LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a while now. I met him while he was still dating his girlfriend. He still is dating his girlfriend only difference is I'm pregnant now. At first I was okay with him having a girlfriend I wasn't looking for anything serious. Of course it changed when I found out I was preggo. I told him and his immediate response was "Oh you've got to get rid of it." I'm fine with that because I already parent 2 beautiful children on my own. I just wonder if he realizes how serious this is. Does he get that it's a human life...Our human life that we're deciding mutually to end? See for me it's not that simple but I know what I must do. What if he isn't even supportive in the abortion? He says he will be but men say anything. -InNeedOfSupportAndAdvice Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 There are so many issues with the whole situation. He cheated on his girlfriend with you and now you are pregnant? Keeping the child or aborting it is your choice but why do you want to be with a guy that is taken? I really don't even know where to start.. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 What about condoms? Are you concerned about STDs'? Why do you settle for so little? I feel sorry for the girlfriend! Link to comment
DanDee Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I'm sorry but this is such a thoughtless situation. It doesn't matter that he had a girlfriend but not wife, he's taken! And furthermore he's so inconsiderate that the first thing that comes out of his mouth is the word "abortion"... what a douche. If, deep down, you want to keep it do so, it isn't up to him. It will certainly make him grow up and accept that he can't continue being this wreckless. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 She already has two kids. Jesus, how will this influence their well-being? Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 @Everyone...I will take some of the blame in this but 50 percent is his fault. His game was so freakin tight maybe I left out a very important detail. I'm 20 and he is over 30. Maybe my judgement was clouded. On several occasions I've thought about his girlfriend and everytime id put off breaking us off. This was truly and accident but one that Should Have been prevented. So dont be so judgemental I am woman enough to own up to my mistakes and wrong doings...I'm in need of what I said before Support and GOOD Advice Link to comment
BrokenSmile Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Wow, this is a very complicated situation. First, don't have an abortion just because your "boyfriend" tells you to- his opinion should be considered, but ultimately it is your decision. To have an abortion, you must be completely okay with the idea- on your own, and not because someone tells you to. Also, perhaps it would better help you come to terms with the idea if you consider it to be ending a pregnancy instead of ending "a human life". I think perhaps talking to a counselor would really help you in this situation- I know that Planned Parenthood offers counseling services, maybe your next step should be to contact them. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Welcome to enotalone. This is certainly a tough situation! It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. Like you said - the biggest issue is the baby. Do you want to keep it? And if you do, will he part of the baby's life? If he has another girlfriend, does she know about you as well? I don't know if any of us can really tell you what to do - it's your decision. But not matter what you do, consider if you want to keep seeing this man who sounds like he is not committed to you and is cheating. Consider if this is a situation you would really want to be in again? good luck Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Thank You I do plan on seeking counseling next week. I will be posting this interesting learning experience every step of the way. I hope that I can maybe help a girl in my situation or save a girl from making the same mistakes I did. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Are you in a position to take care of a 3rd baby financially in the event you have a hard time collecting child support from this guy? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Does he have any other children? Link to comment
Stay_home Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 At first I was okay with him having a girlfriend I wasn't looking for anything serious. Of course it changed when I found out I was preggo. By you initially not taking things serious, he's now not taking the baby serious. Does he get that it's a human life...Our human life that we're deciding mutually to end? See for me it's not that simple but I know what I must do. What if he isn't even supportive in the abortion? He says he will be but men say anything. Men say everything. But they don't always deliver upon that. Unfortunately, this is a prime example of how women sometimes settle into these relationships or situations without reading the fine print. You've make yourself into a victim by doing things like that. You've got to be smarter than that and know that you deserve better and act like you do. I can tell you right now, this guy isn't going to be there for you. He's not going to leave his girlfriend for you. That's a fantasy you've created in your head. Now that you're pregnant you think he's going to leave her and come be with you. He's not and he's just going to stroll along to the next opportunity he finds. You had complete control in this situation and you chose to let your guard down. Shame on you. If you really want to have the child, have the child. But don't expect any help from your "boyfriend" and expect that you'll soon be going to court for child support. Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 No I am not in a position financially. To be honest I don't even have money to pay for the abortion let alone support another baby. I'm in the process of looking for a job. I may have found one...Wish me luck Thank You Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 No I am not in a position financially. To be honest I don't even have money to pay for the abortion let alone support another baby. I'm in the process of looking for a job. I may have found one...Wish me luck Thank You Well I hope it works out for you (the job). If terminating your pregnancy is what you truly want, he should help to pay for it since he helped to get you in this position. Sorry if I missed it, have you stopped seeing him? It would be wise to not date him anymore. Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 No. He does not have any other children. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I'm curious are you still going to see this douche? Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Wow! You and your kids are in a tough spot. How old are they? Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 No I am not in a position financially. To be honest I don't even have money to pay for the abortion let alone support another baby. I'm in the process of looking for a job. I may have found one...Wish me luck Thank You To be honest, I would ask for the money for the abortion from him and ask him to drive you there and back. And point out that this is cheaper than 18 years of child support. I really hope you get the job! and then kick this guy to the curb. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 I wonder if both of you see the seriousness in this situation--not just him. Since you both came to a mutual decision to terminate the pregnancy, it appears that you both at least realize that neither of you are ready for a child(or in your case another one). However the fact that you are seeing him knowing he has a girlfriend and are upset because he is not "there" completely(in terms of support) is a bit ironic to me. When you date someone that is already committed to another, then how can you expect them to commit themselves to you? After all if he has 100% commitment to give out, and is giving out 80% of that to his gf, and 20% to you, then why then is it surprising that he is not giving you the support you'd like during this situation. I do believe he should help with the abortion costs, and hopefully if he WANTS to and cares about you he'll provide you with support. But I think in this situation you need to sort of think about why you are with someone who you would like to NOW be there for you completely--who is yet dating someone else? In other words the reality is that you are with someone that is already taken--how can you expect him to be more supportive than what he can give? The biggest concern to me is whether you plan to continue seeing him or not... Especially if you started off not serious, and ended up in a serious situation wanting a serious reaction from him and are now upset because of that... Not to be harsh, but I just think that maybe it's time to really open your eyes to the situation at hand and your role in it. I wish you the best of luck. An abortion is a difficult thing to go through--alone. I've been there before and it wasn't fun. I also hope you get the job. If I were you though, I would chalk this experience as a "lesson" about engaging in light relationships with men already committed to others: don't do it. Link to comment
thusspokemara Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 When you seek counseling, I highly recommend avoiding Planned Parenthood. Find a counselor that is fairly impartial (it's impossible for them not to have some vested interest/opinion). If you can't afford supporting the child (and you carry it to full term), there are plenty of resources that are available free of charge that will assist in medical care and adoption placement. Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 No, I'm not on welfare. Link to comment
LovingMe221 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Wow some of you people are harsh, I could have lived without your comment. You may want to read the post again it says no where that I want him to leave his girlfriend. I also never said that I wanted to keep the baby. And if you wanna be technical, I technically do still have control over the situation. He hasn't told his other girlfriend and they don't have children. She takes care of him, he lives in her home. We creep when SHES at work. Maybe we could team up against his ass... Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Well, if you have the money to support a third child on your own at 20 (egads), then have the kid, but realize you will be doing it all alone. Yes, I agree he's 50% responsible for getting you pregnant, but you're 100% responsible for the choice to keep the child or not. So, anything that happens going forward is all on you, as it's a decision you'll make on your own. Sounds to me like he always had a GF, and you were the sidedish for sex. Right? I wouldn't expect him to be too thrilled about this, as I'm sure the last thing on his mind was being tethered to you. Are you sure you're prepared to go it alone? How old are your other kids? You obviously know already how hard it is to be a single Mom. Link to comment
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