She reaches out her cold icy fingers once again :)

[Eocsor]

I've been broken up with my Fiance for about 15 months now. We were together for 14 years. It was a yoyo relationship where she'd break up, come back and break up again. She loved me but not enough to make the sacrifices that being with me would require. I have to work till I'm 69 to get my full pension and she can retire at 55. This bothered her as she thought she'd be alone too much. My first marriage set me back financially and I had to scale way back on my lifestyle. This was OK for the first decade but after that it really started to bug her. She owned a house and I didn't and it was clear from the start that my kids and I would never move in there. She has one daughter who she is really close to and that was her focus. That was Ok, and we lived apart with her taking care of her daughter and me my kids. The thing is my kids are in their early 20's now and finally independent and my support payments have stopped and I can finally do the things I want, but it wasn't enough for her. She said she was afraid she'd be alone too much later in life. Her mother died at Christmas a year and a half ago and that was the impetus to finally end things.

 

I went NC straight away and maintained it for 9 months till my 50th birthday. She texted me a happy birthday at that point. I asked her if she'd like to go out but she said only if we could do so as just friends so I passed and went back into NC.

 

I dated on and off after the first 11 months had passed so it's not like I was lacking for company. Things were starting to get back to normal and I was regaining my old life. Then out of the blue I met her at a bar. I wrote about it earlier but basically I sat down a bar stool away from her and didn't realize it was her for 15 minutes. As soon as I did I asked for the bill and got up to go but she turned to me with a big smile and asked if I wasn't going to say hello. I said a gruff hi, she asked how I was, I said good and then I beat a hasty retreat. That in itself messed me up a bit, but then I got to work after the weekend and there was an e-mail waiting for me.

 

it said:

Hi,

 

It was kind of nice (yet awkward) seeing you yesterday. I know you’re probably still angry with me and don’t like me much but…. do you think we could be civil when we run into each other? Just a “hello, how are you” would be nice.

 

I really hope all is well with you.

 

I replied with a short I don't hate you, you just caught me by surprise. I didn't realize it was you till I asked for the bill. I hope all is well with you.

 

She replied, well at least you don't hate me. Kind of hard to believe you didn't know it was me.

 

We'd broken up once for a year before and reunited. I'm not sure what to make of this. Is it just a friends thing or does she want back in? I don't even know how I feel about it. My friends are threatening to kill me if I even explore the possibility. All I know is it's a setback for me. But, I did love her with all my heart once. I'm just confused right now. Any insight would be appreciated

[DN]

She just doesn't like not being liked. Too bad, she'll have to deal with the consequences of her decision.

[bungalo]

Hey EOC,

 

You and I have a lot in common...same age range...similar ambivalent exes...Tired Tiger sent me this link to this article about "on again, off, again relationships."

link removed

 

After reading this, I felt a lot more normal...I too have encountered friends and family members who just can't stand to hear her NAME come up anymore...I've never gone more than 60 days or so of NC...I stopped counting..she ran away for the third time right about 10 months ago (5 1/2 years together)...

 

I kind of think that dating women who are 50ish...pre/post/post/ whatever..is too big of a pain in the ass. My exes father died, and we have kids in our 20's two...lots of things in common...got financially behind the 8 ball after 2 failed marriages...What reason did she give you for breaking up?

[guynextdoor]

I don't think she wants you back my friend. I think she didn't want the situation to awkward the next time you two run into each other, she would probably keep it at acquintences. Don't let it get to you and don't expect much out of it. GL.

[Eocsor]

Hey EOC,

 

You and I have a lot in common...same age range...similar ambivalent exes...Tired Tiger sent me this link to this article about "on again, off, again relationships."

link removed

 

After reading this, I felt a lot more normal...I too have encountered friends and family members who just can't stand to hear her NAME come up anymore...I've never gone more than 60 days or so of NC...I stopped counting..she ran away for the third time right about 10 months ago (5 1/2 years together)...

 

I kind of think that dating women who are 50ish...pre/post/post/ whatever..is too big of a pain in the ass. My exes father died, and we have kids in our 20's two...lots of things in common...got financially behind the 8 ball after 2 failed marriages...What reason did she give you for breaking up?

 

As I said, she just couldn't see a future because I was committed to working till 69 and she was retiring at 55. The root of it was financial and lifestyle.

[lostandhurt]

This is the time when you need your friends and trust me they may just kill you if you get back with her!!! They see it from the outside looking in where you still have your love goggles on and seem to have forgotten that she basically has told you that you are not good enough for her.

 

She dumped you but doesn't want to be the bad guy but don't fall for what your heart is telling you here. Your mind knows what is best but your heart doesn't have a whole lot of common sense. Time to think your way out of this not feel your way out. You know she isn't the one for you but all the time you put into the relationship makes this harder. Do what is best for you and stay NC. Send her an email telling her that it is not possible for the two of you to be friends after all you have been through together. Wish her a happy life and leave it at that.

 

Make this easy on yourself

 

Lost

[Eocsor]

Sad to say but I really don't think I can send an e-mail. Just takes too much emotional effort. I'll just go back to NC and hope it doesn't happen again.

[DN]

If her reason for leaving you was financial and lifestyle she is unlikely to changer her mind unless your status changes dramatically. And would you really want someone on that basis?

[PrettyGood]

Well she doesn't want to to return. She was just shocked (maybe she hoped that you will ALWAYS think JUST about her) and you didn't recognised her at the first time It's good, even if you felt a little bit nervous (it's normal) - you showed her that you have a higher value and she was thinking about it all the day, so she decided to write you. She hated that you live better than she hoped, that you didn't showed so desperate and she felt angry because of it (it's also natural) so she just wrote you a simple email. I suggest not to think too much about this event. It doesn't matter what she thinks about you or what you think about her. Live your life and be happy without her. She is not worth you.

[Eocsor]

No shot then. It's weird, part of me wants nothing to do with her and part of me would love nothing better than to reunite.

[lostandhurt]

Your human and were with he a long time. Accept that you feel this way but realize it ended for good reasons and move on.

 

You really don't want to be with a shallow selfish woman do you?

 

Lost

[chitown9]

I sent you a personal message. The reason she gave sounds skeptical t me in that she had to look toward the future at the beginning of the relationship and see what was coming. So to give the reason that she would be lonely without you in the future because she would not be working and you would just doesn't wash. That was a known fact from the get go. I sent a personal message to you.

 

This is was people do who want a ready exuse to end a relationship for a reason that was already a know fact. Sometimes it is a long relationship and sometimes it is a short relationship.

[Brownstone322]

As I said, she just couldn't see a future because I was committed to working till 69 and she was retiring at 55. The root of it was financial and lifestyle.

Dude, those are some pretty shallow circumstances. Good luck to her, then.

[Silverbirch]

Hey EOC,

 

You and I have a lot in common...same age range...similar ambivalent exes...Tired Tiger sent me this link to this article about "on again, off, again relationships."

link removed

 

 

I kind of think that dating women who are 50ish...pre/post/post/ whatever..is too big of a pain in the ass.

 

Bungalo, My ex would agree with you. The week HE turned 50, he dumped me to pursue a much younger woman. Mind you, he used to tell me I was his soulmate not that long before when his kids still lived at home, and he begged me to help him out with them, and when I shared my car with him for a year when he wrote his off and used the insurance to pay some of his other bills. I guess the younger women, the fresher ones are a much better option for some men.

 

I've had friends telling me how when I'm feeling better, there's this place where they have "Cougar Nights", and they think I would be a big hit for a lot of the younger men. Some young guys really go for it apparently. I'm not sure if I believe it, but maybe I'll check it out for myself sometime.