TakingtheBlame Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 If he's the type of guy who is so clueless that he thinks his friend's advice to "play hard to get" is valid, or worse, that he interprets it to mean "Treat this girl like garbage" then that's just as bad as being an a-hole. He'd have to be a real sociopath to act this way and think it was OK (not to throw around psychological diagnoses willy nilly but for lack of a better word denoting a disturbing lack of empathy and social skills.) Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 He's probably only being nice because he wants to get some booty. I bet once he's got his fix, he'll be the worlds biggest * * * * * * * again. I have always found it humerous how they can go from so sweet it makes your teeth hurt to super weiner head of the year back to gushy sweet again, all in the name of booty. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 so heres an update: (I know you will all be mad at me...) Yesterday I texted him saying I saw the doctor and he didn't think i needed to wear the neckbrace, but then the doctor said to wear it until i get an MRI scan. I told him (my bf or ex) that I would just not wear it around him so relax (I know look at me being so nice; that I have to wear this neckbrace and yet I told him I actually would not wear it when I see him). All he responded was "ok np". Thats all he said! And then he just didn't respond after that. So then I said "Well.. so we can still be a couple? I mean only if you are nice to me and not take dumb advice from your friend. I won't argue with you as long as you treat me good. so we are still together?" All he said was "yes correct" Now i thought he wouldd say more than that. Thats all he said. Didn't sound too thrilled. So I texted him again saying "I am not like your ex, I would never hurt you or treat you bad and I will stay with you as long as you treat me good." No answer. And then I sent another text (something similar but I don't remember. He didnt answer again! So I was a little annoyed that he responded with 2 words and didn't seem to really talk or care, and then just stops responding. I texted him again that night saing 'whats up" and "you seem a little quiet today". He said he was laying down and his stomach hurt. So I was just trying to have a nice convo with him and he just stops responding again! mid-convo he just stops responding! So yes I get a little mad, I mean if you have to go leave and do something then just say it. So I got a little mad saying how I don't know if he's really changed and why is he not responding, etc. And then he finally responded saing that we need a break. so he got mad at me because i was kinda mad at him for not responding. and now he broke up with me! so i tried (yes i am too nice) to work it out still. i told him i would just appreciate it if he would let me know that he has to go do something instead of just stop texting. well, he said i just argue too much and i am acting weird and he wants to break up. i tried calling him to work it out and talk about it and he ignored my calls. he told me it was over and to just leave him alone. wowwwww. ok maybe i'll admit i was a little wrong to overreact to him not answering his texts. but i was willing to apologize and not do it again and work it out. and so its really over. do you think its really over or do you think he will come back? i know i shouldn't care WHY IS HE BREAKING UP WITH ME. I MEAN WHAT DID I DO??? All i wanted was just to talk to him and i just felt like once again he's shutting me out. its kinda like a vicious cycle, I mean he *makes* me feel insecure and paranoid, i am normally *not* like this with any other guy. If he would just say nice things and be more attentivive then *I* would react and be totally different, you know? It's like me makes me super sensitive. so I should just not ever contact him again right? i mean he said to leave him alone, so i shouldn;t bother apologizing? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 No don't contact him. I cringe when I read that you are texting him asking if you guys are still a couple. Why are you chasing him? He's not worth your time or your effort and I'm sorry but the whole not wanting you to wear a neck brace just really set me off. He should be thankful that you can still walk and talk and that you weren't permanently injured or killed. If he was anykind of true boyfriend, he wouldn't even blink at a neck brace. "it creeps him out" What the hell??? Seriously?? Look, my boyfriend has serious medical issues. He gained 50lbs of fluid because his kidneys quit working and now he has a tube sticking out of his stomach. Does it look creepy, sure it does but I love him with or without tubes, I love him with all his bandages on his arms from the dialysis. I love him regardless of what he has to wear or how he looks. That is true love. Your boyfriend or ex or whatever you want to call him is a first class donkey. I wouldn't pee on him if he burst into flames. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 I plan on not ever contacting him again and I blocked him on facebook, I refuse to chase after someone who treats me like crap. And I just went back on OKCupid and plenty of fish. I just dont get why he would break uo with me because i got a little mad at him for not talking to me enough. I mean do you think him breaking up with me is his way of getting me to chase after him? like is he expecting me to chase after him and then he'll take me back? or do you think he truly wants to break up? or do you think he was mad in the moment and once he calms down he will contact me? BUT I WILL NOT EVER CONTACT HIM EVER AGAIN Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Why does it matter to you what he is thinking by breaking up with you after treating you as he did? Is it an ego thing? Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Who knows what that goofy dude is thinking? Now just stay strong and don't be tempted by his gift of gab. If he does contact you, don't respond! Just ignore him. Trust me, there are lots of nice guys out there that don't act like him. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 2, 2011 Author Share Posted July 2, 2011 Why does it matter to you what he is thinking by breaking up with you after treating you as he did? Is it an ego thing? I dont know i guess im strange. i guess i still have low self-esteem. for some crazy reason i still have feelings for him. im really physically attracted to him and i liked how he was different and unique. its like i really like him but just not how he treats me. i know that doesn't make sense. its just so hard for me to like someone, im really picky. so when i like someone its like i tend to cling on to them because i know it will take forever to find someone else. and its like the first 2-3 weeks we dated dated everthing was PERFECT. i was just hoping to get that back. but i guess that was all a show and things will never be like they were 2-3 of dating. i guess these are his true colors. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted July 2, 2011 Share Posted July 2, 2011 Why on earth would you offer NOT to wear your neckbrace around him, if your doctor said you should wear it until you get an MRI? Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 Why on earth would you offer NOT to wear your neckbrace around him, if your doctor said you should wear it until you get an MRI? i am just too nice, i know. and this is what i get (dumped). well it's been 2 days and still have not heard from him. i guess i never will. but all of your comments help me soooo much, thank you all. i keep coming back to this thread and re-reading everything. it really helps me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 i am just too nice, i know. and this is what i get (dumped). well it's been 2 days and still have not heard from him. i guess i never will. but all of your comments help me soooo much, thank you all. i keep coming back to this thread and re-reading everything. it really helps me. It's not about being too nice -it's about not being nice enough to yourself and about acting in a passive/insecure way when someone doesn't treat you properly. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 3, 2011 Author Share Posted July 3, 2011 It's not about being too nice -it's about not being nice enough to yourself and about acting in a passive/insecure way when someone doesn't treat you properly. I agree i need to work on letting people go in my life who don't treat me well. I'd like to think I'm at least a lot less passive. I did speak up for myself and express myself. I did leave him (but yet i did come back to him because i thought he was serious about changing). Actually it was me being too aggressive, not passive that I think pushed him away. But didn't i have the right to feel insecure the way he was treating me? I am normally not like this. Normally when a guy is into me he calls and texts and compliments me and wants to see me often. But something is obviously wrong with this guy and this relationship so wasn't it normal for me to be insecure? And the whole problem is that me being insecure pushed him away, but yet how can i be blamed for feeling insecure when look how he acts? Like is it my fault for being insecure when he acts likee that? I am not going to sit there with my mouth shut when there's lack of communication and caring on his part. which is what gets me angry that he's angry with me that i spoke up and wanted to talk to him about it, you know? I hate how he got angry with me and impatient when all i want to do is talk about why he reats me the way he does. i don't mean to come accross and clingy or inscure, i just would like to talk about things to find out whats going on. Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I don't really think you got dumped. Regardless of what he said, I don't think he was ever really WITH you in the first place. Didn't sound like he ever really thought he had any responsibility toward you whatsoever. This silent treatment is just consistent with that arrangement. I'm honestly glad he wandered off on his own, because for some reason you don't seem to get that he is a BAD PERSON who doesn't care about you AT ALL. This is a really clear cut case of he's just not that into you, on steroids. Why is that so hard to understand? Why are you trying to play amateur psychologist? Who cares why he's acting this way toward you? He's in therapy, you can't change him by talking it out, he has ISSUES. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2011 Share Posted July 3, 2011 I didn't see anything in his actions that remotely suggested that he wanted to change -didn't he complain about seeing you with the neck brace on? You choose your reactions to your feelings. If I had been treated that way I wouldn't have reacted by being insecure -I would have reacted by being confident that he wasn't right for me. There's not just one way to react, or an "entitlement" to react a certain way. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 4, 2011 Author Share Posted July 4, 2011 takingtheblame and batya, thankss. i am working on it! see today i had the urge to call him and say I won't argue with him and I m sorry if i didn something wrong by overreacting. but NO NO NO. i won't. i am making a list of every bad thing he did to me and I read it over and over. I am reading all your responses over and over. I am back on the dating websites. I am trying to work on my self-esteem. I am trying to stay away from bad people. I don't know how I could like him. I wish i could just get over him! but i am trying my hardest to stay strong!! thanks all Link to comment
metrogirl Posted July 4, 2011 Share Posted July 4, 2011 Maybe dating so soon isn't such a swift idea. You are still grieving this relationship, that makes you vulnerable and you could end up getting hurt again. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 You SERIOUSLY need to work on your self esteem. I can't believe that you even considered staying with him let alone apologizing from him. You will only attract terrible men if that is how much you think you deserve. Link to comment
gabriellagorey Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 Wow, sweetie there is a reason he was on a dating site. He can't find a decent woman because he is a D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G. Dump his ass you deserve way better than this sorry excuse of a guy. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 5, 2011 Author Share Posted July 5, 2011 ^^^ thank you thank you to the last 3 responses. i am working on my self-esteem problems and have not contacted him since. this guy was engaged last year, and yet the woman left him (I wonder why?! lol) Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I am reading all your responses over and over. I am back on the dating websites. I am trying to work on my self-esteem. I am trying to stay away from bad people. I don't know how I could like him. I wish i could just get over him! but i am trying my hardest to stay strong!! thanks all If you are reading responses, I think you need to read this. WE ATTRACT AND KEEP WHAT WE BELIEVE WE DESERVE. Yeah, you can run into some jerks, but when you love yourself you let them go. When you want to hold on to them, then there is something inside you that you need to mend and jumping on another dating site isn't going to do that. What exactly are you doing to work on your self-esteem? Link to comment
NightLily Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 After about half way through the second page I stopped reading. All of the facebook blocking and scenes just sounds painfully immature and you are coming accross as though you are asking to be kicked in the butt by him again. Why are you still clinging to this guy? Link to comment
mfan Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 ut804, just wanted to say how sorry and shocked I am to hear about your awful accident. I'm really glad you are healing quickly. I live in NYC too and those bicyclists scare the heck out of me. Now they got one of us so I am mad. Link to comment
moonpieatbu Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Sorry, dont mean to sound harsh but i feel sorry for you UT804. First, i feel sorry that you had your accident and i hope you get better soon but i also feel sorry for you that you even need to ask this question and start this thread. I dont know how you fell so in love with a guy that seems to treat you like crap....especially after only 2 months. I dont not know if you have some self esteem issues or what is going on but you need to wake up and realize this guy will keep treating you badly. You are 24, you are not some old maid who has one last chance at love....you can find someone better....actually...anyone would be miles better than him. I cant give you any advice telling you how to fix the relationship because that would just hurt you in the future......trust me. You are asking for advice and literally everyone is telling you to leave him...maybe you should take the advice and move on with your life and find yourself a better man. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know any older women who should accept this kind of treatment either. Nothing to do with age and I would never advise anyone to be involved with a man like this based on a "last chance at love". I attracted far better men when I was 35 than when I was 25 -because I was becoming more of the right person for a healthy relationship. I am glad the OP ended thing with him, ultimately. Link to comment
NotSoDead Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Break up with him and let people know what an * * * * * he is. Link to comment
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