Life in the Driver's Seat

[Huntress0527]

He didn't go through it. You did. You do what you feel is best for you and to hell with other people's opinions.

[Seraphim]

Agreed. I'm pissed. Tell him that's not supportive to you when it comes to this situation. It brings you down, doesn't encourage you. You are taking a massive step. that's just ludicrous. jeez I cannot even imagine telling that to a room full of people. He is being such a dope. he needs to put in his empathy cap.

 

I got raped to protect him. Because my uncle told me he would kill my brother if I did not comply. And he meant it. He dangled my brother over a mountain cliff by his leg.

I gave him all the food when there was none, I mean literally none. I begged on the street for him. I got kicked down a flight of stairs for him and he has the nerve to call me WEAK???? He would be dead if not for me.

[Cheetarah]

Yes I understand honey. Although he's acting like a toad, allow me to offer a different perspective based on what you said.

 

Some people's version of empathy is tough love, you say he's brutally direct about things. Some people get so enraged by the injustice that they want nothing more thab to know you will fight for what is yours. They work you up because maybe that's their motivator. They need an ass kick. People hand out what works for them.

 

I still think he's a dope, though. You are upset understandably. But bo matter what he thinks. This is for you....and is a small taste of what may be to come.

[Seraphim]

He didn't go through it. You did. You do what you feel is best for you and to hell with other people's opinions.

 

Well he would not make it a week in my shoes. You're right. Until he's been there he really has nothing to say.

 

I told him. You have fair warning. I am telling you incase they treat you like crap too because it is coming. You either stand with me or you don't. Whatever.

[Seraphim]

Yes I understand honey. Although he's acting like a toad, allow me to offer a different perspective based on what you said.

 

Some people's version of empathy is tough love, you say he's brutally direct about things. Some people get so enraged by the injustice that they want nothing more thab to know you will fight for what is yours. They work you up because maybe that's their motivator. They need an ass kick. People hand out what works for them.

 

I still think he's a dope, though. You are upset understandably. But bo matter what he thinks. This is for you....and is a small taste of what may be to come.

 

I know what he said is coming from a good place in his heart, yes. He loves me for sure and I am his big sister. But he needs to kick me less and support me more.

[Seraphim]

Yes I understand honey. Although he's acting like a toad, allow me to offer a different perspective based on what you said.

 

Some people's version of empathy is tough love, you say he's brutally direct about things. Some people get so enraged by the injustice that they want nothing more thab to know you will fight for what is yours. They work you up because maybe that's their motivator. They need an ass kick. People hand out what works for them.

 

I still think he's a dope, though. You are upset understandably. But bo matter what he thinks. This is for you....and is a small taste of what may be to come.

 

His kicking me this hard means he loves me a lot. If he didn't he would not bother. I know he wants the best for me but he just can not say it right.

[Cheetarah]

He thinks he is. It's his way. Doesn't mean you need to take it. Just be direct with him hun, this is all good "practice", for lack of a better word.

[Seraphim]

He thinks he is. It's his way. Doesn't mean you need to take it. Just be direct with him hun, this is all good "practice", for lack of a better word.

 

Yeah, that is true. He is a very sensitive person but he keeps it very very well hidden behind his logic. You know? He was such a sweet and sensitive little boy and he adored me beyond anyone. I was his shinning star. Then my dad messed him up. He is a good man though, my brother, and a great dad. The more he loves you though the harder he pounds on you.

 

He sure would not like it if I had told him to grow some balls and he was weak when he could not see our dad after open heart surgery. He was puking into a bucket in the hall way. He would not have liked it when we were searching the city hospitals when our dad threatened suicide and we were looking for him. He told me he could not do it alone. He needed me to be there because he could not face it. He would have been mad if I called him a weak tool then.

[Seraphim]

I don't want to get in a pissing match with him right now. My mom is not here to support me as she is at the hospital with the baby and has no time for me right now.

 

I am significantly angry right now, with him. What he said was completely and utterly unfair. It is only do to my own strength that I am not an utter freakin nutcase and in an institution or a raving addict.

[Seraphim]

You know what they say opinions are like.

[Cheetarah]

I think calling him weak when he was puking in the hallway is not really likened to sending the letter about enduring abuse and keeping it hush-hush for years. Like, there's no reason to tell someone 'don't throw up, you big baby'(unless he really couldn't get ahold of himself - for some reason, as much as he would dislike it I get the feeling he would appreciate it later). But in HIS head, HE likely feels there is a reason to set fire under your ass. Like he might be thinking, "Vic held it in for this long...30+ years...She needs to get it OUT." He might even think you'll get scared and not do it...So surely he's not going to say things like "He'll attack our family!!" or any scary thing. He'll light your fire to keep you going. You know?

 

I'm not saying it feels nice or is the 'right' way to go about handling this. I've dealt with very blunt people like this and it annoys me.

[Seraphim]

I think that he wants me to be believed and he feels they won't take me seriously. He said it is like breaking up over text or email. That is a real pansy ass way to do it. But this is NOT the same.

[Cheetarah]

Hey, sometimes a break up is done better via email. With angry, unstable and unpredictable people.

 

So if he wants to liken it to that, he should consider that as well. You have no idea what to expect.

[Seraphim]

Hey, sometimes a break up is done better via email. With angry, unstable and unpredictable people.

 

So if he wants to liken it to that, he should consider that as well. You have no idea what to expect.

 

I told him if I do this in person I am opening myself up to a real emotional crap kicking and I am not sure if I can handle that. He said then I have no business opening my mouth if I can't take it.

[Huntress0527]

I can see where the brother's coming from. His delivery was just all wrong. He didn't do it with tact. Your brother just wants to make sure you are doing the right thing which is why he is saying if you can't do it in person then you shouldn't I think ultimately he doesn't want to see you hurt and to him being blunt is what he thinks you need to hear.

 

There is no right or wrong way. Only what you feel is the right way for you.

[Seraphim]

I can see where the brother's coming from. His delivery was just all wrong. He didn't do it with tact. Your brother just wants to make sure you are doing the right thing which is why he is saying if you can't do it in person then you shouldn't I think ultimately he doesn't want to see you hurt and to him being blunt is what he thinks you need to hear.

 

There is no right or wrong way. Only what you feel is the right way for you.

Yeah, I know it is coming from a good place, just the wrong delivery. Still hurts though.

[Huntress0527]

Then I would tell him that. "I know you are only trying to help and that you care about me but what you said I found hurtful. This is a very difficult topic that I'm trying to finally be free from so all I need is your support."

[Seraphim]

Then I would tell him that. "I know you are only trying to help and that you care about me but what you said I found hurtful. This is a very difficult topic that I'm trying to finally be free from so all I need is your support."

 

Yeah, I will when I am not angry and want to rip him a new head........LOL. The last time I got mad at my brother was years and years ago when he did not support me in something very important and he did not talk to me for 6 months until he got out of his snit.

[Seraphim]

If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.

 

Margaret Thatcher

 

 

Hahaha how prophetic today!! Take that D.

[Seraphim]

Yeah, when Grandpa was dying and you asked me to come home because you could not face it alone did I tell you, " hey deal with yourself, you pansy?" Nope, I ran to your side and stood with you without question.

[Seraphim]

Maybe I am being very black-and-white about this but it is black-and-white to me. You either stand with me or you don't.

 

And my husband comes home and says are we still staying at his house next week when we go home for March break? Friggin tool!

[Cheetarah]

Yes, you actually are being quite black and white when you say this in reference to the things your brother told you:

 

You either stand with me or you don't.

 

He is not against you. You know this is his way of supporting you. It's just tactless and goofy, but it comes from his heart.

 

Ideally, what would you like him to do? Serious question. What could he do, to show you he stands with you?

[Seraphim]

Well I was not really looking for his opinion on how I'm going to do it. Being he's not a counselor and a counselor already said that this was okay to do it he should just leave it alone. He is putting a judgment where he doesn't need to put one.

[Seraphim]

I just talk to my mom about it. She said he had no right to say what he said. She said he doesnt get what it feels like. She said next time he wants support from me I should tell him to grow a pair of balls.

[Cheetarah]

Or you could tell him how you feel. That eye for an eye stuff without a fair trial builds resentment.