Would you consider a 25 year old girl who has been with 20-25 guys a ???

[Nixee]

OP, break up with her. You obviously don't like this girl.

 

When I got together with my ex a long time ago in our very early twenties, his number was around 25 I think, and mine was only 4 back then.... ah memories. I didn't bat an eye. I maybe teased him. And he admitted it sheepishly, so worried that I would disapprove. Even telling me that he really couldn't remember many of their names.

 

I adored him... I didn't care.

 

You slept with this girl right away, and now you are obsessing over images of her sleeping with many men. You obviously aren't spending a whole lot of time or energy thinking about who she might be beyond her sexual self, and you would rather worry about whether you need to judge her for her past actions.

 

And for the record... while I don't think sleeping together right away is always the best way to start a relationship that you wish to last... it also doesn't always mean horrible things, as it does take two to tango. You cannot judge her for this act, as he participated as well. It is where you both decide to go from that moment that counts. Do you leave her, do you judge her, or do you get to know her?

[KG]

Best advice so far. *applauds*

[PussInBoots]

I slept with the girl the first night that I met her. .

 

I'm sorry but thats like the kettle calling the stove black no? you slept with her the 1st time you met her and yet you're wondering if shes easy? no offence but tell me you see the irony in this?

 

On the subject of double standards of course there are when it comes to a subject like this example A..some one earlier suggested that the girl was prime "pump and dump" material to me that just screams "look at me im a flaming man hole" well high five buddy way to go!

 

Double standards just suc but sadly its a part of life I think what happens allot of times with these sort of women is they are desperately seeking love so much so they start to think that sex = love witch def is not true mean time its like the man holes have radar out for these type of "easy women" its a vicious circle..

[galaxy71]

I didn't bat an eye. I maybe teased him. And he admitted it sheepishly, so worried that I would disapprove. Even telling me that he really couldn't remember many of their names.

 

For some people, sexual history isn't a big deal. For other people it is. I think the fact that she has been with 25 people and 2 threesomes says something about her values and beliefs. There are a lot of traditional people who want to raise their children in a traditional households. I think it is.

 

 

I adored him... I didn't care.

 

For some people, they do care. People get judged in dating for the most frivolous of things, so why can't someone get judged for their sexual history. Early in the dating process, people find out whether they are compatible with each other before they decide to get in a relationship. Dating is a private process between two people. If one party decides the other is not his/her cup of tea, they could break it off without the interference of the government or the families of the 2 people involved.

 

You slept with this girl right away, and now you are obsessing over images of her sleeping with many men. You obviously aren't spending a whole lot of time or energy thinking about who she might be beyond her sexual self, and you would rather worry about whether you need to judge her for her past actions.

 

While I doubt that the OP is a traditionalist who wants to raise his children in a traditional househould, there isn't much evidence to indicate that the OP has slept with over a couple dozen people, and had 2 threesomes. What happened in one night is a little different than a long sexual history that included 2 instances of group sex. I don't understand why people aren't entitled to associate with whoever they want in dating as long as children are not involved. I also don't understand why you don't respect the OP's right to date who he wants. You are not giving him the benefit of the doubt. Frankly, I don't understand why you can't judge people in dating. If somebody is nonjudgemental in dating than they would be dating people that they are not even attracted to. I think your argument would be much stronger if they were already in a relationship already.

 

And for the record... while I don't think sleeping together right away is always the best way to start a relationship that you wish to last... it also doesn't always mean horrible things, as it does take two to tango. You cannot judge her for this act, as he participated as well. It is where you both decide to go from that moment that counts. Do you leave her, do you judge her, or do you get to know her?

 

It's not the fact that she slept with a guy in a first date. It's the fact that she slept with 25 people and had 2 threesomes. This women wouldn't have been able to sleep with that many people, if society didn't decide that sex and relationships should be a private matter between 2 people.

[Nixee]

For some people, sexual history isn't a big deal. For other people it is. I think the fact that she has been with 25 people and 2 threesomes says something about her values and beliefs. There are a lot of traditional people who want to raise their children in a traditional households. I think it is.

 

Ahh... but the key word here is history. And true, while we can argue that history shapes the present... both in civilization and in ourselves, to judge someone, or your ability to be in a relationship with someone solely on this fact.. .this number is pretty much disqualifying the rest of their personality and experiences which may have shaped them. While a person may have experienced a large number a variety of sexual experiences, that does not mean they participate anymore.

 

You might as well tell me there is no such thing as a former addict, a fall from grace, nor a born-again Christian. Apparently people do not change. It behooves us to focus only on one's past.

 

My ex who had been with his 25 or so people before me was totally sexually faithful to me for several years, dramatically keeping his number low in that time frame. Though, he was only 23 when we got together. Had I judged him too promiscuous or merely a player, I would have missed out on a lot.

 

 

For some people, they do care. People get judged in dating for the most frivolous of things, so why can't someone get judged for their sexual history. Early in the dating process, people find out whether they are compatible with each other before they decide to get in a relationship. Dating is a private process between two people. If one party decides the other is not his/her cup of tea, they could break it off without the interference of the government or the families of the 2 people involved.

 

I understand. Judging by the length of threads like this, obviously a lot of people care. I simply argue that maybe they shouldn't so much.

And I'm not going to argue with you that we can't or shouldn't look for compatibility in dating... of course we can.. and we should! You absolutely should try to be with someone compatible with you. But number of sexual partners isn't so much a compatibility issue as it is a reason to look down on someone, and that is different. Just because a person did a threesome before, that doesn't not mean they are going to be the type who forces their partner to perform certain types of sexual acts against their will. Believe it or not, there are a great number of people out there who get things out of their system when they are young and actually choose to settle down to a much calmer and more "normal" married life eventually. Should their spouses have never married them because of their wilder younger days?

 

 

 

While I doubt that the OP is a traditionalist who wants to raise his children in a traditional househould, there isn't much evidence to indicate that the OP has slept with over a couple dozen people, and had 2 threesomes. What happened in one night is a little different than a long sexual history that included 2 instances of group sex. I don't understand why people aren't entitled to associate with whoever they want in dating as long as children are not involved. I also don't understand why you don't respect the OP's right to date who he wants. You are not giving him the benefit of the doubt. Frankly, I don't understand why you can't judge people in dating. If somebody is nonjudgemental in dating than they would be dating people that they are not even attracted to. I think your argument would be much stronger if they were already in a relationship already.

 

People are absolutely entitled to associate with who they want (why would you think otherwise?) And of course I respect his decision to date who he wants. I simply gave him straightforward advice based on what he had posted. Putting it bluntly, I put myself in the girl's shoes. She made herself vulnerable by being honest with him and telling him her sexual history. Now... she may be reformed from this and hoping to change and embark on a real and serious relationship with him. She may not. She may very well be a s***. But making yourself vulnerable like that, hoping you won't be judged harshly for it, only to have him turn around and ... well.. yeah.. actually kinda think you are a bad person... Even post on a forum to get validation cause you aren't sure... Well if I were in her shoes, that would just really suck.

So ... that is why I suggested he end it with her. If she was the right one, he wouldn't be feeling so negatively about her.

 

It's not the fact that she slept with a guy in a first date. It's the fact that she slept with 25 people and had 2 threesomes. This women wouldn't have been able to sleep with that many people, if society didn't decide that sex and relationships should be a private matter between 2 people.

 

Not sure I get your point. So... 25 of those people were private matters between her and someone else. And two instances of her and two others. Still private. We are still just talking numbers.... nobody said it wasn't her own private business though... except that she chose to share her experiences with the OP, and he apparently is having a hard time processing it mentally.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm surprised that she actually volunteered this information. I know some people prefer not to share that information, and that is their right.

[BellaStranger]

My motto is 'never ask, never tell'... it's a question that does nothing to aid a relationship and everything to damage it.

 

However, when pushed I never lie, I don't see the point in that... if someone doesn't like it, then they shouldn't have asked!! And if it breaks us up, that's their loss!

[testcase]

I'll never understand why people ask this question. It almost always comes out bad.

[Day_Walker]

If you cannot handle the answer then you should not ask the question. Personally, I wouldnt label this girl anything. Her sexual experiences are her own and at one point she wished to have that lifestyle. If you cannot deal with her past then move on.

[tattoobunnie]

Your number of sexual partners versus infidelity, versus, how many you've kissed, gotten naked with, what does it matter?

 

Sex doesn't make you smarter, dumber, have integrity, lose integrity, be honest, be deceitful...a good person, is a good person. Having some experience doesn't make you evil, or less untrustworthy.

 

Honestly, in the past 10 years, no suitor has asked for my magic number...cuz it's none of their business. Whether you slept with a partner for years, or several people over the years.. compatibility is compatibility. Would you want her holding your past sex life over your head?