What Does He Mean When He Asks The Price Of .....

[lerira]

No one is jealous. You asked people what they thought.

 

Okay but I'm getting the sense that people are attacking me, like I'm forcing him to pay for dates, etc. Not that this thread is about that.....I look at it from MY point of view- if he likes a certain brand, I don't often ask him how much is it. But then again, I pay attention to his price ranges so I know they are pretty high.

[FarthestEdge]

Well, when one person makes $90k and another makes close to nothing, more than likely, I'll not be able to have as much fun as he wants.

We've been together for one year.....he should have thought of this 2 months into the relationship. I am NOT forcing him to pay. Stop attacking me, people. Sounds like jealousy to me on YOUR part.

 

I'm not attacking you, nor am I jealous. I've been with my husband for over 20 years, and I'm VERY satisfied with our relationship of equals. I'm just not into the princess thing, never have been. I have always been able to look after myself, and wouldn't want a man paying every time. But that's me.

 

I never said you were forcing him. I said you were LETTING him. If he's a gentleman, he'll no doubt pay every time, if you never offer- rather than create an uncomfortable situation. It doesn't mean he likes it.

 

Also- if the income disparity is that great, then yeah, he already sees the writing on the wall. Why should you be angry if he wants to know how expensive your tastes are, if eventually, it is presumed he will assume those expenses?

 

I think your defensiveness speaks volumes, by the way...

[Seraphim]

Ok but you are asking a man to pay attention to stuff that is not interesting to them, like dresses and make up. I do not know too many men who care about it. My husband just says "yeah yeah yeah, whatever have no clue what you are talking about. " He does not know one brand from another or the difference between eye liner or mascara or anything else. He could but care less. As far as clothes shopping he is gone like a shot. Not many men care about dresses and make up.

[lerira]

I'm not attacking you, nor am I jealous. I've been with my husband for over 20 years, and I'm VERY satisfied with our relationship of equals. I'm just not into the princess thing, never have been. I have always been able to look after myself, and wouldn't want a man paying every time. But that's me.

 

I never said you were forcing him. I said you were LETTING him. If he's a gentleman, he'll no doubt pay every time, if you never offer- rather than create an uncomfortable situation. It doesn't mean he likes it.

 

Also- if the income disparity is that great, then yeah, he already sees the writing on the wall. Why should you be angry if he wants to know how expensive your tastes are, if eventually, it is presumed he will assume those expenses?

 

I think your defensiveness speaks volumes, by the way...

 

It's not all that conclusive that he'll pay for those expenses. I am a college graduate with a degree in cell biology. So as far as the income disparity is concerned, it won't last a lifetime, rest assured. Most men would kill to get a beautiful girl with brains so for you to assume he'll take responsibility for future expenses is just a poor insinuation. But you don't know much about me, etc. and that's fine.

 

And no, I'm not being defensive. It is understandable why you'd assume that.

 

But I think most people fail to realize that an income disparity means one partner will assume more responsibility than the other.

[lerira]

Ok but you are asking a man to pay attention to stuff that is not interesting to them, like dresses and make up. I do not know too many men who care about it. My husband just says "yeah yeah yeah, whatever have no clue what you are talking about. " He does not know one brand from another or the difference between eye liner or mascara or anything else. He could but care less. As far as clothes shopping he is gone like a shot. Not many men care about dresses and make up.

 

Uhm, actually, while your husband doesn't care, mine is all ears when it comes to what I like to wear. He always, ALWAYS compliments my style. I've encountered men that don't care, so I don't bother showing them anything.

[FarthestEdge]

Ok but you are asking a man to pay attention to stuff that is not interesting to them, like dresses and make up. I do not know too many men who care about it. My husband just says "yeah yeah yeah, whatever have no clue what you are talking about. " He does not know one brand from another or the difference between eye liner or mascara or anything else. He could but care less. As far as clothes shopping he is gone like a shot. Not many men care about dresses and make up.

 

I was thinking this too. And someone who earns 90k + doesn't have the TIME to window-shop online...

 

The only thing about a womans dress that interests a man, is where the zipper is.....

 

;D

[lerira]

I was thinking this too. And someone who earns 90k + doesn't have the TIME to window-shop online...

 

The only thing about a womans dress that interests a man, is where the zipper is.....

 

;D

 

He's got plenty of time to window shop online, actually. I know that.

[FarthestEdge]

It's not all that conclusive that he'll pay for those expenses. I am a college graduate with a degree in cell biology. So as far as the income disparity is concerned, it won't last a lifetime, rest assured. Most men would kill to get a beautiful girl with brains so for you to assume he'll take responsibility for future expenses is just a poor insinuation. But you don't know much about me, etc. and that's fine.

 

Well I only know what you CHOOSE to share, and my responses will be based as such. You felt it irrelevant to mention. You asked a question and I answered according to the info provided.

 

Don't get angry at me for not being psychic.

 

This is a discussion board. Not everyone is going to tell you what you want to hear. If you don't like it, or it is misinformed, then feel free to ignore.

 

Still- whatever you MAY earn in the future is not totally relevant. If he THINKS you expect him to pay for your lifestyle, then that's what matters.

 

I know lots of women who make decent money, keep it for 'spending' money while their husbands pay all the bills.

I also know people who have lots of education, and very little to show for it.

 

Not sayin' that's your plan. Just sayin'

[guynextdoor]

I notice from your previous post you had an issue with him blowing a couple of grand on gambling and not buying you stuff and now this post its back to materialistic items and him paying for all of the entertainment.. Coincidence? Until that day comes when your cell biology major pays off I would cut back on taking his generousity for granted.

[Seraphim]

Uhm, actually, while your husband doesn't care, mine is all ears when it comes to what I like to wear. He always, ALWAYS compliments my style. I've encountered men that don't care, so I don't bother showing them anything.

 

I am not saying he does not compliment. I am saying he could care less about the state of women's fashion or make up. He is too busy with other things.

 

But hey you are the one that is annoyed, right?

[hexaemeron]

Oh my goodness... I don't even know where to begin here. OP, while you're trying to say it in such a way as to imply you're not trying to get him to buy you the dresses you can't afford today, you very clearly are. And your hyper defensiveness only highlights that further.

 

Now, there's nothing wrong with wanting him to lavish you with presents and gifts and whatnot. I'm sure many people would love to bankroll a... what was it again, a beautiful intelligent woman, such as yourself. But if that's an expectation you have, you need to make it quite clearly. Tell him. And then it's his choice whether he wants to participate in your relationship in that way.

 

...but the fact you're trying (and failing) to make him think like it's his idea and then trying and failing to get us on board about it means that you want the loot but you don't want the label of being a Princess, generally considered to be wastes of space and effort.

 

Unfortunately, you don't get something without some cost. If you want the loot, and you don't want to work for it and buy it yourself, then pony up to the tiara and own it. Whatever you're going to do, at least approach it honestly.

[Miss Firecracker]

Stop showing him things you want. Just stop! If you want something, then buy it.

[-Sanguine-]

If you weren't actually wanting him to buy these things for him, I don't see why him asking prices of things would annoy you. I can see why you might think he wants to buy things for you when he asks you the price.. but if you are being honest and you say you don't expect him to buy you things, then the fact that he is asking prices shouldn't matter at all. I think you should really think about what you are expecting here. To be honest, it doesn't seem as if you are being honest with yourself. Could be wrong, but your defensiveness makes me think otherwise.

[Fudgie]

Agree with this wholeheartedly.

 

It's obvious that you want him to buy you stuff. It's not just from this thread but your other ones.

 

We can all see through your posts. May as well own up that you WANT him to buy you stuff and tell him. Stop beating around the bush.

He already pays for all your dates, which you seem to be quite proud of. Now you just want more.

[generaldiscord]

I think your boyfriend asks you the price because he knows you aren't in great financial shape and he wants to get a feeling for, or make you aware of, the ways you spend your money.

[dramallama]

Maybe just to make things clear with him, you could say to him "I'm thinking of buying this dress/putting it on lay-away, what do you think of it?" If someone sent me pictures of stuff they liked, especially if I were the man, then I might get the wrong impression that there was an expectation there that she wanted me to buy it for her. Are you sure this isn't happening?

[lerira]

Maybe just to make things clear with him, you could say to him "I'm thinking of buying this dress/putting it on lay-away, what do you think of it?" If someone sent me pictures of stuff they liked, especially if I were the man, then I might get the wrong impression that there was an expectation there that she wanted me to buy it for her. Are you sure this isn't happening?

 

I wouldn't want it is happening. Well, miscommunication.

[dramallama]

Have you thought about getting an opinion from someone else instead? Or cutting back on sending him pictures of things that you like?

[lerira]

Have you thought about getting an opinion from someone else instead? Or cutting back on sending him pictures of things that you like?

 

I just posted a thread on talking this issue with him. Guess it got deleted But yeah, he told me he tells me these things because he is curious but also because he wants to buy them for me but stops himself from doing so.

[Batya33]

It's to ask his opinion. Let me guess Batya33, I'm not allowed to ask his opinion on clothing I like? Come on! Get serious!

 

Of course you are but your "carrot" reference suggests that you want him to buy you the things you're sending him pictures of - if it were me I wouldn't see it as him dangling a carrot because I would not want him to have the impression that I wanted him to buy these things for me.

 

I actually am very "serious" about expectations in a relationship. I think you are continuing to send him the pictures as often as you do because you are hoping for him to buy them for you. Not a problem if that's what he wants too but you need to be honest with yourself and him about your expectations.

[generaldiscord]

I don't understand how you can be in a poor situation financially, yet continue to buy very expensive items of clothing and makeup. If I were your boyfriend, I would want to make it clear to you that your financial decisions are poor.

[lerira]

I don't understand how you can be in a poor situation financially, yet continue to buy very expensive items of clothing and makeup. If I were your boyfriend, I would want to make it clear to you that your financial decisions are poor.

 

How do you know what I buy? Did I state in my thread what I buy? No. I have no idea where you are getting these ideas from. Your inferences/judgement are poor on this matter.

[generaldiscord]

My inferences in this particular matter are flawless. You have stated that your boyfriend pays for everything because your financial situation is poor. You also have willingly shared that a typical article of clothing is around $100, and that you buy expensive makeup products. These things do not add up.

 

 

Your question was "why does he ask me the price of things?" followed by "and then not buy them for me?"

 

Most people on this thread have tried and failed to explain that expecting expensive gifts is wrong, and that there is something strange about your behavior. You are the only person who doesn't see the problem.

 

I don't think he asks you the price to see if he can afford to give it to you. I think he's thinking, "geez, maybe she doesn't notice where all her money goes.."

[penelope13]

At least you are not willing to spend that kind of money on a weekend with him, yet you would invest it into a dress, or why else would you send him the links to dresses if you are not intending to buy them? Just to ask him in a roundabout way to give it to you?

[lerira]

My inferences in this particular matter are flawless. You have stated that your boyfriend pays for everything because your financial situation is poor. You also have willingly shared that a typical article of clothing is around $100, and that you buy expensive makeup products. These things do not add up.

 

 

Your inferences are not flawless. First of all, I never said I buy expensive things. I prefer items within that price range, which by the way, are typical nowadays. Unless you want to look like a teenager, sure, go ahead, indulge in $20 T-shirts and jeans. A normal priced dress is around my price range. Second of all, (again), I never said i did buy expensive things. Find me where I stated that I personally, myself!, buy expensive things. I never said that.