jengh Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Oh my god, this wasn't just some little outpatient thing, this was a major accident. First of all, thank god you're okay and didn't have to have major surgery. Second o f all, this guy is a class-a douche. Thicker skin? What the hell. I would have told him to grow a pair, be a man and be there for someone he cares about in the future and to get the hell out of your life. I'm so sorry you went through such a trauma with so little support from someone who is supposed to care about you. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 If you are reading responses, I think you need to read this. WE ATTRACT AND KEEP WHAT WE BELIEVE WE DESERVE. Yeah, you can run into some jerks, but when you love yourself you let them go. When you want to hold on to them, then there is something inside you that you need to mend and jumping on another dating site isn't going to do that. What exactly are you doing to work on your self-esteem? true true. what am i doing to work on my self-esteem? i am doing a lot of reflecting lately. what i have been through in life and how i don't deserve that treatment. i am remembering and thinking of all my accomplishments. i remind myself of what i really need: a man who cares about me and truly loves me. I am also understanding that I cannot have possibly loved such a man and that it's just lust/ infatuation. and that i was "in love" with an illusion of him; the image of him of what he was like in the beginning (not his true colors). im sure time will heal. in a few months from now ill be thinking "wow! what the hell was wrong with me for putting up with and liking that guy?" Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 ut804, just wanted to say how sorry and shocked I am to hear about your awful accident. I'm really glad you are healing quickly. I live in NYC too and those bicyclists scare the heck out of me. Now they got one of us so I am mad. i am terrified to cross the street now!!! bicycists are supposed to follow the laws of traffic which they never do. they just come outta nowhere. and yet they have protection on (helmets) yet pedestrians don't. just be careful! thanks for the support Link to comment
moonpieatbu Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I don't know any older women who should accept this kind of treatment either. Nothing to do with age and I would never advise anyone to be involved with a man like this based on a "last chance at love". I attracted far better men when I was 35 than when I was 25 -because I was becoming more of the right person for a healthy relationship. I am glad the OP ended thing with him, ultimately. oh, i certainly didnt mean it like that....no one on earth deserves a guy like this. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Wow, sweetie there is a reason he was on a dating site. He can't find a decent woman because he is a D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G. Dump his ass you deserve way better than this sorry excuse of a guy. Nonsense. There are great guys on dating websites, and there are TONS of losers "in real life". It has nothing to do with where they met. ut804, I'm so glad to hear you're examining this situation and trying to learn how to avoid it in the future. No one deserves to be treated like this...and I DO feel sorry for his next girlfriend. Hopefully, she'll learn as quickly as you are. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Break up with him and show him who has the thicker skin. What a douche. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 23, 2011 Author Share Posted July 23, 2011 here's a big update and twist in story so after being broken up for a week he calls to apologize. says hes sorry and he knows he has issues to work on. gave me a whole long apology. so we talked. he wants to be with me but agrees he has to work on issues. so here's the twist: after the 2nd or 3rd week we dated, he discovered a lump in his testicle that might be cancer (testicular cancer is actually found in men ages 15-35). now i know he's not lying because (sorry its too much info) he actually kinda showed me......... and he was telling me all about this condition. so he said thats the reason why he got depressed and distant. if it is cancer he might have to have his balls removed, and he is all stressed out about it. he didn't want to stress me out with his condition, so he said he was purposly mean to me so that I woud break up with him. he says he wants to be with me but wanted me to break up with him because it would be too much stress for me. hes all depressed thinking he could die or be infertile. and he didn't want to put me through that..... soooo........ now what? i mean i told him that was still no reason to be mean to me. but i guess it was too hard for him to say "oh yeah i might have cancer and be infertile and have my nuts cut off". he's supposed to see the doctor now for a sonogram. Link to comment
iBroken Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Ironic that while you were in the hospital he wasn't around but as soon as he has health issues, hes knocking on your door. Link to comment
Giggity Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 Seriously?! He sounds like an abusive jerk. He is very cruel, and you are way better without him. Please don't go back, he will only get worse. You will be MISERABLE with this man. He didn't care about you when you were in hospital. Let him take care of himself with his cancer. I don't believe his excuse on why he was mean, I believe he's just a Ahole. Not saying the cancer isn't true, but it's unlikely to be the reason why he was that way. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 I can see where his cancer news might have triggered a desire to push you away for partly altruistic reasons but IMO a person of character would never ever take it as far as he did when you were in the hospital after your accident. He at least would have stayed by your side until you were healed and back on your feet and then perhaps ended things or backed off. His story does not sound credible (other than his health problem is probably ,sadly, true). Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 So he's saying that he has cancer, but he hasn't even gone to see a doctor yet? Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 he has been to a doctor. i mean he's not 100% sure, he's waiting to get a sonogram now. but yeah how long does it take to get that sonogram? because it's been 1-2 months since he discovered the lump Link to comment
Tresha Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If they find a lump that isn't supposed to be there, they act immediately. They do not wait 2 months. This sounds like BS to me. Link to comment
DN Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If they find a lump that isn't supposed to be there, they act immediately. They do not wait 2 months. This sounds like BS to me.Yes, that sounds suspicious to me too. Link to comment
iBroken Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 If they find a lump that isn't supposed to be there, they act immediately. They do not wait 2 months. This sounds like BS to me. In my experience, guys stall when it comes to matters of the "nuts" or health issues in general. I know of guys who have problems but dont run to the doctor because they are afraid of what will happen to them, or the news they will get. Its quite likely that he stalled out of fear. But if he hasnt received a diagnosis, I would take the "cancer" term lightly until otherwise confirmed. Link to comment
DN Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 In my experience, guys stall when it comes to matters of the "nuts" or health issues in general. I know of guys who have problems but dont run to the doctor because they are afraid of what will happen to them, or the news they will get. Its quite likely that he stalled out of fear. But if he hasnt received a diagnosis, I would take the "cancer" term lightly until otherwise confirmed.As I read the post he has seen the doctor and has to wait two months now for a sonogram - I think that unlikely. Link to comment
iBroken Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Whoops LOL. I thought the post said HE waited 1-2 months. Link to comment
Giggity Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 Yeah right. Please don't believe this loser. That would not happen. My mum's nasty ex tried that on her when she finally left him. "But I have cancer" and all this. He claimed he had started treatment. Well, let's just say she had connections, and he had never even been to the hospital he claimed he went to in years. We've bumped into him a few times, and you guessed it - not ill at all. When she didn't bite (after a lot of convincing) he suddenly stopped with the pitty party, and wrote her threatening stuff instead. Get away from him. It's hard, but you'll be thankful a lot sooner than you'd believe. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 well he did talk about varicose veins in his testicles too and showed me. i mean he did know a lot about the condition, and I did my own research on it which confrimed that what he was telling me were facts. he even talked about drinking green tea to help protect against cancer. i don't know...i swear he said he was getting the sonogram and biopsy, i just dont know when. so if he is lying, then why would he lie? as an excuse as to why he was mean? for pity? for me to stay with him out of pity or for me to leave him? Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 24, 2011 Author Share Posted July 24, 2011 i mean once (before my accident) he said jokingly "wht if there was a 75% chance i could never have kids?" another time before my accident he said how his balls felt weird.... Link to comment
Giggity Posted July 24, 2011 Share Posted July 24, 2011 well he did talk about varicose veins in his testicles too and showed me. i mean he did know a lot about the condition, and I did my own research on it which confrimed that what he was telling me were facts. he even talked about drinking green tea to help protect against cancer. i don't know...i swear he said he was getting the sonogram and biopsy, i just dont know when. so if he is lying, then why would he lie? as an excuse as to why he was mean? for pity? for me to stay with him out of pity or for me to leave him? It's not hard to read up on facts. Why would he lie? Probably all of the above reasons. And not forgetting, he's just a mean man. He probably gets a kick out of playing with your head. He's sick alright, sick in the head. And not even in a sad, can't help it way...in a nasty way. I haven't changed my mind. I think you should run from him. I think he is abusive, and will get worse, hun. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 well he did talk about varicose veins in his testicles too and showed me. i mean he did know a lot about the condition, and I did my own research on it which confrimed that what he was telling me were facts. he even talked about drinking green tea to help protect against cancer. i don't know...i swear he said he was getting the sonogram and biopsy, i just dont know when. so if he is lying, then why would he lie? as an excuse as to why he was mean? for pity? for me to stay with him out of pity or for me to leave him? Because he likes having someone around that lets him treat them like crap. Link to comment
ut804 Posted July 25, 2011 Author Share Posted July 25, 2011 well i aksed him yesterday if he was just playing mind games or if he was telling the truth. he said he was telling the truth.... well ill just see what happens Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 25, 2011 Share Posted July 25, 2011 Oh, goodness...really? He needs to go to a doctor. Seriously, he has no way of knowing he has cancer unless he actually has tests. A lot of "lumps" are benign, anyway. Of course he's done a whole bunch of research on the Internet -- a lot of people do this when they're having a health issue and afraid to go to the doctor. Unfortunately, a lot of people get MORE freaked out from reading the stuff on the 'net, which prevents them from scheduling an appointment with a qualified professional. I still wouldn't let him off the hook just yet -- and honestly, all that stuff that happened after your accident? I'm not sure it would be forgiveable for me. Perhaps, though, he's got himself so convinced he has cancer that your accident seemed trivial to him -- I don't know. He needs better coping skills, for sure, because how he treated you after the accident was unacceptable. And that long of a wait for a sonogram? Not likely. I'd be willing to bet he hasn't even made an appointment. Link to comment
greywolf Posted July 26, 2011 Share Posted July 26, 2011 well i aksed him yesterday if he was just playing mind games or if he was telling the truth. he said he was telling the truth.... well ill just see what happens Why would someone admit to playing mind games? Link to comment
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