Spanking your child?

[Kaiser_Soze]

I know many people are against spanking and its not widely accepted as being pc, but how many of you spank your kids? My son got an F and a D- on his report card yesterday and I spanked his ass. I also told him if he brought those grades home again, I would spank him in front of his friends. Embarassment's a hell of a motivator. Who do you think came home today with extra credit?

 

It made me think why did it all of the sudden become wrong to spank your kids? I have only had to spank my kids a couple of times, and it has gone a long way. Just curious on others feelings on this.

[Helz]

how old is your son??

[Kaiser_Soze]

He will be 13. My daughter 8.

[avman]

So let me get this straight, instead of trying to figure out why he got the grades and helping him to do better you decided to hit him instead?

[Kalika]

I have spanked few and far between, but I don't see anything wrong with it when absolutely needed. This doesn't seem to be one of those situations in my opinion.

 

This could be a lack of discipline for which there would be other solutions, including increased parental supervision, or extra tutoring, among others.

[renaissancewoman101]

My mom used to spank me for not getting good grades and to her that was getting a "B". It made me terrified of her and when I knew my report card would not be stellar, I would tell my dad first (since he was the lenient one), and have him help me handle my mother.

 

It made me get good grades out of fear.

[Day_Walker]

Spanking can be an effective form of punshinment, although some people do not agree with this. However it is not appropriate in every situation and with every child. People have to remember that the goal of punishment is to prevent the event from occurring again. A spanking does not appear to prevent this issue from occurring again. If your child is making a deliberate effort to to bad in those subjects then this matter is much more serious but if there is some sort of misunderstanding or your child is having trouble with the subjects then, what your child needs is help.

 

It would seem that you needed to figure out why your child recieved the bad grades, then you could have made a better choice as to the kind of punishment you were to impose.

[renaissancewoman101]

I don't think spanking should be used for grades, esp when the kid tries hard but can't get the grades the parents want to see.

 

Maybe the parents realizing that he needs help (tutors), or that he isn't that mathematically inclined, would help.

[SapphireNoir10]

I don't believe in it. Full stop. I will never lay a hand on my child. Ever. Because there are so many effective ways to discipline children that dont involve showing them that the answer is violence. And I may not be a parent. But I know where I stand on this one.

 

I won't judge others for it. But personally I wouldnt do it.

[Kaiser_Soze]

So let me get this straight, instead of trying to figure out why he got the grades and helping him to do better you decided to hit him instead?

 

I know why he earned the grades he did, he was goofing off in class and not turning in his homework...

 

If it had been a case of him struggling and not understanding the work, then I sit down and offer the help. When he's goofing off or being lazy the spanking is what he needed.

 

He got the message, he made up some of the assignments he didn't turn in and brought home extra credit today. It was effective and he understands why it happened. He knows I love him and I will not tolerate that kind of behavior.

[renaissancewoman101]

I do think 13 is a bit old to be spanking the son.

 

Do people actually spank teenagers? I remember that teenagers can be mouthy and such. I always thought spankings were for children, like 10 and under.

 

Not sure.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I see nothing wrong with spanking a younger child if they are really misbehaving. Generations of people grew up having been spanked for misbehaving when they were children and they learned from it. I don't buy into this whole thing that you can just talk it out with your 5 year old as if he is an adult who understands the world. There is a difference between spanking and actual physical abuse that in today's politically correct society, goes over people's heads. However, I do think that by 13 years old children should not get spanked..there are more effective means of punishment by that age because the child has better capacity to understand.

[ayekasong]

I am a bit divided on this issue. My parents spanked me when I was young, but looking back on it, it only happened two or three times, and it was when I did something really bad - like biting my younger sister after repeatedly trying to talk to me. I never learned that physical violence was a means to solving a problem - so my parents must have done something right.

 

I have also been in schools and taught young children. There are some children that can be "reasoned" with and disciplined through other means, but then there are some children that continue to act out no matter what we do at school. Obviously, we would never consider spanking a child in a school situation, but if the parent chose to do so at home, I would understand. I personally could not see myself spanking a child, but I am also not a parent.

 

I also feel there is also difference between spanking and abusing. I define spanking as a swat on the behind. If marks and bruises are being left, that is absolutely going too far.

[Lamour detruit]

I will never lay a hand on my child, nor is it ever the most effective way to deal with things. Regardless of what people might say, there is always an alternative way to handle your child without trying to teach him things based on fear and the punishment of getting spanked. In your example, I definitely don't see it as the right way. Not only is he far too old, it is also not a good basis to teach him to do his work. In terms of school, I think it is far better to sit down with your kid, make it fully clear that he needs to do his work, motivate him, and be there to let him know you believe he can do better. Yes, it is hard to motivate kids at times, but it certainly does not warrant spanking.

[Sn0man]

I will never lay a hand on my child, nor is it ever the most effective way to deal with things. Regardless of what people might say, there is always an alternative way to handle your child without trying to teach him things based on fear and the punishment of getting spanked. In your example, I definitely don't see it as the right way. Not only is he far too old, it is also not a good basis to teach him to do his work. In terms of school, I think it is far better to sit down with your kid, make it fully clear that he needs to do his work, motivate him, and be there to let him know you believe he can do better. Yes, it is hard to motivate kids at times, but it certainly does not warrant spanking.

Kids get let off waaaaay too easy these days. Making a kid stand in the corner, or sending them to their room just isn't enough sometimes. I don't have kids, but all my siblings do. My sister's husband will not punish their youngest son, and he is a little hellian. Worst of the worst. My sisters oldest however, was punished when the situation called for it, and now he's a well behaved little gentleman at 10 years old. My brothers two kids will get their little butts kicked if they misbehave, and darn right that's how it should be.

 

OP - at 13, your son is too old to be getting spanked. And getting bad grades calls for other forms of punishment - but punishment nonetheless.

 

Kids need dicipline - if that means spanking then so be it. I have nothing against it.

[yeawutever]

I think 13 is old already, those ages is when they need some of their priviledges need to be taken away (such as no Internet, no TV and no hanging out with friends, etc...). My guess is that if it works for you and your kid, ok, do what you think works for you.

I don't know how would I do as a mother as I'm not interest in raising kids, don't even have patience with my brother....

[piegirl]

I am not against spanking when my girls were littler than they are now there were maybe 3 times that they did something that I felt was severe enough to warrant a spanking. However that is it.

 

They do well in school and have each brought home 2 C's so far (they are in 6th grade). As punishment and in order to help them we came up with a subject appropriate form. For example a C in grammer/spelling/reading. For the next grading period she had to read and then a 1 1/2 page book report each week. Additionally we purchased a grammer workbook and in addition to her homework she had to complete and correct any errors 2 pages per night except weekends. I do not feel that grades are an appriate thing to spank a child for.

[Bella20]

13 is a little bit old to be spanked....

[HeartGoesOn]

In my opinion, spanking a child, is the same as hitting a child. There are many other ways to disipline the child, without being physical. All spanking does is show them that it's ok to "hit" others as they get older.

 

I have worked in Pediatrics, and have seen so many injuries from child abuse, which is why no one will ever convince that "spanking" is fine.

[unabashed]

I would never spank my children. I can't see any reason why I would do something to a child that would be considered assault if done to me. If you can't touch an adult without permission, why would one be justified in exploiting the power difference between parent and child? I think there are many effective ways to parent and discipline that have at their core respect, good role modeling, and responsibility. There are lots of resources and approaches. Surely, you can frighten or intimidate someone into submission, but how is this teaching them anything but fear? I know that other parents do spank, and most kids turn out fine. So, as long as it's legal, it's just my opinion. It seems to be more effective when the child is younger.

 

I guess I have more of an issue with deliberately humiliating a 13 year old and threatening him with embarrassment in front of his peers. I honestly consider this emotional abuse. If he is now compliant, I don't really consider this a victory for either of you, unfortunately. He is old enough to talk about why things are going so poorly. Maybe he needs more help in school, or has a learning problem, or.... Only you can find out.

[ResonanceTheory]

My mom whooped me. It scared the crap out of me, but it also made me respect her more. Was it out of fear? Yeah. Did I deserve it sometimes? Yeah. There were more times that I didn't deserve it though. My mom was not as mellow as she is now and when I was a kid I got some severe beatings. She was unstable and hit me for the wrong reasons, and definitely used too much force.

 

I brought home a C once, and my mom whooped the bejeezus out of me. Never happened again. Nowadays, I make good grades cause I want to. I wonder if her hitting me had anything to do with that.

[hers]

I was spanked as a kid and I can't say it did any good or bad for me. My mom used it as a fear tactic and one of the most painful memories I have of my mom is her threatening to back hand me on more than one occasion. She'd hold her hand up like she was about to, and it's the worst memory I have as a child. That's not something a 27 year old wants to hold onto.

 

I do think there is some benefit to spanking. Not hitting, spanking. A couple pops on the butt, but not hitting anywehre else.

 

But a 13 year old? That's messed up. Threatening to beat him in front of his friends? Even more messed up. I agree with the person that said it's emotional abuse. When someone is 13, the worst thing in the world could be to take away their ipod or something, so do that. Don't "beat their ass" or do it in front of their friends!

 

When a person is a child, 7 years old say, a spanking to me is warranted to behaviour they know is bad but do anyway. I don't remember much as a 7 year old so I can't say I hold much resentment to my mom for that (the example I spoke of above was when I was about 12 and up). To a 13 year old, memories are starting to hold, emotions are starting to strengthen b/c of hormones/puberty, and independence starts to appear. When you "beat his ass", you're pushing him away and probably making him resent you, even if he did come home with better grades the next day. If I were a parent, I'd rather have my pre-teen/teenager love and respect me and want to be open and honest with me with maybe poor grades (that can be fixed, by the way) than fear me and resent me.

 

So many parents and children have crappy relationships these days (myself included) as it is without the added fear and resentment that's caused by the behaviour of the parent. B/c let's face it, the parent teaches the child what to do, and if you're teaching a preteen/teenager that he should fear you, you're setting your relationship with him up to be a disaster and you may not have a son who wants to come to you and have a relationship with you in the future.

 

Spank a child if you need to (don't hit, don't beat, spank). Don't "beat a 13-year-old's ass" b/c then you'll just be seen as a mean and abusive parent with a child that won't love or respect you.

 

Just my thoughts.

[yellow_sweater]

• Why is it ok to hit a 7 year old, but not a 13 year old?
  
• Is it ok to hit a 3 year old if they are intentionally misbehaving? How about a 2 year old?
  
• Why is it ok to hit a child if they misbehave, but if our romantic partner does something wrong, we can't hit them?
  

 

Using hitting as a punishment is inconsistent. It does two things: it makes the child afraid, and it hurts the child. Fear and pain are, indeed, good motivators.

 

What's an even better motivator is for the parent to instill a sense of omnipotence in the mind of the child. My parents never once hit me--never even threatened to hit me--but my heavens did I have The Fear as a kid. My parents were human, sure, but they presented themselves to me as infallible. I behaved because I respected them. They never needed to hit me to get them to respect them.

 

For example, take education and getting good grades. I knew from a young age that my father was born to a seamstress and a carpenter. I knew that he worked his butt off as a child to escape his small town. I knew that he worked to put himself through college. I knew from elementary school that the same would be expected of me. I knew that my father valued education. He would check my homework every single night. He would sit on the end of my bed and drill me with flashcards. I would play stubborn and refuse to answer in a timely fashion, and he would just sit there with his stupid flash card until I gave in and provided the answer. There was never an inch of room given for "but but but" or negotiation. He calmly and consistently laid out the rules, never deviated from the rules, and lived by his own rules. He checked my homework (and often "assigned" additional work if he felt that I wasn't grasping concepts adequately) until I was in high school. By then, the habits were VERY well ingrained.

 

OP, where were you when your kid was getting D's and F's? Kids don't just get D's and F's overnight. Where were you for the rest of the semester/ marking period? Were you checking homework? Were you doing flash cards? Were you helping with school projects?

 

I think hitting a child says more about the hitter than the child. It says that your own actions have not set an acceptable standard of behavior for your child. It says that you weren't successful in creating The Fear in your child, so you need to result to the petty tactics of Third World police officers. I dare say that many parents who hit their child(ren) also enjoy, perhaps just a little bit, the infliction of pain on people who frustrate or disappoint them.

 

I would be happy to enumerate further on some of the effective parenting techniques that I have seen in my own family and friends' families.

[sidehop]

I know many people are against spanking and its not widely accepted as being pc, but how many of you spank your kids? My son got an F and a D- on his report card yesterday and I spanked his ass. I also told him if he brought those grades home again, I would spank him in front of his friends. Embarassment's a hell of a motivator. Who do you think came home today with extra credit?

 

It made me think why did it all of the sudden become wrong to spank your kids? I have only had to spank my kids a couple of times, and it has gone a long way. Just curious on others feelings on this.

 

I don't think the spanking is the issue but it's when it's given.

 

Spanking him because of his grades probably won't help the situation, even if it did, he's improving based on fear. What if he was given the chance because by improving his grade he can benefit from so much more?

 

Does he need help in school? Homework? Tutor? Is it possible he's just not motivated? There are many scenario's but re-directing the focus from his grades to a positive goal I'm sure will make him realize how important his grades are.

[Skillpadde]

At 13 spanking is REALLY not a constructive way of dealing with issues like this. Instead of getting slap-happy you could have sat down with him and had a mature conversation with him; at his age that would be the constructive way to possibly resolve the issue.

 

I know if my mother had been spanking me at thirteen I would have grown up with a hell of a lot of resent towards her.

 

And spanking him in front of his friends will have a long term effect on his friendships, do you really want to make your son a potential laughing stock?

 

I'm really shocked by this, to be honest.