... People can tell?!

[MattW]

I was hanging out with a couple friends/ coworkers today (one male, one female), and I didn't realize it until today, but they can tell that I've never... well, that I'm not "experienced" with sex, if you catch my drift. That's not to say that they were insulting about it, nor that they "picked on me" about it, I just... didn't realize people could tell. That really bothers me to think that most people in my life have already figured this out about me... I felt really self-conscious and embarrassed when they brought that to my attention.

 

So, I gotta know, what is it about someone that "exposes" their "experience level"? I mean, I know I'm a bit on the reserved, quiet side, but that's just my nature. I don't get it, and I don't like that... I don't want people knowing that about me, and I certainly don't want people being able to tell so easily.

[misssmithviii]

They probably know your personality or it was a wild guess. I can't really tell, some quiet people are freaks in bed, some are too shy. Some really outgoing people are outgoing in bed some are just over-compensating.

 

You said they were friends so they probably just figured. I can sort of tell how much experience my friends have just by how comfortable they are speaking in general, their body language etc etc.

[greywolf]

People can't tell. If they already knew, they probably assumed you were a virgin based on your personality.

[nutbrownhare]

I agree with greywolf - 'people' can't tell. People who've known you well for a while might have a strong hunch - things like blushing when sexy subjects arise, and never having been seen with a girl, that sort of thing.

 

However, I'm experienced enough to know that quiet guys are not necessarily either reticent in bed (quite the reverse, actually!) or inexperienced sexually!

 

Don't worry about it!

[MD Geist]

They can tell in some situations.

 

I've been hanging out with my friends and the girls I hangout with would be in a small group and they will purposely ask certain things or say such things like "I'm sure its been awhile since you've knocked up a girl hasn't it" Once I danced with a girl and right away she said "I can tell you've never gone far with a woman" and smiled at me when we where done.

 

I believe some can tell right away if they ask the right questions or even say the right things because they will look at how a guy reacts. From personal experience most of the women i've interacted with have known I'm a virgin or highly inexperienced.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with greywolf - 'people' can't tell. People who've known you well for a while might have a strong hunch - things like blushing when sexy subjects arise, and never having been seen with a girl, that sort of thing.

 

However, I'm experienced enough to know that quiet guys are not necessarily either reticent in bed (quite the reverse, actually!) or inexperienced sexually!

 

Don't worry about it!

 

Exactly. Also, there are plenty of people who might be more shy with relationships and yet have had sex with prostitutes or one night stands. Not everyone who doesn't yammer on about sex all the time is inexperienced and not everyone who yammers on about sex is experienced. One should never assume that somebody is inexperienced...you never know what goes on behind someone else's closed doors. Look how many married people who thought their husbands were faithful and then found out otherwise, sometimes with prostitutes. Plenty of men thought their girlfriends were so pure and virginal only to find out that their gf was not as inexperienced as she led him to believe. People can do a good job of hiding their sexual activities to give a certain impression which may be very far from reality.

[dr_styles]

I'd agree it's more a guess than really being able to tell.

Ever see a really shy person and then surprised to know they have a girlfriend/boyfriend? That sort of thing. It's all about not looking like you never had a relationship, which as a consequence usually means being a virgin (you don't expect quiet types to have ONS either), not looking like a virgin as such.

Sometimes they just bait you too. They ask those sorts of questions that MD posted, and in responding you basically admit it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I'd agree it's more a guess than really being able to tell.

Ever see a really shy person and then surprised to know they have a girlfriend/boyfriend? That sort of thing. It's all about not looking like you never had a relationship, which as a consequence usually means being a virgin (you don't expect quiet types to have ONS either), not looking like a virgin as such.

Sometimes they just bait you too. They ask those sorts of questions that MD posted, and in responding you basically admit it.

 

LOL...you have to wonder about people who would bother to bait someone just to find out if they are a virgin or not. Don't these people have better things to do with their time then wonder about the yes or no sex life of someone else!! Then they make little sly smiles like it is all so amusing to discover that someone is a virgin...when the really amusing part is the fact that these people have nothing more interesting to say and talk about then asking questions to figure out if someone is a virgin!

[waveseer]

Most non-virgins who are concerned about virginity secretly wish they could do it over again (presumably with better results).

[Fudgie]

Probably was a wild guess or they know you pretty well or judged from your reactions that you were inexperienced.

 

I think I can typically tell within a short while if a guy is "experienced" or not. The ones who are virgins and unhappy with it often reek of insecurity...and some guys are total prudes and blush/get embarrassed over even the mention of sex.

 

Just little signs can point to it I guess.

[MattW]

Heh, so then what's the "proper" way to react without giving yourself away? I just kinda sat there, because I didn't really understand what they were implying at first, and once they kinda joked around about it a little more, I got it, and just kinda thought "Oh...".

[MD Geist]

You can always lie about it.

[Bartok]

Everyone I knew assumed that I had been with several women. Not sure why, I was still quiet and a tad awkward all through college and was a virgin until a few months ago. Whatever. People are weird for caring about things that don't really matter too much.

[Jpo]

They can't know for sure, but there are definitely a few things that indicate that someone probably is (mostly it isn't what you say, but body language):

 

Seem especially uncomfortable around sexual topics, tend to avoid questions about sexual topics, seem uncomfortable around forward women (for guys), does not flirt that much/is not good at flirting, awkward around opposite sex, etc.

 

Now obviously anyone could do these things, virgins or not, but when any one person is displaying a lot of those traits, well.... Also, I tend to notice for guys particularly, if they are a virgin they seem to really over value sex -- putting women on a pedestal so to speak.

 

There are definitely other stuff too, but a lot depends on the context/circumstance. I've had people ask me if I was a virgin, even though I'm not even close to one, so you never know. I wouldn't let it get to you.

[Organs]

Really, the best indicator they may have used is your language, your choice of words.

 

Maybe they made a sexual reference to something and expected you to laugh or pick up on the reference and you didn't. Maybe you were the only one who didn't laugh at a joke that implied the vagina has an odor. Maybe they looked at something that looked suspiciously like a vagina and you were the only one who didn't notice.

 

In any case, that was rude of your friends. Why would they bring that to your attention? So you can just go out and get the Blue Light Special and finally penetrate something feminine and organic? So you can save your last few paychecks and get a prostitute no one else would contact even with a gun to their head?

 

I would be very insulted if I was inexperienced and my friends did that. I probably wouldn't speak to them for a good while. You don't need that kind of pressure. In fact, no one does.

[Dragunov-21]

Actually, you can often tell, simply by discussing sex. Not saying its the case here, but if you talk the talk but have never walked it, there's just something "rote-learned" about what comes out of your mouth, or something not-quite-right about the way you talk about it.

[Gimpyrks]

Lets just say, I had a twin and I had NO IDEA she lost her virginity. I mean I had a hunch just because they had been together for such a long period of time, but personality wise she didn't change at all. Don't worry girl and be PROUD of it it's nothing to be ashamed of! I'm 18 and a virgin and I couldn't care less if I was or not it's who I am

[Dragunov-21]

Don't worry girl and be PROUD of it it's nothing to be ashamed of! I'm 18 and a virgin and I couldn't care less if I was or not it's who I am

 

image removed

 

You know guy can be virgins too, right?

[Gimpyrks]

Oh my gosh!! My apologies and yes I knew that I should probably pay more attention. Again I apologize and hope everyone had a good laugh! Haha

[Foxfire21]

Ever since I started High school everybody was always curious if I was a virgin or not. This year actually When I traveled to California my mother's friend's son who is 12 asked me if I was a virgin...It just...blows my mind!

 

Why are people so focused about others virginity? I agree with the person who said it was rude for them to ask personal questions.

 

Next time someone asks you about your virginity just say "That's none of your concern." And If they Assume just say "Believe what you want to believe." Cause by the end of the day you know yourself better than anybody else.

[Gimpyrks]

EXACTLY! Its your business and your business only. If people are going to judge you based on if your a virgin or not they are so not worth your time and energy

[MattW]

Well, like I said, they weren't trying to be rude, or anything, they've always been great to me, they don't "pick on me", or anything like that. They didn't particularly question my "experience level" nor did they say anything directly to me about it, it was just the implications they made while talking and goofing off with each other in front of me. So, I wasn't offended, it just... really surprised me they could tell, and that's why I felt so embarrassed, because I couldn't help but wonder if everyone can basically tell, and that I'm, like, walking around with this dark cloud hanging over my head.

[DD123]

you cant actually tell, it was most likely just a guess based off of how they know your personality to be. dont worry too much

[Skeptic76]

Watch "American Beauty" and report back what you think of the character Angela's personality....

 

I guess my point is that I wish you knew that being a virgin is only a "dark cloud over your head" to YOU. Nobody else really cares....and if they appear to care because they're messing with you it's only because of their own insecurities and a perceived opportunity to make themselves feel better.....

 

Are you a virgin by choice?

 

And all the other posters are right - nobody can just "tell" if you've ever had sex or not.