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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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My son and I went on an AWESOME walk today. Today was much MUCH warmer so we got out. It made me feel GREAT, like on top of the world great. I need NEED these walks just to stay sane. I can not live any other way now. There HAS to be some exercise in there and it HAS to be outside. Gyms are not for me. I have to be in moving in the fresh wide open to be happy. I really understand why my husband wants to run. I really do.

 

Last night my son and I had an awesome time playing his minecraft game. It was really intense. HAHAH we were both so so into it. My son is really spectacular at games. What he notices and the speed at which he notices is unreal. He is so fast. Today we had another go at it too before he went to his buddy's house.

 

The kids next door came to play with my husband while he was chipping ice. They said, " we love spending time with you,R" He is very kind to them and loves playing with them and talking to them. They really respond to him. The littlest knocked on my door and then shoved his way inside and said, " do you have an xbox for me to play?" ( he is 4)I felt bad for him because they do not have a lot as a family. I might buy them one at a second hand place. There is a second hand place in the next town. My son loves to go there because he is a bargain hunter for systems and games.

 

The kids next door do play a lot outside with each other which is excellent though. That is about the only good thing their parents do. Playing outside leads to creativity, strength, and a happy mind.

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Tonight I was in tears thanking my mom for all she has done for my son. I made the absolute right decision not to send him to daycare. With my mother he had the best care possible. He had intense one on one time that was needed for his development. I believe mine and my mother's decision was absolutely critical in saving his development and education. And no one working in a daycare would have cared as much about him as my mother.

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I still have one. when I was 18 I tried to sleep without one but I ended up using a small cushion and eventually switched back. I even take mine on holiday with me.

 

I dunno I cringe because I don't want him to be ridiculed. I think he was about 11 or so when we convinced him not carry some of his "babies" everywhere. Even when he went Cub camp he carried them with him in a laundry basket. And he would obsessively count "to make sure everyone was there" as he put it. When he was young he would go bizerk if you tried to part him from them.

 

I have tried to talk to him about maybe putting his babies away. But that idea seems to terrify him. He said he won't be able to sleep. But I think it's the fact that it would just be a change. And he really can't handle change. I think too though he enjoys the skin tactile sensation of the furry animals.

 

 

**************************

 

On Friday my brother started contacting lawyers!!! Yay!!!! He has finally accepted the fact that her word means diddly squat and she's never going to agree to anything unless she's forced to.

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Could he try getting rid of them one by one? Maybe move some else where is his room for starters. I don't think it's bad to have one or two. I know guys that do but they're very embarrassed about it. It's nice that your son doesn't care what people think. The only reason I don't have more than one is because they hurt my back if I lie on them. He might give them up if his girlfriend might see them.

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Could he try getting rid of them one by one? Maybe move some else where is his room for starters. I don't think it's bad to have one or two. I know guys that do but they're very embarrassed about it. It's nice that your son doesn't care what people think. The only reason I don't have more than one is because they hurt my back if I lie on them. He might give them up if his girlfriend might see them.

 

That is a good idea to take away one at a time. Yes, it is good that he knows who he is and he's confident about it. But he has been badly ridiculed in school as well. Because he is identifiably different even in a class of " different" kids. He is in the General programme not the Academic because of his disabilities. And the General programme is for the disabled kids. But even amongst the disabled kids he is still ridiculed. He does his best to ignore it and forgive it.

 

It is a delicate balance.

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I was bullied in school because I was different. I didn't have any of the same interests as most of the kids at school and although I was shy, if I was happy and around my (small group of) friends, sometimes I ended up being loud and standing out. The good news is once I left school I met lots of people like me and lots more who accepted me for who I was, even if I've learnt to dial it down a bit especially around people I don't know. I believe my experiences have made me a stronger, better person with more empathy than I would have otherwise had. Of course I still meet people who make me feel bad occasionally but I know how deal with it and not let it affect me, even better I know how avoid those people or limit my interactions with them.

 

I'd say I'm a mostly happy person and I know how to take control of my happiness. As hard as it was to go through school and as happy as I am that it's over I wouldn't change it because it's made me the person I am today and I like that person, even if she could do with some improvements.

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Do you think a hoody that is quite fuzzy on the inside could help? It would give him that feeling of security/the softness of his stuffies.

 

Thanks for the idea. Because of the autism it's hard for him to give up his security. He even has a blanket that he calls "his cuddle". And he still has that on his bed and it is a blanket that I had on my bed when he was born. He slept with us a lot of the time from the day he was born until he was an older toddler. So I guess that's where the attachment to this blanket came from. If he ever went anywhere to sleep like grandma's or anywhere that blanket went to as well as all his "babies". Now he leaves these things at home whenever he goes anywhere overnight so I guess that is step up. But I know after three or four days away from home he's pretty distressed and asking to come home. He misses the contact with me and misses the contact with his familiar things. I think me he misses the most but he also misses his games and his spinning tops. He was overjoyed this Christmas because Nana got him another one of his special spinning tops. He played with that for about seven hours.

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Last night was really crappy. I think I woke up about 15 times. And each time because I was in a bad panic. I think because I had to be awake early and everybody's going back to the routine. I have to go back to work this morning ,my husband went back to work . When I woke up I had to take my medication or I'm going to be a fruitcake the rest of the day. School buses are cancelled so my son is home today.

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I don't know why I'm having such a hard hard time with change recently. In the past month I've had more of a problem with panic than I have had in a long time. I have to wait for my counseling appointment until the 16th. Maybe once everything smooths back into normal I will be alright. Before I was only having to take my medication maybe once a month but now it's become about once a week. But I can't function well without sleep. I have severe panic without it.

 

Last night singing at church was really good. A girl who used to sing in the choir before joined us last night. She goes to the same school as my son and is in the same grade. She just loves him to death. Lol. But he's not really interested in her. She told me her entire life story in 10 mins. In my mind I was shocked but I tried my best to councel her as best as someone can in 10 mins. But I know now why my son avoids her. That child has no filter.

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OMG I am so so so sore! When I was coming home from work today I fell. I had come home and was going to take my son out to lunch. I thought I would throw some salt on the sheer ice drive way. And I do mean SHEER ice. Well my feet came out from under me. I do not even know what the heck happened. I only remember my head contacting the ground. I fell backwards and SLAMMED my head off the ice in the driveway. It was enough to send my glasses flying 10 feet. My elbows are black and blue and so is one of my fingers. Some how my knees are all bruised and cut too. I think I lost sight there for a split second when my head connected. And then I started SCREAMING and SCREAMING and crawling towards the house because thought I was going to pass out. My son heard my screaming and came and got me.He called my husband at work and he came home. I had a really crappy sleep last night and took half a pill this morning so I was tired. I did not want to sleep because you should not with a suspected head injury but based on my knowledge as an Army medic I think I am ok. I just have a bump on my noggin and some soft tissue injuries. I did have some crying jags because I was a little worried.

 

My husband went out to chip more ice and slipped and fell himself on the pick axe into his back and knocked all the air out of him so he could not even talk. But he is ok too.

 

Man!!!!!

 

Then we went to the grocery store and got like 10 bags of kitty litter and COATED the driveway. It gives really good grip.

 

I did have a 40 min nap on my husband's shoulder and made him promise to wake me in the latest an hour. I am posting so obviously I am ok.

 

Tonight it will be like -40C

 

But DANG what a day!!

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You're good, I knew you were good when you were PMing me and spelling everything right, lol!

 

Poor guys.

 

UUGH it was brutal. I feel like such an idiot. I remember thinking while I was screaming blue bloody murder that I look like a patsy......... but DAMN it HURT!!

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The last five times I've called my mom my foster sister has been in the background screaming like a banshee. Even while I was there for Christmas she explodes over the least little thing and just starts screaming at my mother. It can be absolutely nothing and she just starts screaming at the top of her lungs. My mom said she's getting pretty close to not taking it anymore because the kid is destroying her life.

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Okay ,we have officially become planet Hoth ,yes planet Hoth. My son went out to wait for the school bus and he said it was so cold he almost peed his pants. So he came back in and wanted me to drive him. As I was struggling my way into my van doesn't his bus by? Oh my God I'm in such pain. My whole body is just as stiff as the tin man.

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