Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[sunshine34]

This is the low to my string of highs... I wish I would learn, I wish I would stop repeating mistakes I have already made and stop it bc it always ends up the same.. Anywyss, I missed u terribly last night all of this uncertainty and planning and moving and chaos I was on facebook and I dk what made me think to look for u since I dotn actually use facebook and there u were... Same picture from 2013.. As in you never got rid of it our entire relationship, another lie to cut into me at the worst time. Then my friend has to message me the only one that knows u and ask if we are done. Then ing idiot me clicks see friendship and I am assuming it sends u a friend request so I immediately delete the profile even though I know u will know it was me. Now not only am I hurt, but embarrassed . Utterly embarassed that you will see I was looking at this facebook bc I shouldn't care. Especially w how u treat me, I don't want to. And yet when I am going through the toughest of times I still sit here wishing just once Ud be there for me like I was for you. That just once you'd care.instead I'm left hurting as usual. Only this time I don't have to deal w the pain of u blaming me for being upset and making it worse ill actually get to deal w me. But today is so emotionally overwhelming I just want to sleep and not wake: I'm sick of having my dreams put into my face only to have them dangle.

[sunshine34]

I'm feeling better , but I still miss u and wish I had your support. I feel alone and I wish I could talk to u even though I know i cant

[Hazyillusions]

I really did care about you. Why did you have to say those things to your ex. Why did you have to lie. Why did you have to damage my heart even more.

I feel so stressed out and out of control right now.

[Fireman]

What have I done to deserve your indifference? I admit my mistakes of THAT LAST KEEK but that was ONE TIME and besides, do I deserve such punishment just by sending a text message to your father? I don't think so. I just wanted to know details about your health and the chemoterapy. Nothing more. I haven't talked to you since we broke up. I didn't bother you. I didn't search for you. I didn't wait for you. Then why you answer me like that?

 

I know you're "Fine." But was that necesary? What happened when we said:

 

-You: What horrible thing can I do to you... ever?

-Me: Well, that you don't love me anymore or that you don't want to see me anymore or waste a second of your time on me.

-You: aw honey, except that you do something REALLY stupid or that you become someone REALLY REALLY stupid. How can I do that to you?

 

Honestly, I don't think that anything I did was so stupid or whatever. I did my best for you, and I really mean it. I just.. I just don't understand.. you loved me! At least do it for the little or none existent respect you have for me but DON'T F*CKING IGNORE ME

 

"The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference"

[Tind]

(I got this idea from another forum I visit frequently, if one like this already exists by all means ignore / delete this one.)

 

OK, it seems a few of us have had a rough time with the darned NC. I had fantasies today of unloading all this anger, longing, and "W-T-F" onto my ex. I am creating this thread as a place for all of us in pain to post instead of contacting Ms/Mr ex. It could actually be kind of fun, at least a release.

 

What would you like to tell him or her? Even if it's been building up for years, post it here! Rage-fest! Longing-fest! DO NOT CONTACT that frigging ex, put it all here!!

Sending you those text was a big mistake now you won't talk to me

 

I should have just done what I said I was going to do which was talk to you occasionally

[sunshine34]

I had something typed but I gt logged out. It felt good to get it out anyways even if it didn't submit. To pick off where I was writing, basically I'm carrying a huge burden right now w anxiety from work and trying to relocate/figure that out as well as trying to juggle healing emotionally from us and get back to caring about my health and physical well being to build my own confidence. I'm thankful to have a friend in Renee even though we don't talk about my issues, it's nice to have company and levity. I think ive partially lost the ability to depend on people bc of how you continually let me down and broke my heart when I tried to depend on you. To an extent im grateful for my experience with you bc u made me so much more emotionally strong and that's always been a weakness of mine. But I worry I will never be soft or fall in love again bc I've hardened so much. I've become like a hermit crab and I can't even find my insides

[Vimtuous]

I know you're better than this. I know you're going to regret how this all played out. Just please figure yourself out soon. Because I'm not going to wait around. I don't think you get that. I cant put my life on hold for you. I keep trying to make you understand but you don't get it. You just do not get it. I'm not just gonna move on. I'm going to cut you out of my life. I can't be friends with you. It would be too much. So it's now or never punk. Please. Just please listen.

[TheEndComplete]

At first, I stayed away because I had to.

 

Then, I stayed away because it was the right thing to do.

 

Now, nearly four years on, I stay away because I don't know what to say.

 

I still love you.

[Vimtuous]

It's not fair. Because she's okay with waiting for you. Because you don't keep lying to her. Because you ruined me to be with her and you tell me you still want things to work. And I can't be in your life if she is. So that means I can't have you at all. I know it won't me to never see you again bUT I feel like the worst person on earth for doing this. But you're the one who picked her over me. You're the one who told me she was your biggest regret and no relationship was was worth ruining a friendship. Youre such an ass. Why did I think you really cared about me. Why are you doing this and still telling me you care about me. I didn't think you were one for emotional manipulation but you've sure proved me wrong.

 

(the worst thing part is that 8 I told you all this I know exactly what you'd say. You'd say "Im confused. I don't know if it would work out anymore. Things wouldn't be the same. I don't know. I don't know I don't know.)

 

How about You can talk to me again when you do know.

 

I might even be interested in listening at that point.

.

it's never gonna happen though. I need to get over you. I need to never see you again and let you fade from memory. I'm sorry. But also not really anymore. I'm sorry that I have to pay for your mistakes.

[Vimtuous]

I hope I'm you're biggest regret. I hope I'm the thing that makes your stomach lurch when you think about things you did wrong. I hope you go down in flames and she leaves you and you're just as alone as I am right now.

[Guitarguy_82]

This is looking like it could be a disaster waiting to happen.

 

YOU told me that you wanted to be friends. I accepted, probably naively, because I thought it could work. Silly me.

 

Lying and manipulating and petty jabs...is that what you think friends do? Oh and let's not forget to include a wink with every F**king text you send. Really?? Are you 13??

 

To be brutally honest, its no wonder your "best" friend deserted you.

 

It's no wonder your family doesn't talk to you.

 

It's no wonder you crawl back to your old ex's and your precious "community" of losers for safety and comfort. (as you so mockingly stated, you are a creature of habit, right?!?!)

 

You are just a scared little girl. Insignificant. Weak. Broken.

 

I believed in you, and I still hope that you'll go on to succeed in grad school. You have the brain for it, but you choose to revert back to your old ways oh so easily. Is that what you think "changing for the better" is??

 

What a joke.

 

I shouldn't expect anything from you. Ever.

 

It hurts me to say these things. But its how I feel. Yes, I'm angry and upset with you. I'm also angry and upset with myself.

 

On day one, I should have turned around and walked away.

 

I'm grateful for the experiences we shared that were indeed good, and we did have some good times. We both learned a lot about each other.

 

I guess I shouldn't really say much negatively at you, since I screwed up as well. I'm not perfect, and I know I have my own issues to work on.

 

I don't know anymore if the truth even matters. We are both going to just lie about it anyway.

[Tind]

Hi I text you a bunch if times yesterday it took you awhile to respond

 

You said you are not closing the door and you need to find out who you are and where your life is heading I don't know what that means and you would not explain..

 

I suggested we keep in touch and hang out once in awhile to see if we can start anew..you did not agree or disagree so I do not know where you stand on that...anyways I am thinking of waiting a couple of weeks before I contact you again knowing you will never contact me again since you are so passive aggressive and manipulative

[Vimtuous]

I'm just so tired you know? There was a time that I would be excited beyond all belief yo see you tomorrow. Now I'm just sick to my stomach with anxiety and fear. I'm probably going to take something for my nerves before you come over, because I don't want to cry this time. I wont tell you that. I want you to see that im getting along okay without you. Not that i spend more time crying these days than anything else. Do you still like me? I don't know what you're doing anymore. Why don't you act like you care about me anymore? I meant it when I say I want to run away. I just want to disappear. I want everything to go away for a long time. Come with me?

[Tind]

Thanks...what a conversation starter.. So vague and stupid I guess you don't want to talk.. !!!

[Tind]

F@#k you ....thanks for wanting to keep me company.. You en creep what r u really doing why don't you want to talk.. Your ruining everything.. Your pissing me off!!! Ugggghhh

[sunshine34]

Weekends are my weakness bc im not working and focused on social things which obviously makes me think of you.. I do admit I still check my emails waiting for something from you but also relieved there is nothing for me to have to stop myself from responding to. I know u are far too prideful to send anything yet I still search like a puppy dog waiting at the mailbox. It's been 2 weeks but it feels like it's been 2 mos. I am starting to forget the negatives and be sad for the positives. I finally reorganized my room today... It's almost been a year since I moved home and I haven't done this, bc I was reluctant to accept I had moved and that was bc of you, bc of us.. Bc I just wanted our lives to be our single life together instead of two riveting people. In some ways, cleaning and reorganizing took away that desire and replaced it with acceptance of the now. Of the past that I never did acxept, and with that acceptance came sadness.. Also the fact that your clothes were still hanging in my closet and in my drawers, it made me think of random times you had worn the clothing and memories of better times that have been long gone for a while now I almost cried at the thought of us never snuggling, me eventually having to "replace you" even though I know you never actually replace someone, you just make a new slot for someone in that part of your life. I feel my emotions are so buried I cant toiuch them . I can only feel loneliness and fear I will not love again. A huge gaping fear that I don't know how to love and that I will always be longing for acceptance or understanding like I did with you. That I'll inevitably meet someone like you again... You were my first spiteful lover and it burned me. It burned me and hurt me in ways I could not imagine , I spoke w someone the other day who told me if his wife cheated he would screw someone and have her walk in.... Struck a cord and made me think of you, instantly knew I am attracting that in other people and retreated inside. I need to flush you from every sense of me before I seek again, the only problem is, I'm not sure how to do that with you when I can't even confront my pain... I'm starting to fear loneliness when I move to a new city, fear not finding connection will cause me to cave and contact you and of course you won't respond, or if you do it'll be hateful. I know there's absolutely zero reasons for me to speak with you, yet I still think about it every time my mind isn't occupied. I also think of how little I must cross your mind

[kalika66]

You made your bed the day you walked out of my home and into hers, and now she's pregnant, irreversible damage. Something that you, and I, will have to live with for life.

[sunshine34]

i feel like it's getting worse. I wonder if it will get worse to get better, or if it's only going to get worse from here.i had a horrid dream last night that i asked for you back, well begged for you back and you starting dating some gorgeous girl and forgot me. I woke up in so much pain, i think of you im a longing way again, the kind where I wish I could fall asleep on your chest and it pains me to thnk of starting my life over all alone.

[sunshine34]

the more the day unravels, the more i realize this is just getting worse. it's causing depression. I'm supposed to go on a date tongiht and I keep thinking well, anything I wear, I wore with you and it reminds me of you. This is just going to be a forced awkward encounter and all I want is to eb around you. I don't understand why I feel this way, because I was in so much pain every single day when I was with you. There's a valid reason I had to leave and I know no matter what you'd never be able to fulfill me, maybe it's just that the love I felt was fulfilling and I know which is very obvious I wil never feel that for someone right away and it's like I want the quick fix. at least butterflies. the problem is, I know the second I feel butterflies, it'll just remind me of the way I felt for you... Which was the strongest start to a relationship I've ever had, and how even after that we failed. Even after that ou fell out of love and changed and treated me like . It will remind me that no matter what, I will never ever have assurance nothing there are no signs that will tell you if someone will always be that way or loev you. because no one stays hat way. I hate you for ruining me. I hate myself for letting you, and I wish we never happened right now. because you are standing in the way of my happiness and I know you aren't thinking of me.

[ladyachika]

It's been 2 months since I broke up with you, 40 days since I emailed you last, 32 days since you last wrote me, and 11 days since I decided to stop checking your blog and social media profiles. Your mom has even stopped checking up on me.

 

I've been hitting the gym and throwing myself into my work. Keeping busy. But when the weekends come around, I feel like I'm back to square one. I still miss you. I still love you. I want to be with you again. But I know I made the right decision. As long as you can't be upfront with me, and open up to me, and create that intimacy with me, it can't work between us. You have too many secrets and you're hiding behind too many walls.

 

You have so much to figure out for yourself, and so much work to do. I hope you're doing it.

[sunshine34]

J haven't even gotten a single email from you, not one thing reaching out. You are so goddamn self centered you still cant see you were ing wrong. YOu WERE WRONG! ou should have been there for me, you should ahve showed me you cared, you should have talked to me, you shoudl have sent me roses. You should have loved me the way I loved you. I will never understand how you have the audacity ot say YOU loved ME more?!?!?! seriously??! what did you do to once show me you loved me recently??? and i wa always there like apuppy dog. but you never see what i do. oh no, I'm just the evil witch. I bet whoever you are seeing now you giv =e them all the attention you never gave me, and you're porbably so naive your sitting there saying, oh she never treats me the way my ex did, my ex was such a . well yeah no sherlock . because you made me one

[DarrenG1983]

I don't want to catchup and meet you after 3 months and I don't want to see you in a year for sure.

[sunshine34]

I miss u I wish ud reach out and show me you actually care. I know u wont I miss your smell, the touch of your hand , when you kissed me, waking up next to you. I don't feel the same going through everything alone. It doesn't help that I've vern feeling depressed , I just wish u would love me and come to me

[hopelessincan]

Just because I said I didn't want to hear from you, doesn't mean I meant it. But thats my typical fashion...acting like a child I guess. What's wrong with us that we can't do it? I know what's wrong with me, but I just needed you to listen and support me. You do for everyone else. Why do you expect me to be so tough?

I miss you loads. I'm lost without you.

[sunshine34]

I want to be a different version of myself. I want to forget you and this pain I carry on me like an ocersized trench coat with weights in the pockets that won't stop weighing me down. I am crumbling. Real life is so stressful and I need you. I hate needing you and I hate you for not being here. I hate myself for wanting to reach out. I had stress for making me break out and my period for coming at the worst time, not yet but the emotions /crap it inflicts before it hits. I'm trying to deal w getting my loan to interest only Nd freaking out bc I have to do it twice this week also needs to be processed by the 11th and my parents I can't trust them so I have to fax it at a location. My mom and her inability to stop shopping/abusing my credit makes me nervous about leaving and my dad using me as a dependent. Then factor in my job deciding to notify me on Friday that my huge entrance exam is tomorrow oh yay.... As if that couldn't just wait until I leave. Then I still have to wait to coordinate w this interview and add me missing you and dealing with our to the equation. This is so unfair. If I had just realized how ed life is I would've finished school earlier and never come home. I would've never met you and maybe I wouldn't be so ed in the head right now. Not that there are any decent men out there anyways.. All of them just want to you in one way or the other