Life On The Rocinante' (After Dark!)

[Cynder]

The art scene in my town is really hopping...  We have a thriving art center here.  We have monthly outdoor art fairs in the spring and summer.  And we have two huge festivals here where artist make bank every year.  (One if WF, which I've been doing since 2014, the other, WCF is one I'm trying for the first time this year, if I get in.)  We also have a few consignment shops here that sell a lot of cool stuff from a lot of locals. 

But it seems, aside from the festivals, the art scene here is kind of elitist and there's a lot of gatekeeping. 

When I was getting prepped for my senior show in college, I had to go out and find another location a few weeks before because the lady who owned the coffee shop I was going to have it at decided she didn't want to risk having such a controversial show there.  (My work had some nudity and some Occult symbolism... I'm not talking anything Keneth Anger-esque of anything.)  I did the 21 Major Arcana cards of the Tarot, but in my style.  My version of the Devil card had a nude woman biting into an apple.  It was obviously a play on the whole Satan tempting Eve motif.  And after this has been planned for about 5 months, she decides that she has to cancel the whole thing because "Important people come in here and I just don't know how that's going to look."  "I won't put my business in jeopardy."  I get it.  But it's not like I had inverted crosses over goat's heads dripping with blood and naked bodies intertwined in some Bacchanalian orgy.  The coffee shop up the street where I ended up having my show had no issues and loved it. 

One of the consignment shops here I tried to get into a few times.  The first time they told me my work was too similar to another artist they carry.  Ok, fine.  The second time I was told, "We take work that's more classy than this."  Sure.  I wasn't offended.  I just don't really know what their definition of classy was. They sold nudes.  They sold darker stuff that was edgy, etc.  

Three times, the visual art director at the art center here has contacted me and asked me to apply for various jobs there.  And all three times I've done this, and not even been called for an interview.  I've also applied to be in the shows they have four times a year where they show all kinds of work from locals.  I've ever gotten in. 

The other consignment shop...  They are a store that is divided in half. On one side they sell food from local farms, soap from local soap makers, bread from local bakers, etc.  It's all organic, free range, etc.  The other side of the store sells art from local artists.  I figured if I had a chance anywhere it's there.  They are a bunch of hippies.  I'm enough of a hippie that I get along with that crowd.  And hippies love my work.  I applied to be in there  years ago in the sprint.  The lady in charge told me to re-apply in the fall.   I did and never heard anything.  I decided to try again here recently.  I was told they were full and didn't have room for anyone new.  Ok, that's understandable. 

Well tonight I went in there to get a S'mores cookie.  Idk, it was this weird random craving I got.  Some local baker makes theses insane cookies that are like cookies on steroids.  Her s'mores cookies are amazing.  I was craving one this past week.  And I happened to be down that way today so I went in there and grabbed myself a cookie.  I haven't missed a workout in like  months, I earned it right?  lol. 

Well, the lady in charge of the art stuff was standing right there when I was paying.  I smiled at her and said, "Hey are you still full or are you looking for new artists?" 

She said, "Well I'm re-evaluating right now.  We are terminating some contracts.  I want to bring some new people in.  What we really want is prints.  I'm trying to find artists who want to sell their prints here."

I was so excited because that's exactly what I want to sell.  And so I said, "Well that's actually what I want to sell here.  Should I apply again?" 

She got this weird look on her face and was quiet for a second and then she's like, "Well we don't want prints, actually.  We have a lot of artists selling prints here and we're trying to not sell as many prints." 

I just smiled and told her ok.  Then took my cookie and left.  I get the message.  I won't bother them again.  It wasn't like she just misspoke.  She said twice that they want prints.  Then did a complete 180 when I told her that's what I have.  Really?  I would rather just be told straight up, "We don't want to carry your work."  than be fed a bunch of BS. 

Oh well.  I really am not upset that they don't want my work.  I'm more annoyed about being lied to.  The people at the other shop at least were honest. 

But, the less work I sell in my own town on consignment, the more I sell at WF.  Every year I sell hundreds of prints there and there are people who come to the event just to see my work.  They are losing money by not carrying my stuff because that's how consignment works.  Both the shop and the artist get money when something sells.  I just figured it would be nice to sell somewhere local.  Every store I'm in in an hour or more away. 

Anyway...  I have to get back to painting my Technicolor Baphomet for Hell City. 

 

[Cynder]

Since I can't edit my previous post I wanted to correct myself.  There are 22 cards in the Major Arcana.  And I am well aware of that, too.  Idk why I typed 21. 

[Cynder]

I haven't eaten fast food in a while.  I think the last time I really ate fast food was in January.  I had a Shamrock shake some time in March because I love them and I allow myself one a year.  But to me that doesn't make a whole meal.  In January I went to drop inventory off at one of the shops I sell at and my friend and I got McD's. 

But tonight I made the mistake of eating Taco Bell...  Omg, not only do I have a pounding headache but my stomach is so angry.  How the hell do people eat this crap every day?  I am so glad I'm a healthy eater.  And it didn't even taste that good.  I was just hungry. I need to go grocery shopping, but haven't yet this week and so I opted for convenience food.  Lesson well learned. 

[Cynder]

So everything I can do for OFPC is done.  The booth is all set up.  I got back a little bit ago.  Since I had to force myself to get up after like 3 hours of sleep I am really tired.  But that will work to my advantage because I have to force myself to sleep at night tonight.  I will probably be out pretty soon.  I just need to decide what I want to fall asleep to.  I usually put on a movie or TV show at bedtime because it lets me turn my mind off and focus on something else. 

D called himself a bad boyfriend because he won't be at the show with me tomorrow.  I told him that doesn't make him a bad boyfriend.  He has other things going on tomorrow that are pretty important.  I don't expect him to put his own stuff on hold just to help me at an event that is literally a 5 minute walk from my house. 

This is the last night of the off season.  Here's a a great season this year full of prosperity and opportunities.

 

[Cynder]

So, it looks like L's hot rich British boyfriend is no longer in the picture.  I don't know all the details but I think it's hilarious.  I won't sit here and pretend there's no schadenfreude.  She's also on the verge of losing her car, too.  She hasn't had a job since December.  I have no clue how she gets money.  It's crossed my mind that she might be dealing.  But she's not smart enough to be a drug dealer.  She's also put on about 40 lbs since quitting her job.  (She quit because she thought this studmuffin from England was just going to whisk her off into the sunset and take care of her forever.  What a stupid B.  I hope her car does get repo'd.  I will laugh my ass off.  She's been telling me she will be out by June.  I'm giving her till then and then I'm hanging an eviction notice on her door.  Now that it's festival season again I can afford to file it.  (Idk if it's this way in most states, but in my state you have to pay to file an eviction.  It's not cheap, either.)  And if she throws a fit I will call the cops on her ass. I didn't call them when she threw the tallboy at me because K was here. 

 

[Cynder]

Last night at work some woman cussed me out, called me every name in the book, told me she doesn't come in there hardly ever because I can't do my job and need to get my sh** together, basically yelled at me until I cried in the bathroom.  This was all over tanning, of course.  I swear tanning turns people into jerks. 

I asked her how long she wanted to go for, she said 7, so I set the bed for 7 minutes.  All seemed fine.  I was in the tanning area folding towels when I heard a really loud string of f bombs, etc come from the room she was in.  I thought she was probably on the phone or something.  I actually laughed about it a little because it's not that common to hear someone screaming and cussing while in a tanning bed.  

Then the phone rang so I went to the front desk and answered it.  Before I even finished the "Thank you for calling *name of the gym* this is *my name* intro we are supposed to say, she starts yelling and cussing me out because she wanted ten minutes, not seven minutes.  She's saying stuff like, "You really need to get your sh together you stupid b.  I don't f'ing come in here that often and every time I do you and me have a problem.  I haven't been in here in two months and you still haven't learned how to do your job! Why the f can't you do your god damn job?  Are you f'ing stupid?  Is it that f'ing hard to set a god damn tanning bed?  Can't you f'ing read?  Do you need to go back to school?  Are you a *r word* or something?" 

She hung up on me when she was done, then came out front and screamed and cussed some more.  I got almost the whole interaction when she was at the desk on video.  My state is a one party consent state and it's legal to record people when they don't know they are being recorded.  We also have cameras at the front desk, too.  So my butt is covered.  It's also interesting that on the phone she said she hasn't been in in two months.  But when she was screaming at me face to face she said something like, "I've been coming in here every night for the past 4 nights and you screw up every time!"  Well, I didn't work the previous two nights because I was working at a festival.  I didn't say that though because I honestly was afraid of her coming behind the desk and physically attacking me.  I was shaking. 

Well, because she is in our member database I could see her name, etc.  Something seemed familiar about her but I honestly don't remember ever waiting on her before last night. Today I decided to creep a little on Facebook.  She is the supervising social worker at the place where I go to therapy.  That makes this whole thing even more disturbing.  This is someone who's whole job is to help people... yet this is how she treats people in customer service jobs. And her Facebook profile is full of inspirational quotes about positive vibes, how hard times make us stronger, etc. Along with plenty of smiling pics of her with captions about how great her life is.  All I can do is shake my head.  I've had plenty of jobs working with the public.  I've had my share of rude customers.  I've never been talked to that way on the job though. 

I messaged my boss and told her what happened.  I just wanted to give a heads up and tell my side of the story in case she calls and complains today.  If she does I hope they watched the camera footage and heard her say seven when I asked her how long she wanted to go.  I've considered that I could have heard her wrong.  But idk man... seven and ten don't sound anything alike.  And in the whole time I've worked there, I've never had any other issues getting people's time right on the tanning beds.  It's not that hard.  They say how many minutes they want to tan for, and there's a drop down menu on the computer where we select the time.  It's simple.  

And really...  if your world is completely shattered to the point of making an ass of yourself in a public place, cussing, screaming, throwing an adult tantrum and ruining someone's night over 3 minutes in a tanning bed, what kind of spoiled brat are you?  Jeez, I wish that was my biggest problem in life, lol. 

[Jibralta]

On 4/18/2023 at 5:51 PM, Cynder said:

She is the supervising social worker at the place where I go to therapy.  That makes this whole thing even more disturbing.

You should send them the video you took.

On 4/18/2023 at 5:51 PM, Cynder said:

I swear tanning turns people into jerks.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you've ever watched Seinfeld, but your statement reminded me of this episode. I misremembered it, though. I thought it was a "jerk machine" storyline (tanning beds!). But the storyline was "jerk store."

 

[Cynder]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

You should send them the video you took.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you've ever watched Seinfeld, but your statement reminded me of this episode. I misremembered it, though. I thought it was a "jerk machine" storyline (tanning beds!). But the storyline was "jerk store."

 

That's what D said (that I should send them the video.)  I thought about it, but idk if it's a good idea, for a few reasons. 

Now that everyone basically has a video camera with them everywhere they go, people like that can't get away with acting that way.  There is an upscale salon here in my city that my sister in law used to work for.  One of the managers at the salon went completely off on a waitress at some restaurant and it was caught on video.  Well, the waitress happened to be a client at the salon.  And the manager lost her job over that video. 

If i sent the video, even anonymously, she would still be able to figure out it was me.  Then she could sue me, etc.  I don't want to take that risk.  I also don't want to put my job on the line.  And because I'm a client where she works, I could lose my access to therapy, since she is someone high up on the ladder there. 

I actually go to therapy at the drug rehab center.  You don't have to be a resident or be an addict to use their mental health services.  Anyone can go there.  They specialize in helping addicts and abuse survivors, though/.  And I am the latter.  I go there because my therapist is someone I saw at a different practice back in my early twenties and I really worked well with her.  And also, they are one of the few places here in my city that works with people based on their income, etc.  Where I go to therapy is a different building then where the residents live.  But the reason I'm saying all this is because that field specifically (addiction/recovery services) can attract some really Machiavellian personalities.  Some people want to help addicts because they are genuinely good people and want to make a difference.  But other want to get into that field because they like having power over people who are (in their eyes) beneath them.  She is probably one of the second group of people. 

And I'm pretty sure I've interacted with her there at some point.  Because she seemed familiar to me but I couldn't figure out from where and I didn't ever remember waiting on her before at the gym. 

I grew up watching Seinfeld.  We didn't have cable so we only got like 3 channels.  It was on in reruns a lot.  I know that episode.  My brother used to have this shirt he made himself that said the jerkstore called they're out of you on it.  He wore it on stage when he was in a band. 

My one coworker and I used to joke around about playing this scene on repeat on the TV in the tanning area, lol.  Obviously there's an element of black comedy in the Final Destination movies.  I wouldn't really wish this on anyone.  But all the customers who give us crap are people who tan. 

 

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, Cynder said:

I'm saying all this is because that field specifically (addiction/recovery services) can attract some really Machiavellian personalities.  Some people want to help addicts because they are genuinely good people and want to make a difference.  But other want to get into that field because they like having power over people who are (in their eyes) beneath them.  She is probably one of the second group of people. 

Well, that sucks. But I know you're right. It's surprising how many people with addictions and disorders become therapists. They assume a position of authority to disguise their addiction/disorder. Unfortunately, many people do not question authority. 

People simplistically think that because someone has a certain occupation, they are free from certain defects. But subpar, mediocre, and terrible people exist in every occupation (they're not just blue collar workers, you judgers!). They are (gasp) medical doctors, lawyers, accountants, teachers, psychiatrists, therapists, biologists, etc.

Whenever I see someone on here say "get therapy," or "why haven't you gotten therapy yet?" I just want to smack them upside their heads. Sometimes talking to a friend--or to strangers on a forum--is better than talking to a therapist. Therapists aren't gods.

I am a big supporter of therapy, too. I have embraced it and benefitted from it greatly.  But I know how hard it is to find the right therapist. You just can't settle. It would suck for you to lose your good therapist over a stupid person. Still keep the video, though. You never know--you may be able to use it to help someone else who has a run-in with this person.

[Cynder]

I had a really bad therapist in high school.  And she was assigned to me through the school so I couldn't just stop seeing her.  I was given the title of problem child and seen as this troubled kid who desperately needed help.  (And I did, but not for the reasons they seemed to think.)  So I was forced to go see this awful woman who just seemed to think everything I said was a lie.  If she asked me why I did something no matter what reason I gave her I was "just making excuses." And she was hung up on me being into "devil worship."  (I was raised Catholic and at that time still identified as such.)  And she was so nitpicky.  She would pick apart my body language and get on me for not sitting up straight enough, crossing my legs wrong, etc.  She told me that the face I make when I laugh is really unattractive.  She was convinced I could do something about my eyes when I can't.  She was convinced I could drive and was just making excuses.  She told me I need to straighten my hair.  She told me I need to lose weight, etc.  Like... is this therapy or Charm School? 

Other than her, I've been really lucky in terms of finding the right people.  I had a therapist for over 5 years who was amazing.  She retired and we still email from time to time.  I just check in with her and tell her how my life is going, etc. 

People on communities like this seem to think therapy is the one solution for everything.  "You have trust issues?  Therapy!"  "You hate doing laundry?  Therapy!"  Lol. 

I've said before I don't think there is no one solution for mental health treatment.  I don't think everyone needs meds or therapy.  I'm a big supporter of psychedelics being used to treat mental health problems, but I don't think everyone should use them.  They work for some, but not for all.  The same can be said about meds, therapy, etc. 

I just hope this chick I'm writing about treats her clients more professionally than she treated me the other night.  I hope she was just having a bad day and I caught her at the worst possible time.  But the fact that she lied/contradicted herself multiple times in the interaction with her kinda makes me think that's not the case. 

It's also scary what you can learn about someone just from Google.  All I did was Google her name and suddenly I know where she works, I have access to her Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc, and I know her address.  I am not going to go do anything stupid with this info.  But I won't lie and say I didn't laugh at the idea of sending her a glitter bomb. 

I'm not deleting the video either.  My boss might ask to see it.  And if she comes in there again and throws a fit like that I will record her again.  Where I work bans people over stuff like that.  There have been a few people banned in my time working there for being irate and throwing tantrums. 

Idk why... I'm in a real 80s power ballad kind of mood today.  Lol...

 

[Cynder]

They just released the vendor map for the next OM show I'm doing.  I am right by the stage.  People might think that's a good spot, and it can be.  But it has it's drawbacks.  I probably won't have much of a voice at the end of the weekend.  Having to scream over music for two days will do that. 

[Cynder]

I've been wanting to write about OFPC but haven't.  I can't really say it's because I haven't had the time, either, because I found time to write about a negative encounter with a customer at work.  I've thought about why I can write about negative things and that is more a priority than positive things sometimes.  This is a journal, though.  And it's a place I use to vent.  There are things I write here just for me.  And there are things I write here for the people who read it. 

OFPC was packed.  It exceeded expectations, honestly.  This was the first time any Comic-Con-esque event ever happened in my town.  There were people who came from three hours away just to attend it.  I mean just as guests, not vendors.  There were several vendors that came from that far away, but that's pretty normal for vendors.  We go where the work is. 

And it's been a while since I did that type of event, too.  OM has a similar feel, but it's not entirely focused on pop culture and fandom. 

I sold a lot...  And I was really glad to see my new prints selling well.  All these paintings I've finished for Hell City aren't necessarily making their debut at Hell City. I had a bunch of the new prints at OFPC and they got a lot of attention. 

I was at the booth alone for a majority of the day.  And I was asked probably 20 times, "Who did the artwork?"  So, even when I'm alone, people assume I'm not the artist.  One customer was like, "So where do you buy these prints?"  And I told her the name of the print shop who does my prints.  And then she's like, "Oh you mean you download the files and then take them there to be printed?"  I told her I create the files.  She looked really confused and then said something like, "How?" I said, "I'm not sure what you're asking.  Do you mean want to know what software I use?" And she's like. "Well I just didn't realize you could just make prints of someone else's work and sell them."  I said, "It's my work.  I'm the artist."  

So apparently she thought I was just printing out other people's art and selling it.  That's a new one. 

I had someone reach across the table and contort their hand in an awkward position to pick up my fan and ask how much it was.  Really... my fan?  That's another new one.  Some venues get really hot so I always bring a fan with me just in case I need it.  I've had people pick up my cup a lot and ask for a price.  I've also had people pick up my log book and ask how much.  The fan is a first. 

I saw a lot of people I know, both from town and other vendors.  I had an extra seat, so some people I know hung out with me in the booth here and there. 

The money I made will be used to buy more inventory for upcoming shows.  I really want to start carrying magnets.  A few of my new paintings would look so cool on holographic magnets.  But they are so expensive to order, and then if they don't sell I'm kinda screwed.  It's not like I can just order a few to test them out.  The minimum is 50 for a single image. 

So, my next show is SFM...  It's a Witch's gathering and it's in 2 weeks.  I'm excited about the show, but I am also excited about having two days away with D.  It's not very often that him and I spend time alone together.  There are always people around.  

But anyway...  I have prints to digitize and a painting to work on. 

 

[Cynder]

Can't explain why, but I'm really not feeling like myself today.  This really cute and cool thing happened last night that I will get to in a minute...  But that couldn't save the day for me. 

And then this freaking song came on that kind of just reminded me how worthless I feel sometimes.  Music has a lot of power. 

This is going to seem disjointed because I'm going to have to discuss a few topics.  But just bear with me. 

I am fascinated by a lot of weird things.  One weird thing that fascinates me is cryptids.  I don't get into the conspiracy end of it.  I just like the legends and folklore surrounding them.  Like, stories about Wendigo are interesting to me.  And I don't know if that's technically a cryptid.  A creature like that is regarded as part of mythology.  But there are people who swear they are real and all kinds of stories from people who claim to have seen them, etc. 

But one similar creature that not as man people know about is the Puckwudgie.  They are these short hairy little trollish creatures who roam the forest causing trouble, basically.  Well last night I was listening to a podcast about the Bridgewater triangle, and they were talking about Puckwudgies.  And I got inspired and decided I would do a painting of one.  And I was texting D about this.  And I said something like, "I know you probably don't know what that is." It wasn't meant to be condescending.  I just figured the odds of him knowing were pretty slim.  If you walk down the street and ask a dozen people what a Puckwudgie is, you would probably get a dozen I don't knows.  But he was like, "Actually I was kinda obsessed with them for a time. I drew a lot of pictures."  And he sent me some pics of those drawings. 

I'll tell you... it's the dumbest things that make me appreciate him even more.  The weird things that him and I have in common...  It's one thing when you meet someone who likes the same bands...  because those bands have thousands of fans.  Same with movies, sports, etc.  But when you meet someone you have a lot of weird obscure things in common with it's a whole different level of connection.

But, even that cute story couldn't save my night.  I just feel really low today.  Nothing specific even triggered it.  I just kept fixating on the idea that artistic talent is all I have to offer the world.  Like, that's all I was given.  I lost the genetic lottery.  I was born disabled and not pretty.  And I also don't have a desirable personality, either.  People just don't like introverts.  And I'm not really good at anything, other than art and writing. 

I do know that my purpose here is to be creative.  That was something I came back from my NDE knowing.  So maybe whatever powers that be only gave me creativity and nothing else because anything else would have been a distraction. 

For some reason last night I just couldn't stop fixating on this. Like who or whatever is in charge of who gets what and who is sent here to do what... Like did they all gather around and have a conversation with the energy that was me before I was born, and they all were like, "So, we are sending you into a human body to be an artist.  But, you are going to be born into a family that seriously dislikes you and they are going to make a good chunk of your life miserable.  You're not going to be attractive or fun to be around, either.  We're also going to give you chronic stomach problems and recurring issues with your left foot, you know, just to build character.  We are going to throw a whole host of awful things at you.  You will be molested, beaten, bullied, and whatever else we feel like doing to you.  But you will be a good artist.  And that's your mission."  And then I was like, "So all I have to do is be an artist?"  And they were like, "Yep... but of we forgot to mention, we are also going to make you visually impaired.  Good luck.  You'll need it!" 

Obviously I'm being sarcastic to a degree here.  I don't think this actually happened.  But I do think we all come here on a mission, and universal consciousness probably gives us what we need for that mission.  My work is the only thing I have to offer the world.  So that's all I was given tools for.  When I was suicidal, I didn't go around telling everyone.  But I did post on Facebook at a really low point that I wondered if the world was better off without me in it.  (Not my proudest moment.  I wasn't really in my right mind at the time.)  And so many people commented saying if I was gone they would miss my art.  That didn't make me feel any better.  Because ok, sure, everyone will miss what I do.  No one will miss who I am.  There's a person holding the paintbrush. 

And so at my funeral, everyone will probably stand around talking about what a good artist I was.  And that's it.  No one is going to say, "She was so beautiful." or "She was so funny."  or "She was so smart."  All anyone will have to say is that I was a good artist.  I guess there are worse fates.  I mean, that's not horrible.  Sometimes I just wish I had something else worth remembering, though. 

And then I'm at home after work, eating a bagel, listening to music.  And this damn song that I honestly hadn't heard since I was a teenager and to be honest, forgot about till now, came on.  I was just listening to a random mix on Spotify.  

The song was "My sister." my The Julianna Hatfield Three.  The song starts out with "I hate my sister, she's such a B..."  And then the next verse is like, "I love my sister, she's the best."  My dad loved alternative rock... and he used to play that song in the car.  And he would always tell my sister to sing it to me.  And he would talk about how the first part is her song to me and the second part should be my song to her.  He was so blatant in his favoritism that's almost funny looking back.  I remember I told my sister I hated her once when we got into a bad argument, and both my parents were threatening to call the cops and have me locked up in juvie.  I know how ridiculous that is.  The cops would just laugh int heir faces.   But then around that same time, my dad is blasting this stupid song int he car and telling my sister to sing about how much she hates me.  

I know there are people reading this thinking it was just harmless teasing.  You didn't know my dad.  He was a bully.  This is one of the not so mean things her did.  Yea, he did things that were worse.  But hearing that song today of all days just really rubbed salt in a wound. 

Listening to that song now as an adult, toi seems like it's supposed to be about sibling relationships in general.  Like, you're friends one minute.  You're fighting the next minute, etc. 

So, this is the song, but this isn't what I'm listening to right now. 

This is what I'm actually listening to:

 

[Cynder]

So, I think I pissed a few of my colleagues off without even intending it or even knowing what I was doing.  I am friends with this lady who used to own this really cool bar that was all about supporting local artists.  I mean, yes it was a bar.  But there was always art on the walls from people in the area, she only had local bands there, etc.  Well, she is now the organizer of this festival I will refer to as HAMF.  I had never even heard of this event until she messaged me about 6 weeks ago and invited me to vend at it. 

She offered me a free spot and I wasn't even aware until today but I am listed as a featured artist along with about 3 other people.  

Well, today they released all the info on social media.  I got messages from multiple people I know asking me stuff like, "Wow, how did you get into HAMF?  I've been trying for years!"  "How much did you have to pay to be a featured artist?  You know how hard that is to get?" 

Thing is, I didn't even know this was a big deal.  Until she messaged me about it I didn't even know this festival existed. 

There is favoritism in the scene.  There's favoritism everywhere, though.  I just hope this doesn't result in people thinking I just kissed all the right asses to get this coveted spot.  I did get it because I"m friends with the organizer, I'm sure.  But I didn't ask for it.  And I didn't really know how to respond to these messages in a way that didn't sound cocky.  The first person who messaged me just asked how I got in and I said, "I was invited."  But then once I realized this event is a big deal for a lot of people and it's hard to get into, I just wasn't really sure what to say.  I can't just be like, "Oh yea, the organizer is my bud. She isn't even charging me for the space! I got in by pure favoritism!" 

And I don't even think HAMF is invitation only, either.  I'm guessing anyone can apply because people are saying they've been trying for years, etc. 

Favoritism is something we notice more when it works against us.  I'm benefiting from it in this situation, but I'm still noticing. 

There is a lot of favoritism at CPPD, too.  The people in charge there have pissed so many vendors off over the years.  I know after almost getting banned last year my feelings about them have changed a little.  I mean, I'm glad they reversed their decision.  But the fact that I was even banned in the first place over things I didn't even do was pretty upsetting.  Now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells there this year.  I plan on having a gopro running in the tent the whole time I'm there.  And I will take video on my phone whenever I go to the food truck, etc.  It sucks that I have to do that but it if covers my ass, that's what I will do. 

SFM this weekend!  The van is packed and everything is done and ready.  Tomorrow I just have to chill and then go to bed early.  Then we are heading out around 5AM.  SFM isn't the biggest money maker.  But it's fun.  I always at least break even when I do it.  It really sucks that D won't be there with me...  We had so much fun at SFM in the fall. 

I don't think I will be vending at PITC...  Considering it's in a month and I haven't gotten anything from them saying if I got in or not, I'm assuming I didn't get in.  I still have the time off work and I still have a van reserved.  Just in case.  PITC is huge...  You would think such a big event would give the vendors a little more notice.  They might only contact the people who got int though and just ghost the ones who didn't.  

I also still haven't heard anything about WCF.  But WCF is in September, so I'm not getting antsy yet.  The app said they usually start contacting vendors who made it in around April/May.  It's not May yet, so there's still a chance.  I really hope I get to do it.  

 

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, Cynder said:

Favoritism is something we notice more when it works against us.  I'm benefiting from it in this situation, but I'm still noticing. 

Favoritism has always made me uncomfortable, and I am someone who has generally received positive favoritism in my life.

I very much dislike when people behave without thinking. It actually makes me feel something like disgust in the pit of my stomach. So, when I am shown favoritism, I tend to rebel against it, even if it means I don't get to reap the benefit. I'd actually rather be disliked than be the beneficiary of someone's thoughtless adulation.

Frickin counter productive lol. Go figure! 

[Cynder]

So...  I just wrote in here about how I'm probably not doing PITC because I haven't heard anything yet...  Well, I just got an email welcoming me aboard.

This is really turning into a year of firsts for me, business wise.  

Cheers.  🙂 

So... this is an edit to the above post...  I just realized the grueling schedule I'm imposing on myself for the next month or so.  I have SFM tomorrow, then IGN next week, then OM the week after that... and then Hell City the week after that... and then PITC is two weeks after Hell City...  Oh my Gods what am I doing to myself? 

But after PITC there is a 6 week gap where I can regroup.  Then I have HAMF, and two weeks later RCTC.  Then there is a 4 week gap until CPPD.  And then WCF two weeks later and WF two weeks after that.  Then I don't have anything until the Fall SFM show and then closing the year out with MK as usual. 

Boy oh boy...  This is gonna be an epic season. 

[Cynder]

22 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Favoritism has always made me uncomfortable, and I am someone who has generally received positive favoritism in my life.

I very much dislike when people behave without thinking. It actually makes me feel something like disgust in the pit of my stomach. So, when I am shown favoritism, I tend to rebel against it, even if it means I don't get to reap the benefit. I'd actually rather be disliked than be the beneficiary of someone's thoughtless adulation.

Frickin counter productive lol. Go figure! 

It's always made me uncomfortable too, but rarely have I ever benefited from it. 

Most vendors are really reluctant to sign up for a new event.  When an event just starts out and isn't established we don't know if we will make any money.  I know there are probably people reading this thinking, "Yea but artists shouldn't just do it for the money!"  I don't know where society came up with this idea that artists should just work for free.  We have bills to pay like everyone else. 

So usually, when an event is new, the organizer will just reach out to people they know.  And I sincerely thought that's what was happening here.  I thought HAMF was a new event and she was just trying to get people interested.  I figured everyone she was asking was probably getting a free space, etc.  I won't sit here and lie though and say I wouldn't have still taken it if I knew it was hard to get.  It's sink or swim in this business.  Being featured doesn't mean I am going to sell any more than anyone else there, necessarily. 

People debate about invitation only shows because of this issue.  Some people think this format eliminates favoritism, but some people think it's the epitome of favoritism.  I guess it depends on who the organizers are and what their motives are.  Because an organizer could just only invite their friends.  But at all the invitation only shows I've been invited to, I didn't even know the organizers.  They just went to other festivals and picked out people who's work they liked. 

I woke up today with such an upset stomach...  I mean, I have chronic stomach problems.  So I've just learned to function while having a constantly upset stomach.  But today it's worse than usual.  I hope it gets better by the time we have to load in today because I don't know how I will load in without throwing up.  I might have to literally pay Julia's kids to unload my stuff at the venue.  I was also going to get all dressed up today...  but now I don't think I can.  The thought of putting on a corset right now makes me wretch. 

 

[catfeeder]

7 hours ago, Cynder said:

I won't sit here and lie though and say I wouldn't have still taken it if I knew it was hard to get.  It's sink or swim in this business.  Being featured doesn't mean I am going to sell any more than anyone else there, necessarily. 

There are tiers of influence in everything, right down to grade schools and scout troops. There are always some people favored by others, and while I've felt it sometimes, I'm usually too myopic with my own focus to notice.

There's an opposite side of the coin, too. I was a temp who leapfrogged consulting firms based on the opportunities for me. I'd accept background roles like tech writing but then from Day-1 get pressured into management promotions I didn't want. I ended up managing in almost every project I joined, and it ruined the fun for me. While these were my choices, they didn't feel like choices because turning down the positions would create the kind of enemies that would ruin my fun in a different way. So we don't always know what's behind the appearance of favoritism.

I hope your featured role is noticed by the local shop lady who didn't want to see your prints--and I hope she LOVES your work. Then you can ask her, "Do you work on commission? ...Hmmm, big mistake--HUGE..."

[Cynder]

15 hours ago, catfeeder said:

There are tiers of influence in everything, right down to grade schools and scout troops. There are always some people favored by others, and while I've felt it sometimes, I'm usually too myopic with my own focus to notice.

There's an opposite side of the coin, too. I was a temp who leapfrogged consulting firms based on the opportunities for me. I'd accept background roles like tech writing but then from Day-1 get pressured into management promotions I didn't want. I ended up managing in almost every project I joined, and it ruined the fun for me. While these were my choices, they didn't feel like choices because turning down the positions would create the kind of enemies that would ruin my fun in a different way. So we don't always know what's behind the appearance of favoritism.

I hope your featured role is noticed by the local shop lady who didn't want to see your prints--and I hope she LOVES your work. Then you can ask her, "Do you work on commission? ...Hmmm, big mistake--HUGE..."

See, I've never experienced anything like that until recently.  No one has ever sought me out and asked me to come and work for them, etc.  I've never even been considered for a management position and I've actually never been promoted at a regular W2 job.  I applied for a few promotions when I worked as a QI in the auto industry, but it ended up being a waste of my time, because women just didn't move up the ladder there at all.  When there was an internal position I applied for and I was the only one to apply, and they hired some guy off the street for it, I just decided I was done trying. 

People just don't see management material when they look at me.  But I have managed my own business for almost 10 years.  I feel like this is the only thing I've ever been good at. 

There is a chance the shop lady might catch wind of this and see my work.  How funny would it be if she contacted me after and wanted to carry my work? 

Oddly enough I had a weird experience with another shop owner who did want to see my work about a week ago.  I've been wanting to write about it here but haven't had time until now.  She found me on social media and reached out to me about carrying my stuff in her shop.  And I've actually been to her store, it was years ago but I remember it.  She has this cool store that carries stuff made by local artists and vintage stuff. 

So I went up there (About an hour away) and took my portfolio with me but I also took about 25 prints to leave there with her in case she wanted some.  I had talked to her on the phone and she seemed really chill and laid back.  So I'm expecting to go meet this hippie lady and talk about art and the festival scene, etc.  Well that's not how this went at all, lol. 

She really reminded me of a hippie version of Meryl Streep's character in The Devil Wear's Prada.  She made me really uncomfortable from the second I walked in.  She was sitting on the couch with this guy so I wasn't sure if she worked there or was just hanging out there.  So I said I was here to see the owner.  She introduced herself by name and I said something like, "Oh yea.  We talked on the phone but I actually never got your name."  She gave me the stink eye and was like, "Well that would have been a good question to ask now wouldn't it?"  This pretty much set the tone for the whole interaction.

She asked me why I bothered bringing the portfolio if I'm only leaving 25 prints.  I told her I picked out 25 prints that show a little bit of everything, but she knows her customers better than I do, etc.  (At some shops animals sell really well.  At some my geometric stuff is what sells.  I had one shop where my black and white paintings sold like hotcakes.  So it was an eclectic mix.) And she said something about not having time to stand here and look through the whole book, etc.  One of the prints I brought was the painting I did of Baby Girl (D's Micro Skunk) because that print sells a lot at events and people really think it's cute, etc.  She held it up and turned it different angles trying to figure it out.  I said, "It's a skunk with angel wings."  She's like, "I can see what it is, I have eyes."  

I just remember thinking "Lady, you contacted me.  If you don't like my work I can just leave and stop wasting your time."   

Art school professors are brutal.  They prepare their students for handling criticism.  Criticism doesn't bother me.  I actually like constructive criticism.  And non constructive criticism just bounces right off me.  But when someone critiques my work and I'm not expecting or asking for a critique it kind of throws me off.  She went through all 25 prints and told me everything wrong with all of them.  My composition needs to improve.  I need to get better at fine detail.  I need to stop making everything so busy and not use so many colors. 

And then this exchange took place, "So did you go to art school?"  Me, "Yes.  I went to *name of college*"  "And did you graduate?"  "Yes."  "With a Bachelor's?"  "Yes."  "In what?"  "Fine Art."  "So you have a BFA?"  "Yes."  "A BFA in Fine Art?"  "Yes."  Like Jesus lady... yes I have a BFA in Fine Art. How many times are you going to ask me?

She asked me where I get my ideas.  And I said sometimes from dreams.  Sometimes I just see something interesting and take a picture of it and decide to paint it in my style.  And then what I was about to say was, "And I won't lie, some of my paintings were inspired by things I've experienced on psychedelics."  Because I am always transparent about that when people ask.  But she cut me off half way through and was like like, "So you're saying you've been lying up until now?"  And she was 100% serious.  She wasn't just being funny. 

She encouraged me to promote the store on social media because artists who sell there need to do their part, etc.  So before I left I told her I was going to take a short walk through video of the store for my TikTok, and she looked at me like I just killed her dog or something. 

The whole thing was just so off putting.  As soon as we got in the car I told my friend who took me up there, "She made me so uncomfortable."  And they were like, "Yea she was rude."  But I currently have about 10 prints for sale in her shop.  We'll see how this goes.  She only took ten of the 25 prints because she has high standards.  She's been in business for 30 years in that same location.  So she must be doing something right. 

So many shop owners have chips on their shoulders. 

SFM went pretty well today.  But it wasn't as fun as the fall SFM was.  Throughout the day I just remember thinking, "This show is so much better at the other location.  I had more interesting neighbors at the fall show."  Etc.  It was like I was trying to figure out why the fall SFM show was so much better.  The amount of people was about the same.  The money I made was about the same.  But it dawned on me about half way through the day that I had a better time at the Fall show because D was with me.  And that was about the time people started asking me about him, too.  Other vendors who remembered us from Fall were like, "Where's your sidekick at?"  One lady was like, "Where's your ball of energy?  Did he not feel like coming today?" 

That weekend in the fall was also the first time we slept in the same bed and it was the first time we kissed. Once I realized that I was comparing this show to the Fall show in a negative way because I miss him, I just felt really sad.  

The Mead vendor we got a couple bottles from in the Fall was there and I traded a few prints for two more bottles.  I'm going up to D's house this weekend and staying with him for IGN.  I'm taking one bottle with me for us and saving the other bottle for his birthday in June.  (Him and Z almost have the same birthday... But it's not the same day, thankfully, lol.) 

Man... if there was ever any question of how deep my feelings for him really are, it's no longer a question since we had our disagreement...  Since then I feel almost love sick on some days.  This is how I felt as a teenager when I was in my first serious relationship.  And it's overwhelming some days.  Loving anyone is terrifying even under the best circumstances.  But after what I've been through in the past it's magnified times 10.  He sent me a text the other day that said something like, "You realize you have the power to completely destroy me right?"  Basically he was saying he would be devastated if I left, etc. 

And neither of us ever planned on falling for each other.  We started off as cuddle buddies who went out and did random fun stuff together.  I don't think I've ever felt this kind of bond with anyone.  And I won't say it doesn't scare the crap out of me. 

I have to laugh at this... here I am writing about how so so in love I am... and this is what I'm listening to.  🙂

[Cynder]

My sleep schedule get so messed up during festival season.  Today I went to bed at 7AM, woke up at 1:30 PM, worked on a print order for a while, went back to sleep at around 4:30... and woke up at midnight.  Like what the F?  I guess I must have needed it. 

I am always looking for stuff to put on in the background while I'm painting, and I watched/listened to this Documentary called No Place To Hide...  It reminded me why I don't watch as many documentaries as I used to.  They piss me off.  Basically this film was about a teenage girl in Canada who was gang raped by four guys at a party.  Pictures were taken and sent around to everyone, she was bullied at school and online to the point where she killed herself.  After she died, people harassed her parents online.  Her Dad was told he should have been a better father and that he probably raped her too, etc... And of the four guys who raped her, 1 got a year probation, another one did some jail time but not much, and the other two got off.  No rape or sexual assault charges were ever filed against any of them.  The two who did get some form of punished were punished for distributing child porn because she was under 18.  The whole situation is just so disgusting. 

As a SA survivor and as someone who was bullied as a teenager, stuff like that gets to me.  And our culture hasn't changed much as far as victim blaming, etc.  I've seen SA victims blamed for what happened to them here on this forum, even.  The Victim's Advocate sat in the prosecutors office during some meeting with me and blamed me for what happened because I didn't go to the cops.  Like... we lived in the sticks, my parents watched my every move and I don't drive.  How the hell was I supposed to go to the cops lady?  I cussed her out and walked out of her office.  And this was the victim's advocate.  This same woman also accused me of lying to CPS to protect my abuser.  Uh no, CPS never even talked to me.  They talked to my sister and it was her who lied. 

I just can't believe in our time we still treat SA victims like this.  What the hell is wrong with people?  Why does the system fail so many people? 

 

[Jibralta]

I think I've seen a documentary about this story. They protected the boys because they were minors. The whole story says a lot about our culture. I feel so bad for that poor girl and her family.

[Cynder]

12 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I think I've seen a documentary about this story. They protected the boys because they were minors. The whole story says a lot about our culture. I feel so bad for that poor girl and her family.

Yea me too.  And it's not like her story is that unique, either.  That's what's really messed up.  There are a lot of similar stories. 

I don't understand protecting perpetrators because they are minors, either. What about the minors who are assaulted?  An 18 year old with nudes of his 17 year old girlfriend on his phone that she sent him can go to prison for possession of CP, but minors can commit rape, even murder in some cases, and basically get away with it because they are minors.  It's not like some magic switch flips when someone turns 18. 

Not the same thing... but my abuser raped his bio daughter when she was 26.  And I remember asking why no one was mentioning that when he was being prosecuted.  And the answer I was given was "Because she was of age."  Ok...  who cares if she was of age?  Her age shouldn't matter.  He raped her.  My family didn't know about this until he was being prosecuted.  She came over and told my Mom about it. 

The whole thing that got the ball rolling on him being prosecuted was a fight I got into with my mom, actually.  And a few days later my Om and sister are sitting at my Mom's house drinking, and my Mom was telling my sister that I'm nuts because I still think he sexually abused me.  And Mom is telling my sister, "Yea, after all these years she still swears he molested her.  She only imagined it.  She's too nuts to tell the difference between reality and what she comes up with in her head." 

I want to point out that I wasn't there.  This is all based on what my sister told me afterwords about this conversation, if anyone is reading this wondering how I know what she said.  Truthfully I don't know.  But this is just what I was told. 

Well then I guess after Mom said this, my sister was like, "Well, I think she might be telling the truth Mom."  My Mom was shocked I guess and asked my sister how she could say that and my sister was like, "Because he did it to me too." 

Then my Mom flipped out and had to be physically restrained by my sister and both of my brothers because she was going to go to my abuser's house and kill him.  She was 100% serious, too.  My brother still had some of his guns at her house, and she was going to get one of my brother's guns and murder the guy who abused me. 

I don't understand how anyone can say there was no favoritism played in my family.  I'm being abused and well who cares, get over it, you're lying, etc.  My sister is being abused and it's worth going to prison over to kill the guy. 

My abuser might as well have gotten away with it.  I don't even think he served a month in prison.  But I am a firm believer in karma and I know there's some truth to what people say about what happens to pedophiles in prison.  His death was listed as being from natural causes.  But I think he was probably killed by other inmates.  It just seems like too big of a coincidence. 

I remember on April 9th of that year when the legal proceedings were just starting (I had just given my statement to the police a few days before that.) I went out to this bar that has walls covered in $1 bills.  And people write stuff on them.  And I wrote "F You *his name* This is my celebration.  Rot in Prison."  on a dollar and hung it up.  And the following year on April 9th he died.  I remember it was April 9th because I took multiple pics of the dollar.  It was right next to another one that had a couple's engagement announced on it.  And then a year later when he died, I was thinking about that night and I went back and looked at the pictures.  And I realized that it was April 9th a year later. 

Well on to something a little more positive before I crash...  Almost everything I need to do for Hell City is done.  And I'm spending the weekend up at D's place.  It will be so nice to take a break from the constant grind and just spend some time with him. 

 

[Cynder]

I installed all my hanging hardware today for all the Hell City Paintings (3 of which are sold already, but I got permission from the customers to take them and display them there.  They will have SOLD signs on them. 

For so long I was so stressed out thinking there was no way in holy Hell I was going to get everything done on time.  But now, there are two weeks to go and everything is falling into place.  I still have two paintings to finish, but they will get done.  My David Bowie painting is about 50% done and my psychedelic Rick And Morty painting is about 80% done.  I still installed all the hanging hardware today, though.  Because a painting doesn't have to be finished to install it. 

part of me really loves all the busy work that comes right before a big show.  All the small details that get taken care of when it's getting close are fun to me in a weird way.  I make sure every stretcher bar is painted.  All the paintings are signed and dated on the back, also, with a printed version of my name too so people know who I am later on down the line. 

It really amazes me how many artists don't paint their stretcher bars or even install hanging hardware.  For me it's about presenting a finished product. 

I also do a lot of things like wash my table covers, etc.  They don't get washed after every show.  But they get washed a couple times a season. 

Since Hell City is indoors there's no lighting to worry about.  But I am tweeking my light setup this summer, too.  I will be rolling out the new modified light setup at PITC.  (Speaking of PITC...  I just got an email from them telling me they are taking $100 off the cost of my booth as a courtesy.  I don't know why this is, but I'm not going to complain.  I thanked them and told them how grateful I was.  It might be something they are just doing for first time vendors, Idk.)

I am also finally adding magnets to my inventory after years of wanting to.  This is something I'm so so excited about.  I could only get 100.  10 images, 10 of each image.  I hope I sell them all at Hell City.  That would be so amazing.  I made a sign today for them and ordered a display panel for them. 

I still need to mat prints.  I haven't done a run of new matted prints since O&C in 2021.  Matted prints don't sell that fast, so I don't have to make new ones very often. 

And then there's also stuff like packaging prints, etc.  Honestly, I do that at work usually.  It's easy to take a whole stack of prints to work with a bunch of sleeves and chip board backing and just do them on my break.  My boss doesn't have a problem with that as long as my work is getting done and customers are being taken care of. 

D is actually going to be joining me at Hell City, also.  We weren't sure if he would be able to for a bit there.  But he will be there.  I've made it very clear to him that he is not expected to be glued to the booth and help me all day.  He is there as my guest, not as my help.  It will be nice having someone there with me this year, though.  Because the days at HC are long.  I mean, a 14 hour vending day is a long day anyway, but it's really long when you are alone. 

So, I have work to do. 

 

[Cynder]

My Silent Hill Painting sold last night.  That's 4 of the Hell City batch sold.  And my Bowie painting is probably sold, too.  Someone I've known for a long time who has bought from me before called dibs on it as soon as I posted the drawing. 

Honestly, though (Just a side note about the Bowie painting...) it is really pissing me off.  It has a limited color palette, and the sketch looked amazing, so I figured this is going to be easy.  I'm gonna knock this one right out of the park.  The sketch looked just like him, too.  But now that I'm a few layers in, he looks Asian.  Now, in case any woke SJWs are reading this, I want to make this clear.  I AM NOT saying there's anything wrong with Asians, or with looking Asian.  However, David Bowie isn't Asian.  My painting looks like an Asian guy dressed up as him. Yesterday I probably spent 3 hours painting over certain parts of his face that I thought were the problem and repainting them, etc.  I'm not happy at all with this painting.  I might just gesso right over it and start over, honestly. 

But, someone really wants it when it's done.  So there's a good chance that one will sell before Hell City, too. 

So many people hate on artists who do fan art.  But fan art sells.  I also get lectured by the guy who works at the print shop pretty regularly, about how I'm going to get in so much trouble.  George Lucas isn't going to come after me.  Pink Floyd isn't going to come after me.  Whoever created Silent Hill isn't going to come after me.  Whoever handles the estates of all the dead rock stars I've painted won't bother coming for me either.  It would be a waste of their time and money.  If I was making millions, then yes.  But I'm not. 

A lot of people also don't really understand what is/isn't copyright infringement.  It's not against the law to paint pictures of famous people.  I use the Darkside Of The Moon prism in the background of paintings sometimes.  Pink Floyd doesn't own all the rights to a triangle with a rainbow shooting out of it.  When it comes to characters, it gets a little more murky.  I'm sure the two Yoda paintings I've done are illegal on some level.  I'm sure the paintings I've done of Jack Skellington are, too.  Because those are original characters.  But it wouldn't be worth George or TIm's time to sue me.  They were drawn by me and painted in my style.  I didn't just copy movie posters, etc. 

Alice in Wonderland is a whole other animal.  I've done a lot of original Alice In Wonderland art.  A striped cat with a huge smile, a blond girl in a blue dress, a guy in a fancy hat and suit drinking tea, a white rabbit, etc... none of that can really be copyrighted because it's all open to interpretation.

So many people have requested a Maynard painting.  (Maynard from Tool.)  But it's so hard to find good pics of him.  I've never seen a pic of him that I felt compelled to paint. 

Anyway...  last night was kind of a rough night mentally.  I have all my stuff packed and ready to head up to D's place when I wake up.  It's time to crash. 

 

[Cynder]

Less than two weeks until Hell City...  the panic button has officially been pushed.  I have two paintings to finish, still.  But one is about 90% done.  Other is about 60%.  I got so frustrated with my Bowie painting that I completely whited out his face and am starting over.  I kept everything else...  just couldn't get the face right.  I also have 20 prints to mat, a lot of prints to pack, and magnets to pick up.  Good Gods... why do I do this to myself? 

The answer is pretty simple.  I do this to myself because I know I can handle it.  I work better under pressure, and because I don't want to half ass anything.  There is a reason I am slowly becoming scene royalty. 

In 2014 when I started I would do any show that would let me in.  My first show was a literal flea market.  No jury process, etc.  Anyone can show up on a Saturday, pay the $20 and set up.  I made $300 that day.  And I was sharing a space with my ex's sister and her husband. 

Now, I wouldn't even bother doing a show if I knew I would only make $300.  I mean yes, that's a good chunk of money for most people.  But for me to take time off work, pay employees, give up my day, etc, it has to be worth it or I don't bother.  My standards are going up and so is my income. 

The magnets are such a huge deal to me.  I know people are reading this thinking, "They are magnets.  You hang them on the fridge.  So what?"  Well I've wanted to start carrying them for years.  They are expensive to order.  I try to deal with locally owned businesses whenever possible.  It took me forever to find a local place that could even make them. 

This weekend I will be at another OM show.  I'm really counting a lot on this one... because the money I make there will help pay for my magnets as well as all the prints I ordered for Hell City.  OM shows are always profitable.  But I'm kind of kicking myself for doing it this close to Hell City.  Because I have prep to do this weekend, too.  D might end up helping me mat all 20 of my matted prints.  I asked him about it and he is willing.  I wish I didn't have to resort to that, though.  When I mat prints the helper's job is really easy.  They basically help cut tape and paper triangles and help hold prints in place while they are taped down.  I'm so glad I learned how to mat prints in college so I don't have to pay someone to do it. 

Anyway...  I am stressing myself out thinking about this stuff.  As soon as I wake up I have a print order to pick up...  then it's on to painting and finishing at least one of the two.