I didn't put out

[Sparkly Eyes]

Honestly, you're thinking too much about it. If you have to play all these little games to make him want to date you, do you really think he is worth dating?

 

If he is a player and only wants sex, whatever game you play doesn't matter, he won't be with you.

[ls33]

At his bonfire last weekend, he stood with me for 1/2 hour doing nothing inappropriate, just cuddling... even though it was getting later & later and he had to work a ridiculously long shift the next day. He lent me his sweatshirt & then when I tried to gave it back, he told me I didn't have to (so I took it home). when he said goodbye, it was a sweet, short kiss.

 

So then why was his follow-up last weekend "I'll let you know about the bonfire we have next weekend," & then why did he call me for a booty call, when I hadn't done anything up to that point but indicate that I was interested in him romantically?!!

[Ariel85]

This is some of the most twisted logic ever.

 

Your idea of setting boundaries is to put yourself in a situation you don't want to be in, one that you know sets up expectations on his side, then you cop out? Do you really think the way to get more "proper dates" is to show up for a booty call then play the tease?

[OptomisticGirl]

Because he pulled the oldest trick in the book. He wooed you, made you think he liked you romantically 'oh, take my shirt babe, no problem'. Awwwwww - and then goes for what he really wants. Sex.

[ls33]

Once I got that booty call, what other options did I have? I could have flat-out rejected him, which would make me look not interested & would've ended everything between us. Or I could go, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he really would be happy w/just "hanging out" as he claimed.

[OptomisticGirl]

You could have said no. Don't pretend to have principles and then in the next breath go aginst them. That's called hypocrisy.

[ls33]

But my "principle" wasn't that I couldn't go over there b/c it was late. My "principle" was no sex yet because it was too soon.

And does it seem unlikely that he ever really had feelings for me, if he made that booty call in the first place? Or could he have just genuinely wanted to see me, with or without sex?

[OptomisticGirl]

You went over there in the middle of the night. That's a booty call my dear.

 

I doubt he did, although to be fair he isn't the only one playing games here.

[Ariel85]

Or could he have just genuinely wanted to see me, with or without sex?

 

(snicker - lol)

 

Do you ever call your gf's to come over in the middle of the night because you want to see them? lol

 

Not sure what the end goal is here, but whatever it is, I'm pretty certain you're going about it all the wrong way...

[ls33]

But if you read what I said about the bonfire & our first kiss last weekend, I did nothing to suggest I was a sleaze. So why did he even contact me for a booty call the other night, anyhow?? You must admit, it sounded like he had feelings for me on the night of that bonfire... although even that night, all he mentioned was contacting me about another cookout the next weekend.... after our first kiss, I mentioned the idea of something like hiking in the middle of the day, and he just kind of brushed it off. I figured he just wanted to keep getting to know me in the group setting for a while before moving to individual dates, b/c less pressure.

[annie24]

Once I got that booty call, what other options did I have? I could have flat-out rejected him, which would make me look not interested & would've ended everything between us. Or I could go, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he really would be happy w/just "hanging out" as he claimed.

 

you could say - "gosh - it's late, i'm tired - how about we hang out tomorrow night - i've been wanting to see xxxx movie - are you interested?"

[ls33]

Well, he brushed off my earlier attempt last weekend at suggesting a future one-on-one date. I mentioned something outdoorsy, all he said was that he'd call me when he & his friends had another cookout the next weekend (i.e. this weekend). If he only wanted to follow up in a group, then what does that tell me?

 

I feel like I have to give up on this guy now.

[Ariel85]

You keep trying to back peddle what happened, but ultimately, he thought so little of you to try and booty call you, and you thought even less of yourself to show up.

[annie24]

Well, he brushed off my earlier attempt last weekend at suggesting a future one-on-one date. I mentioned something outdoorsy, all he said was that he'd call me when he & his friends had another cookout the next weekend (i.e. this weekend). If he only wanted to follow up in a group, then what does that tell me?

 

I feel like I have to give up on this guy now.

 

Did he invite you to the cookout?

 

I don't think you have to "give up." But if he wants you, he's going to have to try harder to properly date you, and not just call you late at night after he's been drinking or not ask you out on one-on-one time.

[ls33]

So we are in agreement that he didn't like me / have much respect for me in the first place, because he sent me that midnight text message? I wish I knew what I'd done to "deserve" that -- i.e. why he seemed to like me at first, but ultimately thought of me as nothing more than booty call.

 

Would it be bad to suggest going to a sporting event 1-on-1 on Monday? That might show him what my intentions really are.

[annie24]

So we are in agreement that he didn't like me / have much respect for me in the first place, because he sent me that midnight text message? I wish I knew what I'd done to "deserve" that -- i.e. why he seemed to like me at first, but ultimately thought of me as nothing more than booty call.

 

No, I'm not in agreement. I don't know what his deal is - if he is a sleazy guy looking for a hookup, or a guy who used some 'liquid courage' to ask to spend time with a girl he liked. I really don't know. And I think these days, people have these casual hookups rather than "proper dates." I wouldn't condemn him, but just say to him something like I suggested (it's late, but you'd love to meet up in the near future for dinner/movie/walk/ice cream/watch the game/whatever). Then you can tell by his reaction what his motive is. That's my take anyway.

[ls33]

Yes, I was thinking the "liquid courage" type of thing. He also works ridiculous hours & barely has any nights free, ever -- whether weekend or weekday. That's why I gave benefit of doubt and came over... but once I was over there, I wanted to make it clear that if this really was just for sex, then it wasn't happening.

[Ariel85]

Yes, I was thinking the "liquid courage" type of thing. He also works ridiculous hours & barely has any nights free, ever -- whether weekend or weekday. That's why I gave benefit of doubt and came over... but once I was over there, I wanted to make it clear that if this really was just for sex, then it wasn't happening.

 

Well, he seemed to have time to hit the bars with his friends, and then text you on his way home as an afterthought. Makes ya wonder, no?

[ls33]

yes, it does. unles he is one without much relationship experience who just doesn't know what he is doing. he just really did seem interested based upon those actions at last weekend's bonfire. it's difficult to argue that much.

[Batya33]

yes, it does. unles he is one without much relationship experience who just doesn't know what he is doing. he just really did seem interested based upon those actions at last weekend's bonfire. it's difficult to argue that much.

 

I don't think it takes relationship experience to behave in a respectful manner - respect someone's time, how the person might feel being invited over last minute late at night, etc. He has friends, apparently, he makes advance plans with his friends so he knows how to do that. No other "experience" needed.

[ls33]

But the previous weekend, I had called him impromptu to invite him to the party where I was. So that's the same thing!

[Batya33]

No because you invited him to a party, not your place after midnight to hang out.

[Hollyj]

Once I got that booty call, what other options did I have? I could have flat-out rejected him, which would make me look not interested & would've ended everything between us. Or I could go, giving him the benefit of the doubt that he really would be happy w/just "hanging out" as he claimed.

 

Oh Lord, this is really twisted logic!!!

 

He would have respected you more if you had stayed home. I mean who goes to meet a guy at that hour unless they are thinking booty call. IF HE REALLY LIKED AND RESPECTED YOU, HE WOULD ASK YOU ON PROPER DATES, not late night meet ups and group settings!!!

 

If you had said no to the booty call, and he never called, it shows what he is interested in.

[Batya33]

Simple response to an invitation to hang out at a man's house at midnight after he's been drinking:

 

"Thanks for the invitation but I don't feel comfortable going to your house right now. Let's make a plan to get together soon and do something fun like [play tennis/see a movie/go on a picnic]"

 

"Or thanks but I already have plans. Let's talk tomorrow and make a plan to do something fun, soon". (not his business what your plans are).

[Hollyj]

So we are in agreement that he didn't like me / have much respect for me in the first place, because he sent me that midnight text message? I wish I knew what I'd done to "deserve" that -- i.e. why he seemed to like me at first, but ultimately thought of me as nothing more than booty call.

 

Would it be bad to suggest going to a sporting event 1-on-1 on Monday? That might show him what my intentions really are.

 

Stop chasing him! I think another indicator is the fact he has not asked you out but, only includes in group settings. It shows he is not interested in getting to know more about you.

 

Remember, when you have to make excuses for someone, something is very wrong.