askltk Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Sfind - I'd say I fall in the nice guy category - mainly because I don't go around kicking dogs! Ha But like cmswifty said - its having the self confidence to back it up. Ex has a "date" tonight with the old school friend she bailed on recently. Mentioned that she's "not really interested", but wanted to catch up. I'm not bothered as much as a thought - I'm heading to gym to keep up my newly started regime.. One thing I've really taken from this board is the positive influence that exercise / work outs can have. I started getting into running post BU, but let it slipped since my vacation. Not only does it make you look better and keep you mind off - the endorphins make you feel great. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 25, 2011 Author Share Posted May 25, 2011 Busy one today! Ex bailed on date, didn't want to go apparently so has now suggested we go for dinner! * * * ! I'm nones substitute thanks! especially some random guy. Really wound me up, but i guess the contact we DID have set me up for that. First message since a few days ago, I ignored a couple previously. Yet to reply to this one. Also, she won an award that I helped her with, and she called me shortly after i received the text. I know she won as it's on FB (I don't look at her page, it came up on newsfeed - oh and wont get into the friends on FB argument! Ha). Genuinely thrilled for her, but I'm not gonna make any big deal about it. In the past (when together) this sort of news would warrant flowers n celebratory dinner..... but ultimately that was my downfall. Link to comment
LIzardKing Posted May 25, 2011 Share Posted May 25, 2011 You need to take the focus off of her. Who cares about her date or anything about what she is doing. The longer you stay in the game the harder it is to get out! Chris Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I'm curious when you're going to take our advice? Is this working? Link to comment
CMS Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 We cant make him take our advice, sometimes a man has to learn from his own mistakes. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 We cant make him take our advice, sometimes a man has to learn from his own mistakes. He's been doing it for too long now though. I don't want him to keep doing this for another year or something. Link to comment
dramallama Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 I think if someone doesn't put advice into practice after 34 pages, then it ain't never going to happen. Sometimes people complain about their situation, but have no intention of changing it or changing their approach. They prefer the suffering that is familiar, instead of the new suffering of going NC. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Thanks Guys I'm in NC now, not for any other reason than what all you guy's have been saying. It's appalling to know how long I've dragged this on for, and how often I've "complained" on her about my situation. Im embarrassed by some of the thing's I've said on here, but have always known that the support / advice here was the better than what I chose. And Drama is spot on...hit home that I'd rambled on for 34 pages! Surprised you stuck around! Ha See how NC goes - i haven't told her, I'm just not responding. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 Oh and thank's for the concern guys - nice to get your advice (even if it's taken me THIS LONG to put it into practice). Link to comment
mark4 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Good work mate, glad to see you are going NC... I'm in there with you - there will be happy endings for both of us i'm sure. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 You too Mark. After re-reading this thread (and prompt reminders from guys on here), I finally banged my head against a brick wall enough for what they were saying to sink in. See how long I can keep it up.... Link to comment
mark4 Posted May 26, 2011 Share Posted May 26, 2011 Same, see it as a challenge, that's what i'm doing - the longer it goes on the more empowered and happier you get because there is nothing to analyze or over think. Whenever I have broke NC I have just gotten hurt because my ex never responded. As if I just don't exist, but maybe that's for the best anyway. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 26, 2011 Author Share Posted May 26, 2011 I'd say that not having an ex respond is probably better, as your not inclined to continue breaking NC or have the temptation. In truth, had my ex not been so forthcoming, or wanting to contact daily - I'd have wouldn't be where I am now. Least now I'm getting some control (and more importantly self respect back). She's now got nothing to respond to. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 I won't ramble on too much - pretty sure your all sick of my whining! NC isn't without it's charms, it's weirdly refreshing actually. But then again, I know most of you see the benefits for a while! Ha Don't get be wrong - it's tough (it supposed to be), I do honestly feel like I've lost someone close to me (which I obviously have), but know I couldn't keep up the pretence of friendship. Her reaction has been somewhat muted. I never announced it, therefore I'm probably coming of rude by not responding. I've had the "why aren't you texting back" msgs and "what have I done" - and part of me wants to clear the air a bit - But I'm not going to as i see it as step back. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 How would you feel if she got a new boyfriend tomorrow and was excited to share news about him with you? Link to comment
askltk Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Firstly I wouldn't condone her telling me - baring in mind I'm NC. If she got a new BF, that is her business. Hell, it's been 7 months, I wouldn't blame either of us for dating someone else. I'd be gutted, I'll be honest, but that's part of moving on isn't it? I have enough about me that I know I'm a good catch (not arrogance here guys - just believing in my own self worth), so I'll meet someone who'll appreciate me. If i wasn't, the ex wouldn't have been instant on contact since BU. Vegas girl who shunned me off still gets in touch daily - shame nothing could have come of it but still get a kick out talking to her. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Well, I was just curious to see if you're doing the right thing with NC. As always, my advice is to stay NC until you think you wouldn't be hurt by knowing that she's with someone new. That's the only way you'll ever be on even terms with her. Otherwise you'll always have that nagging want in the back of your head to be with her, which is what has been happening all this time. Link to comment
nattpanter Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 MakeItCount... If you have moved on that much that you don`t care if your ex has someone new, I`d say just leave it. For me, when I`ve reached that point I have no interest in that person whatsoever... Trying to reconcile must happen before this happens IMO. Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 MakeItCount... If you have moved on that much that you don`t care if your ex has someone new, I`d say just leave it. For me, when I`ve reached that point I have no interest in that person whatsoever... Trying to reconcile must happen before this happens IMO. This is a good point, however it doesn't mean attraction etc is still not there. It would TRULY be a basis of a NEW relationship in this case and I think that's imperative. I don't know if with someone you loved you can get to a stage where you genuinely don't care. However, as long as you're not gutted, and it's really not affecting you much...that's where you want to get to. I just woke up, I hope I'm makings sense haha. Link to comment
askltk Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Ha - I'm a tad confused! I see what you mean, but as many have said here - what has changed in the past 7 months? Llama said it clear as day, I was suffering with the familiar (ie being there for her) rather than suffering the new (NC). I agree tho - I want to be able to feel no negativity should be in a new relationship. As your footer states "acceptance is the answer" - it's drilling that in. Interest on you opinion on "doing the right thing by NC"? As fate would have it, she hooked up with someone on Sunday, whilst out with my sister. I'll admit, it sucks - but I'm not balling over it. Thats what single people do and I don't begrudge her that. Hilariously I had message from her at 3am the same night (which were subsequently ignored). Link to comment
askltk Posted May 31, 2011 Author Share Posted May 31, 2011 Cheers man - Just getting through the early stages Link to comment
LIzardKing Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 I just hope that you are doing NC for yourself. I know its hard. Please dont hold onto false hopes. Dead her from your life! Chris Link to comment
MakeItCount Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 Nc isn't for every situation IMO, so I just wanted to check in on your feelings before I stopes the nc hammer again Link to comment
nattpanter Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 LizardKing You see doing NC only for oneself is not realistic... I think none of us can honestly say we started NC without thinking that would raise the chances of getting back together with your ex. I think having that hope, and doing it for that reason is totally ok. Hope is really not something you can work out of your system by a strategy, it`s gonna be there until time has worked on it. NC has the benefit of serving oneself AND improve the chances of getting back with your ex... Link to comment
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