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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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The more positive has to come in than what is going out.

 

I am so glad that my husband stood up for US. When his mother asked him to change the date and change our plans he immediately said , no, we have our plans. We are going home on the 27th and that is just the way it is. But just a minute I'll talk to my wife. Then after talking to me he said ,no ,sorry we're not changing our plans. Funny look at that. His mother called back in two minutes and changed her plans.

 

I told him I was so proud of him for sticking up for us. I think he's finally realizing that his parents are two little feeble old people who can do no damage to him.

 

And finally after six months I got my mother to watch that documentary with me!!!

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I think back home is going to be a place that is going to be avoided for a while. There's too much stressful crap going on back there.

There is that stuff happening with my brother.

 

My foster sister was a defiant little weasel the whole time. All she did was snark and snap and argue back about everything. She was treating everybody and everything with disrespect. She got some new clothes for Christmas and what did she do with the tags? Throw them on the floor in the bathroom and leave them there. She's not three she's 15 she can throw tags in the garbage. When she got changed she threw those new clothes on the bathroom floor and left them there even though the house is jampacked full of people. As my mother said she's an absolute pig. She said "for 10 years I've been trying to teach her to pick up after herself and she absolutely refuses. "Anything my mother told her she argued back about absolutely everything. There was not one thing in the entire four days that she didn't argue back about. Finally I had had enough and told her to stop being so effing disrespectful and get in her room and don't come out. That kid is impossible. What I saw in the last four days that my mother has to live with every day that kid would've been flying out on her backside if it had been me.

 

Then there is my in-laws. My father-in-law barely make sense anymore. And in the summer/fall he made sense and now he doesn't. I think there's some Alzheimer's going on there not just Parkinson's. Their cable box went I guess because of some kind of surge or was just time for it to die. My mother-in-law called the cable company and the cable company tested it at their end and then said it was the cable box. So they could not watch any TV in their family room. My husband disconnected the cable and connected the DVD player through the TV. The whole time my father-in-law's ing and whining that my husband's going to wreck something. Finally I said ,"well the military paid $100,000 for his education and if they trust him to fix planes I think he can hook up a DVD player to a television set." Then we are watching a DVD and my father-in-law still insist that maybe the TV is broken and not the cable box. What????????? And he says to his wife "oh Jo ,I think maybe it's the TV don't you ? We don't really need a new cable box and we don't really need to buy a new TV for this room we have the one upstairs." And my mother-in-law says, "Ted you're watching the TV it can't be broken" Then he proceeded to talk through the entire movie nobody heard a thing, well until he fell asleep in his chair. And like I said in the hour between making a reservation and going to the restaurant he asked 37 times when the reservation was. And I mean that quite literally 37 times. At the restaurant in a 15 minute time span he asked my son 10 times what he ordered.

 

And what is scary is this man still holds a driver's license. It is really sad though because he used to be quite a smart person. He used to drive steam trains and you had to understand a lot about systems.

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S seemed to be doing really well this Christmas the best I have ever seen actually. So I asked what was different. And he said he was taking a new medication that had a lot less side effects. Since he was in such a good mood I thought I would broach the past a little bit. I said "dad why didn't you take medication when we were younger?" And he said "because the side effects were so terrible." After taking Zoloft I can really and sincerely understand what he means. But I had to push a little bit more and said "but dad not taking it destroyed your entire life ,you lost everything. You lost employment ,you lost your family ,you lost your self respect ,you lost absolutely everything and now live in a hovel because you didn't want to take medication. You hurt my brother and I so very much you have no idea. " And he said back "Oh get off it L you weren't the only person suffering you know. Does anybody know what it's like to be me?" So I kind of had to leave talk about the past there.

 

On a positive note my husband and him talked more to each other than they have in the last 23 years. He got a really nice gift for my son which was surprising and my son was very impressed. He said "oh wow grandpa thanks ,thanks very much I love it." And then they hugged for about a microsecond.

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I got my first period July.

 

Uhhhh since July .

 

 

Soooooooooooooooooo my brother moves out tomorrow !!!!! She was whining about getting back together. Basically my brother told her to pull her head out of her backside and it was never happening. Goodbye have a good life.

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Hmm period here for half a day and then gone. But that is normal for my age group.

 

***************************

 

Why am I still looking for the familiarity of a box. I tear down boxes and then create more. I can see the seasons flowing one into the other into eternity.

 

I feel like I have run out of words.

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It really sounds like alzheimers has set in. It's such a tough disease and like anything else, it can sink in slowly or BAM, just be there in full force. How is your husband doing with that change? It cannot be easy to see your parent deteriorating like that...

 

There are a bunch of free online universities now. I am starting a course in January through Coursera on paleobiology and looking forward to doing it with Alex.

 

I like your bracelet. Is it one of those Pandora bracelets? What does the frog on the log symbolize?

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It really sounds like alzheimers has set in. It's such a tough disease and like anything else, it can sink in slowly or BAM, just be there in full force. How is your husband doing with that change? It cannot be easy to see your parent deteriorating like that...

 

There are a bunch of free online universities now. I am starting a course in January through Coursera on paleobiology and looking forward to doing it with Alex.

 

I like your bracelet. Is it one of those Pandora bracelets? What does the frog on the log symbolize?

 

My husband is ignoring it as both his wife and daughter are. They won't even talk about it. They hide their head in the sand about everything. They only told us THIS year by accident that he had Parkinson's and was diagnosed FIVE years ago. They keep my husband out of the loop for everything. That is his "punishment" for being with me. I know he is hurting inside but he is not prepared yet to discuss it fully. It took him six years to discuss the death of our unborn son so this will take much longer. They have not even told us about Alzheimer's but what is happening with his cognitive and memory function is VERY dramatic over the past 6 months.

 

Yeah I am really interested in these "open universities". The thought is so amazing to me. When I went to university to had to go to the actual building and read an actual book and go to the actual library. And if people had all the books out you were pooched. In some ways internet and a virtual world is so so so amazing to me still.

 

No, it is not Pandora but something like that. The frog symbolizes half of my heritage. I am half French. "Frog" is a derogatory term for French people. I have made it into a joke in my family as a positive thing. So I am my husband's " little froggy." And I jokingly call him my "lime sucker" because he is English.

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I promise you, he will be okay. Better than okay. I know it's so hard to watch..

 

Yeah. I have every faith he will be ok. It is just really hard for him to watch over 20 years go down the crapper. And he's reminiscing about the days when she was totally crazy about him. And about the days when they were madly in love and the days their children were born. And about watching his future disappear. And watching his retirement disappear. And the money he fought to make for 20 years disappear. As he said he'd made it to be a millionaire by the time he was 40. And now she's thrown everything in the crapper. He said he only has 15 years left before retirement to fix what she's messed up. And he doesn't want to see his daughters in the emotional ping-pong crap that she pulls.

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And her newest admission is that she has had this boyfriend for two years! Then she tells my brother ," oh you don't have to leave because you're great arm candy. Oh yeah and your daughters love you. " Who the F says that?! And what would convince him to stay and be treated like that?! I don't think so.

 

And she quit her 120,000 a year job so that he can pay her alimony. There's a really good word for her but I can't use it here.

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And she quit her 120,000 a year job so that he can pay her alimony. There's a really good word for her but I can't use it here.

 

That won't actually work will it? Surely because she quit it as they were getting divorced that will count for something?

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That won't actually work will it? Surely because she quit it as they were getting divorced that will count for something?

 

Well if he will ever actually get his ass to a lawyer. He is absolutely 1000% convinced if he goes to a lawyer he's going to end up more screwed than he is now. Absolutely no one no one no one no one can convince him. My mother tells him 45 times a day at least ,I've told him,my husband told him ,his friends told him everybody has told him he will not do it. So now at this point he's just basically screwing himself.

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