Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I am totally calm cool and collected again. I will have a great sleep and tomorrow will be just fine. I will start working on my letter and I have control of how this is going to go. I realize I'm putting myself out there to possibly get victimized again but it will be for the last time. I will have said my story. I will have said the truth and no one will be able to take that back. I will have regained my voice. And it will finally be all out and then I will be set free. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You're always in my prayers. I hope that you the find strength and the closure that you need. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yup another period I get to have two in a month this time yay! What a PITA. So I have been thinking of my letter. Dear Family, What I have to say will be hard for you to hear as it is for me to tell it. In 1980 your brother F raped and terrorized me. He did so several times. The number of times he did I cannot remember so I am not sure of the number. He beat me when i did not comply. Out of respect for Grandpa I have remained silent for 33 years. Grandpa and Grandma knew what happened and it was hard for them I'm sure as he is their son and I am their granddaughter. Grandpa didn't don't want it talked about in the family. This has been very hard for me because no one has known the truth. It has come time that this should be a secret no longer. I do not like feeling estranged from my family for something I did not do. I have paid the piper for 33 years but now it is time for the person who did the crime to pay that piper. I have court documents if you wish to see them proving that he was charged. He did however get to walk away because there was no physical evidence at the time. The police believed me and the court believed me . You can also phone my parents as they know. You can also phone my brother he knows as well. F also continued to harass and stalk us for 3 years until we left the province of B C. My parents got a restraining order protecting me from him as he tried to kidnap me from school. He would stand just beyond the restraining order distance at my school. He would phone our house constantly at all hours of the day and night. He would slash the tires and brake the headlights on our car. This is why I do not want to be anywhere near this person. He is a dangerous criminal. I am sorry to have to say that about your sibling but it is the truth. I would like to get to know you all better as I have been estranged from you all. I will leave that all up to each of you in light of what I have said. I wish none of you any ill will I just had to tell everybody the truth. Sincerely, L. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You're always in my prayers. I hope that you the find strength and the closure that you need. Thanks Huntress. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I just want justice for myself. Secrets make everyone sick. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Okay lady called you 17 times now and four times I've told you have the wrong number quit leaving messages on my machine you have the wrong damn number! Get that through your fat head! Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Hun I would take out the I don't know how many times. It makes you sound unsure of yourself. This is something you must stand tall with and speak(type) with confidence. You dont have to.explain why you dont want to be around him. He IS.a dangerous criminal, period. Vic I'm.just giving you.my.personal opinion, the fact that you had no one behind you during that time is shining through. That need to be believed is, too. I can feel a 14 year old girl in this letter. It's your letter of course. Just saying how it came accross to a reader. I want you to be able to stand tall, mighty tall. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yes. I can take that part out. Yes, I can see a bit of 14 year old there but it is the 14 year old in me that is still hurting. So it makes sense. Yes? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 yes. But that 14 year old couldn't protect herself. She was vulnerable. Please don't leave yourself vulnerable to these people until they prove you can in time. That's pretty much what I meant. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 yes. But that 14 year old couldn't protect herself. She was vulnerable. Please don't leave yourself vulnerable to these people until they prove you can in time. That's pretty much what I meant. Yes. I understand. I am vulnerable in a sense though because I am revealing something devastating to everyone concerned. I know you are trying to protect me. Hugs. Another lady answered my thread about the letter. Does that sound better? Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Yes. What she reworded about the times, for example, is a great little change. It's confident and assured. It's tiny edits like that, make a big difference. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 Wow Vic, for all these years you have kept this and none of them have heard your truth?! Oh my god. I can only imagine how emotional and huge this is for you. It strikes me how you were also 14 when you were sexually abused. I was too. I made the proceedings when I was 20. I told everybody at that time. I still remember what happened with my aunt. She told me, she knew. Her and I sat at a table accross from each other and talked and cried and cried. She left him for a while. She went back. But she told me everything that night. She knew. She knew many things. She just never found the strength to do anything about it. She even told me, do what I can't. I told her, what other choice do I have? This has made me sick. I can't do anything but do the things you couldn't. You know, it was very difficult. The family was never the same. Certain moments I even felt, I tore the family apart. But I didn't. He did. A big mess of allegiances and divisions in how family events were spent started. His kids never accepted what I had to say. They never broke away from him either. Not even when they had marriages, kids of their own. There are pictures of him sitting with his grandchildren. Tears me right up. Can't even tell you. People in my family have even said "we are just waiting for him to die. we have been for a long time now.". Waiting for him to die. He's still alive, by the way. He still will show up to xmas' and other family events whether he is invited or not. Depending on who is there, depends on whether he gets kicked out or not. I have grown really good at 'so who is going to be there?' and leaving places with very little word if I have to. I used to be close, very close, to my cousin. We have even tried over the years, I know the dude loves me like a sister, to stay close. But it's near impossible when I have to live this truth, and he wants to go on as though nothing ever happened. I wasn't the only one he abused. Others came out after I did. I know, not everybody, but it was not me alone. And this is usually the case. One person reveals what happened with them, and there are others. They rarely abuse only once, and especially when it has been in a vault of family secrets where this person has been protected for years and years. I just want you to know I really feel for you. And I'm really proud of you. ANd I'm glad that you can finally talk about it. And get your chance to be heard. It's not easy, it's very difficult, but you are amazing. lots of love. you deserve to put this behind you once and for all. As difficult as it was for me, I really do feel and believe I have put most of that behind me. It is not somethign that weighs on me on a day to day basis anymore. 'coming out' helped me to heal and move on. I have't thought about it much in quite a long time. Obviously tho it is still there, because it is part of my story and my life. But that is all it is now. hugs. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 I agree with Cheet in taking out the 'don't know how many times' Time to assert yourself. Time to show that you aren't beaten by this. Time to show that they are cavorting with a known and convicted child rapist and stalker. Stand tall. We'll be here for you as always. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I am sorry for what happened to you too itsallgrand. It is painful to say the least. I am so glad you were able to come out with your secret early. I could not as my grandfather would have denied that his son did that and his other children would have believed him. What he said was law and gospel. Now that he is gone they have no one to run to and ask. Yes, it really does divide families and I am sorry this happened to you. My counselor warned me this would happen too so I am expecting it. Yes, they do not just do this once. My uncle molested another child when he was himself a child. He molested an army Major's daughter. My Grandfather took an ass whooping from this Major. He literally whooped my Grandpa senseless and told him to sort out his freak son. My grandfather covered it up. Everyone has been covering for him all his life. I am almost sure he has not molested any other family members because there are only 2 grand daughters. I am the eldest. My cousin was born years after he moved west. He has been out west in BC since he was 16 and the family lives in Ontario. He seldom comes home. I do very much believe has molested other children though. I 1000% believe that. I did my best and went to court when I was 14. The proceedings almost gave me a nervous break down and the could not continue with them because I could not emotionally take anymore. So he got to walk and I can not recharge him as the charges were "staid" against him. I was not allowed my parents in court. I was not allowed my parents while I was questioned by lawyers. He represented HIMSELF at the discovery trial and he got to question me HIMSELF and he called me a liar in open court. My grandfather REFUSED to have anyone in the family told. He wanted no shame in HIS family. Now since my grandfather has passed away my dad's family is reaching out to me to know me. But they have invited us in common to parties. I REFUSE to attend anything he is at. And my aunts and their husband's have NO idea why. It galls me to NO end he gets to go to family parties and I can not. He deserves a jail cell and I deserve justice. His eldest sister and her husband gave him a job for 15 years at their company and they know nothing about it. This pile of crap has been walking free for 33 years doing what he wants. Thankfully there are no female great grandchildren he can get near. My brother's daughters are the only one and my brother would NEVER consort with him as long as he lives. It is time everyone knows what he is. Whether they believe me or not. I fully expect them to rally the wagons against me and that's fine, then it will cement who I need out of my life. Right? The only one that can end this shyte is me. Thank you so much for your support. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 I agree with Cheet in taking out the 'don't know how many times' Time to assert yourself. Time to show that you aren't beaten by this. Time to show that they are cavorting with a known and convicted child rapist and stalker. Stand tall. We'll be here for you as always. I am not beaten at all but I know what you mean. I have stood tall all my life. I have had a good life despite everything. I have been a successful mother and had a successful work life and I am a good wife. I have stood tall in life BUT I was fighting a loosing battle while my grandfather was living. Now is my time though as they do not have their patriarch to run to. Link to comment
Huntress0527 Posted March 5, 2013 Share Posted March 5, 2013 You are a much bigger woman than I am to respect what your grandfather wanted. I would've said, 'sorry Grandpa but right is right. I must protect whoever the next victim may be.' Hiding a dirty secret because you don't want your family tainted is over when that scum did what he did. I'm angry for you and I hope you get what you need from your family. If your family turns their backs then you do not need them at all. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 You are a much bigger woman than I am to respect what your grandfather wanted. I would've said, 'sorry Grandpa but right is right. I must protect whoever the next victim may be.' Hiding a dirty secret because you don't want your family tainted is over when that scum did what he did. I'm angry for you and I hope you get what you need from your family. If your family turns their backs then you do not need them at all. I did try and protect the next victim though as I went to court. That was not easy believe me. I had to go into court with no one in my corner. My parents were not allowed and he got to question me himself as he had no lawyer. I did all I could without ending up in the nuthouse. My mother said I was very close to totally emotional and physical collapse and the law called and end to it and let him walk. So I tried to protect others. There is no way I could have fought my grandfather with my father's family. He was God to them. I do not believe there other family victims as I said because he has not lived near family since he was 16. But I know there are other kids out there in BC that he has molested and I did my best to protect them. You can only fight the fight when you have the strength and the skills and support to do so. Now is that time. I have support and the strength to do it. Part of doing it intelligently is knowing when the other party is at their weakest. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 Our bed comes on the 25th. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 My mom's little foster baby is having his cleft palate and throat reconstruction surgery tomorrow AM at 9. My mom has to have him at the hospital by 6 AM. They are going to fix the hole in his throat, fix the roof of his mouth and construct a uvula in his throat from other tissue in his throat. When he comes home he has to have his arms tied down for 2 weeks. He comes home 3 days after his surgery. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 On a good note my dental appointment was great yesterday. They said my teeth were awesome. Very little tartar. It only took 15 mins. They said everything was great. Another good thing. My mom and I are getting along much better about my abuse issue. She is no longer defensive and minimizing and I am not angry. I think she has finally seen that being defensive and minimizing was actually harming me and our relationship. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 "I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition." - Martha Washington Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 5, 2013 Author Share Posted March 5, 2013 To my dad's family Hit me with your best shot [video=youtube;0JRgHol94Xc] ] Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me That's O.K., lets see how you do it Put up your dukes, lets get down to it! Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Fire Away! You come on with a come on, you don't fight fair But that's O.K., see if I care! Knock me down, it's all in vain I'll get right back on my feet again! Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Hit Me With Your Best Shot! Fire Away! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 My husband said he feels kind of helpless in how to support me. He said he feels like he has two options. Hug me and two beat my uncle to death . Link to comment
Seraphim Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 I am too nervous to sleep. Link to comment
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