He suggested to pay me breast augmentation, but he's not my boyfriend

[PrettyGood]

I'm 27y.o. and I'm dating 9 years older man. We are both single, dating other people and sleeping together from time to time. We live separately. I don't know if he does it with other girls but always defend himself that I'm the one he sleeps with at this time. I'm not his girlfriend yet until he's not 100% sure that I'm "the one" he could spend all his life with (that's what he say).

 

He said that I'm almost perfect (he goes crazy about my slim figure, oval butt, long slim legs and flat stomach, long hair and cute face features), but I have a very little breasts, so he explored on the internet how much would it cost and suggested to pay breast augmentation for any size I want (if only I want). He doesn't push to do it for him if I don't want, but I also was dreaming about it even if he doesn't know. When I tried to ask why does he want to pay for an expensive surgery for a girl, which is not his girlfriend yet, he said that he feels some kind of "ownership" over me, nevertheless if I sleep with other men or no, and even if I'm not his girlfriend yet, he said - maybe one day you will have a golden ring on your finger from me, you never can really know.

 

So it's like double signals that he likes me and tries to invest into me financially (he never suggested that for other girls) and also that he doesn't want me as his girlfriend yet... So what does it mean?

[Mercurial Girl]

This whole situation gives me the creeps...

 

Is he going to pay for maintenance on that boob job every decade or so as needed too? hahah ..

[DieTeufelKatze]

I'll second MG here... gives me the creeps too.

 

This guy is likely just getting off on the feeling that he would have control over you... "ownership"... yecchhh. Also, have you considered the risks that are involved with getting implants? Have you seen the pictures of capsular contracture, one of many things that can go wrong with them? And besides that, they almost NEVER look natural, IMO. At least they're easy for me to spot.

 

I had small (but perky) breasts in my 20's, till I gained a little weight the last couple years and now I'm a D cup. Please think long and hard before you do something like that to your body. Please.

 

And as for the guy... he doesn't want to commit to even an exclusive relationship, and now he wants to pay for this... EEWW! I would DUMP him if I were you.

[Nearbot]

Uhh. . . I don't think it means much on his part. He just wants one of his many pieces of arm candy to be even hotter.

 

If you want a boob job, I say accept the offer, but don't do it if it's only to please him. Buying you boobs doesn't make it official. He needs to tell you that he wants to be with you and only you ("...one day" doesn't count) for it to be real.

[DylanNotorious]

Are you from a foreign country?

 

He's taking advantage of you if you are. And also, there are more decent men you can date who won't ask you for a breast enlargement.

[annie24]

Another vote for "this guy gives me the creeps."

[RedDress]

I would have broken up with him for using the word "ownership". Ugh. *shudder*

 

This guy sounds extremely controlling and I actually think this is a very dangerous situation with red flags flying everywhere. First, he feels he has "ownership" over you. Then, he's trying to kick your self-esteem saying you are perfect "except" this one little thing. He's offering to buy you expensive things so that you are indebted to him. He's giving you empty promises of some ring that... heck! Isn't that arrogant in itself?? Do you even want to marry this guy??

 

Personally, I would run from this man like the plague. I definitely don't think you should accept the implants and if you do... I predict that he will become abusive and you will have a hard time leaving him out of guilt.

 

If YOU had suggested it or were contemplating it or something and he offered to help financially, this might be a different matter. But ownership? And this is something HE thinks you should do? Danger, danger!

[Seraphim]

Ownership?? What? sounds like a major creeper to me too. And HE suggested to augment your body parts? You are "almost" perfect. Run for hills girl.

[Alezia]

While I have nothing against gifting breast implants in itself if both parties are in agree, the situation is very creepy. It sounds somewhat manipulative and controlling. Will he claim he bought the boobs and therefore no one else can see them?

[DN]

Another vote for "this guy gives me the creeps." another.

[tresqua]

Hey if some guy wants to buy you breasts and you want them, then what the heck?

 

Just make sure he understands there's no strings attached and he's gotta pay for everything up front in advance.

[Day_Walker]

It sounds like a very strange situation, It seems that you want his buying of your breast implants to some how relate to his feelings for you. That is what you seem to be looking for. I think that him buying you implants only demonstrates that he is willing to invest in you but that doesnt mean his feelings are anything more than what they currently are.

[annie24]

It sounds like a very strange situation, It seems that you want his buying of your breast implants to some how relate to his feelings for you. That is what you seem to be looking for. I think that him buying you implants only demonstrates that he is willing to invest in you but that doesnt mean his feelings are anything more than what they currently are.

 

i agree. i personally view the offer to buy breast implants smacks of a man buying an upgraded sound system for his car. making improvements on a toy. not making an investment of emotions or feelings.

[PrettyGood]

Is he going to pay for maintenance on that boob job every decade or so as needed too? ..

 

No, he wants to pay just for surgery and healing care period. The changing implants I should pay myself, he thinks that it's enough time to save these money myself in case if out life ways go apart.

 

("...one day" doesn't count) for it to be real.

 

I agree, I also told him that "one day" is not the exact day in the calendar.

 

Are you from a foreign country? He's taking advantage of you if you are.

 

Yes, I'm from EU country, he's not from Schengen (not EU) country. But what kind of advantage?

 

Will he claim he bought the boobs and therefore no one else can see them?

 

Yeah, I've asked this question, he said that maybe after the breast augmentation operation I will have much more admirers, but he would like to look like at my new "creature" only himself and not to show other people. I try to think that maybe then he would like to commit, because wouldn't it be logical to give me breast implants and to hope that I will be single forever? Btw, his ex had breast implants, but they have huge scars under breasts. It was someone else who paid for this operation. So I've read a lot about it and thought that it would be less visible if I would make an incision at the armpits.

 

Just make sure he understands there's no strings attached and he's gotta pay for everything up front in advance.

 

He understands that we have no strings attached these days, I'm not sure how his point of view change after the operation.

 

the offer to buy breast implants smacks of a man buying an upgraded sound system for his car. making improvements on a toy. not making an investment of emotions or feelings.

 

I think you're very right, but who cares about what he wants to improve if this improvement is very acceptable for me? The question is more what is the REAL reason he wants to spend all these moment on me when he has several girls around him which doesn't need any improvement in that way?

[MakeItCount]

"creature" and "ownership".

 

Creepy line got crossed a few miles back. Run far, Run fast.

[annie24]

I think you're very right, but who cares about what he wants to improve if this improvement is very acceptable for me? The question is more what is the REAL reason he wants to spend all these moment on me when he has several girls around him which doesn't need any improvement in that way?

 

The REAL reason??? Really? you have to ask? He wants to buy your body and new breasts for a while to play with, and then throw you away. If you are ok with it, it's your life. A man who really loves you and respects you would take the time and effort and energy to date you, spend time with you, maybe even spend money on fancy dinners and vacations and theater. But he wouldn't buy you implants (without even properly dating you). It's like renting a hooker for a few months or years. Maybe he looks at that as cheaper than taking you on vacations and fancy restaurants for 6 months??

 

if you want implants, i would pay for them yourself, and then you are not owing anything to this man. he will expect something in return, gauranteed.

[DieTeufelKatze]

I think what's also troubling to me is that you state that "he has several girls around him which doesn't need any improvement in that way", as if YOU feel that YOU are lacking in that way. It is telling that you feel you need the implants to "improve" yourself, whereas if you had a strong sense of self and good self esteem, you would feel satisfied just as you are.

 

I suppose that I'm biased because I think the desire for plastic surgery is indicative of negative self-image and further psychological and self-esteem issues that need to be addressed. But to each their own.

[Alezia]

 

 

Yeah, I've asked this question, he said that maybe after the breast augmentation operation I will have much more admirers, but he would like to look like at my new "creature" only himself and not to show other people. I try to think that maybe then he would like to commit, because wouldn't it be logical to give me breast implants and to hope that I will be single forever? Btw, his ex had breast implants, but they have huge scars under breasts. It was someone else who paid for this operation. So I've read a lot about it and thought that it would be less visible if I would make an incision at the armpits.

 

 

That's pretty much what I was afraid you would say. I think he may use this against you in the sense that the breasts are his since he paid for them, but since you didn't pay for anything on him - girls are allowed to touch and see. I would in no sense equate breast augmentation with an impending commitment. Sounds more like manipulative and abusive behaviour to me.

[annie24]

That's pretty much what I was afraid you would say. I think he may use this against you in the sense that the breasts are his since he paid for them, but since you didn't pay for anything on him - girls are allowed to touch and see. I would in no sense equate breast augmentation with an impending commitment. Sounds more like manipulative and abusive behaviour to me.

 

yes, and why would he stay with her and his breasts when in a few years, there a younger, hotter version will come along. and she will need implants as well.

 

let's talk about costs for proper dating - if a man meets a woman and he wants to impress her, he'll take her to fine restaurants (at least 100 Euro meals), theater/concerts (100 euros per ticket), fancy hotels (hundreds of euros per night), a weekend getaway (again, easily hundreds of euros). In just a few months of dating, he could "rack" up a huge bill!! or just pay for the implants, and bypass all these silly courtship customs and go straight for "ownership."

[PrettyGood]

So yesterday I've talked to him and it seems that I haven't understood him fully from the previous 2 conversations about that. Now he explained that he would be a total looser if he pay for this operation while I'm not his girlfriend (because it means that i could date another men with those breasts). So he wants to pay for that only then if I was his girlfriend. And now we're just dating, so "only if I was his girlfriend". It's not more manipulative, right?

[iBroken]

Once you get the implants, what else wont be good enough for him and will pay for you to change?

[tresqua]

. Now he explained that he would be a total looser if he pay for this operation while I'm not his girlfriend (because it means that i could date another men with those breasts). So he wants to pay for that only then if I was his girlfriend. And now we're just dating, so "only if I was his girlfriend". It's not more manipulative, right?

 

Of course it's more manipulative, he's trying to bribe you into being his girlfriend. How can you not see that? Odds are he planned to introduce the "boyfriend/girlfriend" idea the entire time. If he feels that he's gotta buy your exclusivity, well he's got some serious issues right there.

 

I still say go along with it and get the implants and then kick his ass to the curb. He deserves it.

 

But as others have pointed out, implants often require maintenance work that can easily cost more than the first procedure. My now ex wife has had 4 implant procedures over the past 15 years or so, at least I didn't have to pay for the last one which was a reduction. Most of that was her fault though for making really bad decisions as to the sizes.

[tresqua]

Once you get the implants, what else wont be good enough for him and will pay for you to change?

 

Thinking back to my exwife and her numerous cosmetic procedures

 

botox to remove face wrinkles

vaginal rejuvination to "tighten things up"

labial trimming to make things look nice and neat down there

tummy tuck to get rid of the gut because exercise is just too much work and at this point nothings going to get rid of that because it's all stretched out

liposuction to get those fatty areas around the waist, back, and where the tummy tuck won't reach, around the belly areas

 

This might be a very long relationship

[PrettyGood]

My now ex wife has had 4 implant procedures over the past 15 years or so, at least I didn't have to pay for the last one which was a reduction. Most of that was her fault though for making really bad decisions as to the sizes.

 

I'm sorry to ask about offtopic, but was it her fault that she had to correct this augmentation or do people really have so much trouble? It scares me a little bit now. I know that there are complications, but I had no idea that I would need to correct these things several times in 15 years (implants validation period).

[tresqua]

I'm sorry to ask about offtopic, but was it her fault that she had to correct this augmentation or do people really have so much trouble? It scares me a little bit now. I know that there are complications, but I had no idea that I would need to correct these things several times in 15 years (implants validation period).

 

It was 100% her fault 3 of the 4 times. The first time she went too large, the second time one of the implants developed a bubble and you could feel and hear something sloshing around, she could have had just that one replaced but what the heck why not swap them out for a new pair, the third time she changed it again for size, she again went bigger and this last time she went smaller because she finally realized that huge boobs are more trouble than they are worth.

 

If you think someone who has so many breast implants as well as other cosmetic procedures might have some issues.. well I think you're probably right.