Tryptophan Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Although I am not a big fan of texting or IMing, I know it's the new way of communicating and sometimes there's no other option. I was recently texting someone back and forth (it's someone I've been "sort of" dating), and I forgot to get back to him for a couple of hours (3?). I was at work and he knew this and I was under the impression that if I'm at work, it's okay for me not to be texting. I used to text at work with my ex, and it was a bad experience because all of a sudden, it was all we would do—it was so bad my boss pointed it out and called my attention over it. So whatever, I was busy at work and when I finally managed to check he had texted "You're taking too long to reply." When I texted back a couple of hours later that I was at work, he never replied. I talked to him after and he said that he felt I was probably texting someone else, and that it was not just work. He also said that if I didn't have time or had no interest of texting him then I should just let him know. What's the deal? Are people that paranoid that if you take too long to reply you're no longer "interested" or something along those lines? Is texting "etiquette" really that serious? Link to comment
banal Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Wow, the deal is that this dude has out of control jealousy and insecurity issues. I'm like you, in that I hate texting, and I told the woman I'm seeing that I'm bad at it - both in terms of response-time and in eloquence. So far, so good. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I really just hate texting for these sorts of reasons. I think people get used to the instant gratification dynamic. Any diversion in the routine throws them off. Couple that with clear insecurity issues...Yuck. I'm curious what you said to him after he said all that? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 What's the deal? Are people that paranoid that if you take too long to reply you're no longer "interested" or something along those lines? Is texting "etiquette" really that serious? People? No. This guy? Yes. You are getting a nice preview of the insecurity and controlling behaviour you will experience in a relationship with this man. I would take that all in to consideration as you decide if you really want to move forward with this man. Link to comment
banal Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 People? No. This guy? Yes. You are getting a nice preview of the insecurity and controlling behaviour you will experience in a relationship with this man. I would take that all in to consideration as you decide if you really want to move forward with this man. Yup. The title of this thread should be, "Thank God for Texting," because in this case it has helped you to realize very quickly, OP, that the man you were sort-of dating is nuts. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 What's the deal? Are people that paranoid that if you take too long to reply you're no longer "interested" or something along those lines? Is texting "etiquette" really that serious? I don't text, but I do use MSN and Skype to keep in touch with a few people. Its funny in chat rooms sometimes if I take long to reply I will get like 10 msgs saying "Where are you?" "Ok your busy" "...." That is just an example. Me and my best friend are on opposite work shifts so we have been keeping in touch through MSN. I know sometimes I will say "I am doing dishes brb" or something on those lines. I will be gone for 2 hours because I get in super clean mode and come back to him all upset that I was gone for "to long" Other time times he will get mad and say "Ok,.... Don't talk to me then, why msg if you can't talk?" though it was him who messaged me first. Some people do get paranoid. But you were at work, you were at work and most jobs have a strict no texting at work policy. tI think he might be a bit jealous or insecure easily. Nobody should expect their gf/bf/friend to go into a texting frenzy when they are at work. Theres a time and place for that. Link to comment
RedDress Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah... rather than taking these two experiences and throwing a blanket over all people who text, I would really wonder what is wrong with this guy (or these guys you are dating). I don't think his (or their) behaviour is normal at all. At least... not in my experience. I text with my boyfriend but it's certainly not unheard of to have a gap in communication for a few hours (on either end), especially while at work. In fact, it's expected. I agree that this guy sounds very clingy, jealous and insecure - especially from his comment about you texting other guys. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I suppose it depends on how the texting was when you two first met up. If it was continual even at work, he most likely expects the same full stop. If it was just the same from the start there maybe the idea of lack of interest. Sort of along the lines of say noticing someone saying less I love you or less sex. His reaction is not an uncommon one from my experience. Personally I am not a text person at all. I'm more of the calling or face to face type. I'm very slow at texting plus I don't like the u 2, ur, b4 and all the other wonderful grammar which people are using in emails now. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yikes. Yeah, this guy is showing your his true (insecure, jealous) colors. Personally, though, I absolutely love texting while dating - if that's a form of communication that you both feel comfortable using. I texted with one of my exes constantly, and we never went more than a few minutes without responding (this was when I was in college, so it was a lot easier to do). The last guy I dated, though, had a job that wasn't conducive to replying to a text within a few minutes or even a few hours, and he often forgot that he received a text and never replied. I realized that in that scenario, it was better for us to communicate in other ways, because I sometimes felt like I was sending a message into thin air. Link to comment
tresqua Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 he had texted "You're taking too long to reply." An appropriate response might be "I'll get back to you when I get back to you. Perhaps you need to find yourself a girl who jumps when you say so, and I am definitely not her". When I texted back a couple of hours later that I was at work, he never replied. He intentionally didn't respond, to "get even". That's called "being passive aggressive and acting like a 6 year old". You might want to let him know this, and you just might want to seriously consider dumping this loser and finding yourself a grown up. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 When I texted back a couple of hours later that I was at work, he never replied. I skipped reading this part. This is him saying "Doesn't feel good does it?" For some people texting is just plain bad news. Like for people who are inclined to having a jealous streak. Some people need to learn the hard way....if they to get it at all. Link to comment
magnoliatree Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 People? No. This guy? Yes. You are getting a nice preview of the insecurity and controlling behaviour you will experience in a relationship with this man. I would take that all in to consideration as you decide if you really want to move forward with this man. Agreeing with Edmund. And,frankly, I wouldn't deal with this guy again. In the beginning people tend to be on their best behavior, so I wouldn't want to see him at his worst. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 clearly this guy wants your undivided attention and if you are not going to give that to him then he is going to make statements like that. Link to comment
RitaTrue Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Wow, the deal is that this dude has out of control jealousy and insecurity issues. . Agreed. This response is a huge RED FLAG, especially since you're not even in an exclusive relationship. If he's being like this now, and you're not even together, his jealousy will get worse when you're actually together. Find someone who has a little more self esteem. And who's aware that you DO have a life other texting him. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I really HATE waiting for a responses in general...FB,Skype,MSN text you name it...but I suck it up and deal with it quietly. However, as immature it is, if someone is responding way too late I take my time when responding back to... Link to comment
blackhawks1287 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah when you say that. It's funny tryp, the girl I was talking to you about that made a comment about how it took me 4 hours later for me to reply...IDK out of sheer annoyance or what (never made any accusations though)...but you know how that one played out haha. (and there is a lot more stuff to that story now haha) It would have been okay to phrase it differently, but when he mentions other guys, this and that, then it becomes an issue. A lot of people take an unanswered text as rejection...because they see texts as instant gratification...so not getting one subconsciously for some (probably most on some level) get a little jaded when snubbed. Just get rid of this one, and I have to ask you this...what's wrong with our choice in people hahaha. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I think you just had a glimpse into how insecure this guy is. I wouldn't date him. Also, I think it's passive aggressive of him to purposely NOT reply to you just to get your goat and go "na-na-na-na how do YOU like it?" I've grown up around passive aggressive people and it's SO draining. I hate it so much and I refuse to date anyone who shows signs of it. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Ironically, I enjoy texting because it doesn't have to be answered immediately. My buddy is at work, send him a text rather than call. He can answer it later, and shoot me a response anytime, and we don't have to be trying to carry on a conversation while working. There is no instant gratification in communication anymore. I rarely get anyone right away if I call. I get their voicemail, and usually just end up texting. In which case, they either call or text back within the hour. Link to comment
LaKings55 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I have a couple of times, gotten a girl's number, chatted or texted for a while, tried to set something up, and then they seemingly are busy. So, after attempting to set something up a couple of times, and I'm either getting no response or the verbal cold shoulder, I will say something like"Guess you're just not into it, hope you have fun and be safe out there" I let them know I won't waste my time on women who string me along. Either we go on a date, or we don't. I'm not going to wait around for you to make up your mind and just keep playing these cutesy texting games. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 This guy sounds like he is very clingy and into playing games. I would just ask him not to text you while you are at work from now on and see if he respects your wishes. Link to comment
EmmaB78 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Agree with everyone. This guy is only going to get worse. I love texting back and forth with guys in which I'm interested, especially when it gets flirty, but if I (or they) expected a text back, within minutes, to every single communication...well, how would the conversation ever end? Someone has to stop it at some point, right? The only time I get truly annoyed at an un-returned text is when I'm fairly certain that the person is doing it on purpose to "punish" me or some such - maybe we were having a semi-serious conversation and then I said something they didn't like, and instead of replying they just ignore me for a while - or, alternatively, when you're texting back and forth to set up a date, and then all of the sudden they quit replying. Even in those circumstances, I probably wouldn't express my annoyance until I heard from them again - people who really did it accidentally or because something else came up will usually wind up saying so in their next message, "Oh, sorry about last night. I fell asleep" or some such. What did he say in his last text that you didn't answer? When you wrote back, did you mention that you were sorry for the delayed reply but that you got busy at work? Well, either way, I still think this guy acted nutty. Link to comment
XxJustMexX Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I have an ex, mind you, EX... who does this. We still talk as we've been good friends for like 15 years. But damn! If I don't reply to his messages in like a few minutes or less I'll get texts like "fine...whatever"..."helloooo...." or "I guess you're busy"... And get complete baby whining attitude over it. It's annoying. I've told him a million times that sometimes I AM busy, or I don't see the texts (but honestly, I do sometimes ignore them if it's something irritating lol) but he still pouts over it. I understand that people feel ignored and may feel insecure, they're human. But to text these whiney messages is just annoying. Don't they realize this...? In your situation since you're with him, I suggest you take a minute to sit down, talk to him and ease his insecurities and fears. Who knows, maybe it will be enough to deter him from feeling any further insecurities. It's worth a shot isn't it...? Link to comment
StrawberryYogurt Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I don't text, but I do use MSN and Skype to keep in touch with a few people. Its funny in chat rooms sometimes if I take long to reply I will get like 10 msgs saying "Where are you?" "Ok your busy" "...." You should write back "Sorry, I was taking a really long and tough dump". For the OP: This dude is selfish and this is a sign of potential things to come should you be in a relationship with him. Not a red flag, but a strong yellow one for sure. I screw around at work, but there are many times I work for several hours in a row without internet, texting, et al. He needs to chill. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Sometimes we are texting other people as well which people should get the gist of. Some people are addicted to texting and text such nonsense just so they are texting someone or at least have multiple people texting them. Hope you get RSI. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I'll gladly be the contrarian in this thread. I do most of my communication via texting and IMing (I hate phone calls), and if I'm in a situation where I have to end the conversation, I tell them I need to go, and that I'll talk to them later. I don't just...say nothing for three hours. That's pretty rude, IMHO. I wouldn't want to deal with someone that would just wander off and forget about me--not the best sign of things to come. Link to comment
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