but that was different because I would even do it at work—because like someone said, flirting was off the hook—but with this guy, it's completely new and I didn't want him to get used to me neglecting work for him lol.

 

But I do think consensus wins here because it's a controlling, and rather manipulative behavior. We've only gone in 4 dates so I don't need drama this soon. I just wanted an opinion to know that it wasn't just my newfound hatred of texting speaking. Yup, not going on any more dates with him.

[Ms Darcy]

I guess I'm just crazy-polite...if someone texts me, I always respond, even if it's just to say "I'm busy right now, sorry--I'll text you later!"

 

I can see this on im maybe if you are having an instant back and forth. But most texts have some space in between where people are primarily doing something else. If I'm primarily working then I don't think it's impolite to continue working. When you are on a call, usually people can't be working at the same time because the call has their undivided attention.

[Blue Spiral]

I can see this on im maybe if you are having an instant back and forth. But most texts have some space in between where people are primarily doing something else.

 

Most of the people I text with reply within minutes, so maybe I just know like-minded people.

[Oneironaut]

Ironically, I enjoy texting because it doesn't have to be answered immediately. My buddy is at work, send him a text rather than call. He can answer it later, and shoot me a response anytime, and we don't have to be trying to carry on a conversation while working. There is no instant gratification in communication anymore. I rarely get anyone right away if I call. I get their voicemail, and usually just end up texting. In which case, they either call or text back within the hour.

 

Agreed. My best friend and I sometimes take hours to reply to each other, which is why I prefer texting sometimes, I don't have to come up with immediate answers...neither of us takes it personally, we simply assume that the other is busy.

 

However, if you're in the middle of a conversation with someone whom you don't know that well, then yes, the -polite- thing to do would be to let them know you're going to be afk for a bit for whatever reason. In this case, though, he knew you were at work, and come on...what kind of self-centered jerk expects you to keep up a constant stream of conversation while at work?

 

Throwing my vote in with everyone else who says this is a sign of things to come...glad you saw this early, though, before you became too emotionally involved.

[bulletproof]

Most of the people I text with reply within minutes, so maybe I just know like-minded people.

 

A lot of people have jobs that don't allow even for a text saying that they can't reply. I used to work on deadline and would have long periods of downtime, followed by intense work periods where people want something that second. Someone may have just sent me a text, and I wouldn't get to it for hours, despite having been texting consistently minutes before. And she also has been dating this guy for half a second.

[browneyedgirl36]

Maybe it's just my age showing (LOL!) but I don't get the need for people to be chained to their devices 24/7. My phone is often in another room, or in my purse, or on "vibrate" even when I'm at home. Sometimes, I go hours without even looking at it. If it happens to be right in front of me when someone texts, I usually answer immediately, but when having a "text conversation" with someone, there may be significant gaps between texts because I --- and the other person -- have other stuff going on. If someone I didn't know very well or had just started dating told me "You're taking too long to reply!" I would think he was a bit controlling; I'd be put off by that. Just because most people have cell phones doesn't mean we all have to be glued to them constantly, and it doesn't mean we have to respond immediately. I think technology has made people a bit impatient -- not to mention entitled!

[greywolf]

I love texting. I rarely call people, and when people ask for my number, I tell them not to call me. For me, calling someone is for when something is more urgent or is too long to be said through text. Texting is for things that don't need to be answered right away. So, taking too long to reply? What? Isn't that what texting is about? You reply when you have time.

[parkbom]

Forget about this guy. Dude he is not only insecure like what the others have said but also very manipulated when he said don't text me if you can't talk. Omigosh! of course you can't talk when you have to work and you need to finish w/e you need to do. Dude my ex was like that too! It wasn't even a couple hours it was only couple mins. He would say like wow you're the slowest responder. and i was like * * * ? it was only couple mins and he said i'm slow.

 

well what shoudl they expect if its text and Aim or other instant message. Honestly people like these have an issue.

The guy I'm currently texting right on is also on and off and sometimes he doesn't text me right away but I try to be cool with it sometimes he doesn't text for couple hours until I say you're a slow responder haha because he said that to me before and I didn't noticed he texted me. But i know he was just joking but my ex kept saying that everytime and when I texted him couple months after I knew him he started to take forever to respond, maybe because I didn't respond right away. BUt seriously people like that needs to grow up... that guy you're talking isn;t mature and you need to tell him to grow the f up...

[lizzie2011]

I'll gladly be the contrarian in this thread. I do most of my communication via texting and IMing (I hate phone calls), and if I'm in a situation where I have to end the conversation, I tell them I need to go, and that I'll talk to them later. I don't just...say nothing for three hours. That's pretty rude, IMHO. I wouldn't want to deal with someone that would just wander off and forget about me--not the best sign of things to come.

 

I think texting etiquette is vastly different from one person to another. i understand the part about trailing off without saying something being rude and i would be right there with you if he just said that instead of saying that he felt she was texting someone else. That is the red flag. So what? Anytime he can;t get ahold of her she must be cheating?

 

Madness

[Tryptophan]

I think texting etiquette is vastly different from one person to another. i understand the part about trailing off without saying something being rude and i would be right there with you if he just said that instead of saying that he felt she was texting someone else. That is the red flag. So what? Anytime he can;t get ahold of her she must be cheating?

 

Madness

 

Yes, see, that's the problem. It would not even be cheating because we've been on four dates. Like someone said, that's half a second. Gaps between daily texting are expected so for him to have a * * * * * fit over me not replying was really immature to say the least. He works at a place where texting and pretty much everything is allowed so I would understand his necessity for immediacy. Yet, I think this could have been handled much differently rather than making it seem like I was the most horrible person it the world.

 

Even for someone that thinks it might be impolite, his response was not necessarily the nicest reply I've seen. Ugh, people need to let go of their phones these days.

[EmmaB78]

Just curious - how would the guys out there respond if a girl did something like this? For some reason it seems like only girls would even CONTEMPLATE putting up with this kind of crap (no offense to the OP - I've done it myself if otherwise I liked the guy). I would think most guys would immediately write off a girl who did something similar.

[In the Dark]

Just curious - how would the guys out there respond if a girl did something like this? For some reason it seems like only girls would even CONTEMPLATE putting up with this kind of crap (no offense to the OP - I've done it myself if otherwise I liked the guy). I would think most guys would immediately write off a girl who did something similar.

 

I did.

I put up with it and text back.

Over time she started to become paranoid of me and it became abuse where ever I went.

I would be honest and say I m having a few beers.

I her mind this means I am partying it up with some females when in actual fact most of the time i was hanging out at her pregnant friends house keeping her company since her friend was the one who introduced me to her.

 

I was blind and let her behavior carry on.

It was only the beginning of things to come.

[Fudgie]

It depends on the guy, Emma.

 

There are some guys out there who date girls who are a little more clingy. They either don't mind the "attention" or they just roll their eyes and deal with it on their own. I know a couple of guys who are like this. they assume that women are clingy and that it's "natural" to have a girlfriend and have her contacting them at all hours.

 

And then there are other guys who don't want to deal with the constant need for contact and they won't put up with it.

[givinggirl]

I have a take on both sides of the equation. I dated a guy who was extremely clingy, but he kept that under wraps the first couple of months. Then, one day, I had a work lunch, which I told him about. He decided to text me right when it started. I didn't even look at my phone. I had my phone on vibrate and a few minutes later it rang. I didn't answer it. He left me a nasty message saying Why aren't you answering me? I've been trying to get a hold of you...etc. I came back to work after 1.5 hours to find 80 text messages from him. Calling me a stupid * * * * * , accusing me of not being where I said I was, accusing me of going out with my ex (who happened to work with me), saying how no other man would want me, etc. I basically told him to take a hike and stopped responding. This was after 6 months of dating. At 2 am that night, he phoned me acting like he was having a heart attack and wanted me to come over. I refused and told him to call his sister. The ambulance was there when he was on the phone with me. I knew he threw himself into this panic attack just to get me to come running. He was bad news, insecure, clingy, selfish, emotionally abusive. If we went out somewhere, he would accuse me of staring at people and warn me how I shouldn't be staring at people because they might think the wrong thing and I would cause problems. So, I do think this is a red flag.

 

I tend to want instant gratification, but I realize sometimes people can't respond. However, when it's overnight or 2 days, then I think that is a bit rude, especially if it's something that a response would be expected on. I've also been ignored via text because people don't want to deal with situations. Which is a reason why some things should be talked about over the phone or in person. Today, I text my friend because she hadn't responded in a few days and lately she's been pretty slow. I started wondering if everything was ok or if she was upset with me for something. Stuff like that does happen, but I usually only start worrying after a couple days of no reply. Most people I text have their phones near them all the time. When you intentionally ignore someone that just is not nice.

[desert_rose26]

oh gosh. I take the longest time to reply too...not all the time but sometimes... When I have the option to take time to write a text..I will..lol

[Tryptophan]

Just curious - how would the guys out there respond if a girl did something like this? For some reason it seems like only girls would even CONTEMPLATE putting up with this kind of crap (no offense to the OP - I've done it myself if otherwise I liked the guy). I would think most guys would immediately write off a girl who did something similar.

 

None taken. I knew right away what I had to do—send him to hell. But it also mad me wonder what was behind his behavior because it's so unusual. The most I have gotten from someone for taking long has been "......." and that was back in high school, in AIM. It seems like if you're on an instant messenger, it's logical to do because you're tied to a computer. However, if it's a phone, you're taking in everywhere so if you don't reply, it's not like you're necessarily "making them wait".

 

And as a girl, I have been like this before as well. With my ex in particular, I probably did it to him once or twice, but it was because he never never stopped replying without saying something. So when he didn't, I would say, "I'll talk to you later then.", or stop replying overall until I had the time. Sometimes I didn't reply to him at all when we started dating, but he never flipped. Then again, my ex never flipped.