How is it possible to have a big family in 2010?

[lostnscared]

I feel the same. I'm not ready. I could be if I wanted to (or had to) but I don't plan on that for a while. Nothing but praise for those that own up to their responsibility and are great parents who do not excuse themselves because of age. It's a hard job that I look forward to someday. Not today but someday.

 

I'm the same. At this point I'd like to have one child before 30--seeing that is 6 years away, thats a good amount of time for me to still live in never never land.

[OptomisticGirl]

CC, that school sounded horrible, lol ours had like six pay phones and we coule use school phones, I suppose mostly because our school was against any cell phone usage on property. But I'm sure things have changed in the four yeaqrs since I graduated, and I'm more than sure they will by the time CS and mine's kids are grown.

 

I wouldn't mind them having a prepaid that I put x amount of mins on a week to reach me if they needed but to jibber jabber to friends? No, that would come out of their allowance.

[newwave]

Parents paying for everything is why we have spoiled brats. Kids don't need iPods, cell phones, cars, college paid for etc. If I have kids sure I might set aside money for them to attend college but will expect them to shoulder the majority just like my parents did for me. If my kids want things they'll need to buy them. I am NOT going to raise spoiled brats.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Parents paying for everything is why we have spoiled brats. Kids don't need iPods, cell phones, cars, college paid for etc. If I have kids sure I might set aside money for them to attend college but will expect them to shoulder the majority just like my parents did for me. If my kids want things they'll need to buy them. I am NOT going to raise spoiled brats.

 

Yep, I totally agree.

[newwave]

I had a friend who raised a spoiled brat and I vowed never to be like her. She bought her son a car when he turned 16, she bought him an iPod because "he needed one", she bought him a fancy cell phone, bought him one of those scooter things where they ride down the street. He never appreciated it and wanted more. I don't want a kid like that.

[petite]

Parents paying for everything is why we have spoiled brats. Kids don't need iPods, cell phones, cars, college paid for etc. If I have kids sure I might set aside money for them to attend college but will expect them to shoulder the majority just like my parents did for me. If my kids want things they'll need to buy them. I am NOT going to raise spoiled brats.

 

Not necessarily true. Parents can instill worth ethic and still provide a comfortable life for their children. Adults don't need manicures, massages, facials, colored hair, make up, moisturizers, cell phones, iPods. If we want to start picking what an adult needs versus what a child or teenager needs, we will be sitting here all day and still be at the same conclusion; everyone will have their opinion. Fact is, life is different now, the world has changed whether some people want to realize it or not. I have often found those who say they wont spoil their children to actually do the opposite, sometimes even without realizing it.

[newwave]

Not necessarily true. Parents can instill worth ethic and still provide a comfortable life for their children. Adults don't need manicures, massages, facials, colored hair, make up, moisturizers, cell phones, iPods. If we want to start picking what an adult needs versus what a child or teenager needs, we will be sitting here all day and still be at the same conclusion; everyone will have their opinion. Fact is, life is different now, the world has changed whether some people want to realize it or not. I have often found those who say they wont spoil their children to actually do the opposite, sometimes even without realizing it.

 

Those things aren't needs either and they are things I wouldn't buy. Some of those things are almost needed in some cases (makeup for example) but no one NEEDS an iPod. Btw, I have two of them and I bought them both. I bought them because I wanted them, had a long commute and had the money for them. Spoiled kids are why this society is so materialistic and no I still don't care how much they cry for them, I'm not giving them everything they want. They need to learn that you buy things when you earn them. I was raised this way and it worked for me and my brother.

[civilservant]

The fact is all the adult things you mention are (generally) bought and paid for my work. My children can buy what they want if they go out to work. I had a job after school from age 14, and I still aced my exams, and I bought nice things I wanted. Same will go for my kids. I was the first kid in class to have a cell phone at 13, only because I worked my butt off and saved to pay for it. I never got handouts 'because others did' I grew up knowing the value of money and an honest afternoons work, and that has helped me in life. That's what I want for my kids.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Parents paying for everything is why we have spoiled brats. Kids don't need iPods, cell phones, cars, college paid for etc. If I have kids sure I might set aside money for them to attend college but will expect them to shoulder the majority just like my parents did for me. If my kids want things they'll need to buy them. I am NOT going to raise spoiled brats.

 

There is no way I, nor many students I know, could shoulder the majority of college. The government would not let me take out loans that large.

[Lamour detruit]

If I have a kid, I will help 'em out paying for college. It is way too expensive, and I wouldn't want them to be burdened with such loans. I won't spoil them too much, but I will try and make sure they live comfortable lives without pampering.

[newwave]

There is no way I, nor many students I know, could shoulder the majority of college. The government would not let me take out loans that large.

 

I had to. My kids could attend a community college, or work part time and go to school or various other things. If their grades are good (A's and some B's) then I'll help out a little bit. If their grades aren't good they can forget college anyway.

[lostnscared]

A child can go to community college for two years, then transfer to a state university--in this case I would pay the entire tuition. But if a child wanted to go to a 4 year state university then most likely I'd make them at least pay 1/3 of the student loan, and I would pay the rest myself along with their own contribution (from working in HS, money from grandparents scholarships and whatnot. If my child wanted to go to a private school or ivy league school I'd probably pay for as much as I could to help, but ultimately they would then be responsible for more loans by making that decision. So my children would always have an option to get their entire tuition paid if they went the route I listed above--if not I'd pay some of it, but they'd have to pay the rest. I think this is practical. And gives the child the opportunity to make a decision that works for them. I would never let them pay their entire tuition, but certainly wouldn't pay it all if they chose a more expensive route.

 

As for the ipod argument--I too don't really feel a child needs that until they are teenagers, and by the time they are teenagers--that could very well be a christmas gift or birthday gift for them(at the age of 12 or older) or something they would buy on their own. I would want my child to have certain luxuries and would want enough money to provide for those (going on vacations, going to plays and museums, being able to shop when they truly need it, and participating in sports, music lessons, and various activities, having prepaid phone for emergencies and to reach me or another adult and a USED old family car for the children to drive once they turn 16 )--that's about as good as it gets. Everything else they'd have to work for--including if they want to go out to the movies with friends, going shopping just because, make random trips to Star Bucks, get a designer purse, expensive shoes, or get an IPOD or something that wasn't a Christmas or birthday gift.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I had to. My kids could attend a community college, or work part time and go to school or various other things. If their grades are good (A's and some B's) then I'll help out a little bit. If their grades aren't good they can forget college anyway.

 

I'm probably coming off as elitist, but community college is not as impressive as a standard university on job applications. I feel as if there is a huge difference.

 

We're told as little kids that you can be anything you want to be, but really, you can only be what school you get into in a lot of aspects. I knew kids killing themselves (unfortunately sometimes literally) to get the best SAT scores and the best internships and the best recommendations. It's a jungle in higher education for a lot of kids.

 

Starting in high school, they start telling kids about how if they don't have the correct APs...they'll FAIL. If they don't have AT LEAST a 1450 on the SAT, they'll FAIL. If they don't get into the best med school, they'll FAIL. And if they don't do amazing at that med school, they'll FAIL.

 

You'll never meet more people worried about failure than a room full of graduate students. Med students scared to death that they won't have a job when all is said and done. It's akin to brainwashing but that is what it's like now.

[OptomisticGirl]

I agree university is better looking than community college but you can still go. My plan was two years at community college then transfer to a univserity. So glas i didn't go straight to university. I was not prepares for college life and you can never prepre enough for it. That, and i was never a good a student. One day i may go back to get a skill degree but thats it.

[Lamour detruit]

I'm probably coming off as elitist, but community college is not as impressive as a standard university on job applications. I feel as if there is a huge difference.

 

Depends. I agree if they only do community college, since that is not nearly up to the standard of a four year education, however, if you do community college, and then transfer to a four year university, there is no difference at all.

[lostnscared]

You don't have to list community college on your resume. Most community college students transfer to a 4 year school, and spend the last two years at the school. If your child did well at community college, and transferred to a good state school it wouldn't matter as much, depending on the field they go to. I believe in giving the child a choice--of course. If they want no loans they go that route, if they want to have less than 15k in loans they go to a 4 year state school(the entire four years) if they want to have more than 15k in loans they go to a private or expensive college. Their choice. I'd also give them the choice to go to a trade school(that I'd pay entirely myself) AND I would give them money to have their own house once they get done with vocational school. They'd have the choice to go to the military and get a significant chunk of cash to use once they are done. OR I would give them money to start their own business. In all cases they'd have plenty of options to which they can either take full advantage of the money that we've put away in 529 for them, OR they could use the money and take out their own loans. In any choice, it's a choice. I don't necessarily think parents should have to foot the bill for an entire tuition if their child MAKES a conscious choice to go to an elite or impressive college. It would be nice, and IS nice, but not necessary. I wouldn't want my child to NOT go to the school of their dreams, because of finances, but I WOULD want them to consider their options(even before HS) and to make decisions accordingly.

As for high school--I agree. But I was only slightly above average in HS. I had ADD, and had a hard time focusing let alone feeling as though the education I was receiving (I went to a top school in Illinois--it was on Oprah) catered to someone with that condition. I didn't do as well as others did, but I went on to college and am doing good for myself. I didn't take AP courses, and the college I went to was one of the top in the midwest but wasn't overly exceptional compared to other great schools. On the other hand both my sisters took AP courses--AP euro, AP lit, and other honor courses. They both scored very high on their ACT, and they both went to ivy league colleges. Each of us chose a different path, and all of us are turning out fine, financially. I think that CC is underestimated, and is a great way to save money and for a child to transition from HS to college. There are some drawbacks--such as not having the full four year college experience, but again some students need it. I went to a private 4 year college, and while I don't regret it, and the education was awesome I have many friends who took the CC route than transferred and they all are doing well on the job front. Another think about is these days have a skilled trade may be more likely to land a person a job right out of school than in some cases going to a 4 year university. The trades are another field very underestimated by people--and cost very little and can pay out very big.

[petite]

Newwave, make-up isn't a need, but rather a luxury if you really want to look at it every little thing. You can choose to not purchase your child an iPod, it's up to you, but I don't consider an iPod such a big deal to be having a major discussion over it. I've got one, I use it and if I had a child I suspect they would use it also. It was just an example. Seems like people consider this to be some major luxury, I honestly don't since every second person walking in the city has one, from young to old.

 

Giving your child some things in life isn't a hand out, and choosing a to have a child should be considered a privilege. If one wants to have a child just because they want it, fine, but I don't want to have a child just because of my selfish needs, without also proving them with the things I had in life and things I appreciate which my parents gave me.

 

As far as the whole University community college debate, there is a huge difference between the two. I'll just stop right there. Had my parents not paid for my education, I wouldn't be able to have a home now, I'd still be paying back the loans; forget a car that would be the least of my problems. The last thing graduates need is a 200K+ loan.

 

Bottom line, some people choose to pay for their child's education, I am one of those who considers this a generous deed a parent can give their child.

 

I also worked since I was 15, and it doesn't make me any less better or worse than the other kids that did the same. I am not saying children shouldn't have work ethic, but some things which I can provide for the child would be rather silly and selfish of me to not give, such as an education without them worrying how ever will they pay for that education.

My sister wants to be a surgeon and if my parents were not paying for her education, there is no way she could ever pay for it or even get a loan. Don't even get me started if she were to somehow get the money for it, it would take her years to pay it back. She wouldn't be able to own her own house, a car or even take a trip. There is so much stress students go through, especially those in very competitive fields that thinking about how they will pay for their education is the last thing they need.

[mia616]

I am the oldest of 5 children. My parents always tried to provide as much as they could for us. I am 24 and the youngest my brother is 10. Being the oldest, I learned a lot about responsibility at a young age. I had to help take care of the younger siblings. My family has struggled with money and of course has had some debt. So hasn't most people in this country. They were never able to save much for our college education, so for that we need to look for scholarships on our own, or take out loans. We have always been able to fortunately live in a nice house. We never were able to go on extravagant vacations or things like that, but I always had my sisters to play with. Then my brother. Growing up, I wouldn't trade that for anything. Also now being older, I am grateful because as friends come and go, my siblings are always there. My boyfriend is an only child, and although his parents were and actually still are able to help him out financially, he always says he feels like he missed out not having a sibling.

 

For myself I think I only want to 2 kids. I want to be able to travel more than my family did and with a large family you can't do that unless you are very well off. Also, I see how much my parents had to sacrifice for us. I also see how hard it is to raise kids today, and being a teacher, I already have to deal with everyone else's kids!!

[petite]

You don't have to list community college on your resume.

 

What about fields such as law or medicine? You actually have to have proof of your education, you can't just be hired to do the job. Plus you can't get a law degree at a community college, you'd have to waste 2 years at a community college, before even getting to a University. 2 years is a long time, especially if one wants to have a Masters or PhD in Law.

[mia616]

I have to disagree about buying a house or car, etc if you have a student loan. Yes, student loans are not the best, but they are also not the worst kind of debt. I have a significant amount of student loans, yet I was still able to purchase a new car. Also, I have taken trips. I got a decent paying job out of college, which without my degree, I would not be able to have. Also it is a career- as it is teaching; not just a job. Yes, having a large family does have its drawbacks- my parents were not able to pay for all of my education. I was able to get some help via financial aid and scholarships however. Yes it will take me some years to pay back my student loans, but I get a raise every year, and I also work during the Summer to help pay off the loans. I will be able to buy a house in a few years, though not right away.

Though my parents wish they were able to pay for my education, it is not feasible with 5 children. Is it there fault that they decided to have 5 children? I don't think so. I would rather have my siblings any day, than not having some loans to pay back. You can't die with your money anyway.

[lostnscared]

At CC most people I know only take gen-eds and take the requirements for their major at the state school they transfer to. That is the purpose of it--to get gen eds out of the way and save money. It isnt to pursue coursework in your major. And again CC isn't the only option. It's one out of many that saves money.

[lostnscared]

I agree with Mia. This may be wrong but my mom is almost 50 and has still NOT paid a penny on her loan. She just continues to get them deferred. Most of it is because she was a SAHM and didn't work. The rest of it, is because now that she isn't a SAHM and is divorced, she just doesn't have the money to--but she is still living her life. Same with my dad. He somehow found a way to avoid paying his massive student loans or at least in a way that has allowed him to still live his life(not sure if he is paying on them or not--but I suspect that if he is, it's a minimal amount). They both were able to get a house, have 4 children, travel etc. Student loans are not the end of the world.

[petite]

Getting an education and trying to escape the loan is pretty low in my book; and the medical students I know with loans over 250K can't even think about buying a brand new car, let alone purchasing a house.

[lostnscared]

Getting an education and trying to escape the loan is pretty low in my book; and the medical students I know with loans over 250K can't even think about buying a brand new car, let alone purchasing a house.

 

It's low in your book. And this is getting so off topic that this thread has become really pointless. I wouldn't pay 250k for student loans for ONE child. So while I feel sorry for the med students that have that amount of burden to carry, I also think that it was a choice they made, and they obviously KNEW at the time when they made it that it would be expensive. If a parent can pay that amount and is willing to that is great. But realistically MOST people cannot afford to pay that much for ONE child, let alone 2 or 3. Kuddos to your sister and your parents for paying that amount. My dad paid almost 300k for my sisters education, and will have to pay an additional 200-300k for my younger sisters education. I'm glad my sisters have that support as well. But I don't think it's necessary STILL for a parent to shoulder such a burden. And if a child chose to go to medschool, then that is THEIR choice, does not mean a parent should pay that much for tuition.

I have friends with at least 18k-20k in loans, many of them are traveling, living abroad, getting new cars, moving into their own places, etc. Their lives are moving on. They are not burdened by their loans, so much so that they've stopped living. Again student loans won't kill a person. Yes they may defer a few things from occurring, but for most people that is the reality.

[Lamour detruit]

What about fields such as law or medicine? You actually have to have proof of your education, you can't just be hired to do the job. Plus you can't get a law degree at a community college, you'd have to waste 2 years at a community college, before even getting to a University. 2 years is a long time, especially if one wants to have a Masters or PhD in Law.

 

This doesn't really matter. The first two years of university is used to get the general courses out of the way. Getting the first two years done at a community college is the same as doing it in a four year school. Same classes, same credits..same degree at the end when you transfer to a four year university. For law and medicine your major of choice doesn't really matter either, as-long as you do it well.

 

Agree with everything else you said though. And yes, the student loans some are taking on are way too high, and some will have to work for a very long time just to pay them off.