Seraphim Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 My husband agrees what she did was wrong. I doubt he will mention it though because he almost never speaks up to his parents. And they do not care in the least what I have to say about anything. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Ok, just saw your above post. Forget talking to this woman, do not let her be alone with your son again. If your husband has a problem with that calmly point out all of these time she has ignore you and cased him harm. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Ok, just saw your above post. Forget talking to this woman, do not let her be alone with your son again. If your husband has a problem with that calmly point out all of these time she has ignore you and cased him harm. Yeah, Moontiger, she just scares me. I am sure she is not trying to be malicious she is just stubborn as all heck and feels she is right no matter what. I could be a bit emotional about it too being that he is my only child and all my other children have died(miscarriage), but it is the fact she just won't listen to anything. Being my in-laws are like 80 years old and do everything their way regardless I doubt they are going to change. I just do not want to fight with my husband about his parents. Link to comment
petite Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 There is no changing them or their ways. Explain to her that you learned he was without his cellphone, and you and your husband want him to have the phone around at all times which he can use at his discretion. If she doesn't like it, don't let him stay with them if you or your husband are not around. He is a special needs boy, they obviously seem to ignore your wishes and the doctors orders - stand your ground, you're the parent if they don't like it, too bad. There is no compromising in this case. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 There is no changing them or their ways. Explain to her that you learned he was without his cellphone, and you and your husband want him to have the phone around at all times which he can use at his discretion. If she doesn't like it, don't let him stay with them if you or your husband are not around. He is a special needs boy, they obviously seem to ignore your wishes and the doctors orders - stand your ground, you're the parent if they don't like it, too bad. There is no compromising in this case. That is the way I am leaning Petite. I hate it. I hate that I have to be like this because people are supposed to love family. I am very family oriented. If I could get them to see why I have rules in place. I am not trying to keep their grandson from them but rules are there for his safety. We have the rule when he leaves the house he has his phone on him. He knows that. I am so irritated she took it from him. She says, " to keep it safe". BS, he never loses his things. I do not think I am being unreasonable. I really don't. I don't think it is unreasonable to ask when he was going some place and to be sure he was ok during extreme heat since he has had heat exhaustion before and sometimes he is not to verbal about expressing his needs when he does not feel secure. They WON'T acknowledge he is special needs at all. All I want is for everyone to see each other and be a family but they make it harder than it has to be by being stubborn to the point of stupid sometimes. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Victoria, my child is 23 and still doesn't drink as often as he should, and when he gets a drink he only takes a small amount. I have to make SURE to fix him a drink many times during the day or his lips will dry and peel off. A child with autism just doesn't realize many things that others do. And I never allowed this son to go away without me to his grandparents. The first child, it was totally different and he could go with them for a week at a time without me thinking twice about it. You have to do what you know in your heart is best for him. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Victoria, my child is 23 and still doesn't drink as often as he should, and when he gets a drink he only takes a small amount. I have to make SURE to fix him a drink many times during the day or his lips will dry and peel off. A child with autism just doesn't realize many things that others do. And I never allowed this son to go away without me to his grandparents. The first child, it was totally different and he could go with them for a week at a time without me thinking twice about it. You have to do what you know in your heart is best for him. Yes. I can not be worried if they are going to be offended. It is really their problem if they can not adapt or won't believe what I have to say. When he was a baby he would just signal to me he was thirsty by shaking his bottle at you, but that was only sometimes. I usually had to descern myself he was thirsty and give him a drink every few hours. If he did not know you well he would not communicate or signal at all. He would only signal with me or my mother. Other than that he would scream and scream if he had to spend time with others. I would take him over to his other grandparents when he was a toddler and he would refuse to get out of my arms and scream blue murder if they approached him. It took him a lot to get used to them. Even now if he is uncertain he fails to communicate. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Fortunately my husband's mom didn't take offense when I turned down her offer to take my little one for a week. She just said, "OK, I understand. And she said it in a way I knew she meant it." Your husband's parents have refused to accept that your son has special needs. That scares me a little because they could put him in situations that he cannot handle and he could be hurt. I feel for you, Victoria. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 That is the way I am leaning Petite. I hate it. I hate that I have to be like this because people are supposed to love family.. Unfortunately I think you have to put aside that mindset. Sure I know of many families where the grandchildren and children are loved to pieces, doted on, always welcome, always cared for and nurtured but I know of just as many stories where there is not that strong bond, for whatever reason. Lower the expectations because it's hurting you too much to maintain them. And I agree with the others about keeping your son away from his grandmother for unsupervised visits. You or your husband should be there. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 That scares me a little because they could put him in situations that he cannot handle and he could be hurt. I feel for you, Victoria. The fact is that this child has already been put in life threatening situations because of the child being with these grandparents. I am more than a little scared about that. Victoria, you have really tried dealing with this situatiion as well as anyone could possibly do so. Enough is enough. The next time a request is made to have you son go visit these grandparents I would just tell them that you or you and your husband need to be on that visit also. If something terrible happened because you were trying to be considerate to these unreasonable grandparents you would never be able to forgive yourself for your poor judgment. I can see that you really have a good heart, Victoria. Don't let that get in the way of jepordizing the safety of your son... ........chi Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 One way you can look at it is that they have now made it easy for you.. they have directly gone against your wishes to leave his phone with him, so next time they ask to see him alone, you can just say you're sorry, but they have demonstrated they will not abide by your wrishes so they are welcome to see him, but only when you or your husband are also along with him. They may get upset at that, but can't make you leave them alone with him. Don't fight about it, just be pleasant and firm and tell them it is not open for discussion and next time they want to come by your house or have you all stop by to see them, you will all come. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 One way you can look at it is that they have now made it easy for you.. they have directly gone against your wishes to leave his phone with him, so next time they ask to see him alone, you can just say you're sorry, but they have demonstrated they will not abide by your wrishes so they are welcome to see him, but only when you or your husband are also along with him. They may get upset at that, but can't make you leave them alone with him. Don't fight about it, just be pleasant and firm and tell them it is not open for discussion and next time they want to come by your house or have you all stop by to see them, you will all come. Lavenderdove, I just love you. You can always express what I TRY to express. You do it just so much more elequently. Victoria, this is what I wanted to convey to you Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 Thanks for the support everyone. At least I know I am not crazy. I guess I have to go the route of them seeing him with us. Link to comment
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