ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 iI just don't know if there was much for me to have screwed up. He had seemed sincerely interested in me, but then he texted me randomly at 1AM to come over after he'd been drinking. Would any sincere guy ever consider that their next point of contact with a new girl?! And if so, then would he really not respect it if the girl ended up having limits?! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 So now you know. Men do not call women over to their house in the middle of the night for anything other than sex, none that I have had met. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 iI just don't know if there was much for me to have screwed up. He had seemed sincerely interested in me, but then he texted me randomly at 1AM to come over after he'd been drinking. Would any sincere guy ever consider that their next point of contact with a new girl?! And if so, then would he really not respect it if the girl ended up having limits?! We can't read his mind!!! But as OG says, a guy doesn't invite you over at 1 AM to discuss the middle east peace process or union contracts. Look - you need to stop obsessing over this. Time will tell. If he's gone, oh well, forget him, you will meet someone else. Maybe because you've only been in 1 relationship - but this happens all the time in the single world. you meet a guy, you feel you connected with him, then you never hear from him again. I've had that happen to me more times than I can count. That's just dating. It happens. Sometimes, it's not the right match, and nothing you did or didn't do will affect the outcome. you just move on and focus on other men. PS - very creepy that your fiance e-mailed him that. sounds like there are some boundary issues there. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 I just wish I could fix the ugly mess I have created. I know I should have just slept with him. I know it. I never wanted to look like a tease. I just didn't think it was a problem, considering he had only lightly kissed me 1 time up until that night! I didn't know things would do a complete 180 and move full speed ahead next time I saw him! Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 You shouldn't have slept with him but you also shouldn't have went over. As Annie said, you know now and just learn from it. You can't change it. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Is it just him, or is there no conceivable chance any man in that situation would keep seeing the girl after that event? I mean, I accepted his offer to "hang out" late in the evening, & then I chose not to put out because I wasn't redy yet. What's the horrible problem? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Is it just him, or is there no conceivable chance any man in that situation would keep seeing the girl after that event? I mean, I accepted his offer to "hang out" late in the evening, & then I chose not to put out because I wasn't redy yet. What's the horrible problem? It all depends on the guy. Again, I can't read his mind, I have no idea what he is thinking. Like I said before, I know some guys who would not respect a woman he had a one night stand with, I know other men who married women they had a one-night stand with (that turned into more). So it could be anything. TIME. You have to give these things time. When it comes to dating, a man may have any number of reasons for calling or not calling a woman back, even after a phenomenal date. When was the last time you saw him? Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 that night. he texted me afterwards (I already wrote out the text msg), then texted last night to let me know the bonfire wasn't happening (it stormed). Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 we really did do some raw, hard core making out... and i know i was good, ha... so it's not like i should've looked like a total prude to him, where he figured the situation would be hopeless for months!! not like i didn't let him under my shirt or didn't kiss his neck or something really ridiculously prudish. he gave me his fingers to suck on, i did some pretty good moves with those. i'm just making the point that i don't look like a complete angel. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 that night. he texted me afterwards (I already wrote out the text msg), then texted last night to let me know the bonfire wasn't happening (it stormed). How many days ago was that? That's my question. If it's been more than a week, I'd say move on. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Ok, I went back and read your first post. So, that happened 2 days ago, right? Give it a week. If he doesn't call you within a week, forget about him. That's how I feel. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 i guess so. i wasn't ready to sleep with him that night, but i would have been within a few more dates. he shouldn't have the impression that it would've been months later or anything... because i did make out with him as described, which isn't so innocent Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 seriously, is this guy worth all this thinking? Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 Yess!!! We have the most amazing things in common -- including career, which is huge for me -- I've always wanted to find someone who does exactly what I do, which obviously narrows the dating pool a lot. I thought he felt the connection, based upon the way he treated me at the bonfire. then next thing i know i'm getting a 1am text and the offer to go upstairs. i still dont think im such a terrible woman for refusing to go upstairs... Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Don't idolize him, he could even be the worst match for you unlike what you think. And trust me, sometimes the more you try and push it, the farther you get from having him. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 ya, maybe he wasn't. all i did "wrong" was tell him i wanted to take it slow when i was over there late at night. some would consider this a deal breaker, but not everyone would... especially if he were actually interested in me romantically, so he hadn't only called me over for sex. Link to comment
BrokenSmile Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 just been reading these posts- did you say that your ex-fiance found this guy on facebook and messaged him to encourage him to go out with you? Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 yes 2 weeks ago. called the new guy about it and he said it was fine, at least my ex didn't threaten him or anything. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 ya, maybe he wasn't. all i did "wrong" was tell him i wanted to take it slow when i was over there late at night. some would consider this a deal breaker, but not everyone would... especially if he were actually interested in me romantically, so he hadn't only called me over for sex. If his interest level is high, this won't bother him, trust me. You are putting him on pedestal, thinking about what you should have done to please HIM. What about you? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 i kind of getting the impression that you've gotten really attached to him - maybe because it's so soon after the breakup with your fiance and you've put so much hopes into this new guy. maybe you're not ready to date so soon after this long relationship that just ended? ending an engagement is a big deal. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 you are so right. i had been unhappy w/my fiancee for years but too scared of being alone... only got the guts to break up w/him once i met this new guy. ironic that i'm obsessed w/pleasing the new guy, yet totally acted like a prude once he finally invited me over late at night!!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 i don't think you acted like a prude. not at all. it just sounds like you might not be ready to jump into dating. To be honest with you, I probably wouldn't date a man who just broke up with his fiance a few weeks ago. I would be too concerned about it being a rebound. I wouldn't want to get myself in the middle of that. you have to be patient, and you don't want to just jump into another relationship. take your time, get to know the guy, or whoever. take some time for yourself. why did you break up with your ex? and i think it's inappropriate that he messaged this guy encouraging him to ask you out. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 just because i felt no emotion... i could tell he wasn't happy with me, just going through the motions hoping eventually he would be happy. he confirmed all this after i broke up with him. i just want this new guy so badly. but if i wanted him that much, then why couldn't i just accept an offer of sex the first time it was offered, like a normal person?!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Hun - you are just not ready to date right now. That's really what I'm sensing from your responses here. Take some time, be single, be happy with yourself, heal from the breakup. You're not going to get over a long term relationship overnight. One roll in the hay isn't going to do it either. Link to comment
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