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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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I have to challenge that extreme anger logically. While it is not illogical to be angry at someone who hurts and devastats your family but the intensity of my anger is illogical. So I have to think about it this way; she has not actually threatened my own security. My brother is still my brother ,my nieces are still my nieces. That is not being taken away from me. The only thing being taken from me is her and that's not much of a loss. In fact I may get more of my brother and my nieces now that she won't be controlling everything.

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Maybe nows a good time to step back from it a bit and concentrate on you. You've got a new job, your family and your church to fill your time. I'm sure your brother / mother will contact you still, you could tell them about what's going on with you. Your brother might like the change of topic.

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Maybe nows a good time to step back from it a bit and concentrate on you. You've got a new job, your family and your church to fill your time. I'm sure your brother / mother will contact you still, you could tell them about what's going on with you. Your brother might like the change of topic.

 

Yes. When I see them. Pretty much the only time I talk to my brother is when I go home. But I am hoping that will change! His STBX was the biggest control freak and was jealous of ANY time he spent with his family. She felt it took away something from her. But she was allowed to spend all the time she ever wanted with HER sister and mother. In the 20 years my brother was with her I spent ONE time with him alone. We went for lunch one day. Other than that she would not allow it. She would not let me get to know my brother as an adult. And to honour his marriage and his wife he allowed that. My mother told him when he married to ALWAYS honour his wife even if it put his birth family out in the cold. Because she was so heart broken my dad always honoured his birth family over the one he made. That hurt her so deeply. So my brother honoured the family he made. Not that I blame him but I missed him you understand.

 

My mom and I well we talk daily several times a day. But it is for 2 mins at a time because she is over flowing in demands on her time. So I feel neglected a lot. But that is something she is not going to make me feel better in and she has no intention of it. She always says, " you are grown up. Get over it. I will not be with you forever so you have to fix your own hurts now. I have babied you too long because you were so hurt i life. But you have to fix yourself now. I have to go on and help others. I have given you all the help that you need you just don't realize it. So detach yourself from me. I will always love you and be with you but I can't hold your hand anymore. Other people like your sister, this baby and your brother need me now. You have all you need. So time to hold your own hand. I gave you everything for years."

 

So that I think is why I am angry. I am suffering growing pains as it were.

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So holy friggin disaster...... I went to Wally World to get storage bins and because it is like minus 37 and blowing snow like mad I also wanted to give the cars a good run so the engine block does not freeze. I stopped at Timmies and got a tea I go to open it and it spills into my lap where my IPhone is because the person filled the cup too much!! I have a protective case but it went into the sound receiver portion. EFFFFF!!!!! I put in a bag of rice turned off. Hopefully the sound gets better because now I can not hear calls.And it was only a few drops of tea. Anyway I do have Apple Care so I can get another phone for $50 but that is not the point. Ya know?

 

I got all the things I need to make my own laundry soap and dish soap.

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How about instead of three two minutes calls a day you have one 15 minute call every two days? Maybe if you try to schedule a regular time for it, such as straight after she puts the baby to bed. You would probably get more out of it as well. I tend to call my Mum every 3-4 days if I don't see her, normally when I feel a bit lonely or if I'm walking home at night. It's funny because I think I phone her more than she phones me. We speak more on the phone than when I see her in person. I guess there's less to distract you.

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I have tried that too. She says talk to me after everyone goes to bed. So I do and then she says, " I am taking my medication and I am too tired to think........talk to you tomorrow." I think like you said the only way to go is to just not talk for maybe a week and then she will WANT to talk to me.

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I had a good conversation with my mom. I approached it rationally and calmly and said I felt threatened and she said she knew that but wanted ME to figure it out. And she said there is no one I talk to daily on the phone but you. I try and give you as much attention as I can.

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My brother's kids are having a really hard time without their dad. His youngest daughter cries and cries and cries every single night because daddy is not there. He was always the one that put them to bed and got them ready for school. So he said from now on his going to go over and put them to bed. And his middle daughter just cries every day. And the oldest one is very angry and taking it out on her sisters.

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I am going to need some help, seriously. We are going to hit another cold bout and I am going to feel " trapped" yet again. I feel the same in extremely hot weather. I know can resort to medication but ...

I do try to overcome this mostly on my own but sometimes I want comfort from others.

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