Do You Parent Like A Chinese Mom or A Western Mom?

[Anonymous122]

Yet it is all based on what you read out of a book and give back to the teacher in a pleasing form whether you are rich or poor.

 

You're right, but those students that I mentioned in an earlier post who still learn under traditional education systems show better performance in mathematics and language arts, so although it might not be appealing, it works better than the alternative. Isn't that the point of education? You learn a mathematical formula and then prove that you learned it by reproducing it in homework or on an exam.

[RougeKali823]

It looks like my daughter would affect Chua though, more than Chua would affect her. LOL. Chua would have to move so that her A wouldn't be "flat". My daughter can continue getting B's.

 

And I think it's really about what you teach your child, values, and programming. I believe in the law of attraction,and the universe, so with my beliefs if my daughter wanted to go to a good school she will go to one. She has to want to. Not me.

 

I just want her to be happy, and content with her life and her choices.

 

I too believe in you being able to co-create your destiny. The law doesn't work without some energy and since children don't understand this we have to on labor on their behalf. I want my child to be happy but I'm not an idealist. Happiness is good and fine but when real life sets in he/she will have bills and those B's will have set her up for a weakened earning potential.

[Seraphim]

You're right, but those students that I mentioned in an earlier post who still learn under traditional education systems show better performance in mathematics and language arts, so although it might not be appealing, it works better than the alternative. Isn't that the point of education? You learn a mathematical formula and then prove that you learned it by reproducing it in homework or on an exam.

 

It is all still repetition and requires not a lot of thought though. It just makes one good at repetition.

[Anonymous122]

I too believe in you being able to co-create your destiny. The law doesn't work without some energy and since children don't understand this we have to on labor on their behalf. I want my child to be happy but I'm not an idealist. Happiness is good and fine but when real life sets in he/she will have bills and those B's will have set her up for a weakened earning potential.

 

Amen RougeKali.

[Seraphim]

So if realistically a child can only achieve a B in a certain subject it is ok to keep hammering for that A?

[lostnscared]

I too believe in you being able to co-create your destiny. The law doesn't work without some energy and since children don't understand this we have to on labor on their behalf. I want my child to be happy but I'm not an idealist. Happiness is good and fine but when real life sets in he/she will have bills and those B's will have set her up for a weakened earning potential.

 

See I disagree with the latter though. Part of my belief in creating your life, is that everything begins with thoughts and beliefs. I'm not sure if you've read how a woman thinketh, but thoughts are VERY significant in how we define who we are, are lives, and the outcome of our decisions. If a person THINKS and BELIEVES that the only way to be successful is to go to a top school, get good grades etc, then that is how they are defining their life and setting themselves up--therefore from then on the only way they will be successful is by doing those very things that they have programed their minds to THINK and BELIEVE is necessary to being successful. It will only be when they reprogram their beliefs and thoughts about "success" that they will be able to redefine the metrics to which they are able to achieve the life they want without those metrics.

There is a lot more to this, but the gist is that the only way life would happen in the way you are saying it would, is if my child became preoccupied with thoughts of life becoming "difficult" or with them NOT having the A's and therefore THINKING they are limited because of that--that would surely limit them and weaken their potential. If they didn't think that way, then things would be different.

Our thoughts are very profound.

[Anonymous122]

It is all still repetition and requires not a lot of thought though.

 

You don't need to be creative to do a differential equation or multiple regression analysis. You just need to be able to do it. I understand what you're trying to say, but I just don't think the point of a mathematics class is to be creative. Its to memorize formulas and what they are used for, so you can use them later if you pursue a career that utilizes mathematics.

[-Sanguine-]

I don't have any kids, but I'd like to throw in my two cents..

 

I don't really think you can say it's all about how your child is parented to determine how well they do. I think a more significant factor is the child. A child is who they are and yes, parenting obviously affects them, but sometimes there's not a whole lot you can do.

 

I say this because I was raised in the Western mentality, so to speak. My mom was never really pushy about school work, but I ALWAYS worked hard. It just came naturally to me and I wanted to succeed for myself and no one else. Yes, she wanted me to do well, but she was not strict about it, nor would she have made me feel bad if I got a less than average mark.

My brother on the other hand.. he didn't give a crap about school. He just went so that he could pass and graduate. My mom tried to get him to do more work, but he just wasn't into it.

 

I really believe it depends more on the child themselves than how they are parented. Had my mom been more strict with me, I would have felt immense pressure and would have probably taken less pride in my own work because I would have been doing it for her and not for myself. If she had been more strict on my brother, I doubt that he would have listened. He is who he is and that's that.

 

So I think that when I am a parent, I will focus more on who my child is and find a way to parent them that works for their personality rather than picking a method and sticking to that. People are too different to do that, in my opinion. Something won't always work for everyone.

[RougeKali823]

Yep I want to each my child a variety of languages, multiplication, science, reading, etc before they are 5. And I agree with making it fun. But leaving them behind? LOL, you have an interesting perspective. Were you reared this way, or is something you've developed overtime?

 

I just find your perspective on this so interesting lol.

 

No, I was taught this way. I'm referring to the no child left behind concept (not law-not trying to get political). The idea is that we push most everyone along. With my brother he was literally left behind as he didn't graduate in middle or elementary due to his "I could care less attitude." He got with the program quickly though once he realized that he was losing out. I left him behind by just becoming apathetic (at least to his knowledge). My mom however lectured until she was blue in the face. He was still a minor so we wanted it for him. He found his mind and is away at college now. As a man of color he can't afford to not care.

[Seraphim]

Let me stop and give people food for thought. My husband was raised on the fact that he was only of worth if his marks were worth it to HIS father. His father demanded nothing less than perfection and took away all he enjoyed, his sports if he did not get A's in everything. My husband by grade 8 had such severe anxiety issues he was passing out in school. This extended into adulthood and at 41 he still terrified of what his father thinks of him and how he does. My husband in his 30's even attempted suicide because he felt he was not worthy and he was never enough or important enough. It affects this entire man's life what his parent's expectations were. They did not care about his feelings in any issue only that he performed. Be careful what you wish for you might just get it.

[rocio]

You don't need to be creative to do a differential equation or multiple regression analysis. You just need to be able to do it. I understand what you're trying to say, but I just don't think the point of a mathematics class is to be creative. Its to memorize formulas and what they are used for, so you can use them later if you pursue a career that utilizes mathematics.

 

I strongly disagree. Whether you're an engineer, a statitician, an economist... eventually you're going to have to think creatively to use those differential equations or regression analysis. Regression analysis is an art, not a science, and it requires a high degree of creativity.

 

You guys are stuck inside the academic world and you're not thinking beyond that. This is exactly why a lot of people who are raised and taught using these rigid techniques often max out fairly quickly once they reach the workplace. Sure, you can do the math. But can you apply it? And once you move into a management position, can you supervise someone who is applying it?

 

Let's say you're an engineer. Do you really think you're going to be sitting at a desk running mathematical equations for the rest of your life? If you want "earning potential", you'd better be able to think creatively to solve real world problems, or you're not going anywhere, regardless of which ivy school you attended.

[RougeKali823]

I was raised in New Thought and for us the way to success does begin in the mind but you start with molding. Where we live, as unfortunate as it is, the people who don't achieve much are limited by thinking but literally so as well. While you don't have to obtain an Ivy League eduction you do need one and if you Think you'd like to be something above mediocre then you will have to give the universe something to work with.

[Seraphim]

Correct. Which is why my mother was making a 6 figure income 30 years ago without an Ivy league education because she was highly adaptable and creative.

[Anonymous122]

No, but creativity is encouraged in college. K-12 education is about learning a very specific body of information so that you can perform effectively as a worker, or in college. If someone doesn't go to college, getting a job that allows them to utilize their creativity to any great degree isn't likely, so creativity is irrelevant.

[RougeKali823]

Let me stop and give people food for thought. My husband was raised on the fact that he was only of worth if his marks were worth it to HIS father. His father demanded nothing less than perfection and took away all he enjoyed, his sports if he did not get A's in everything. My husband by grade 8 had such severe anxiety issues he was passing out in school. This extended into adulthood and at 41 he still terrified of what his father thinks of him and how he does. My husband in his 30's even attempted suicide because he felt he was not worthy and he was never enough or important enough. It affects this entire man's life what his parent's expectations were. They did not care about his feelings in any issue only that he performed. Be careful what you wish for you might just get it.

 

That is one extreme example and most of us here seem to believe in a little of both parenting styles.

[Anonymous122]

Correct. Which is why my mother was making a 6 figure income 30 years ago without an Ivy league education because she was highly adaptable and creative.

 

Thats fantastic, but your mother is an exception, not the norm. Most people who don't perform fantastically in school and go to a great college won't experience a great deal of financial success.

[Seraphim]

Be careful going to far over to one side. Not every style works for every child as I said. Some very sensitive people like my husband can be driven to the point of ending their life or having a miserable life because their parents only cared about performance not about the child.

[RougeKali823]

No, but creativity is encouraged in college. K-12 education is about learning a very specific body of information so that you can perform effectively as a worker, or in college. If someone doesn't go to college, getting a job that allows them to utilize their creativity to any great degree isn't likely, so creativity is irrelevant.

 

I agree. I start critical thinking between k-12 and that was great. However, I didn't get the more advanced skills until undergrad (around my third year) that enabled me to work as a supervisor for a financial program. You won't have the opportunity to apply a lot of the k-12 skills unless you attend college and get a job offer. I mean just to be a receptionist you need a Bachelors in most places.

[lostnscared]

I was raised in New Thought and for us the way to success does begin in the mind but you start with molding. Where we live, as unfortunate as it is, the people who don't achieve much are limited by thinking but literally so as well. While you don't have to obtain an Ivy League eduction you do need one and if you Think you'd like to be something above mediocre then you will have to give the universe something to work with.

 

See I don't necessarily agree. I think the universe will work with you, if you work with the universe, but I get what your saying.

 

I did read in interview that Chua admitted that her style did not work particularly well with her second daughter, but did with her first. Her second child rebelled and had her own personality. The issue with setting in force a rigid style of parenting is that it may or may not work for each child. With my focus it would be about guidance, and balance, but mainly about ensuring that EACH child is given the necessary tools from me as a parent to lead the life that they want to live. One child may want to go to an Ivy, work at a Law firm, and make seven figures. The other child may want to join the military and become a top ranked officer. The choice is up to the child for me. Parenting for me would be giving them the tools, love, guidance, support, and instilling values in them to help them get to the life they ultimately want to live. I think Chua is the same, she just has a different way of doing that--I also think that deep down she also wants her kids to reach her idea of success. Not an issue if it isn't an issue for her and her kids. Just isn't what I would do for mine.

[Seraphim]

Thats fantastic, but your mother is an exception, not the norm. Most people who don't perform fantastically in school and go to a great college won't experience a great deal of financial success.

 

Who says enormous financial success is the best thing in the world? Some people value other things of just as much or greater value. Money does not make one happy.

[rocio]

Thats fantastic, but your mother is an exception, not the norm. Most people who don't perform fantastically in school and go to a great college won't experience a great deal of financial success.

 

you're living in a bubble.

[lostnscared]

Who says enormous financial success is the best thing in the world? Some people value other things of just as much or greater value. Money does not make one happy.

 

I really think that is a belief adopted by both Westerners and Easterners lol. I'm noticing a large amount of emphasis from posters about a child doing well academically and financially--but do either of these things mean happiness, contentment, joy?

[Anonymous122]

Who says enormous financial success is the best thing in the world? Some people value other things of just as much or greater value. Money does not make one happy.

 

I'm not talking about becoming rich or getting a six figure income. Most people who don't perform well in high school and go to college will be extremely poor. Money doesn't buy happiness, but poverty provides misery.

[rocio]

No, but creativity is encouraged in college. K-12 education is about learning a very specific body of information so that you can perform effectively as a worker, or in college. If someone doesn't go to college, getting a job that allows them to utilize their creativity to any great degree isn't likely, so creativity is irrelevant.

 

You can't just learn creative problem solving in university. You start learning it from the time you're a toddler. If your parents have been so focused on having you memorise your timetables that they didn't let you explore and have fun, then you will be lacking some of the skills required to excel in the workplace.

[lostnscared]

you're living in a bubble.

 

Oh my gosh, I agree. My dad went to a regular B school, went to a regular undergrad school, and will probably be making seven figures very soon. He is very wealthy. He never stepped foot into an Ivy League University or got all a's.