I just dont know what to do :(

[SapphireNoir10]

I feel lost and confused...I dont know if I'm being stupid or what

 

Me and my bf have been together for almost a year, we now live together, we both have jobs etc.

 

I just feel like its become more onesided, I compliment him a lot, he says he doesnt need to hear it because he 'knows it already'.

 

In many ways hes great, good with housework, quite tactile....

 

But in the beginning of the relationship he always wanted to be around me. Now he seems to keep talking about 'we need this time apart in the evening' when he gets in...and planning ahead loads of things and making sure he tells me that he wont be around...fair enough but its like hes trying to escape me.

 

I feel like I irritate him, that my love and feelings for him irritate him, we both used to be into this 100% and now I feel im working on myself, I never get jealous, I hardly text him (which he doesnt notice) I let him have his space, Im independent, I never nag him, I never tell him anything negative...we dont argue...things are peaceful.

 

And then the other issue, when we first met sex was frequent, now its not, and he feels I pester him for it...and trust me once a week on my part is not expecting it much...I dont know what to do

[SapphireNoir10]

I feel like. No matter how much he says he loves me. Which is all the time.

 

His actions speak louder than words.

 

I think he likes having me around...but he's just not that into me

 

I should also mention he broke up with me a couple of months ago in the heat of the moment, regretted it immediatley and came and found me and apologised.

 

He promises me everything is great. That hes happy 100% of the time. But i feel like he literally just isnt that fussed about us. I feel like as independent as I am...Im still annoyingly clingy...and yet I'm REALLY not.

[SapphireNoir10]

Sorry, I just need help Im sat here crying.

[Applewhite]

Why do you think he is not that into you?

[SapphireNoir10]

All the reasons listed above, saying he doesnt need compliments, I shouldnt either. Not wanting sex with me anymore....wanting to spend more time apart...I feel like we used to be well balanced. I literally do so much for him...maybe too much?

[Applewhite]

All the reasons listed above, saying he doesnt need compliments, I shouldnt either. Not wanting sex with me anymore....wanting to spend more time apart...I feel like we used to be well balanced. I literally do so much for him...maybe too much?

 

Well maybe there are things he enjoys doing that you don't enjoy so he still wants to do them but not make you tag along (since you won't enjoy it). Or maybe there are personal things he needs doing or he wants to hand out with his friends. It is normal for him to want some time for himself.

 

In terms of sex - this happens. When a couple has been together a while it tends to lesson and lose excitement for one or both partners. If you want to spice it up with little effort I am sure you can.

 

Compliments thing - that is just silly. So maybe he is not one for compliments - whatever. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thanks.

 

 

I think I just need to chill out and stop worrying about nothing.

[avman]

Sapphire my opinion on this guy and this relationship hasn't changed. Why you took him back is beyond me after what happened around the break up. As you can see that didn't fix any of the real problems you are having in this relationship.

 

Don't you remember saying that the only way you'd be able to get back together is if you were never able to voice your opinions again? Well it looks to me like that's exactly what you are trying to do here. So of course you are unhappy.

 

Look relationships are not all about you trying to make someone else happy. They are a two way street. A partnership. Healthy relationships allow both people to be themselves without walking on eggshells. Yes both people make sacrifices and compromises for the sake of the relationship. But sacrificing should not fall solely on one person's shoulders.

 

Sapphire, until you get away from this guy and get to a place where you are happy being by yourself, are comfortable and confident in your own skin, and are unwilling to settle for less than you deserve - then I feel you are stuck.

 

This guy isn't going to change. He is who you see in front of you.

[SapphireNoir10]

Do you think Im making it work by myself here?

[avman]

Do you think Im making it work by myself here?

 

Yes I'm afraid I do. I felt like that before when you mentioned problems right before and then during the breakup. Both people have to pitch in during the relationship and I just don't see that happening here. One person alone can't "be" the relationship.

[SapphireNoir10]

I really do believe he loves me. And that maybe we view relationships differently. I think he feels they should just 'work' and be no effort. He said, hes a 100% happy with me, that he loves just being/living/being engaged to me and he's been talking a lot about getting married.

 

maybe its just difference of opinion of what relationships should be? To him they should just be easy with no arguing. As in, you accept eachother for who you are. End of. No issues

[b0yer]

The best thing to do at this point is to sit down ant talk about your issues with him. See how he reacts. I am going through a similar thing in my relationship right now and it really sucks. They say they love you but you do not feel it. But with all that you need to discuss this with your bf. Let him know how you are feeling. Tell him everything. I think you will feel a lot better about this issue if you have a serious talk with him.

 

Not to bring this up, but if you are unhappy in the relationship, you should not be in it. If you are not happy, then do not stay in. Even if you love this person very much, you need to be happy. Loving someone and being happy are two different things. At some point you have to let go. But things could also change as well. You never know. But my advice is to sit him down and tell him why you are feeling this way.

[annie24]

I think you are too young to settle. honestly, i think no one should settle, regardless of their age! it does sound rather one-sided. you know, you are young and there are many men out there. if this relationships is not meeting your needs, and he isn't putting forth the effort now, how would things be in 5 or 10 years? even worse i bet. i would honestly just walk away and start over with a new man.

[SapphireNoir10]

Im happy 99% of the time, I think im just being stupid, having an emotionally weak moment and looking at all the bad.

 

Hes a good guy.

[annie24]

I think he feels they should just 'work' and be no effort.

 

this to me is a HUGE red flag. relationships are effort. especially long term relationships, eventually there will be problems within the relationship, or other problems like sickness, job loss, etc that can stress a relationship. anything worth anything requires effort.

[The_Seeker]

this to me is a HUGE red flag. relationships are effort. especially long term relationships, eventually there will be problems within the relationship, or other problems like sickness, job loss, etc that can stress a relationship. anything worth anything requires effort.

 

 

Agreed. He's seeing how much you are going to jump through the hoops for him. You're being the nice girl doormat type.

[faithful14]

I think he does still love you- or else he would have let you go for good after the breakup. I agree with the poster above- you do all the work in the relationship so he doesn't feel the need to put as much effort in. It sounds more like he's just VERY comfortable in the relationship.

 

At this point, keeping your independence is the best weapon you got. Make sure to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Let him see that you aren't always going to be there for him-maybe it will get his attention.