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Life in the Driver's Seat


Seraphim

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And over Christmas my in-laws tried to have their way yet again. They always give us money for Christmas, well we always split it in half. So after we read the card I took the money handed him half and then put half in my purse. His mother went to say," but that was for.. " and I said we always split our money in half that's the way it goes. And she quickly shut up. If you give someone the gift of money you don't tell them what to do with it.

 

And as per usual yet again this year they bought me white chocolate. I despise white chocolate. Having had enough this year I exchanged it with my husband right in front of them. He got regular chocolate and he prefers white chocolate. And I said" hey look you get what you want and I get what I want."

 

That is like every year for my birthday they get me a white cake I hate white cake. And the reason they get white cake is because Teddy will only eat white cake. Nevermind that it's not his birthday but who cares. And one year they got cupcakes and there was ONE chocolate cupcake in the whole cupcake packet and who eats the chocolate cupcake? Yes! Teddy! BS he only eats white cake. He will eat the only chocolate cake on my birthday just to tick me off.

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She sounds like a real piece of work. Wow. That was a good post you wrote. It made me think "shut up Sherry, you have no idea" How old are their kids?

 

Awww honey I would never tell you to shut up. I appreciate your telling me he will be ok. I know he will be eventually be ok. My neices are 12,10,7.

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Agh, 12 is the WORST age for your parents to split. Trust me, I know. I feel for the 12 year old. I mean, I feel for all three of them, but especially the one on the cusp of being a teenager. Your brother ought to fight for custody.

Yeah. I feel for them too. My mom and my first step dad divorced when I was 12. My mom and my real dad divorced when I was 5/6. And then my mom and my real dad got back together when I was 14 and finally broke up for good when I was 24. My brother and I know too how they will feel. She has no such idea. Her parents are still together .

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You guys should go on a nice vacation, or go to a romantic resort.

 

Hey Renny ! How was your Christmas Hun ?

 

Yeah ,maybe we can just go somewhere nice just the two of us. Make it like a second honeymoon you know. We have never been on a holiday without our boy since he was born. And he's old enough now he doesn't need mom and dad all the time. He can go and stay with my mom while we go on a holiday.

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I really wonder if I will ever be able to travel again. We went to the USA today and once again I had troubles. I was hyperventilating ,entirely anxiety ridden and actually almost passed out several times. I am going to keep trying though because this is something I want to achieve.

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Did you fly? Or is it just being away from familiar places that sets it off?

 

We didn't fly ,no. I am only an hour and a half from the border. It stems from the crack up that I had on our way to Florida a year and a half ago. All my panic attacks stem from the feeling of being trapped. They're not rational thoughts of course. But they start subconsciously and then spiral really quickly. By the time I realize I'm in panic it is almost too late. The trip to Florida a year and a half ago caused a PTSD and panic disorder flareup that was so severe it caused nervous breakdown.

 

But I am determined to beat it and keep traveling.

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We didn't fly ,no. I am only an hour and a half from the border. It stems from the crack up that I had on our way to Florida a year and a half ago. All my panic attacks stem from the feeling of being trapped. They're not rational thoughts of course. But they start subconsciously and then spiral really quickly. By the time I realize I'm in panic it is almost too late. The trip to Florida a year and a half ago caused a PTSD and panic disorder flareup that was so severe it caused nervous breakdown.

 

But I am determined to beat it and keep traveling.

 

Yesterday my husband did ask me what I felt the problem was if I could verbalize it for him. So I was thankful that he asked me. It help me rationalize out the irrational thoughts. I did take medication yesterday though. 40 minutes after the medication I was able to rationalize. Because when I'm getting to the point of passing out probably rational thought is not going to work. It just came on me really swiftly. We had a good time eating out for supper. There is a chain restaurant in the US that I really like but we don't have it here. So we ate there. I was okay there. Then when we got to the mall is when it started. I was walking with my son and I could just feel my vision starting to go. Kind of like when your head really starts to spin really fast and then your vision kind of blacks out. And then I started hyperventilating a bit. And then it started to feel like I was on fire and starting to shake. I think it's just the overload of what is going on in my family, the fact that it was Christmas even though I love Christmas somehow people manage to make it extremely stressful. Now I just need to pull back and relax for a little bit.

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And I love what are the statements from my father-in-law on Boxing Day. He says to me "you have no idea what it's like to be so cold." I said ,"yes actually I do. "I've slept outside in the army in the winter in a TENT in the same kind of weather.But that was my choice." "It was also your choice to stay in the freezing house for 4 days. We offered to take you to your daughter's, we offered to take you to a hotel ,we offered to take you to my mother's. And it's not like you didn't have the money or don't have the money to go stay somewhere. You WANTED to stay here because you " might" have left a TV on. That is seriously ridiculous. So it was a choice to be cold. " He didn't like that let me tell you. But seriously I've had enough of their crap.

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NEVERshop on New Year's Eve. Everyone is a flaming Jackhole. I am never doing that again. Man, I hate grocery shopping.

 

So yeah I'm waiting in line at the grocery store at the checkout. As you can imagine it's jampacked to the eyeballs. Because of course it is payday. So I'm trying to squish in a line but not block people trying to get through the aisles. This woman behind me starts first of all. She says ,"are you standing in line or are you trying to get by?" I said," I'm trying to get in this line and trying not to block the people getting by." And she says ,"but which line are you trying to get into?" And I said, "the one in front of me." And then she was still nattering at me so I just turned away and ignored her. I speak English ,so do you what's so hard about I'm trying to get into the line right in front of me. What don't you understand? No ,I didn't say that but I was thinking it. Then this other guy goes by thinking I'm trying to block the aisles on purpose and says, " maybe if you got off your phone you wouldn't be blocking the aisle ." And I said, "who died and made you king there's no need to be a nasty bastard. I'm not trying to block the ailse you Jackhole I'm trying to get in line up. So don't get in my face. My phone does not distract from my ability to get in a lineup." Yeah ,don't get in my face I'm not too pleasant when you do. And don't think you can speak that way to me because I'm a woman either. And my husband was taking something back or he would have witnessed that and it would've gotten worse. Nobody talks to his wife like that and gets away with it.

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And I know the above is a PTSD reaction I really do. If you get in my face I get very aggressive right back. And I know it is a PTSD reaction because I get incredibly angry. And I instantaneously respond with anger if someone gets in my face. And it is amazing that more people in this community don't think of that. There are many people here with PTSD. There is the airbase here and many people have that problem. If you're going to get in somebody's personal space and get aggressive just be aware that somebody could hand your backside to you. Is it right? Well, no. But can't happen? Sure. People should stop invading other people's space.

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And I know the above is a PTSD reaction I really do. If you get in my face I get very aggressive right back. And I know it is a PTSD reaction because I get incredibly angry. And I instantaneously respond with anger if someone gets in my face. And it is amazing that more people in this community don't think of that. There are many people here with PTSD. There is the airbase here and many people have that problem. If you're going to get in somebody's personal space and get aggressive just be aware that somebody could hand your backside to you. Is it right? Well, no. But can't happen? Sure. People should stop invading other people's space.

 

It's awesome you have the insight that it is a common reaction associated with PTSD.

 

I sure have experienced it myself. It took me a long time to wrap my mind around the fact that it isn't purely a 'personality' issue. It's part of a medical issue - the PTSD.

 

hugs.

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