annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I think more along your lines. Personally, I can't imagine someone rejecting me for not having sex on the 3rd time hanging out when it was only a "booty call" anyhow, not even a date that had started earlier in the night. And maybe it wasn't very nice that we kissed goodbye, but then he tapped my butt as I walked away. Like I'm a piece of meat? Could have been innocent, but still. I wouldn't read into the "kiss and butt tap." I think that time will tell. You will know more by his actions in the next few weeks if he is interested in getting to know you, or is only interested in "getting to know you" in the biblical sense. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 This is kind of destroying me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting what I didn't do (i.e. sleep w/him when it was offered, instead of making him feel awkward by setting limits), when I thought he was the perfect man for me! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 This is kind of destroying me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting what I didn't do (i.e. sleep w/him when it was offered, instead of making him feel awkward by setting limits), when I thought he was the perfect man for me! You simply cannot know if a man is "perfect" for you until you have known him for months and years. You made out with him and hung out with him a few times. what do you really know about him and his history???? Besides, the perfect man for you would wait for you, treat you like a queen and not put pressure on you. He would respect and love you. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 How old are you, by the way? late teens, early 20s? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 This is kind of destroying me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life regretting what I didn't do (i.e. sleep w/him when it was offered, instead of making him feel awkward by setting limits), when I thought he was the perfect man for me! You don't even know this guy! You have been on one date and seen him a few times. How can he be the "perfect man?" I don't understand your thinking? Why would you want a man who wouldn't want you after you turned him down for sex? It would be very clear that he only wanted you for sex! What is your age ? Are you in your mid-teens? I also would not have sex with someone until I was in a committed relationship-I would probably wait three months and if he couldn't wait then he is not the right one. My friends who are in committed relationships, all waited, the guy stuck around because he cared and respected them. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 I should clarify. I'm not worried about him not liking me because I turned him down for sex. I'm worried about him not liking me because he thinks I'm a tease/prude/liar. Sorry, but I fell for the concept that he really did get out of work super-late and wanted to see me that night, with or without sex. I came over his place, but then I set limits -- and I guess that was too awkward and too much for him to deal with. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Why are you making such a big deal about this? Either he will ask you out or he won't. I don't understand how you would be a liar? I think the biggest mistake you made was that you went over there. You should expect a man to treat you respectfully and ask you out on a dates, not accept invites in the middle of the night. You are showing men how to treat you, and that you do not expect much. If you do not respect yourself then nobody else will! I will say again, it was wrong to go over there not because you didn't put out but, because it shows you DO NOT value yourself. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Well, I think I made that same point about respecting myself by setting limits once I was there -- because after all, I would hang out with a girl friend at 1AM after we'd both left our first location for the evening and not feel any guilt about that! Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I should clarify. I'm not worried about him not liking me because I turned him down for sex. I'm worried about him not liking me because he thinks I'm a tease/prude/liar. Sorry, but I fell for the concept that he really did get out of work super-late and wanted to see me that night, with or without sex. I came over his place, but then I set limits -- and I guess that was too awkward and too much for him to deal with. Well, this goes back to - if he thinks you are worth it, he will wait. Like i said - a man will save up for months or years for the car he wants, for the entertainment system he wants, he'll wait for the right woman as well. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Well, I think I made that same point about respecting myself by setting limits once I was there -- because after all, I would hang out with a girl friend at 1AM after we'd both left our first location for the evening and not feel any guilt about that! You do not apply the same rules to someone you like. And, I don't think you're making out with your girlfriend. Are you? How old are you? Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 I'm 23 and a half. He's 27. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 Honestly, I thought you guys were in your teens. He is almost thirty, and his behavior makes it even worse. He is not showing you respect by not taking you out on dates-the brewery does not amount to much. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I agree that at 27, he should know how to ask you on proper dates and not booty call you at midnight. Brewery can be a fun date, but let's see if there are more.... Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 So if he doesn't want to go on a one-on-one date, then he was probably only interested in me for a casual hookup/sex in the first place? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 So if he doesn't want to go on a one-on-one date, then he was probably only interested in me for a casual hookup/sex in the first place? I would guess so since he invited you to his place at midnight after being out at the bars. Most men I know wouldn't want to risk offending a woman they wanted to date by extending that sort of invitation. Even if they really wanted to see her. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 So if he doesn't want to go on a one-on-one date, then he was probably only interested in me for a casual hookup/sex in the first place? YES! If a man does not invite a woman out on a date to get to know her and spend time with her, what is your interpretation? What is your history with men? Have you been out on regular dates? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I would guess so since he invited you to his place at midnight after being out at the bars. Most men I know wouldn't want to risk offending a woman they wanted to date by extending that sort of invitation. Even if they really wanted to see her. Exactly! It shows he doesn't respect her, and only wants one thing. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 He threw me off his scent by the night we shared at the bonfire last weekend. He was so sweet, so gentlemanly. Cuddled me for half an hour without his hands going anywhere inappropriate even once. Gave me his sweatshirt & the sweetest goodnight kiss. If I can't take all of those strong feelings & actions to mean anything, then... dating is really going to be awful for me, because I feel like I can't trust my judgment at all thus far. He did all those things, & then the next time he tried to get together, it was an impromptu booty call. OUCH! Do you see why this hurt me so much? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 He threw me off his scent by the night we shared at the bonfire last weekend. He was so sweet, so gentlemanly. Cuddled me for half an hour without his hands going anywhere inappropriate even once. Gave me his sweatshirt & the sweetest goodnight kiss. If I can't take all of those strong feelings & actions to mean anything, then... dating is really going to be awful for me, because I feel like I can't trust my judgment at all thus far. He did all those things, & then the next time he tried to get together, it was an impromptu booty call. OUCH! Do you see why this hurt me so much? Well, again, time. It takes time to know a man and what his intentions are. It is very easy for a man to do sweet things for a few nights. But how is he over the course of 4 months? You just don't know until you know. You can't rush the process. That's what I've learned about dating through the years. You can't expect an "insta-relationship." Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 We connected on all these levels where I've never connected with someone before. We are absolutely passionate about the exact same line of work. It's actually really important to me to be with someone in my profession... and that criterion rules out a TON of people right there. So I was very excited about this man. But it seems he is no longer interested after I made him feel awkward by setting weird limits on our night (ex. wouldn't go up to his bedroom). Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 He threw me off his scent by the night we shared at the bonfire last weekend. He was so sweet, so gentlemanly. Cuddled me for half an hour without his hands going anywhere inappropriate even once. Gave me his sweatshirt & the sweetest goodnight kiss. If I can't take all of those strong feelings & actions to mean anything, then... dating is really going to be awful for me, because I feel like I can't trust my judgment at all thus far. He did all those things, & then the next time he tried to get together, it was an impromptu booty call. OUCH! Do you see why this hurt me so much? Sweetie, that's nothing! Someone needs to show you over the course of time that they are kind, trustworthy and respectful. Thirty minutes of cuddling is nothing more that thirty minutes of cuddling. I think you should be concerned that you had strong feelings after such a brief encounter because I can guarantee, he did not make much of it-evident by the booty call. I think you may be putting the message out that you are very desperate to be with someone, that's why you got the booty call. You need to establish some boundaries and quick!!! Please check out Men who love Bi-----hes, you will learn to how to react in such situations, and attract respectful partners Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 We connected on all these levels where I've never connected with someone before. We are absolutely passionate about the exact same line of work. It's actually really important to me to be with someone in my profession... and that criterion rules out a TON of people right there. So I was very excited about this man. But it seems he is no longer interested after I made him feel awkward by setting weird limits on our night (ex. wouldn't go up to his bedroom). Why would you want someone who only wants you for sex? You will learn that the only thing that matters is love, trust honor and respect. I don't care what you have on common, of you do not have the same set of morals it will not work. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 We connected on all these levels where I've never connected with someone before. We are absolutely passionate about the exact same line of work. It's actually really important to me to be with someone in my profession... and that criterion rules out a TON of people right there. So I was very excited about this man. But it seems he is no longer interested after I made him feel awkward by setting weird limits on our night (ex. wouldn't go up to his bedroom). Again, you just don't know until you've known him for months and months and months. Let's say he never calls you again. It doesn't have to be because of the sex (or non-sex). It could be for any number of other reasons, including he got back with his ex-gf, or he just didn't feel that deep connection with you. It may be important to you to be with a man in your own profession, but I think most men don't care about that when they are looking for a wife or partner. Link to comment
ls33 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 I know it could be for any number of reasons. I just feel like I ruined it by refusing sex in a situation that made him feel awkward. Oh well. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I know it could be for any number of reasons. I just feel like I ruined it by refusing sex in a situation that made him feel awkward. Oh well. If it did and it pushed him away, then he was not your Mr. Right. Link to comment
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