Would you consider a 25 year old girl who has been with 20-25 guys a ???

[goodfoot]

I don't see it as being a double standard. I see it as being two different standards. IMO, a man is different from a woman and is held to a different standard. There are inherent advatages and disadvantages to being either a man or a woman, but I think it all evens out in the end.

[Puddincup]

Some people really do change though. I just don't think this one really has.

 

How do you know?

[KG]

My 2 c's. My "number" is very high. Very very high. All but 2 before I met my wife. Next 25 years, she was it, and it alone. Then she passed away. I am with someone new, who I will likely spend the rest of my life with.

 

Does this make me seedy? I had fun, and settled down, which was more fun.

 

Number discussions make me uneasy. Why tell? I told my G/F I've slept with 2. Her, and you. She knows that's not the case, but appreciated my tact.

[Puddincup]

The average self-reported amount of parners women have their entire lives is 3. She's over that per year!

 

Huh??? Where did you get your information? Every woman I know has had way more partners than that and they're not ho's, just regular women. Are you quoting statistics from the 1940s?

[Puddincup]

There's a ton of research and studies that have shown women who have lots of partners have relationship strife and are less satisfied with monogamous relationships. They've also shown men are affected in a similar manner, but not to the degree women are.

 

A ton of research showing this result, huh? I don't think so.

 

Why not just say what you think and leave all of the so-called "studies" out of it.

[Puddincup]

"The average number of female sexual partners for men was 6.8, said Kathryn Porter, a medical officer for the CDC's National Center for Health Statistics in Hyattsville, Maryland, and one of the study's co-authors. Women reported an average of 3.7 male sexual partners, she said."

 

I guess when you average in all of the people who have no sex, then the average goes way down. Men have 6.8 partners? In their whole life? No, I'm sorry but nobody that I know has had that few partners. Even people I know who married very young had more partners than this.

[FathomFear]

I don't see it as being a double standard. I see it as being two different standards. IMO, a man is different from a woman and is held to a different standard. There are inherent advatages and disadvantages to being either a man or a woman, but I think it all evens out in the end.

 

That's the definition of a double-standard though. link removed

 

Obviously, females have different genitals than males. But you'll have difficultly jumping from that statement to the conclusion that one group should be chastised for liking sex, and the other lauded.

[greywolf]

YES 25 partners by 25 is a lot. And YES sexual history matters to a lot of men. And NO its not about insecurity. Its about wanting someone values themselves and their sexuality. Most men will not want a partner who has been around the block a few dozen times.

 

Is it a double standard? Yes. Is it reality? Yes.

 

But how does having sex mean that one doesn't value themselves or their sexuality? If I deny myself from something that I want, it means I value myself more? A person can like sex and still be a good person and value themselves. I think that people who believe that are really just projecting how they feel about their sexuality onto other people. If you think your sexuality diminishes in value by having sex with people, then that's fine, but it doesn't mean that other people feel that way.

 

All of this makes me sad.

[nutz76]

So you're basically saying that if a guy taps a lot of women, it's a good thing, but if a women has had sex with a lot of men, she's damaged goods.

 

Fail. What a double standard.

 

It is a double standard, but it's born out of evolutionary biology. It wasn't until the pill and modern contraceptives became the norm that women having lots of sex didn't have the massive risk of pregnancy. That's why women being chaste is important to men, and subsequently society in general, at a deep instinctive level. A few decades of modern convenience isn't going to override 40,000 years of evolution.

[greywolf]

It is a double standard, but it's born out of evolutionary biology. It wasn't until the pill and modern contraceptives became the norm that women having lots of sex didn't have the massive risk of pregnancy. That's why women being chaste is important to men, and subsequently society in general, at a deep instinctive level. A few decades of modern convenience isn't going to override 40,000 years of evolution.

 

I disagree. How we view sex is based less on evolutionary biology and more on religion's influence on society.

[LightbulbSun]

I'm sure if getting unlocked felt that damn good for locks, they would wanna be unlocked by multiple keys multiple times a day.

 

And that is exactly the problem.

 

If a lock settles down after being unlocked that many times, and only has one key when they've had multiple keys before, they won't be able to settle for only one key. They'll want to be unlocked on the side by other keys, while living with the one key.

[greywolf]

And that is exactly the problem.

 

If a lock settles down after being unlocked that many times, and only has one key when they've had multiple keys before, they won't be able to settle for only one key. They'll want to be unlocked on the side by other keys, while living with the one key.

 

Wouldn't you say the same thing for men then? If a man has had multiple partners he could have just as much trouble settling down as well.

[LightbulbSun]

Wouldn't you say the same thing for men then? If a man has had multiple partners he could have just as much trouble settling down as well.

 

Yes, which is why sexual abstinence until marriage is a good idea.

[Lamour detruit]

Yes, which is why sexual abstinence until marriage is a good idea.

 

Yes, except it's not. Once they have sex who knows the issues and incompatibilities that might arise. It also doesn't stop them from desiring others. I'd say having experience and having been through a phase before one settles down is better than waiting to have sex until marriage.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I'd say having experience and having been through a phase before one settles down is better than waiting to have sex until marriage.

 

You mean like most Americans? How's that working out for Americans with the 40-45% divorce rate, uh? Many Asians don't have sex before marriage and the divorce rate is lower and marriages happier, so there you go.

 

To the OP: 25 by 25 is a lot and yeah, she's a you know what, but I still, I have a feeling you have high numbers too and if so, well, it's quite hypocritical.

 

Lastly, there's a new book that cites some studies that show those (both men and women) who have high # of partners before marriage divorce at a much higher rate. It's obvious why if you think about it.

[KG]

What century are you living in?

 

You mean like most Americans? How's that working out for Americans with the 40-45% divorce rate, uh? Many Asians don't have sex before marriage and the divorce rate is lower and marriages happier, so there you go.

 

To the OP: 25 by 25 is a lot and yeah, she's a you know what, but I still, I have a feeling you have high numbers too and if so, well, it's quite hypocritical.

 

Lastly, there's a new book that cites some studies that show those (both men and women) who have high # of partners before marriage divorce at a much higher rate. It's obvious why if you think about it.

[Fudgie]

OP,

 

if you don't like her number and are going to keep fretting about it, then just leave her. Really, if it's something you're going to keep fixating on, it's not worth staying with her if it's going to make you unhappy.

 

I don't think there's any REAL right or wrong here.

 

25 people by 25 years of age? Yeah, personally I feel that's a lot. That may not be a lot for some, but it is for me. You have to decide what YOU feel comfortable with.

[Flywest29]

Hey I'm not saying that its right that its a double standard and that anyone is a bad person for sleeping with a ton of other people. But hey if thats what you want to do then fill your boots.

 

In my experience dealing with girls at that age and have slept with that many guys tend to be disloyal, again this is from my personal experience.

 

My one ex actually boasted to me about her number that was a huge red flag and one I shouldn't have ignored.

 

Now at my age I don't ask and don't tell, life is a lot simpler that way.

[FathomFear]

It is a double standard, but it's born out of evolutionary biology. It wasn't until the pill and modern contraceptives became the norm that women having lots of sex didn't have the massive risk of pregnancy. That's why women being chaste is important to men, and subsequently society in general, at a deep instinctive level. A few decades of modern convenience isn't going to override 40,000 years of evolution.

 

You could make the same argument about the temptation that some guys have to commit rape. It really doesn't matter if there's some sort of evolutionary kneejerk thought process. The great thing about being human is that we can recognize those feelings for what they are and rise above them.

[Sparkly Eyes]

And that is exactly the problem.

 

If a lock settles down after being unlocked that many times, and only has one key when they've had multiple keys before, they won't be able to settle for only one key. They'll want to be unlocked on the side by other keys, while living with the one key.

 

The whole analogy is stupid, it's an anology only based on the looks of penis and vagina. Some people can't see behind the looks and pay attention to meaning. Ask anyone who is familiar with logic and they will tell you why it is stupid.

 

We love to have sex. Heck we are even more capable of it than you are! You can have sex just a few times a day, but we can have it and have orgasms as much as we want, no restriction. You have to be thankful that we don't kick you out of the bed after not being able to perform anymore, haha (ok this was a joke, but has some truth behind it ).

[Sparkly Eyes]

It is a double standard, but it's born out of evolutionary biology. It wasn't until the pill and modern contraceptives became the norm that women having lots of sex didn't have the massive risk of pregnancy. That's why women being chaste is important to men, and subsequently society in general, at a deep instinctive level. A few decades of modern convenience isn't going to override 40,000 years of evolution.

 

I disagree. How we view sex is based less on evolutionary biology and more on religion's influence on society.

 

True. It's funny really. Most people that talk about evolutionary psychology in fact don't really know much about it or its criticism. The information they have is from pop pseudo science that they get from some stupid men magazine that is designed to satisfy simple minded people.

 

Female primates were in fact very sexually active and ASSERTIVE, having sex with multiple men multiple times specially during their fertile days. It's when the culture kicks in that females were taught to hide their needs and act passive. Heck some cultures even apply it to men.

 

I give two links to you to read:

 

link removed

link removed

 

Enough said!

[greywolf]

You mean like most Americans? How's that working out for Americans with the 40-45% divorce rate, uh? Many Asians don't have sex before marriage and the divorce rate is lower and marriages happier, so there you go.

 

To the OP: 25 by 25 is a lot and yeah, she's a you know what, but I still, I have a feeling you have high numbers too and if so, well, it's quite hypocritical.

 

Lastly, there's a new book that cites some studies that show those (both men and women) who have high # of partners before marriage divorce at a much higher rate. It's obvious why if you think about it.

 

I lived in a very conservative asian country. You know what? Everyone had sex before marriage, you just didn't talk about it. It was something you didn't even tell your close friends. And no I wouldn't say that any of their marriages were happier than the marriages over here. They just knew they had to put up with it.

[Fudgie]

worriedgirl,

 

I'd rep you again but I did it not too long ago so I can't again. Those are some good resources and I hope nutz-y reads them.

 

I do agree with what greywolf said - our view of sexual partners isn't so much to do with evolutionary advantages, but what society dictates us to think of them. In some societies, women are MUCH more liberated and open with their sexuality. in the US, we are more patriarchal. But not everyone is this way...

[BellaStranger]

But how does having sex mean that one doesn't value themselves or their sexuality? If I deny myself from something that I want, it means I value myself more? A person can like sex and still be a good person and value themselves. I think that people who believe that are really just projecting how they feel about their sexuality onto other people. If you think your sexuality diminishes in value by having sex with people, then that's fine, but it doesn't mean that other people feel that way.

 

All of this makes me sad.

 

Agreed!

 

It's not about judging other for their choices. It's about making your own and finding someone who is compatible with them.

[Ms Darcy]

True. It's funny really. Most people that talk about evolutionary psychology in fact don't really know much about it or its criticism. The information they have is from pop pseudo science that they get from some stupid men magazine that is designed to satisfy simple minded people.

 

Female primates were in fact very sexually active and ASSERTIVE, having sex with multiple men multiple times specially during their fertile days. It's when the culture kicks in that females were taught to hide their needs and act passive. Heck some cultures even apply it to men.

 

I give two links to you to read:

 

link removed

link removed

 

Enough said!

 

Love this one. Yes, some men like to use evolution as a reason they need to spread their seed and for women to stay with one partner, when that's far from the case.